Hello there fellow DFO’er. Hope you’re well today. And thanks for coming back to see last weeks tl;dr of last week as decided by my brain. There’s no reason as to why some comments make it and others don’t. Seriously. There isn’t.
Totes mailing it in today, as it’s a holiday ( Monday). So, got nothing interesting or important to write about. Besides, no one is here for my commentary.
Without further ado, here are the comments of the week.
Great defensive work. Rams could go with them cause they have great receivers but they don’t have a guy to cover JSN. Pats do but they don’t have the guys to block. They had to run to win.
Loved that. I’m hung over as shit. Watched the game with two patriots fans.
So impressed with the team to beat the rams and niners to get in and in the playoffs and then stomping the cheating, trump loving, sex slave abusing, son tongue-kissing bastards to cap it off.
BC Dick
I thought my cup of schandenfreude was full, but then I read Portnoy’s Complaint.
BWWWAAAHAHAHAHAHAAAAHAHA!!!
BeefReeferLives
I hope he dies. Of a broken neck trying to suck his own cock.
King Hippo
Thanks for the thoughts you thunk over the season, Hippo. I always look forward to this post.
Monday Morning Mock Drafts starts next week! Feel free to make suggestions.
Horatio Cornblower
Sole nit to pick about the halftime show: it’s not an authentic boricua wedding unless a couple of *tías scuffle over who’s taking home the table’s centerpiece and flowers. But that would’ve been against the twin themes of the halftime show: solidarity and unhinged over-the-top-ness.
Don T
He was robbed for Super Bowl MVP; Walker didn’t even score any points!
Redshirt
As someone living in a town full of Boston transplants, thank you Darnold, for giving us another year of peace.
BaldingSpiritually
…and in conclusion, that’s why you never trust a goat and should always check for a hospital bracelet on a first date.
Whew. I’m never telling THAT again!
Looks around aww MAN!
NotShogunButShogun
I’m giving meself a three-day “weekend” starting in about 100 minutes. I think I earned it after this actual weekend.
I may just type up a primer for the UPCOMING UFL SEASON. I know yinz are enthralled with the prospect of the 2026 season! Spring foobawl is coming back again, baby!
WCS
/pushes Yeah Right and Balls into traffic
Damn, what a beautiful day here today! 80 and sunny!
//sees that neither is hurt because traffic ain’t moving
SonOfSpam
It wasn’t that nice of a day. There were enough clouds that I needed to put on my robe after swimming laps lest I get a little chilly.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Ooh…look who’s got robe money! What’s next, Chili’s?
NotShogunButShogun
As we were watching the mixed curling final, the gf and I had a debate which would be worse?
Double with your siblings or your spouse?
NotShogunButShogun
why not both
-University of Alabama Curling Program
Gatoraids
I can’t be exactly sure until about two/three weeks from now but I may have done a thing.
If it comes to fruition I’ll have protected 45 jobs and be able to tell two multinational companies to go fuck themselves. I’m not gonna lie-I’m very full of myself at the moment.
scotchnaut
I feel bad that James van der Beek died because he and his wife were good friends of my brother and my brother finally flew to Texas to see them this weekend. I got to meet the Beeks once before Covid. He was such a nice guy even when I accidentally insulted (maybe? I will never know) a dead actor friend of his. But I also got to geek out over him telling me about Megalopolis back before 9/11 shut down that project. Anyway, I am also seeing a bunch of comments on the Reddit posts discussing the rise in colorectal cancer and specifically among 20-39 year-olds and I’m sure there’s nothing suspicious there.
Unsurprised
DFO Commenters: “Scotchy is a lot of things but he’s not exactly ‘edgy’.”
Me: [eats corn on the cob out of season] “How Do You Like Me Now, Bitches!”
DFO Commenters: [complete silence]
Me: “Bitches?”
DFO Commenters: [look down and away]
Me: [quietly] “bitches?”
scotchnaut
I though “Edgy” was the name of your favorite flensing knife?
LemonJello
A little Social Distortion playing over the loudspeaker at an Italian ice hockey arena that may or may not have been built to code?
Horatio Cornblower
BeefReeferLives
Had dinner on the early side tonight, so we may watch a movie. Suggestions?
BrettFavresColonoscopy
Really enjoyed both main Oscar contenders (would put Sinners just barely above One Battle After Another), just in case you haven’t seen those.
Weapons was unhinged fun, depending on your “fun” definition.
