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Welcome to 2026 JV NFL Thread

King Hippo

/

,

Oh Christ, let’s see how this one can get even shittier!  Fucking THEEEEEE, making Da U a thing again.

There is also a smattering of footy today, but only Championship (CBSSN at 10:00) in the morning.  Even England is being dickholes.

5 Oregon (-2.5) v. 4 Guns Up!! – Fuck You LOLfin Crypto Owl (Noon, ESPN)

It would be difficult to be any wronger than Hippo has been all season long.  But I just don’t get this one.  Texas Tech has a murderous DL (hell, entire front seven) and Quackers have looked mid all season.  I mean, much better than James Madison.  But STILL.

9 Roll Damn Tide (+7) v. 1 Indiana Fightin’ Brockys – Old Man Flower Parade Owl (4:00, ESPN)

Waaaahhhhh, the whole JV NFL calendar has to revolve around a Q4 sunset in a stupid SoCal suburb.  But I will admit, having Bama and the Cignetti machine face off here?  Kind of cool.  But it still should be played in Bloomington this is such a DUMB way to handle a post-season.

6 Johnny Reb (+6.5) v. 3 Georgia – High Fructose Corn Syrup Owl (8:00, ESPN)

Perhaps the only matchup that will have a live wire crowd, as N’Awlins is within driving range of two fairly large and absolutely rabid fanbases.  UGA has the “well-oiled killing machine” going, as they face off against the big spurned lover energy of the Rebs.  The first matchup in Athens was pretty damned fun, so maybe plan to stay up late.  OK, TRY to stay up late.

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Doktor Zymm

I’m getting closer and closer to going to the store. One more hour of reading in bed should do it

2
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

One of my new years things is to go for a run first thing. Was a little brisk at – 15 C, and a bit of snow on the ground from overnight squalls, but otherwise good.

Now fighting with a laptop trying to install Docker and an image for youngest and a research project. After 3 Windows updates, updates to the Bios and installing random shit, for the last 3 hours, I’m now pulling the image for the actual software needed. All cause the package needed won’t run on Mac. Tis grand being the local IT guy

4
Doktor Zymm

What software is causing all that bother? Sounds like something from 20 years ago!

1
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

The laptop hasn’t been on in year, so needed a zillion windows updates. A few of which needed to be forced to install
Then needed to enable virtualization in the bios
Then install wsl and docker

She’s needs qiime 2020.6 and some version of songbird to do the analysis

Are you lost and confused? Me too, but it’s still going, so win!?!

3
Doktor Zymm

Qiime is like R for biology so that makes sense for a research project, but isn’t songbird an old music app or something?

0
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

Maybe but is a plugin for Qiime as well. Will only run on one version of qiime that’s no longer supported. And needs a buncha other things loaded to make it all work

0
jjfozz

Bloody Mary’s laid a solid foundation, now onto beer.

2
Horatio Cornblower

Phil Foden makes that much money and has that haircut?

0
SonOfSpam

HI

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4
Mr. Ayo

Garnacho’s new dye job is up there too.

1
Horatio Cornblower

There are a lot of debatable fashion choices out there today.

1
scotchnaut

Foden: “Me gets three cents fer evey aircut done at Aldis. So whose larfing now?”

Also Foden: “There’s no aircut places at Aldis?

1
Horatio Cornblower

Got the driveway done AND took the dog for a walk in the woods. Fuck you, Covid.

/gets the flu

1
LemonJello

Sounds like you could use a little breather.

Here you go.

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2
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

Horatio pulls back muscle reaching for a tissue.
Out 4-6 weeks

3
Horatio Cornblower

I do have a rib issue due to all the coughing.

The issue is that my ribs hurt.

1
SonOfSpam

THIS TEXAS TECH I CALL THEM NINA HARTLEY BECAUSE THEY JUST SPENT HOURS GETTING POUNDED BY AN OREGON TEAM ON CAMERA

6
jjfozz

YOU COULD ALSO CALL THEM CHRISTY CANYON BECAUSE THEY ROLLED OVER AND TOOK EVERYTHING THAT WAS THROWN AT THEM

3
Redshirt

YOU COULD ALSO CALL THEM A KINK ACTOR BECAUSE THEY JUST STOOD THERE AND LET THE DOM DO WHATEVER THEY WANTED

1
Horatio Cornblower

YOU COULD ALSO CALL THEM OREGON’S STEPMOM, BECAUSE THEY’RE STUCK IN THE DRYER AND

and I think we’ve taken this one as far as it needs to go.

