I mean, did you SEE that puppy abortion Thursday night? Plus, Pirate Kansas is on track to go 0-fer-PAAAAWWWWLLLLLLLL (and is off this week to boot). So no. Maybe the autumn wind is just…a horsey fart? We will see how the Fat Humps do tomorrow. Test Hippo’s hypothesis (Hippothesis?).
You actually get two decent morning fixtures, huzzah! Spurs host Men Untied (7:30, USA), with Thomas Frank being under the most nonsensical pressure I have ever seen. But you are too good on the road, compared to a teeny-tiny sample of home performances!!!11111 I just don’t get it.
Next up, Clubhouse Derby time! Mildly Disappointing Everton host Mighty(ish) Whitey (10:00, USA), in which there JUST MIGHT BE some #ShameBet going down. It will be a Draw, because that’s how things be.
Arsenal away to Sunderland (12:30, NBC) is also fairly interesting, but JV NFL will win out for me. YMMV.
Georgia (-9.5) at Mississippi State (Noon, ESPN)
Don’t laugh, I expect this to be compelling af. Match of the Day! Clang them Cowbells and then some.
Original Recipe Big Love (+10.5) at Guns Up!! (Noon, ABC)
Vegas keeps not believing in the Stormin’ Mormons, but they kept breaking gold plates over the critics’ heads. I do think both these squadrons are playoff-calibre.
Indiana Fightin’ Brockys (-14.5) at Paedo State (Noon, Fox)
Raise your hand if you ever thought IU would be MOAR than 2 full tuddy favoUrites in State College. Fucking LIAR!!
Bonfire Cult (-6.5) at Missouri (3:30, ABC)
This could be mildly treacherous for Mike Elko’s men. But Mizzou is playing a backup/true freshman QB, and defensive minds like Elko usually have a “high floor” in such circumstances.
Oregon (-6.5) at Team Cornpone (3:30, CBS)
Fully calling the upset here – Iowa wins, and enters the playoff discussion. Note they are the only team not to look like roadkill against the IU juggernaut.
Duke (-9.5) at Fightin’ Horatios (3:30, CBSSN)
Look, Lowratio asked very nicely, ok? Who could say no??
War Damn Eagle (+6.5) at Vanderbilt (4:00, SECN)
Very, VERY dangerous situation for Vandy. They absoluely need this win to stay in the playoff discussion. But win it, and that UT finale will be all kinds of bigtime funsies.
Today’s results:
Original Recipe Big Love: FRAUD!
Vanderbilt: FRAUD!
BOW DOWN: PLAYOFFS!
Team Cornpone: Hope all those cancer kids like the Quacker mascot.
Paedo State: Good effort, but they were still caught with their pants down.
Roll Tide: Wait to see PAWWWWWWL. (They’ll be fine. No dead coach bounce for the kitties)
Well now!
I’m departing from Washington National Airport (DCA) and apart from having to show up 4 hours early everything has gone perfectly well.
UNTIL . . .
We taxied to the end of the runway and the pilot announced that we would be sitting there for 45 minutes due to ATC delays. He was actually pretty funny when he announced it.
Hey as long as I’ve still got powerful opiates in my kit and the free wine keeps flowing I really don’t give a shit. Of course I feally should give a shit but I don’t that’s the awesome power of narcotics coupled with alcohol. In fact all I need now are cigarettes and firearms and this flight could be rocking!
Not gonna lie-this sounds remarkably similar to the second track on Don Adams’ fourth spoken word album.
Watching ducks vs Iowa 🏈
Looks like lots of rain 🌧️
Hope this game is Rocking!!!!
Quackers made a field goal through the slop just now. That’s at least SEMI-ROCKING, I’d say!
@BastardMan – is this Gronowski schmuck from your Cow College or somewhere else in the Big Sky?
God no. Cow College is still applicable but he’s from South Dakota. Iowa must be a culture shock for such an uncultured moron.
tOSU is so much better than everyone else, just treat ’em like a boxing champ and bye them straight into the final
“Cheerleaders in the rain” might just be my fetish. But I’d like to see MOAR Duckettes and fewer Cornpone Ladies PLZ
“Cheerleaders in the rain, now, now, sing this corrosion to me.”
-Sisters of Mercy
“Blame it on the cheerleaders in the rain, fallin’, fallin'”
-Milli Vanilli
“Cheerleader in the rain, REALLY BIG UMBRELLA, fa, fa, fa, fa, fa, fa-run, run, run away. Oh ho ho, ho yeah, yeah, yeah.”
