Cards! Cowboys! Taste the Excitement!

Just look at that neck! Anyway, let’s get rolling.

Fallout:

-You may not have noticed but 9 of the 11 tilts played yesterday were one-score games. That’s the kind of parity The Shield loves to see. By no means were they captivating but they weren’t “turn off the TV” bad either.

-Obligatory Injury Report: Daniels (dislocated elbow) Quinn said, “I shouldn’t have left him in so long”. Sound vaguely familiar? Tucker Kraft blew out his knee, Stroud has a noggin owie and Joe Alt’s ankle requires surgery.

-Trade Deadline Update!: Nothing much going on besides Jealan Phillips going to the Eagles. Names in the news include Waddle, Ridley, Breece Hall and Olave.

-Piling On: The Bengals are the first team in more than 30 years to have a non-QB throw a TD pass against them in consecutive weeks.

-After his walk in the park vs the Giants yesterday, McCafferty has the record for most games(16) with a running and receiving TD in the same game. He was tied with Marshal Faulk.

-Random? Random?: [adjust tin foil sombrero] Cam Little, who now has the record for the longest field goal, was issued a drug test after the game. You’ll recall that Saquon was treated the same after his insane backwards jump last year.

To The Game!

Cards/Cowboys:

-Arizona can’t close games out-they’ve lost five games in a row by a total of 13 points.

-It isn’t Cincy or the Giants that have given up the most passing yards in the league so far-that would be Dallas.

-The Cards tend to play zone and Dak completes passes at a 78% rate vs that coverage. As well, Arizona gives up 9.4 targets to tight ends per game so Ferguson should feast.

-Brissett has thrown for 599 yards in his two starts so it’s no wonder Kyler is being brought along so slowly.

Do your thing!

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SonOfSpam

Dallas has a Little Lord Fauntleroy? How precious.

blaxabbath

This is the ARI defense that let’s teams get going in the 4th quarter.

litre_cola

Oh this could be an Arizona Sports radio night for the ages

Brick Meathook

If they had no TDs how did Dallas get 10 points?

ballsofsteelandfury

Defense scored a TD on a blocked punt

Doktor Zymm

Defensive td

WCS

Five safeties.

blaxabbath

+7 for the FanDuel Supercharged Fair Bet Prop

Fan Duel: Because Our Wagers Are Honest

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Jeez, that ball had more hangtime than Tony Dungy’s son.

SonOfSpam

“That’s hot as fuck.”

-D. Carradine

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
SonOfSpam

That’s less surprising than finding out his gay son would rather deal with Death than his old man.

blaxabbath

“Speaking of things you find in the closet, what do you think about replacing the crown moulding in there?”

Dr-Mrs-D

Brick Meathook

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Brick Meathook

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SonOfSpam

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ballsofsteelandfury

That was almost blocked again.

Brick Meathook

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blaxabbath

What a funny generation of people living too long we get to drag.

blaxabbath

Let’s see how Gannon gives the game away this week!

WCS

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He isn’t all that bright…

BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

Dallas looks like they met on the field for the first time as the anthem was playing

blaxabbath

I’ve played on rec league teams with more chemistry than this offense.

blaxabbath

I told everyone the same thing this week. When you’ve experienced as many five-game losing streaks as the AZ Cardinals, you’ve got the formula for avoiding six-straight losses.

blaxabbath

Jerruh should sign Kyler. That dude does not lose at ATT Stadium.

Doktor Zymm

Charles Barkley is so nice to the Mannings!

litre_cola

What’s with the red stripe on the cowboys helmet?

Doktor Zymm

Murica?

blaxabbath

Epstein Island Brotherhood

Brick Meathook

It’s a tribute to the team’s Marxist history.

Sharkbait
Doktor Zymm

Oh I haven’t had one of those in ages!

Sharkbait

Last time I had was was in Grand Case a couple years ago.

Brick Meathook

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Kitty is not supposed to sit on the kitchen table. Kitty ain’t care.

1000001642
Doktor Zymm

Cats delight in flauting authoritay, it’s verry human of them

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

So check this out: National Geographic is a brand in South Korea. They make luggage and clothes and stuff and have their own stores.

Jimbo

Do hamburgers eat people there?

https://youtu.be/dZg462YMg0A?si=zWkCx5uIk0zj8Etm

Brick Meathook

I sure hope Scott Van Pelt’s chemotherapy is successful.

SonOfSpam

Was he the guy who begged Trump for help with his cancer, or was that some other Scott?

Doktor Zymm

Sh’ankhlor pops in to say hi!

Horatio Cornblower

Wow, the officials did everything they could there to take all the time off the clock.

That clock, of course, is brought to you by Fan Duel.

Horatio Cornblower

Love how every announcer insists that teams like the Cardinals are really starting to come together offensively.

