Your Sunday Feast Commences…

The teams on bye are the Pats, Giants, Niners and Panthers. We only have 4 more weeks after this one and what with PARITY rearing it’s ugly head a few of these tilts actually matter.

To The Games!

Seahawks/Falcons:

If things fall a certain way Seattle could end up being the NFC’s #1 seed. And no, it doesn’t involve a plane crash or godly intervention. Digest that for a sick minute.  Atlanta’s D should cooperate and do their less than average thing as should Cousins, who seems lost and washed, folded and closeted. What? JSN should continue his wicked smart route-running as well.

Titans/Browns:

Nobody wins this one, fans, neutrals, whatever. Play this game in a barn in one of the Dakotas and let us know the result after the clock has hit zero. Blech.

Commies/Vikes:

Mariota played the game of his life last week…and lost. Nothing has gone right for Washington this year but I can’t help thinking they’ll come back strong next year after an offseason reset. But there’s still 5 more games to get through. Jayden Daniels is back. There’s that. Does Minny draft another QB or give McCarthy another year to figure things out/be evaluated?

Fins/Jets:

New York’s D is verging towards cromulent now that they gave away some talent. I love an underdog story so I’m looking for a Miami win and the ensuing chatter that they are on the cusp of wildcard territory. Looking back to Week 5 or so and how the noose was slowly tightening around McDaniel’s neck, their current status/play is a remarkable story.

Saints/Bucs:

Tampa is getting right injury-wise at just the right time. Bucky is back and Evans and McMillan are on the horizon. Plus they need this win to stay ahead of Los Panteros, my sneaky pick for a wildcard that I called many moons ago. Sometimes when you say stupid things you can be perceived as prescient-don’t make that mistake with me. “Oh, don’t worry your pretty little head about that.” -the Commentariat

Colts/Jags:

The AFC South became interesting once you turned your back and who do you have to thank for that? Why, only the scrapheap-iest QB that will try to steal your heart if you let him. Daniel Jones’ Colts have lost three of their last four though so now the debate is “schedule doldrums or pretenders being exposed”. I know where most sports yakker’s sentiments lie. Look out, Jax is the #3 seed in the conference and Indy hasn’t won there in over a decade. Trouble is, which Girlfriend will we see?

Steelers/Ravens:

Lamar has been not good/off recently but you sure as hell can say the same about Pitt’s D last week so who knows how this one goes. One assumes that Baltimore will defend their home turf but a visitor win would further muddy this division and that’s every outsiders preference, right?

Bengals/Bills:

Cincy’s D needs some turnovers here and that was a huge ask a month ago but not so much the last two weeks. They still have the 31st ranked run D but their best buddy there are Buffalo sitting at 30th. If Cook doesn’t touch the ball 25-28 times the OC is a stupidhead.

Do your thing.

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Unsurprised

Because the competition wasn’t going to abide DraftKings owning sports. News is being gamified and sold to the bookies. It’d be even more of a travesty if CNN hadn’t lost its reliability and credibility and trustworthiness way back in the 90. But it’s absolutely on brand that it’s CNN nonetheless. Anyone still buying their bullshit gets what they deserve.

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blaxabbath

Local shit matters more anyways.

King Hippo

Border Patrol delayed is nae Border Patrol denied!

Border Patroooooooolllllllllllllll

blaxabbath

Speaking of parity, the pre-season darling ASU Sun Devils ended the season outside CFP rankings while “lowly” Arizona finished the year ranked #17 after a resounding rivalry victory at ASU.

Some might say, ASU Sucks.

King Hippo

If God really exists, He will provide us with a TNF/MNF matchup of Riley Leonard and Brady Cook.

Unsurprised

Indiana Jones and the failures of the lost season.

King Hippo

ah, the futility of man’s struggle against the elements

Redshirt

Uh oh, did Indiana Jones reach the Dial of Destiny?

Redshirt

Tee Higgins got his bell rung again.

