As promised, I’m completely hungover and this intro will be trash. The teams on bye are Browns, Jets, (excellent combo!) Eagles and Bucs.
To The Games!
Bears/Bengals:
Maybe stream rook tight end Loveland in this spot? Cincy’s D is a known trashterpiece that gives up more yards to that position than any other team. As well, the Bears other receivers are banged up.
Vikes/Lions:
J.J has been around the league for a season and a half and still nobody knows just what he is. Will Aidan Hutchison’s balance be affected by the huge billfold in his back pocket? Detroit should roll here.
Panthers/Packers:
My sneaky pick for a wild card is coming back to earth. Hard. But if the defense plays up to their potential this could be a low-scoring tussle.
Chargers/Titans:
Los Angeles gets a get well game in Tennessee but the former’s play has been quite uneven though injuries have played a part.
Niners/Giants:
Perna feels that another New York player is going down with an injury-gotta be Dart, right? I mean he just visited a kid’s hospital so he’s got positive karma out the ying yang right now.
Falcons/Pats:
Which Atlanta team will show up? The one that beat the Bills handily or the one that rolled over against the Fins? Give the frickin’ ball to your backfield! Unfortunately New England has been firing on all cylinders, winning five straight.
Colts/Steelers:
Indy is favored by 3.5 and scoring at a 32.9 clip on average. Pitt’s D is still a work in progress and they just seem to lack team speed. Looks like a walk in the park for the Colts unless they run into some voodoo.
Broncos/Texans:
At a glance these offenses look like they’re overmatched so perhaps take the under of 39.5?
One post down-two more to go [sighs]
TD Teeeeee Higgins!!!! 🏈
That’s ROCKING!!!!
…the hell was that, TEE?!
I call this team republican shutdown. They cause the mess, have the ability to end it at anytime, and make the other side look good.
Its always weird to see a brief burst of a Bengals pass rush.
Fuck, FUCK, FUCKKKKK
Jerkoff douchebag asswipe Notre Fucking Dame is now somehow 10th, after their exhilarating win over 1-7 BAWSTAHN CAWLEDGE.
Just take off and nuke the site from orbit. PLEASE.
College football has no legitimacy. You can only ignore it. Anything else is just hardening your arteries for less than no reason.
5 miles into this walk and the Bears aren’t losing? Are we in the upside down?
Both Moore and Kmet have thrown a pass-adjust your gravity accordingly.
The Bengals are involved. Please factor that into the insanity.
-Pakistani Generals, 1971
Just keep walking.
Hippo, knee-ligament-less (oh, how lucky to be!) Wilson just picked off Danny Derps which led to the Stillers taking the lead.
Thanks, wolven sort.
Told yinz he would fit good-like
Looks like the steelers are perfecting a new dirty tackle. What’d they find a loophole with this sideways horse collar? Saw them deploy it last week too. What a piece of shit franchise.
Saw that too, and when the Colts did it, they called for a facemask.
Steelers Football: we’ve been getting by on cheap shots since we became a football team.
I think it’s legal as long as they stay on the shoulderpad, looks vicious tho
I’m even jazzed about Mandatorio next Sunday. Consider me drunk.
On 17-17 at the 2nd QET. Plus alkyhol
Shove a tampon up your nose and get back out there Mac!
“Huh huh huh. Let’s go play some tennis. Huh huh huh.”
“Heh heh, yeah. Then we can go HORSEback riding, heh heh heh.”
THIS TITS OL I CALL IT THE XENOPHOBIC CENTER BECAUSE IT WILL HOLD
This game is something, I’ll tell yinz. Hello, Qaron.
FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!
My Panthers are leading the Packers and Young looks competent?
I for one did not know we had a Panteros fan in here.
Or that they existed!
Make a note to keep an eye on that guy.
BIG Rico fan #Obvio
tomlin voodoo eternal
DANNYDERPCEPTION
Found a funny:
In 20 years your gonna have a doctor named Tyler tell you your cooked
20?
Bruh. Last week.
…and Flacco fumbles the ball. I went too far with the Yoshi comment, and the football gods have judged me harshly but fairly.
…or not. BLEERGH felt a warning was sufficient.
Undefendable throw by Herbert. I can tolerate that. /breaks out cranberry juice and strychnine
So with the eagles on bye, I couldn’t use my regular fantasy starter of Jalen Hurts.
You’ll never guess who my backup was…
The grass was too cold, back in my lair. The only reason to miss being fat – all that thermal mass to keep me warm.
Should be 21-0 Clots, but, it’s tied instead, 7-up.
Yoshi caught it? Yoshi caught it! Iosivas didn’t drop a pass!!!!
Literally No Fun League
This is one of the funnier things to come out of Trump v2:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fvlvsol2cak
Refu-jeep. LoL that’s rocking
We did it? We did it! THE BENGALS SACKED A QUARTERBACK!!!
It’s a Bears QB tho, so while it is technically an NFL-level QB sack it’s nawt quite that in spirit
Reporter: “What’s it like, touching a quarterback?”
Bengals Defender: “Strange, weird. A lot different than shaking their hand and congratulating them for win at the end of the game, that’s for sure.”