You could rewatch Independence Day and laugh about how horribly the current Prez would handle such a situation. “We’re looking into the aliens very strongly; if they don’t behave I’ll slap a tariff on Saturn”
SonOfSpam
Ding ding ding, we decided on Sinners once it was clear you all weren’t gonna be helpful
BrettFavresColonoscopy
You thought we would be helpful? That’s sweet
Doktor Zymm
I see the FBI is counting on the Arizona Cardinals Coaching Search Party to investigate Savannah Guthrie’s missing mom.
But ir does feel right that we’re watching the family simply follow ransom instruction daily because the authorities are just a bunch of nitwits who are never going to solve this.
blaxabbath
My mother is terrified and driving my sister crazy. Because everyone wants to kidnap an 86 year old Italian mother with no assets and kids who couldn’t afford a quarter of any ransom requested.
jjfozz
You might chip in a quarter if they’ll take your MIL, too.
BrettFavresColonoscopy
For that, I’d pay the whole thing and borrow money from the mob.
jjfozz
The skeleton announcers: “She’s simply too light on her sled to maintain the momentum of her awesome start.”
Me: (a beer in one hand, a box of doughnuts in the other):
Horatio Cornblower
Repeating this from the Request Line, because frankly it belongs on Sexy Friday: reports are that the Winter Olympic athletes have already exhausted the supply of free condoms in the Olympics Village.
There were 10,000 condoms.
God bless those horny kids.
Horatio Cornblower
There are 1533 male athletes so that’s an average of 6.5 condoms per penis!
Doktor Zymm
Because sliding on a sheet of ice at 60mph with one’s feet forward, why not do it going 75mph on a smaller sled, and head first!
The Dolphins medical team is on standby in the event someone wipes out, causing a back injury.
WCS
Happy hallmark profit day to you all. I’ve had enough relationship time to appreciate being single but I always made sure to put in the effort on this day, regardless of the absurdity. It doesn’t matter. Men who do it right, keep her, those who don’t, don’t.
Also flowers on a whim are a huge boon in my opinion. I still wouldn’t trade it for peace and quiet though
BC Dick
Flowers, chocolate, a card from the dollar store, also got up with the boy instead of her. Going to make Paella for dinner. Job done.
If she leaves me I am moving in with you which could be awkward at Easter and Thanksgiving.
litre_cola
Made a Valentine’s breakfast for wifey, the boys and a girlfriend.* Strawberries, blueberries, watermelon slices, grapes, eggs to order, (girls are picky, go figure) bacon, scratch hash browns and French toast. And now I can barely move.
*wife was surprisingly easy-going about my girlfriend dropping by
scotchnaut
This may or may not work but it is tradition.
Sunday Gravy coming, yo!
yeah right
Was watching the women’s biathlon, and oh boy, the sheer comic justice at the thought of a Ukrainian competitor turning and blasting away at a Russian “Individual Neutral Athlete”
BeefReeferLives
Walked around SF today. Tons of ppl out for Chinese New Year & Mardi Gras celebrations!!! 🎉🧧
It’s Rockingggg!!!!
rockingdog
Caller: “911, the renter next door? There’s a new car in the driveway. Can you investigate?”
WCS: “That’s not a thing we do ma’am. Get a life. Next!”
Caller: “I just found out that my son is watching porn. Can you come here and arrest him? He’s not of God.”
WCS: “Get lost, loser.”
Caller: “The moon is shining through my kitchen just like last month and you haven’t done anything about it. I’m calling the cops on you!”
WCS: “Stop being a drunken shithead. Next!”
Caller: “Someone has stolen the Steelers flag that I had on my porch. It cost me $4.99!”
WCS: [trying desperately to remain calm] “We’ll take care of this. ALL UNITS THERE’S BEEN A FLAG RAPE IN BETHEL PARK. THE SUSPECT HASN’T BEEN IDENTIFIED YET BUT IT’S PROBABLY A LARGE BLACK MAN THAT IDENTIFIES AS LAMAR JACKSON. THOUGHTS ABOUT WHO WE SHOULD DRAFT IN THE FIRST ROUND ARE WELCOME.”
scotchnaut
Gumbygirl
How the fuck you boys doin?
I’ve been scarce around these parts lately; my DFO time was always my “on my laptop while watching tv/making dinner” time, and there hasn’t been much of that these days. Hope you had all had a pleasant Patriots Schadenfreude Day, I know I did!