Doktor Zymm

And Njoku also ded

Doktor Zymm

Daniel “No Legs” Jones

King Hippo

he’s gone FULL LIEUTENANT DAN!!

Gatoraids

Colts season being shot to death on the field

Mr. Ayo

Ded Dimes

Doktor Zymm

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, DraftKings can go fuck itself with a rusty barbed-wire wrapped razor blade

Redshirt

.

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Redshirt

What’s that green stuff Pittsburgh and Baltimore are playing on?

Redshirt

TEE!

Sharkbait

Having experienced both watching (US) sports in the Pacific/Hawaii time zone is the best. Watching (US) sports in Europe is the polar opposite.

blaxabbath

Its fun in Hawaii how the games are on during the day. At this point, the NFL product demands on cursory attention. So why treat it lols a prime-time, must-see event in real time when its more life another boring active shooter situation where you know only about two or three big things may happen over the next two hours — which they’ll show on repeat– while you’re out crushing some fresh gridz and making the Aloha.

Horatio Cornblower

“You’ve always wanted to see Portland, Oregon, right? Join the National Guard!!”

BugEyedBoo

Trump told me it was a hellhole, worse than Gaza City. And he wouldn’t lie!

Redshirt

“Fifty-four Forty or Fight!”

Horatio Cornblower

So on that snow monster tackle the Cincy defender did a (hang on Redshirt) smart thing and swatted the ball out of the runner’s hands before touching him down. But it was not called a fumble. Only thing I can think of is that there was contact with a defender ran through the line, and that meant he was “down by contact” even though he very clearly slipped.

WEIRD.

Horatio Cornblower

And there’s the explanation. Thanks Mike Perreira!

Redshirt

It was close, but I think he was touched.

King Hippo

Fucking Ratbirds can kiss mah rebel ass!!

Beerguyrob

Update from Atlanta: NOPE!

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Redshirt

Snow Turf Monster!

Redshirt

The 8-yard long skid mark is still on the field.

Horatio Cornblower

Too bad Tyreek Hill wasn’t on either of these teams, so I could make a “that skid mark has a name, Sir” joke

Horatio Cornblower

Yeti Tackle!

Redshirt

TD ICE!

Time to see if the Bengals Defense can continue their Adequate Streak of (checks notes) 1 game.

Redshirt

Resets counter to 0.

Horatio Cornblower

Mrs. Horatio just came in, saw the snow game and asked, in a typical Mom voice “Aren’t they cold?”

Sports are not her thing.

Redshirt

Forrest Gregg said he was warmer playing in the Ice Bowl than coaching in the Freezer Bowl. The players are warm; the coaches are not.

Doktor Zymm

I remember when Zeke played his first snow game and he said he had always wanted to play one but turned out it was really unpleasant and that was great because a) snow game! and b) Zeke sucks and I’m happy when he’s having a bad time

Horatio Cornblower

Yeah, Zeke sucks now, but when you need all the lead paint chips removed from your house you’ll change your tune.

King Hippo

Border Patroooooolllllllll

Beerguyrob

Seahawks might wanna fix that O-line before they start shittalking about playoffs.

Mr. Ayo

Dammit Hanson, fix your fucking audio STAT!

Beerguyrob

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Horatio Cornblower

Hanson: MMMMMMMMMMMMno.

Doktor Zymm

One of the most annoying things about the DC secondary sucking so bad is that they were actually really deep at safety to start the season and they ALL got injured

LemonJello

Maybe that’s what PeeWee German and the TACO Reich were talking about when they claimed there were “safety concerns” in DC?

Beerguyrob

More open field drops than anyone else.

Ladies & gentlemen – the Kyle Pitts fantasy experience!

King Hippo

oh good, now the fucker’s DED

/I started him this week too, the dreaded 2 TE alignment (my WR room is an absolute abattoir)

Redshirt

Does that count as an Open Field Drop?

Beerguyrob

Because of all the hate in my heart – yes.

Horatio Cornblower

I’ve been outside doing yard work* and just came in to find a most glorious snow game in Buffalo. Or Cincinnati. Can’t really tell where they’re playing.

