Oh Bananas! The Forgotten Open Thread

Look at me lollygagging around the damn place and forgetting to put an evening thread together and remembering just now. (7:06 EST) Well, it’s not going to be much, let me tell you what.

The Shame of Baalke:

Word has it that because Trent was dropped from his duties as GM, now Liam Cohen’s interest in the job is renewed. Humiliation doesn’t come much starker than that. I guess someone let it slip to Khan that the dude has fired 5 coaches and has done dick-all with the franchise in all that time. Some fans wish that the owner of their team would be more hands-off-sometimes this is the result that you get.

What Does Kelly Think Though?:

While Matt Stafford mulls his future we’re told Sean McVay would like him to hurry up and decide. Because, you know, the coach would probably like to have next year’s QB in place as soon as possible. Was this a cheap shot at Matt’s attention-seeking better half? Why yes, yes it was.

He’s a Catch!:

Someone pointed out that the last four coaches the Bears have hired-Eberflus, Nagy, Trestman and John Fox-were not exactly being courted at the time of those respective hiring cycles. History has been a bitch to Chicago in more ways than one, amirite? But this time around they got one of the more coveted names. No one knows how he’ll do and plenty of OC’s and DC’s have fallen by the wayside over the years but they got their man for once. Now, about that offensive line…

If you like college ball the ranked teams playing are Memphis and Illinois.

Half-decent hockey teams playing this evening include Ottawa, Washington, Vegas, Minny and a few others. A dreadful team that’s on the ice is Detroit.

Have at it.

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Mr. Ayo

Got a warm up stick tonight.

RELEASE THE KAKKO!!!!

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WCS

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Brick Meathook

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The Celtics had a chance to cut the Lakers lead to eight, but instead missed four consecutive free throws.

SonOfSpam

Probably because the Lakers rule and such.

Horatio Cornblower

We use only the finest plush towels, Sir.

Also a fire hose, but that’s at his request.

jjfozz

I’m walking into work today wearing my black knit hat with the word Baltimore on the front, in yellow and purple because of course.

And some jackoff says, “Great hat. Did you steal it?”

And I said, OH YEAH I STOLE IT AND I STOLE YOUR MOTHER YOU COCK!

I didn’t really say it, and it didn’t really happen, but it would have been unny.

ballsofsteelandfury

“I live in Baltimore! You know that’s a stupid question!”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Okay, so here’s my understanding of the latest NFL drama:

1. Jacksonville tells Liam Cohen that they want him to be their new head coach.

2. Liam Cohen tells Jacksonville to kick rocks as long as Trent Baalke is the GM.

3. Tampa Bay offers Liam Coen the biggest contract in history for an offensive coordinator to stay put, contingent upon not talking to Jacksonville.

4. Jacksonville fires Trent Baalke.

5. Liam Cohen tells Tampa that he’s taking his kid to the doctor.

6. Jacksonville hires Liam Cohen as their head coach.

Sharkbait

Liam Cohen sees a Tampa Bay area code on his cell

Cohen:comment image&ct=g

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m watching this actress run on a K-drama and I’m like “wow, I’m impressed that she’s doing her own stunts!”

blaxabbath

Man…..that’s a trait to have.

Gumbygirl

You Canadians are way too nice!

Brick Meathook

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WCS

*Sourry

jjfozz

My mother in law is on the phone gushing to my wife about Trump. I would rather be locked in a small locker with Peter King.

SonOfSpam

My mother in law is on the phone gushing

Dear Penthouse Forum,

Mr. Ayo

It’s time to RELEASE THE KRAKEN all over the not half decent Caps.

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SonOfSpam

That really is a lovely shot. Person rudely in the shot notwithstanding.

Mr. Ayo

I know. An usher when there’s nobody to usher! Go hide in the tunnel.

2Pack

As you command

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Don T

Jalen Hurts reported as a full participabt in today’s practice. Per the pool report, those were Hurts’ assistant’s crutches, and Jalen was just holding onto them during a Toradol run.

litre_cola

Get that mother fucker the good drugs stat.

SonOfSpam

go drugbirds

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I don’t know why but “drugbirds” just seems like it would more appropriately apply to the Falcons.

ballsofsteelandfury

This is begging for a comment from Brick:

https://youtu.be/yH_I0FK-un4?si=1_qG3rPkPobklXWd

Unsurprised

It’s not gay while you’re away

SonOfSpam

It’s not queer if you take it in the rear.

Wait

Gumbygirl

120 men go down, 60 couples come up

Gumbygirl

Underway

Brick Meathook

Sure I sucked a few cocks, but I never did it in a gay way.

blaxabbath

We used one of my putts all i contributed to the foursome today. Our team got second, which seemed pretty good considering the first place team was clearly like all into the fundraising event and I just pulled out my brother and his pal to carry us.

My brother won the longest drive so that was cool too.

I suck at golf and don’t think I’ll ever find the time to enjoy it. But as far as social events go, sticking to my own group for five hours and open bar plus food and the goodie bag has some school-branded gear and a can coozie for me. So this may be my annual school social event.

There was a hole in one contest for free tuition for a year. I actually pulled up and put that shot square on the green. It’s important to know your motivations i guess because most everything else was a disaster.

But it was cold and I really hate that shit. I’ve got the boy chopping (hammer in splittering?) firewood for me right now. I’m gonna get crispy sitting by the fire tonight.

Also –Trent Baalke what a shitty fucking way to go out. I mean, you’ve obviously failed if you’re being canned. But, regardless of your shortcomings as a professional, you can’t help but know you are Wrong when the organization cannot bring in good help because of you. That’s a marketplace rejection. Brutally honest. But also Trent knew the Jags would fuck this up because they fuck up everything and now they’re worse off than if the Jags had just balled up and called in him on Black Monday.

I think the Jaguars will win a SB before the Qards.

Don T

What’s next for Baslke?
-Fox Sports digital media irritant
-Howie Roseman’s valet
-Food Network talent
-@RealNFLinsider87542901 on IG

blaxabbath

WNBA GM

ballsofsteelandfury

Well done. I think you made the most of that fundraiser.

Swag and booze is where it’s at.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Lakers-Celtics is on tonight and it’s not even on TV. We actually discussed going to see the Celtics play the Clippers last night, but nosebleed tickets were too expensive ($60 each) to make it worth the drive across town. Tonight’s venue is much closer but tickets are twice as much.

blaxabbath

The Waste Management Open is next week. Bring the Mrs to that.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Yeah, that’ll go over well. For the record, the Dr. Mrs. hated golf *before* 2016.

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blaxabbath

I’m taking my wife on Wednesday. It’s the pro-am and I expect she’ll be familiar with some of the Ams or spouses. I’m just going because the bank has the box thing and it’ll be fun to walk around. If it’s cold I’m gonna be like, “fuck you too cold where’s my Suns tickets?”

SonOfSpam

Not even 17 year old me would want a girl who liked the Phoenix Open.

Ok that’s a bald-faced lie. But still.

blaxabbath

Girls at the WM are living on the fucking moon.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I take that back – it IS on. Thanks a lot, Google. If I wanted misinformation I’d just check twitter.