2
ballsofsteelandfury

It’s an indictment of NFL QBs that he could step in after 5 years away and be better than 85% of the league.

9
Redshirt

How nice of Texas Tech to get New Years Day off work.

1
King Hippo

Public service announcement – y’all can flip over to USA in 10 minutes, for an hour of City of Men kicking the shit out of Sunderland.

0
Mr. Ayo

Nah, I’m on the Peacock to see what Brentford can do.

0
NotShogunButShogun

That poor bird.

4
Horatio Cornblower

Hey, did you see how it was displaying? He was asking for it!

4
King Hippo

Offside. On the PUNT. First down, Quackers.

Go home, Texas Tech. YOU’RE DRUNK!

4
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

He really should have run that out. Only one guy between him and the far end zone and that guy was covered by a blocker.

0
Doktor Zymm

Fucking Google keeps replacing my programmed shortcuts with Gemini. If they stopped to think for 2 goddamn seconds they might realize that shoving AI down people’s throats isn’t the best way to drive acceptance or adoption.

4
yeah right

The Paris trip is booked and paid off.

Going in April.

Research intensifies now!

6
King Hippo

pretty thoughtful for Kewpie to include you!

4
SonOfSpam

Awesome! First time? Here’s some musts:

1) Notre Dame (cathedral, not non-playoff school)
2) Louvre
3) A brief affair with a woman suffering from malaise of the spirit
4) Montmartre

8
yeah right

We’re staying in Le Marais which is walking distance to Notre Dame and The Louvre.

Yes Taj and I will be goodwill ambassadors to all of the sad ladies with chronic ennui.

5
LemonJello

I think Chronic Ennui was supposed to open for Cypress Hill but they cancelled at the last minute.

8
NotShogunButShogun

Low ticket sales. Lack of interest.

3
Doktor Zymm

Coffee is most expensive by the Louvre and you can tell how far away you are by the price of an espresso. The arrondissements are arranged in a spiral pattern and the subway follows old cow paths so coffee price is actually a pretty good navigation technique, plus it’s just nice to stop for a coffee frequently

2
Doktor Zymm

And get some foie gras. Fuck geese.

4
yeah right

I will absolutely do that. Plus all of the sticky icky bits of veal and whatever they give me.

Can you still get pressed duck?

1
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

The Eiffel tower is close to the Louvre, if trying to do in the same day. Too much to see at each but, in case

1
yeah right

Yes. First time.

2
SonOfSpam

Only been once for about 3 days, but I’d move there in a heartbeat if (gestures at life in general) things were different.

River cruise on the Seine is hacky but wonderful. Long lunch at a sidewalk cafe. Side trip to Versailles (very much regret missing out).

Oh, and everywhere you go, remind a local that we saved their asses in WW2. French people LOVE that.

5
yeah right

We’re there for a week.

Plenty of time to see and do things.

I may do another cooking class because that was fucking awesome in Barcelona.

1
Gumbygirl

5. Existential ennui

4
jjfozz

Do not use Emily in Paris as a resource, unless you want to turn into a blathering, air brained dipshit

3
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

According to World War Z there are lots of zombies in the sewers so be sure to stay out of those.

1
Doktor Zymm

Are they all zombies of Les Mis characters?

0
jjfozz

Yeah, but do they serve regular food at the McDonald’s?

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m always amused when an interception on fourth down produces worse field position than simply knocking the ball down would have done.

2
2Pack

Many D backs are none smarts… or just want the Int stat more than the teams field position.

2
scotchnaut

Hey, that kid got a previously-loved 2017 Hyundai Elantra as part of his bonus package for that INT!

2
King Hippo

Palace is some lucky fuckers to hold onto their point here.

0
Mr. Ayo

Guns Up! is cursed today

1
King Hippo

be nice if one of these motherfucking games would be at least entertaining

3
2Pack

Yeah most have been pretty slow.

1
scotchnaut

A Guns Up! society is a polite society. ppl forget that.

3
jjfozz

my youngest built this in three days, no help from anyone. he has his father’s legendary patience.

https://www.lego.com/en-us/product/lego-ideas-home-alone-21330

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The Dr. Mrs. is complaining that it seems like her brother just agrees to her requests to get her off his back while have little to no intention of actually fulfilling the commitments and it feels like it would be very hypocritical for me to sympathize with her.

