There was some settling of accounts yesterday but some are bleeding into today because some teams can’t finish what they started, right Carolina?
To The Games!
Colts/Texans:
These teams prove that if you’re going to streak you’d best do it towards the end of the season. You might get your wee bits shriveled but at least you can play at least one extra game.
Cowboys/Giants:
So it comes to this. If you were some guy with a rooting interest in the G-Men and were hoping for a win to A) prevent Dallas from reaching .500 or B) finally breaking a 9 game losing skid against them, the fallout would be a loss of draft position. As a Nietszche always said, “Life is a shit sandwich. Start eating, there’s plenty more.” Wise man.
Browns/Bengals:
“Garrett needs to lay his sack on a dude and Joe Burrow is just the man for the job.” I ran this game through the Male Porn Preview Generator and it’s not too far off, is it?
Saints/Falcons:
If Atlanta takes it Carolina backs in to the playoffs. If New Orleans takes it Tampa backs in to the playoffs. I Can’t Stop Chewing My Nails!
Packers/Vikes:
Well, at least O’Connell doesn’t have to spend the entire offseason listening to what a great QB developer he is. Green Bay is shutting down a few starters because why give Minny the satisfaction of winning against a full squad?
Titans/Jags:
With 3 TD’s of any kind Ms. Girlfriend will relegate Blake Bortles to the dustbin of history for most combined TD’s in a season by a Jag-off.
Type like monkeys!
Cam. Fucking. Little. 67 yard FG!
LOLBOYS
Dart celebrating that TD like it was planned. I’ll take it but I’m rolling my eyes as well.
Money Mac has defaulted twice on PATs.
Oh, good. We scored this time.
Elite QB Sneak!
https://bsky.app/profile/cjzero.bsky.social/post/3mbmmyagpfs2r
Huh.
Jameis-level genius (if anyone remembers that).
At least it didn’t end up a safety.
Not for lack of trying.
UConn! Marquette! Question why you’re watching this, and not an utterly meaningless Dallas vs VEP gams!
The NFC South exists to be a speedbump for the 5 seed
Cam Ward ends his Freshman Year in the Nurse’s Office.
Bengals 24-yard line picks up a sack before Myles Garrett.
NGL, i want to buy this, but the $50 price tag is too much
I already got two bobbleheads that never see the light of day cuz i never have people over
I never have people over
I had no idea that Brocky and I spoke the same language!
#MeToo
My own personal storyline for today, will I actually leave the house to do ‘back in town’ errands like picking up food and a prescription or do I put it off to tomorrow and order the first shame pizza of 2026?
I think you know the answer to that.
I didn’t say it was a particularly compelling storyline lol
Sha-ame Pi-zza! clap clap clapclapclap
I had cold shame pizza for breakfast, no regertz.
At least this Bengals drive didn’t end with Browns points.
Good job, guys. Lock up the #8 pick!
Fucking Spectrum. I have been internetless since about 8 last night, they keep lying about when it will be back on.
Now they aren’t even giving a false time estimate. They said vandals cut the fiber optic line. If I have to drive to Riverside to see the fucking Steelers game, I will not be a happy camper.
Spectrum on the spectrum…
Only works when it wants, throws tantrums at any moment, always distracted.
RT @StevePalazzolo_: “Shedeur Sanders leading the Browns to 14 points” -Someone, somewhere
he really motivates the defense to try their hardest every game
I see the No Fun League is in full effect.
I’ll admit my feelings were hurt, but my feelings aren’t worth 15-yards. Maybe only five.
Got back to my place in CA at like 3:30 am after flight delays so slept in to just now and ready to jump into the many tepid early window narratives in the next 10 minutes or so! Woo!
I don’t like this year anymore.
Hang in there.
Only 362 days to go.
The Bungles are really Bungling this game up.
Starting afternoon shifts for a while. Looks like yinz are stuck with me for the foreseeable future.
Less lively than nights I assume?
One would hope!
Nah, there’s more.
But, it’s not a good more. My parking complaint and lost dog quota is about to quadruple.
I prefer the high-stakes stuff; overnights are more actual “emergencies” than people just whining.
“Lost dogs? Have you checked Haititown yet?”
-Gov’t officials, with a straight face because that was in the memoranda
I guess you’re probably nawt supposed to respond with your own Baja Men rendition
https://youtu.be/ojULkWEUsPs
I will *never, EVER* forgive Mordelo for sabotaging and ruining “Ecstasy of Gold” in their inane, frustratingly awful commercials. Fuck you, Mordelo, eat rhino shit for all eternity. I hope whomever came up with this suffers forever.
Metallica too.
NO THERAPY for rock bands, y’all must do heroine until death do you part.
I love how they put out ‘Some Kind of Monster’ thinking it would make them more sympathetic and instead it made people realize that Ulrich and Hetfield were two of the biggest cunts this side of Houston after #484.
For the record, Kirk, Cliff, Jason, and Robert are/were all chill and relatable guys.
I’m going to Lego while observing this so at least something constructive happens.
That’s me, but with Football Manager (2341-42 season)
Deci is building the Police Prison Island right now.
Dune Ornithopter
‘Police Prison Island’ as a Lego set is both depressing and likely very prescient.