-Psycho Killer, first version
iowa currently losing but you damn well better believe ferentz is putting this in the spank bank
If they win this 4-2, he’ll retire to die with his priapism
This seems like a fitting final score
penn state being punished eternally in excruciating ways time and time again should be proof to you that there is a god after all
or at the very least satan
satan: got bored burning and prodding joe pa, lemme have penn state as a whole
Probably don’t even get shampoo to lube up with down thar
Or at the very least Dante
Safety Dance in Iowa!
I thought they were gonna enforce “illegal batting” and give ’em the ball on the 2-Farvenis line
They should have!
Looks like my kitchen this morning when Lowratio got a shout out from Hippo.
This trend of going waaaayyyyyy overboard on use of eye black. At what point does it really constitute blackface??
Depends on who the president is
Biblical rain in Iowa/Quackers fixture
Perfect weather for the Quackers to get fucked.
They sure seem determined to throw the ball. Let’s see how that works out for ’em, Cotton.
Oh no. Iowa seems more determined to blow their own dicks off.
Punter needs to better understand DA ROOLZ, but got away with it
Back to your cell PSU.
You’ll not see a better catch than that. INSANE
I can’t believe Gus survived that call.
He didn’t.
I picked the wrong day to go for a drive and listen to the games on the radio.
Hell of a fucking catch.
Pedo State fans be all like:
This is the second worst thing that Penn State has ever done!
Indiana finally remembered they’re Indiana.
Those child molesters left too much time.
It’s hard to stop when the other person disassociates.
Oh shit.
What a fucking catch. Damn.
Gorgeous.
2nd half at Stadium of Light was as good as the footy gets
That really was top fucking notch.
Equalizer!
They’re having quite the season.
Amazing. Wouldn’t have seen that with Sunderland just coming back up.
That Trossard ball had so must velocity on it I’m surprised it didn’t go back in time somehow.
Todays installment of Brick: The Story of Brick
I’m flying back to L.A. today. In a display of genius planning, I had to return my rental car at noon and then wait for my flight which boards at 4:42PM. At least I can sit in the Delta Club at National Airport (locals always call it National; only tourists call it Reagan) and get free booze. Chardonnay and Oxycodone pair wonderfully.
Here’s a photo that’s as American as a napalm strike:
Artsy-Fartsy:
Maybe another army helicopter will fly into that one. THAT would be truly American.
Tourists and people under 30
That rhythmic slapping sound you hear coming from Happy Valley? That’s the Hoosiers spanking Paedo St’s ass.
To keep it going, because why not, the Ice Stillers just tied up with Jersey, 1-1. That part doesn’t interest most of yinz. What’s more noteworthy: Michelle Craccoli, A LADY, is doing the color commentary for the radio broadcast.
SEXIST YINZERS REACT REASONABLY?
Did someone say puppy abortion?!
–Mike V., parts unknown
WVU somehow takes the ball back after the kickoff with all of 45 seconds left in the half to get into field goal range. Mountaineers tack on three, making the halftime score, 19-9.
Cousinfuckers also get the ball to start the second half. What does COACH PRIME have to say to his wards at the intermission?
“It’s all execution and their fault, cuz COACH PRIME doesn’t know HOW to lose, baby! It’s all ’em that just suck ass, not me, COACH PRIME!”
HAIL SHANK’LOR!
COACH PRIME biffs the PAT. 16-9 WVU
Found a funny:
The hole in a guitar is traditionally used to store soft cheeses and dried meats which are fed to the drummer when he does a good job
As the bass player, we’re happy to have the sawdust that collects in the corners and along the baseboards.
Did you hear about the guitar player who locked his keys in his car?
The drummer was trapped inside for two hours.
How do you know when there’s a drummer at your door?
He knows how to knock but no idea when to come in.
COACH PRIME has been in three different commercials for two entirely different products airing during a game featuring the team he’s ostensibly the head coach of. His team is trailing 16-3 in a game that could/should be 24-0 right now.
Arsenal are loosing….⚽️
Apparently theyre good at Set Pieces?!??
Gonna watch and see if theyre actually Rocking!!!
Sunderland can’t even clear the fucking zone.
As opposed to blax, who has proven unable to clear the fucking ‘zona.
The water pistols have sprung a leak!
WVU has four sacks. 7:35 left in the first half.
This feels like the old football video game where punt block on every defensive play resulted in a sack or loss of yards
There’s a surgery for that.
2nd and 31 for COACH PRIME? JV NFL BLITZ!
3rd and 40?! (!!) for COACH PRIME?! JV NFL BLITZ!!!
Tis all coming up WCS today! You should go for #RoyalSex at HT!
That’s tomorrow.
SMRT to book in advance
ScrambleDOWN, Fightin’ Brockys!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8qy3d_olxUw
We’ve got safety dance in Morganhole.
2-0 WVU over COACH PRIME
9-0 after WVU scores a touchdown.
Where’d you get this B-roll of the Cornblower household?