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Gumbygirl

Get your brownie points whenever you have the opportunity!

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SonOfSpam

“And now, here’s Third Eye Blind, with a song about doing drugs and fucking. Enjoy!”

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I mean, it *is* a college-based event.

2
Senor Weaselo

Fozz’s MIL in shambles!

4
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Is she in need of a shoulder to cry on? I can be there in six minutes.” – Zach Wilson

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King Hippo

do do DO, do do do DO

2
Horatio Cornblower

Half time! Time to go see if Covid will let me shovel half the driveway, (a friend plowed the part not occupied by cars), without needing a three hour nap.

And if it doesn’t? Hey, three hour nap!

4
jjfozz

COVID IS A MYTH! CHINA!!!!!!!!!! IF YOU GET A VACINNIE YOU ARE A COMMIE!!!!!!!

3
King Hippo

hey don’t forget ZIONIST!!!111 in the mix

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jjfozz

Well, hell we know the Jews been running this shit since the first fish crawled onto land and became an ape.

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King Hippo

RITE???? It’s just obvi smh

0
Doktor Zymm

Apparently flour goes bad, so I should probably replace my decade old stuff before attempting baking

5
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

We just got rid of some decade-old cinnamon on principle. It seemed like it was still fine though.

1
jjfozz

It goes bad like you would not believe.

2
King Hippo

Unreal, I just noticed (2 days ago) the flour in the back of my fridge had a “January 2025” expiration date and threw it away. We is sharing one communal awareness and shit!!

2
NotShogunButShogun

I just threw some out yesterday! An unopened bag from… December 2020.
*I did not live here at that time. It would’ve long been used*

2
King Hippo

We are all basically ONE HIVE now,

2
Redshirt

I think ESPN’s Skycast drone may have crashed/

0
NotShogunButShogun

oh. no. bad.

0
Beerguyrob

This is the whitest fucking name I’ve ever seen.

IMG_2569
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Doktor Zymm

19th century white guy, and the 19th century was full on colonialism white

6
NotShogunButShogun

ALL the trust funds!

3
Redshirt

Sounds like Cornelious Vanderbilt’s railroad rival.

3
scotchnaut

Roman General: “Who missed that field goal?”

Skylar: “It was I!”

Digsby: “It was I!”

Farnsworth: “It was I!”

Lamont: “It was I!”

Sebastian: “It was I!”

9
jjfozz

“What’s the name of a person who has never, ever been invited to a dinner at Fozz’s house?”

1
Gumbygirl

When his grandson is Atticus Sappington the third, peak whiteness will be reached.

3
Beerguyrob

WineWife just spotted this chud who’s such a fan he hasn’t even bothered to cut off the price tag on his scarf.

IMG_2568
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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Ha! I noticed that shot myself, mainly because I was confused as to why the cameraman didn’t widen the frame to include the pretty girl to the lower right.

3
Gumbygirl

His mom is Punk Rock Girl. She named him Minnie Pearl!

3
Redshirt

Based on Social Media, you’d think this was the Rose Bowl right now.

IMG_2835
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Doktor Zymm

Let’s do naval battles!

5
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Sure thing! Let me just clean the lint out first.

0
NotShogunButShogun

INORITE?! The garment-rending is on 11. However WILL they play fitbawl?!

2
Horatio Cornblower

The parade announcers are making it sound like the marchers are Katrina survivors.

I’ve run road races in far worse weather.

I should note I didn’t win any of them.

4
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’s not even raining here anymore.

2
Doktor Zymm

Just imagine if there’s an atmospheric river during the Owl, it’ll be TEH END TIMES

2
yeah right

It actually stopped raining a few hours ago and now it’s sunny.

0
Gumbygirl

The sun has not reached the Empire yet.

1
King Hippo

Stop me if you’ve heard this one before – Guns Up!! just fucked up again.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QTqFdaVGRew

0
jjfozz

Was in high school at the zenith of this band’s career. Tried, could never ever get into them.Tried later in my life. Nope. Sorry Morissey, ain’t ever gonna happen.