*Anyone else have a dog that watches them clear the yard of its shit, section by section, and then, while making dead-ass eye contact with you, go take a dump in one of the cleared sections?

Beerguyrob

It’s Lambeau’s Field!

Doktor Zymm

Well yeah, who doesn’t want to poop somewhere nice and clean?

Beerguyrob

“Yeah… can I watch?”

– Kellen Winslow Jr.

King Hippo

Isiah Likely should marry a British woman, have a son, and name him Not Bloody

Redshirt

(turns to Fox; sees Joe Burrow on the turf in pain)

“AHHH! Oh, its a replay from Week 2. I wonder if we have any of Dad’s nitro pills left.”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

HOLY SHIT! Notre Dame has been passed over for a playoff spot! I didn’t think there was a snowball’s chance in Henry Kissinger’s new parlor that they would be left on the outside, and I could not have been more wrong.

Mr. Ayo

That is shocking. The Lebatard show is going to be insufferable tomorrow.

King Hippo

Really did think it was only a coin flip if BYU beat TT, and thought that was a necessary condition. But seems like Wahoowa losing flipped the script. For some reason, they didn’t want to deal the ACC an existential death blow. Yet.

Horatio Cornblower

Wow.

Beerguyrob

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Redshirt

For those like Hippo on an ESPN Boycott:

1 Indiana
2 Ohio State
3 Georgia
4 Texas Tech

12 James Madison @ 5 Oregon
9 Alabama @ 8 Oklahoma
11 Tulane @ 6 Ole Miss
10 Miami @ 7 Texas A&M

First 2 Out: Notre Dame, BYU

Horatio Cornblower

THE OSU and Georgia for the title. Book it.*

*I am terrible at predicting sports and do not gamble on it for a reason.

Redshirt

OSU and GA would meet in the Semis.

Horatio Cornblower

See how bad I am?

jjfozz

Best friend is coming over for the Ravens game. I’ve already booked space on the couch for this evening. Hoping we get into the liquor after a victory. I’m so ambivalent about this team it’s sad. Steelers Week used to be a fucking mix of rabid animals and a prison riot fueled by toilet wine and home made meth.

Redshirt

This whole year has been weird for the AFC North. You’d think Steelers-Ravens-Bengals would be a bar fight to 10 wins, not tripping and dragging to 8 or 9.

King Hippo

Which of the JMU bros (from last night’s ACC title game TV coverage) was yew??

King Hippo

WOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Doktor Zymm

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Woohoo!

King Hippo

oh man, I love that pic so so much

Horatio Cornblower

Unless you’re the dumbass tourist taking it from 12′ away.

Mr. Ayo

That’s a great picture of Jim Irsay, RIP.

Beerguyrob

I’d trust that handsome beast to buy an auctioned guitar.

Redshirt

Oh, the season so for is spiteful.
And our hopes are so declineful.
Even though it won’t help us so.
Let it snow. Let it snow. Let it snow!

Redshirt

Oh, Indiana and Ohio State are on opposite sides of the bracket? What an amazing coincidence!

King Hippo

Did you get 2 seed over UGA? I refuse to watch ESPN’s carnival of nonsense

Redshirt

Yeah, 1 Indiana. 2. Ohio State. 3. Georgia. 4. Texas Tech.

King Hippo

Based on full body of work, I agree with that. And those 4 are far and away the best sides.

Redshirt

I’d probably swap 2-3 but you are right (OSU shouldn’t be punished for a close loss, but they did lay a bit of an egg last night). The Top 4 is correct.

Redshirt

Do we really need the rapid countdown second-decimals, ESPN?

Mr. Ayo

Still don’t care that you’re going to win today.

Redshirt

Agreed, unless he’s playing one of my teams, in which case he’s an ungrateful bastard who needs to learn a lesson in humility.

BeefReeferLives

Attempting the “reverse kibosh”, eh?