Like one of those Vienna Sausages out of the can – D. Favre
True, story back in the 70s, my cousin got married and the day after the wedding we were all at breakfast and his new wife came out and everyone asked how was it to be newly wedded? She goes “Well it’s like living with a vienna sausage”. Everyone starts dying laughing, including my grandmother. She said that because he snacked on them all the time, but that comment, that comment haunts him still.
I might, maybe, possibly, be making a cross country drive to FL with my old dog Jezebel. If it happens, we’ll be cruising across the states with this vibe:
“It’s the Jeep that made the Rocky Mountain Run in less than 12 parsecs!”
Hell yeah! I’ve only driven x-country once and I was kind of in a rush, would love to do it again in a more leisurely fashion, and having a furry companion would be great!
It would be my 3rd time. It’s a lot of fun, but also stressful when it comes to places like West Texas along I-20 and I-10 where gas stations are few and far between. Same with a stretch thru Wyoming West of Cheyanne along I-80. Gorgeous, but places where you really do not want to run out of gas.
They don’t bother putting gas stations in Wyoming since it’s nawt real. Same reason no one gets cell reception there so you can’t even use your phone to find a gas station
Zymm, I sent you a pic of me at the Wyoming State line. It exists.
Of course the state line exists, doesn’t mean the state does
Chewie looking awfully smug. Nothing more dangerous than a Wookie with an attitude.
Ordering a bath telepathically?
I learned long ago that my dog is ill suited for vehicular travel. Only ever since the little runt puke twice in his life, both were in my front seat while only going 35 mph
I started WR Tee Higgins & Nico Collins in Fantasy 🏈
Not sure how i feel about this… 😬
Even if Carolina had artillery like this in the 1860s they still would have gotten smoked like hams.
https://www.reddit.com/r/nfl/comments/1omp5ug/highlight_jordan_love_unleashes_51yard_deep_shot/
What do you mean “if”?
Battle of Fort Sumter – Wikipedia
Heartbreaking interception
Ah, the three old ladies sledding Amazon commercial. It should end in a jumble of shattered hips, dislocated jaws, and a fleet of ambulances. But it doesn’t. Missed opportunity.
tomlin voodoo back again!
Perine is ded.
HIGH END TALENT
THE VOODOO WILL CONTINUE UNTIL MORALE IMPROVES OR A SEVENTH SUPERB OWL CLINCHED
Oh shit, is Stroud ded?
Brain ded, looks like.
Good thing our coach isn’t already known for a bounty kerfuffle
I really hope he goes to a real team after his rookie deal is up, and he’s not too damaged by then
Definitely
the college football coach firings will continue until morale improves
The ESS EEE SEE is going to collapse under its own weight, like a neutron star.
and the B1G once it sells out to private equity
They should quote the payout amounts in terms of years of tuition
It gives away the game when they’d have to count in centuries.
Hugh Freeze tenure ending up just a huge freeze.
Nothing like a morning fixing a chainsaw and then using it to take out most of a dead apple tree to make you feel like you’ve earned an afternoon fucking off in front of the TV.
I assume. I still have to rake leaves and try to get the lawn mowed one more time. If only there were some brown people with questionable residency status around who needed a few bucks. When oh when will a straight middle-aged white male of a certain economic status catch a break?
In Dallas. This restaurant has the Steelers game. Wish they didn’t!
Double whammy. Like being in Dallas isn’t punishment enough.
Dike commits to the queer bit WOOOO! LAC 7 – 14 TEN
out of teh closet and into teh STREETS!!!!
Bengals, you dumb fucks!
Evergreen
Fuck. Now I gotta go see teh Spongebob movie. Gummies all around
I love that movie (the 1st one) with my full irrational heart
Hasselhoff’s best role since Pirahna 3DD.
Amon-Ra is lucky that he’s neither a Saint nor a Brown despite having both in his name
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XrfTlbMO4JA
Here, @doktor zymm
But you didn’t know this existed, or perhaps you buried it deep in your collective conscious.
Just when you think you want to kill a guy, you want to kill him even more.
(this debuted in 1998)
That is far scarier than this other thing I didn’t know existed until today:
White Privilege
Saw then play at Coachella in 2018, too.
Chubadoobado! Nice save
Having an ELITE front seven really is a fuckload of good fun
Damn, I remember those days…
I remember last year. Was superb.
I now have an audible “Border Patrooooolllll” jingle that I sing when Chase Brown makes a RedZone appearance.
I’m sure that is sane and normal, and no neighboUrs will call the po-po.
You didn’t go with Ice, Ice, Baby?
In undergrad, we always played that on the way to hoopsball games, in my drinking buddy’s Pinto station wagon. So, it already has a placement in HippoWORLD.
Van Jefferson catch!
/checks horoscope and 31/Atlas trajectory
I’m actually kinda tempted to switch to the full Bengals/Bears game instead of RedZone, looks like good fun
Do it
I’ve come to the conclusion that money spent on NFL+ is wasted money.
It’s so much cheaper than any other way of watching, and it’s easy to spoof the location with VPN or an emulator, plus I can listen when I drive because they have radio feeds. I’m a big fan now that they’ve worked out most of the technical kinks. Can’t beat all the games plus red zone for $100/year
Something tells the special teams coach for the Steelers has a deep affinity for racist slurs
He looks like my Uncle Kieran, except he’s not dead.
tomlin voodoo back
…or not