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Morrissey disagrees. He also said a few things about your immigrant predecessors that are, uh, probably not appropriate to share here.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O2jer-V6ElM

1
Senor Weaselo

I still don’t understand how the seeding and locations worked. Did Indiana choose the Rose over the… *checks other QF bowls* yeah, I guess the Cotton or Sugar would be closer but also more of a Roll Damn Tide partial crowd.

0
rockingdog

Weekend reading: ✏️

https://danwang.co/2025-letter/

Last edited 4 months ago by rockingdog
3
Doktor Zymm

Good start, but lost me at the “Silicon Valley is meritocratic” bit. Not remotely true, it’s a piece of the mythos that lets tech bros justify their shittiest behaviors

6
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That was interesting but went on for far too long for my hangover-addled mind to stay focused on.

1
Mr. Ayo

I was one paragraph in before I remembered it was NYD, I’m hungover, and I’m dedicated to not wasting one ounce of thought today.

Hence, my being on this site today.

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That’s the spirit!

1
Jimbo

Wang.

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6
rockingdog

Big catch by Benson

Ducks gotta score here… 🦆

0
DJ TAJ

You thought WWII was bad. Holy Crap Kewpie is going to France!

Kewpie-France-2
12
King Hippo

(Tiny) Boots on teh Ground!!

3
Senor Weaselo

“Boots on the ground? Zut alors, we surrender.” -The French

4
jjfozz

good morning folks, i was sober last night. i’m making up time now. cause in laws are over. hoping i don’t get corrected again by my mom in law for cursing. in my house.

7
scotchnaut

Draw an uneven line in the sand.

2
Doktor Zymm

Give em heck!

1
jjfozz

Well, brunch slowed teh blood alcohol levels down. Don’t worry, i’m running up that hill right now.

2
King Hippo

Use the old standard – you don’t like it, there’s the door!

1
WCS

Tricky Mallards…

0
Mr. Ayo

What in the Cecil Rhodes is going on in Gabon?

“Considering the multifaceted effects, which are the antithesis of the ethical and exemplary values advocated by the Fifth Republic, the government has decided to dissolve the technical staff, suspend the national team until further notice, and exclude players Bruno Ecuélé Manga and Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang,” the country’s Minister of Sports Simplice-Desire Mamboula read out during a television briefing.

1
King Hippo

Gabon! Gabon!! GABON!!!!

2
Gumbygirl

I Desire Mamboula to speak with a little more Simplice? What the fuck was that gibberish?

4
jjfozz

Sounds like a bunch of commie talk. you know how those soccer people are . . .

2
King Hippo

Permian Basin Oil Money Reacts Reasonably

1
King Hippo

Give both programs credit, they always have “the GOOD strip club in town” calibre cheer squadrons.

2
jjfozz

So, you’re talking about the kind of strip joint that doesn’t feature a Tuesday afternoon buffet, along with all the caesaran scars you can handle?

4
King Hippo

THIS GUY gets it!!!

3
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Caesar salads and Caesarean scars!

2
King Hippo

Wearing my charcoal grey The Bulwark sweatshirt, because Hippo is just that committed to his technocratic, bland centre-leftyism.

0
NotShogunButShogun

The turn charlie sykes has taken over the years *was the arch-conservative squawker here foarevah* is fascinating

1
rockingdog

Early morning college football feels weird.
Whatever.

Hope this game is Rocking!

Goooooo Ducks! 🦆

2
King Hippo

Two westernmost sides playing early is also bullshit, all due to the Rose Owl shit. I hope it pisses down rain ALL DAY, you assholes.

1
King Hippo

(yes, Hippo also HATES parades, attending same was one of the most teeth-grindy elements of parenting)

0
Gumbygirl

I managed to avoid sitting there in the fucking rain- my sister and nephew wanted to go, but I talked them out of it. I would be totally pissed off and soggy now!

1
blaxabbath

Weather has been really nice. I think everyone should Flash DFO Meetup at the Fiesta Bowl.

2
King Hippo

Already have the sound on Palace/Mighty Whitey stream. FUCK ME, I am wrong about every single JV game this post-season (regular was meh as well).

0
Redshirt

.

IMG_2829
6
scotchnaut

I hope the Hoosiers win later today but I’m also hoping that the network bleeps out all the God Talk.

1
King Hippo

Jeebus seems to have abandoned Behren Morten early. Maybe he needs EVEN BIGGER eye-black crosses on his face?

1
scotchnaut

Don’t be sleeping on that big Jesus Monies.