Dunstan
I don’t care what Horatio says, I think Don T is a fantastic writer.
scotchnaut
Found a cool:
What a great photo of Brazilian alpine skier Lucas Pinheiro Braathen, the first South American to ever win a medal at the Winter Olympic Games.
rockingdog
If you have having trouble “loggin in”, once logged in it may say that you are not logged in, at that point, refresh the page. If that does not work, then clear your cache and “loggin in” again.
Thanks for all the comments and funny and everything else.
NOTE banner image from here
4-1 SWE
Looks like they are the USA’s next opponent.
5-1
USA vs. SWE
STRONG TAEK:
Only weaklings back into 90° standard parking spaces . This method is easier for people with low driving skills (>99% of drivers ), but it is demonstrably not safer, even with a rear camera. These people perform this maneuver because they read it on some asinine website.
Real men park forward due to much higher skill sets at motor vehicle operation as well as infinitely better situational awareness.
I am 100% correct, as usual. God bless.
The only time I end up facing forward in a parking spot is if there is an empty spot in front. And that depends on why I’m parking there in the first place. If I’m at the grocery store, why would I want another car right by my back bumper when I’m trying to load my stuff into the back of my own car?
rage inducing, even more when someone has their damn tesla autopilot take its time doing it. if they want to impress real men they jump out of their car while going full speed
Drift!
THANK YOU!! This has been a pet peeve of mine for awhile.
The only people that should have a reason to back into spots are cops and everyone hates cops.
There’s a 24-hour donut shop across the street from me and at 3:00AM it’s lined with about a dozen cop cars from three jurisdictions, all backed in, while the cops all stand around drinking free coffee and talking. Sometimes I think the entire on-duty LAPD Pacific Division is there. Well, nighttime crime rates here are pretty low, I guess.
3-1 SWE 2nd INT
Latvia isn’t going down without a fight. However, may have woken up too late. They’ve had a decent last ten minutes of the period, but the Swedes are doing the little things right. They’re not turning the puck over, not taking penalties, and forechecking is good. Latvia’s going to need a goal in the first five minutes of the third to get going.
Whoever scores the next goal will likely win.
3-0 SWE 12:24 2nd Period
Looking like the Red, White, and Blue will be taking on The Three Crowns…
I think I’d be alright in the Winter Olympics.
Ok, maybe the Special Winter Olympics.
Ok OK the SPESHUL Winter Olympics!
*lifegoals*
1-0 Swedes
2-0
EDIT FROM THE FUTURE: 2-0, 1st INT
Sexy Swedes vs. Lethargic Latvians for the right to play MURICKA tomorrow.
No score, game just started.
There’s nothing worse than a coworker who can’t take constructive criticism and instead shuts you down on your comment. Fuck that bitch.
It’s a good thing @jjfozz isn’t around to hear all the racial epithets I’ve been hurling at this Italian curling team.
ayyyyyyyyy! I’m CURLING over here!!!
How in fuck did Italy even get a curling team? I’m surprised they’re not using meatballs or large loaves of bread.
That made me laugh hard enough that the Dr. Mrs. asked what was up.
It feels excessively cruel to only cut five (out of 29) skaters in the preliminaries. They should cut at least ten, or none at all.
Instead of AIN for the Russian athletes they should use the initials PED.
Or FU
Not sure where to send this note, but if any of the hamsters keeping the site up and running are also in need of some offseason post material, I have worked something up that could be mildly amusing and spare one of you from a day down in the content mines. LMK directly as you have my e-mail or I can check back here if necessary. I have no WordPress or html skills, but I have all my shots and somewhat recently expired US Passport, so should be good to go if you need me.
Someone will be in touch!
e-mail sent Downfield (with cc to Rikki)
Hero! And speaking of heroes, I took my walk.
As a reward, here’s The Cult:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gkCYh1x44G8&list=RDgkCYh1x44G8&start_radio=1&pp=ygUNY3VyZSB0aGUgd2Fsa6AHAQ%3D%3D
.
Fuuuuuuuuuuck!
Pictured: Steve Tisch’s prospective date for the 2031 Met Gala.
Well played!
LMK?
Ok, the first two letters stand for “Lick My” for sure. But the “K”?
Keister?
BFC Reporting live from Jury Duty!
Final update: the expected third jury pool is not needed, therefore the rest of us are dismissed. We are helpfully advised that we are not obligated to return to work as jury duty is 9-5, and that this fulfills our civic obligation for the next two years. I am now going to get some chicken for lunch.