Tricksey…

Redshirt

🪏 🐂 💩

IMG_2631
yeah right

Fucking gorgeous goal Whites!

Beautiful footy that.

litre_cola

Being hungover at kids sports really tests your mettle.

Sharkbait

It’s like looking into my future!

BeefReeferLives

That’s what the edibles are for.

jjfozz

Yeah, they take the edge right off.

Horatio Cornblower

Trying being hungover and coaching your kid’s sports.

Beerguyrob

How sexy does it make the soccer moms look?

Redshirt

Am I too late to switch over? Did I miss the NCAA giving Trump a perfectly legitimate not-made up award?

Redshirt

Damn it! I’ve been Banner dethroned by Redshirt! That son of a bitch!

King Hippo

Achieving a split personality is top notch imaginary friendship. Other Hippo nods approvingly!

Redshirt

People have been saying that I am my own worst enemy.

Sharkbait

But every now and then do you kick the shit out of yourself

jjfozz

I identified strongly with that song when I was younger, cause I just fucking kicked my own ass so many times.

jjfozz

I haven’t made the banner in ages. NOBODY CARES WORK HARDER!

Redshirt

I move that the JJFozz’s next drunken gibberish comment gets penciled in as the next Banner.

BeefReeferLives

Some wag on reddit: “It’s an Easter bunny, ’cause they’re trying to bring the offense back from the dead.”

Sharkbait

Can Fullham take all 3 points today? Thanks

litre_cola

Absolutely not.

Doktor Zymm

Newsome will always be hrmmm but his press office puts out some gold

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Gumbygirl

I’m going to donate some Kohl’s cash to his campaign!

Sharkbait

He’s definitely not perfect, but he’s the best player right now.

Gumbygirl

.

1000008489
Doktor Zymm

I prefer Unnamed Democrat

King Hippo

I will die on this hill – the only real path forward is a charismatic “normie lane” candidate getting AOC to be VP (with strong portfolio, avoiding Kamala Harris’ landmines) in advance of primary season.

Shapiro/AOC is my absolute wet dream, because it blows up the wedge issue that the very online right and left have been implementing to great effect.

We lefties are a coalition, and have to rally together in real unity to stand a chance.

Newsom is doing the right things now, and I appreciate his doing that for the “team.” But he’d be poison on the ticket (especially leading it), and his reward needs to be in the Cabinet.

Redshirt

I’d look very closely at a Shapiro/AOC ticket. Newsome is falling into the same trap DeSantis did; in trying to out-Trump Trump, he’s only making himself look less authentic and turning off anyone suffering from Trump Fatigue.

Sharkbait

I feel like when DeSantis was doing it, it was clearly an attempt at out trumping trump. When Newsom does it, I think it’s assumed he’s clearly making fun of the whole chronically online alpha persona trump tries to convey

Last edited 2 months ago by Sharkbait
King Hippo

He is, and I very much think it is weakening/distracting Trump. But that does NOT mean he’d run well in 2028. Completely different skillsets. His weaknesses (smarmy, VERY typical California machine pol, the COVID fancy parties, etc.) don’t matter for the current task at hand. They would in an election.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Shapiro…wet dream…

Not sure these terms really belong together.

King Hippo

I forgot about Other Shapiro, really stepped into that rake!

Redshirt

If a Democratic Candidate could retain their charisma and open-mindedness once they take office, I would easily support them in perpetuity.

Horatio Cornblower

Gotta have it to retain it.

Fronkenshteen

The West Ham bus parking will be excruciating here. This would be an amazing 3 points, though.

Fronkenshteen
Last edited 2 months ago by Fronkenshteen
Sharkbait

From my vantage point, I’ll take salvaging a point.

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Sharkbait

Also a pint and football in a pub has me dangerously close to peak British Sunday. All I’m missing is the full English for breakfast, followed by a a Sunday roast for dinner.

Last edited 2 months ago by Sharkbait
Doktor Zymm

Get some Yorkshire pud and mushy peas!

Horatio Cornblower

Big goal against the run of play for Frank’s Hammers!