Yay. Pick-6.
oh NOW the motherfuckers throw the ball to Justin Jefferson. Shitmonkeys.
The whole cheese world is waiting to find out if Clayton Tune has what it takes to bring his team back from behind of a near insurmountable 3 point deficit.
*…he does not*
I thought we already passed the Tune era and reminiscing?
It’s been quite the week for “holy shit, THAT guy is still in the League” already
They are coming out of the woodwork to line up for a chance at gruesome injury.
I missed something – where is Erstwhile Son-in-Law candidate Will Levis now? Or did he get hurt?
Don’t care what the number is, I’m taking the Over on practice squad wide receivers not getting the PI call
Betting Week 18 fixtures is truly a cry for help.
At least take a peek at the team’s records.
BORDER PATROL AIR RAID!
Border Patroooollllll!
I follow the Giants fairly closely and have never heard of defensive starter Raheem Layne.
Same here with the Bengals. Offense is the Usual Suspects. Defense is like a Preseason All-Star Team.
We are all living in a simulation.
..and the bugs in the code are adding up.
Just transferred in from the Washington Generals
Nepotistic Fumble!
PULL JOE BURROW YOU COWARDS!
Jaxson Dart gets injured today. Just frickin’ book it.
If the first passing play was any indication, someone wrote Joe Burrow’s name on a death note.
O/U to Myles Garrett sacking Joe Burrow for the record: 7.5 football minutes.
semi-meaningless nfc south games on the tv (clots/houston, tits/jags)
so therefore have the haters bowl (‘aints/28-3s) on the pirate stream
and a hilarious turnover already in the haters bowl, lmao
and an even funnier cousinsception to a fucking lineman
oh what a game already
…and mercifully, the last game of the Cincinnati Bengals seasons is here.
And Burrow is hurt. Fitting.
Again? I have Citeh v North Fulham on with Redzone on the computer.
Gotta remember to start calling them North Fulham in front of my father.
Speaking of narratives, FOX finally has to put Bradshaw out to pasture. Lea Michelle has better reading skills, and he needs an airport ground crew to point him at the right camera.
He’s gonna say one of the MAJOR slurs on air, and right soon.
going to call someone in the booth Collinsworth?
Chris Olave has blood clots; Kirk Cousins woke up sick.
Panthers-Bucs have elevated this Proxy War into Biological Warfare!
Someone alert RFK!
hes busy with his beef tallow injections currently
atlanta is home to the new and improved CDC
The boy came down to laugh at me while I was working out to get rid of my anger. Then Mighty Whitey scores a worldy. Lesson, never gloat my son.
Damn, what a shot that was.
A tale as old as time.
I’m listening to fucking BILL KRISTOL trying to talk me down off the ceiling…
Is the room upside down?! That’s the only way this makes sense, even here.
Lionel Richie – Dancing On The Ceiling – YouTube
While mandatory, my enthusiasm is not.
“You sound like one of the fourteen year-old girls I assigned to my good friend Donald Trump.” – Jeffrey Epstein
Per the blocked-out Epstein Files, except for the obviously, evil things, Donald Trump was respectful and nice to the 14-year-olds he violated and destroyed. The young ladies only objected because Donald Trump smelt like microwaved fish and sourcrout.
“Sourcrout”?! Did grok actually deNazify something?
It’s raining again, and you know what that means…MOAR LAUNDRY!
Heroic RedZone Muzak back on, last time for 8 long months…
I’m surprised they haven’t replaced the Heroic RedZone Muzak with Cowardly Infomercials.
Coming Fall 2026!!
Don’t give them ideas
Trust me, that is not something they haven’t already thought of.
(I wonder if you can patent an AI process for adding product jingles into already existing musical themes)
Say something like this but with Kit Kat’s “Gimme a Break” theme mixed in.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=akACbI_sQv8
I could hear Litre yelling “Offsides!” from Connecticut.
And Deci celebrating like a cunt. Who raised this kid? I blame BC Dick.
Aw, I don’t want to see Bortles relegated to the dustbin of history!
Bortles will live on forever in the hearts and souls of the faithful!!
Okay, I’m awake. Has the USA invaded anyone else last night?
Belgium.
They never saw it coming.
Good road network. Makes it easier. Nice of them. It’s like they know!
I hate 2026.
Not a good start boss in the grand scheme of things.
I need to find some good, dark af dystopian fiction (that I ain’t read already), cheer my Black ass up a little.
What about something upbeat and positive?
He could watch the Fulham Liverpool game to cheer him up right now. Huzzah!!!!
LIES!!!!!!
I’ve been gravitating to this book recently. I cannot imagine why.
Book of Revelation – Wikipedia
The Thursday Murder Club is a cute/fun series and easy to read.
Friday Biohazard Remediation Club is also good, but much more gritty. And sometimes slimy.
What We Can Know has a dystopian backdrop for about 1/2 of the book.
Ordered! Muchas gracias
Here Buddy… have a couple of these…
So fucking thin that Mighty Whitey names 2 keepers to the bench. Fucking Khaaaaaaaannnn. Get Silva some fucking warm bodies for fuck sakes.