No, they’re playing Dallas.

blaxabbath

I saw the score and thought: “wow – Dallas must be playing like shit.”

Unsurprised

Evergreen

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

DR. MRS. DEADLY, ESQ. (RET): Honey, honey, come down here right away!

RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY: [rushes downstairs]

DR. MRS. DEADLY, ESQ. (RET): Meghan Markle just showed Tan from Queer Eye how to make an Earl Grey latte! I thought you’d be interested.

Horatio Cornblower

Jesus, I’m glad the Roomba was OK!

Doktor Zymm

So did you bring some Earl Grey lattes for the clubhouse?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Shh, Meghan is teaching us how to make apple hand pies.

Senor Weaselo

Fun fact! I got an Earl Grey latte thinking it was a London Fog variant.

It was not. I took three sips (because I bought it, gotta get my money’s worth) before Senorita Weaselo took it out of my hands and gave me her taro milk tea.

litre_cola

Earl Grey lager, now that would be interesting.

ballsofsteelandfury

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litre_cola

ColoUr me very intrigued!

BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

Had that at that casket thing a month ago. Worked better than I expected

blaxabbath

A funeral?

BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

Cask

litre_cola

Just got home. Brisset seems to be far more competent than lil Xbox.

Horatio Cornblower

That bar is no higher than Kyler.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“POW, RIGHT IN THE KISSER!”

– Roger Goodell

a). Watching that blocked punt OR
b). Watching the DVD of Janae Rice that he claims his office never received

YOU MAKE THE CALL

ballsofsteelandfury

BALLS TO THE FACE!

Where have I seen that before…?

Doktor Zymm

My 91% chance of winning just dropped to 19% lol

Doktor Zymm

Now I’m 54%. Go home Yahoo, you’re drunk

Brick Meathook

I have a 1% chance of winning, down 31 points with Kyler Murray as my QB.

That 1% seems pretty generous.

Redshirt

Year of the Block!: Punting Variant

Horatio Cornblower

About the only thing Dallas has done right tonight has been hold my interest just long enough to keep me from having been outside walking the dog when an unexpected thunderstorm broke over our head.

Well, that and now the blocked punt.

Doktor Zymm

I wish the Bengals and Cowboys played this season, the over would be something like 70

Redshirt

Haven’t I suffered enough this season? Why for you hate me so much?

Redshirt

America’s Team! (ca. 1837)

Brick Meathook

Manassas Battlefield Park 11/3/25

One of America’s finest battlefields, fought over not once but twice.

I also went to a nearby Cracker Barrel, because of course there is a nearby Cracker Barrel. This was my very first Cracker Barrel experience.

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Doktor Zymm

And when you are a teenager (or a teenager at heart) it’s great that it’s called Man Asses

Horatio Cornblower

I’ll suck a cock on the Golden Gate Bridge before I acknowledge Manassas!! Bull Run or GTFO!!!

/semi-stolen from Patton Oswalt

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kM_xDjhkOU4

BrettFavresColonoscopy

The Cowboys really are America’s team. Fallen from greatness, embarrassing, and a bunch of self inflicted wounds.

Last edited 5 months ago by BrettFavresColonoscopy
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Also racist

Redshirt

I am a very tolerant person, but don’t you DARE compare the United States of America to the Dallas Cowboys!

jjfozz

You are not America’s team.

You are a writhing cesspool of two headed vipers controlled by a man who leaves a trail of toxic slime behind him.

I would remove my own colon with a plastic spork before I would root for you.

Doktor Zymm

From a player poll in 2023, fedex field was only 2nd worst, but still pretty scathing:
“Discussing FedEx Field, which didn’t have sufficient water pressure for players to take showers Sunday, one player said: “Almost everything about (FedEx) is below the standard of what an NFL stadium should be.”

“The place is just a dump,” said another.”

ballsofsteelandfury

Which one was the worst?

Doktor Zymm

MetLife – turf and it seems the fans are terrible

Doktor Zymm

.

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jjfozz

I was over in the wrong post, putting up pure gold comments and wondering why you all weren’t commenting on comments

Redshirt

Hey, Marvin Harrison Jr. remembered how to Wide Receiver!

Last edited 5 months ago by Redshirt
Mr. Ayo

Lets see if Seattle can maim another franchise player tonight.
RELEASE THE KRAKEN!!!!

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King Hippo
Redshirt

Kraken has the taste for blood.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Since Balls brought up Joe Theismann…

https://youtu.be/RJRm_dLKJNk?si=Vc5_Z4CA3-E19RS4

ballsofsteelandfury

The Cowboys player was celebrating.

ballsofsteelandfury

Jesus, the Boys are going to blow this, aren’t they? How can they lose to the fucking Cardinals? !?