0
Redshirt

I gotta good feeling about this guy. Scrappy fighter whose not afraid to punch back.

IMG_2834
5
WCS

/ San Antonio Tan elevated from practice squad

0
King Hippo

I found $35 in a drawer the other day, rummaging for a pen. So that can start off our #NukeFund

6
Redshirt

I had the same thing with a few hundred dollars and my savings account. But then I went to the casino and… (slowly mumbles off)

4
WCS

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2
WCS

(Rummages through pockets)
Here’s eleven cents, a hair tie Lil’er WCS gave me, and an old button from an older shirt from God-knows-when. #MakeDFOWeaponizedAgain

2
NotShogunButShogun

Showoffs.

2
Senor Weaselo

That can buy many peanuts!

2
Horatio Cornblower

/mumbles something about needing my money for Applebees, shuffles off

0
Horatio Cornblower

Woke up (for good, had to get up at 7 to feed a couple of demanding animals) at 11:24, so 2026 is off to a good start.

1
Doktor Zymm

I woke up at 8:33, then I slep for another couple hours in full awareness of the fact that I was sleeping in. Glorious!

2
Gumbygirl

I didn’t sleep well last night. The fireworks going off at midnight and forever after got the cat wound up, and he couldn’t get settled. I didn’t have the heart to kick him out of the room.

1
Doktor Zymm

Aw, kitty hugs

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Praise the football gods for giving us an entire day of action to help us recover from last night’s shenanigans.

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3
King Hippo

And it’s the weekend again almost immediately thereafter! Thursday is the best day of the week for Shitsmas/NYD.

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It really is.

0
NotShogunButShogun

BAH GAWD IS RAINING FOR THE PARADE! THE HORROR!!! *you’d think the end was nigh from the announcers*
I marched in numerous parades here. In winter. Bare hands frozen in a claw clutching my drumsticks not missing a note or cadence. Shush.

7
scotchnaut

I hope Leni Riefenstahl got your good side.

5
scotchnaut

This morning I feel like I’ve had my share of booze and junk food but it’s times such as these that you just have to push on through and get after it again.

2
King Hippo

I think that, for 2026, the Clubhouse should acquire nuclear weapons. It’s the only sane thing one can do.

Surely, Brick knows a guy who can get us a cost and timing estimate?

7
Redshirt

I’m down the road from Wright-Patterson Air Force Base. If they have some, I could plan a raid.

…or Trump is an idiot. I could join Truth Social, call him a genius, say Pete Hegseth told me at a bar that he’s knows more than Trump, and in a few days, I’m the Acting Secretary of Defense!

6
King Hippo

I mean, you’re a White guy – just carry a clipboard and look busy. Nobody will give you any shit.

7
Redshirt

You just literally described how I act at every job I’ve ever worked.

10
King Hippo

nods in WASP

2
Senor Weaselo

Dr. Redshirt!
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10
Brick Meathook

yeah I can get you some

7
King Hippo

rubs hands together in glee

1
Doktor Zymm

I’ve got a spare missle silo or two I picked up when they were selling off the extras

7
ballsofsteelandfury

Stupid SoCal suburb, huh?

Starting off the year picking fights, huh?

Rikki’s ladies will NOT look kindly on this…

5
Doktor Zymm

I think it’s nice that a bunch of kids who are stuck living in Indiana or Alabama for most of the year get rewarded for their success by getting to spend a few days in a good state

4
Redshirt

New Years Resolution Update:

Back to Ketogenic Diet. Expect to enter Keto Flu relatively soon. Please disregard any insulting comments in the near future, you inconsiderate jerks.

4
WCS

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3
Doktor Zymm

Why do you hate yourself?

0
Redshirt

Rooting for bad sports teams slowly poisons your soul?

2
WCS

He’s from Ohio. What else needs to be stated?

2
blaxabbath

Drink some broth.

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

still chuckling over your VD comment last night.

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYBODY! Based on the fact that my hangover hasn’t kicked in yet I think I might still be a bit tipsy.

3
Redshirt

You can’t get hungover if you stop drinking.

(Not a Doctor. Don’t do this. You’ll likely die.)

0
King Hippo

I dunno once you pass 50, death is preferable to how bad a hangover feels.

2
NotShogunButShogun

Can confirm. You’re probably not a doctor.
Also was my strategy for a while, and after years of research, it can work, but the cost is high.

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