This has been BFC Reporting live from Jury Duty!
There’s going to be one nerd who goes back and tells his boss that he got dismissed early from jury duty and came in to work and then that boss will tell all the other bosses.
BFC Reporting live from Jury Duty!
Update #4: they have now called another jury pool. I am also not in that one. There are probably only like 40 or so or us left in the jurors’ lounge.
This has been BFC Reporting live from Jury Duty!
The sun is shining, I have no excuse not to get off my ass and walk. And yet here I am, on my ass. We had a ton of rain yesterday, and a spectacular clap of thunder in the middle of the night that I was convinced was a plane crashing at March ( I’m at SIL’s, refereeing the Cat Royal Rumble). The pool is damn near overflowing, I wonder if there’s something I should do about that before the next rainstorm comes through?
Sometimes it’s ok to just spend the day in bed. But I never regret going for a walk.
GoldZone broadcasting CZE-DEN hockey in fullscreen is basically the equivalent of RedZone broadcasting TEN-ATL where one of the teams has the ball at midfield.
Can I make a late pick for yesterday’s draft? (start at about 2:00 for the money shot)
https://www.reddit.com/r/olympics/comments/1r74gds/20_years_ago_today_jacobellis_throws_away_gold/
I find all the ads in NBC’s Olympics coverage quite tiresome but I do recognize that they’ve got bills to pay. Those IOC bribes are not cheap.
BFC Reporting live from Jury Duty!
Update #3: the first jury pools have been called. I am not in them. Back to my book.
This has been BFC Reporting live from Jury Duty!
Spoiler Alert:
He ends up eating the green eggs and ham.
How dare you, Sam you are?
Sam he ain’t!
BFC Reporting live from Jury Duty!
Update #2: After 4 loops through, the woman running the jurors’ lounge asked if anyone still wanted to hear the instructional film anymore. Literally no one wanted to, so she mercifully has left it on pause. No actual movement on if anyone in this room is being called into a courtroom.
This has been BFC Reporting live from Jury Duty!
The last time I had jury duty I never left the lounge. I had a fun conversation with a guy who was working on a TV pitch for a fantasy series based on the Tarot cards. It sounded pretty fun, I hope it gets made someday.
what on their tv? got the Blindside last time I had it
If he brought a tablet and can stream the Olympics on it he could be the hero of the day.
I did and can but am planning to finish some reading
You monster! YOU’RE the one who should be on trial today!
Just the juror educational video on pause
They usually switch it to game shows in Connecticut.
Makes sense, the residents of Connecticut do enjoy watching peasants jump through silly hoops all for the privilege of owning a functional refrigerator.
The monkeys want fresh fruit and vegetables then the monkeys better get to dancing.
It is now a projection of a laptop lock screen. Riveting stuff.
I think it was HGTV when I went in Indio.
I went to the dentist this morning. It was uneventful.
THANKS FOAR YOUR ATTENTION to this matter.
Dang it, 2026!
https://www.cnn.com/2026/02/17/us/reverend-jesse-jackson-death
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A1mqg4C0awA&pp=ygUgamVzc2UgamFja3NvbiBncmVlbiBlZ2dzIGFuZCBoYW0%3D
That was awesome! Godspeed, Reverend Jackson
I will go on record saying this was SNL’s absolute best moment, at least after the Eddie Murphy years.
BFC Reporting live from Jury Duty!
Update: I have checked in and am now in the Jurors’ Lounge.
This has been BFC Reporting live from Jury Duty!
Tell them you need your phone as a language/legal translator. That way we can assist in deliberations.
What champagne do they serve in that lounge? Do they take Priority Pass?
I’m still trying to find a CSR who understands how important it is that I’m with the other 1Ks.
Splendid recap here BoLAMS.
Doing the mid winter spa thing here on Fat Tuesday. Had a wonderful message from a lady named Svetlana. I wonder where she’s from? Sure seemed interested in my knowledge of NATO matters…
https://youtu.be/24MR-LE3lX4?t=3
This is spot on because she looked pretty much like this. Life imitating art.
#1 in the hood, G!
Sexi Tuesday! Nice gams, Signor!
I bet you say that to all the fellas…
BFC Reporting live from Jury Duty!
Juror check in was at 9am (13 minutes ago). I have been in line for 20 minutes and still have like 30 people ahead of me. #efficiency
This has been BFC Reporting live from Jury Duty!