LemonJello

I think we’ve decided on “hilariously.”

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Already bored of this game

BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

Need 60ish points from the Dallas kicker to win this week. Getting my ass kicked by other Boris

Jimbo

Yeltsin?

LemonJello

Karloff.

ballsofsteelandfury

Badenov?

Horatio Cornblower

Spassky?

Gumbygirl

Becker?

Gumbygirl

My SIL and I just got back from dinner at a nice rooftop resto in West Palm. They had an ice skating rink across the street. In south Florida. Bizarre place. I need Dak to give me many points so I can whoop Ball’s ass. Just how he likes it, rough in the booty!

Gumbygirl

.

Gumbygirl

Fuck, I cannot post pictures anymore.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Because of all that porn you were posting?

Gumbygirl

No kink shaming!

BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

Needs to start with htttps and end with jpg or tiff or GIF. There are other image types but those are the usuals

Gumbygirl

Lemme see….

1000008399
Gumbygirl

Turns out you know a thing or two!

BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

Shhhh.
Dont tell my work or wife. I’ll have to do more stuffs

ballsofsteelandfury

You’re already doing that!!

Gumbygirl

I was not, I was just describing you, in case people confused you for some other Balls. Could happen!

LemonJello

Lot of Medal of Honor recipients in Jerrah’s World this evening.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

This is going to be a terrible game, right? Like shouldn’t even bother watching bad?

blaxabbath

I didn’t even know it was on.

But I’ll watch now to hate.

Doktor Zymm

Hate watch is the only mindset for this game

LemonJello

I’m hoping for “can’t look away from the train wreck” bad.

King Hippo

Si, es verdad. I also can’t watch because I need manageable fantasy performances from Bam/CeeDee (vodka) and McBride (maths) and I will get too angry.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I am curious for Eliminator pool purposes. I forgot to pick anyone yesterday so I’m stuck with the Cowboys.

WCS

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pN41jx4wO2k

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nSRe7Dlo9bQ

Stadiums attacking players? Here’s a dive into the Dirt Stillers’ history at the late, great Three Rivers Stadium.

Gumbygirl

There was nothing great about Three Rivers, it was always a shitty dump. Even when it was brand spanking new!

Redshirt

Can we ban or exorcise a stadium?

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

What about Gus Frerotte’s headbutt?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That was at Measles Sr. Stadium.

Gumbygirl

.

1000008337
Doktor Zymm

I’ll celebrate the day they demolish that shithole

ballsofsteelandfury

Where did Theismann break his leg?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I think it was lower right

Doktor Zymm

That would have been in RFK, this stadium isn’t all that old, it’s just been a turd from the start

Jimbo

I’m not a cat guy but ban Waymos. Poor kitty.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

To be fair, the waymo thought it was a black cat

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

If that were true, wouldn’t the Waymo have just driven by without picking him up?

Whoops, my bad. That will be a Robotaxi thing.

LemonJello

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Horatio Cornblower

I read that article, intent on destroying Waymo, (well, more intent than usual), and let’s just say there are a lot of gaps and leaps in that story.

But fuck driverless cars.

Redshirt

Me taking off my Bengals Vanity License Plate on WEEK FUCKING NINE! (Artistic Interpretation)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IdwV5hCKpJ0&pp=ygUdcm9ja3kgdGhyb3dzIGhlbG1ldCBhdCBzdGF0dWU%3D

IMG_2359
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Might be better off with Zachary Taylor at this point

Redshirt

At least President Taylor won something, though he showed no defense against cherries and iced milk.

WCS

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Last edited 5 months ago by WCS
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Lol at that Bengals stat. I stand by yesterday’s declaration that the Bears are going to be an ass playoff team.

Doktor Zymm

Will be a good opportunity to burn any old jerseys you have laying around!

Doktor Zymm

Just dropped off my ballot. I don’t think I’ve dropped off my ballot the day before an election before, so maybe this is normal but I saw a more people around headed towards the dropbox with ballot envelope in hand than I have on previous occasions so I think this might be a good turnout

SonOfSpam

50’s gonna pass by around 60-40. All hail President Newsom!

(I mean, maybe. At this point, predicting what 2028 will bring is as foolhardy as predicting which right wing grifter will die a grisly death)

Horatio Cornblower

That’s like asking what’s your favorite threesome; I’m just happy it happens.

ballsofsteelandfury

So, how do the Cowboys blow this?

Doktor Zymm

Hilariously I hope

WCS

See? Dok gets it.

I swear I didn’t see this until after I Blair Witch’d.

SonOfSpam

-Jake Gyllenhaal, asking for notes on the Brokeback Mountain set

WCS

Hilariously.

Horatio Cornblower

Gonna go ahead and blame the defense.

BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

Walk off safety

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