Ohio State kicks off at 1:00? I’d make a MAC joke but I’d hate to piss off Purdue.
Cancer Boy is ded, nothing to fear now
This is a horrible watch.
Yeah, the first half was sommet of a mirage.
-inventor of the Swatch, March 1st, 1983
THIS GUY IVAN LENDL’S MOUTH I CALL IT THE UNDERSIDE OF A MIDDLE SCHOOL HOMEROOM DESK BECAUSE IT CONSISTS OF ALMOST NOTHING OTHER THAN GUM.
(covers Casio calculator watch)
I wonder what enshittification was like back during the industrial revolution? I bet Muzak was invented to advertise to train passengers or something.
My new phone is mostly great, but it’s a later version of android than my old one so I keep finding little turd changes Google has made. The split notifications/quick settings pane is the worst, but yesterday I discovered they took away the ability to select and delete mutiple calls from thephone history so I’m stuck either deleting dozens of spam calls (sorry Spam!) one at a time, or losing my entire history of real calls. So dumb.
It was probably the kind of thing where a 14 hour shift became a 14.5 hour shift (did they have decimals back then? 14 hours plus 30 pennyfarthings or whatever) and then 15, etc.
Doesn’t enshittification just refer to the products? The labor conditions were always awful, hence the invention of unions. Although the two could certainly be linked, like if they didn’t bother to throw away the material that was all bloodstained from workers falling in the looms but instead called it a limited edition color and charged more
Yeah, I was just being silly. Does enshittification refer to physical products too? If so it was probably something like gradually replacing the meat in sausage with sawdust and glycerine as described in The Jungle.
It became harder to get alcohol after prohibition because the same demand that got it repealed wanted regulation so that when you bought a bottle of booze it was booze and not industrial blind-you-instantly alcohol and people didn’t want it to be so easy that you were more likely to be poisoned.
Then again, Bernays had just written Propaganda. A few more years and people would have been clamoring for the blindness alcohol.
Enshittification back then was that child workers became economically necessary.
As for Musak: https://overcast.fm/+ABHOZ4wRZqM
Freddie Potts: good at footy
Freddie Potts: bad at hammy
Mood. Sour.
I’m still feeling “stoppage time equalizer” here.
That goal was coming
Such a Gueye goal!!!
WHam! (UK) back level
goddamnit Lesser BLEERGH
Ball don’t lie!
Best headline EVER. Wonderful to watch the Hammers at home in a must win 6-pointer getting run all over the pitch by Burnley. Fun fact: Zian Flemming, Burnley’s new striker came from Millwall, our most hated rival. Fun fact #2: West ham are helpless as kittens on defensive corners. Fun fact #3: odds on ZF to score – +330, to score first – +700.
Shit. Wish I’d got that up 2 minutes sooner. Sorry.
All I’m saying is that I don’t want to live in a world where kicking Jack Grealish is a penalty.
Laughed out loud like a real asshole at this one. Like a Teamster or some fucking thing. Right from the gut. Thanks.
We are getting dominated.
Lowratio is positively giddy about his mention.
Also fuck Duke, even though they’re likely to win by 2+ TDs.
Wait, shame bet ?
Which strip clubs are involved?
It would almost have to be OnlyFans at this point. Post-pandemic me wonders how ANYONE ever set foot in a strip club.
Speaking of, my eye doctor is a smokeshow (divorced single mom) and I want to ask tWBS’ ghost whether it’s creepy to make a sad, fumbling attempt at hitting on her.
tWBS’s ghost, hitting on a Sambo’s waitress with debatable tattoos: “No man, it’s totally cool”
Just tell her a story about how your late friend always used to flirt with every woman he met, from retail clerk to doctor, and that you wondered if you could pull that off. Her reaction will tell you if you have a shot or need to laugh it off playfully.
Well I owe him some fine beef jerky from Longview, Alberta from the Donks beating the Iggles. He many years ago sent me some hog jerky that I want again. This he will get 2 big bags when the Toffees win.
Nailed on this will be a Draw, mind.
In the event of a draw you get a Big Turk
I will say when Spam rolled into the brewery in LA he inhaled one. I also believe youngest Right had one too.
Spam roots for the Angels; his taste is at best debatable.
TIL that after Stanford University changed their name from “Indians” to the color of their uniforms, “Cardinal” a new name was still up for debate in the mid 70’s. In 1975 the cheeky student body voted to change the name of the team to “Robber Barons”, an obvious reference to the school’s founder Leland Stanford but administration put the kibosh on that.
And that led to this bad acid trip.
They should have went opposite day and been teh Stanford Bloody Scalps imogodbless
It’s a shame as it would have been relevant still today what with all the ‘entrepreneurship’ coming out of that place