A tradition like any other, that we took from those who came before. This is, of course, a non-exhaustive list, as it’s just stuff that I came up with over the last two weeks. And that’s the beauty of our 24-hour news cycle! Between now and your fantasy draft, a whole host of utterly ridiculous things may happen that can give superior team names than these!
NFL Footy
Nix/Penix Joke Blog
Love Thy Nabers
McConk ‘n’ Balls
Cleveland QB Room
Jones Negotiation Services
Missing Parsons Department
Nix vs. Penix Problem
JV Footy
Leprechaun Heisman
Death by Bye Week
Canning for Manning
NIL Points
Misc. Sports/Pop-Culture
Prop Bet Manipulation
GAMBLOR Crash Out
The Microdosers/Macrodosers
Name Delayed For Silksong
Pop Star Engagement Party
Orgy Dome Kamikaze
The King’s Afrikan Simps
AI-zymandias
Roller Coaster Strut
Political Related
Epstein Do Not Draft List
Wonderful Secrets
Vlad’s Shit Suitcase
Cankle Sores
Department of War Daddies
Cybertruck Recall DepotCharlie Chaplin’s The Taterdick
Bootlicking Cabinet
Washington (or Texas, or California) Gerrymanders
DEI Desperados
Reclamation Project 2026 (for keeper leagues)
(Literally anything, every day gives something new that anyone with an iota of self-reflection would find appalling at best, damning at second-best.)
DFO-centric
Blair Witch Island
Volcano Lair Constructors Union
Hippo to Weasel Translation Squad
Sandwich Feud
Hammock District Turf War
Blair Witch Island
What’s on tonight? Not football. Yet. We still have 8 days to go before next Thursday night. I’d say, if you haven’t and you follow, watch the final episode of this year’s Marble League, which just dropped. Could the Kobalts, who competed in the first League but never actually made it through qualifiers until this year, actually win the League? Find out! (I just watched it, but no spoilers here. Yet. Below is fair game of course.)
Okay, still sane…-ish. Thunderbolts was entertaining. Not great but at least it felt like it was going somewhere, unlike the recent movies and series which felt like they were just rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic.
In honor of the govt buying a 10% stake in Intel, Trump has decreed that the Commies can also change the name to the Washington Semiconductors instead of going back to the Redacteds
Actual SOSHZILISM and FOX News can’t applaud it enough.
And cutting off the pipeline of H1B workers while also destroying the universities that train people to work in the semiconductor industry? Totally not gonna result in a loss on the $11 billion investment using taxpayer money
Tomorrow is the first day of school for the middle Fozz Spawn.
Taking an inventory of the necessary tools:
Yeah, we’re ready.
Honestly, what’s Belichick’s floor for a “successful” first season at U*NC?
He does know that getting to the Playoffs is a lot different now that the J-E-S-T and LOLphins aren’t on the schedule twice each every season, right?
Winning Record, Non-Playoff Bowl Win.
If he makes the Playoffs, he’s roadkill for the higher seeds.
He’s in the ACC. Outside of Clemson and FSU, it’s all Jets and Dolphins!
The only floor Belichick is worried about is Jordon’s pelvic floor.
drawing up elaborate birth control schemes, really chewing up the tape.
Keep a couch in the office, for those long nights and early mornings. Gotta grind.
Grafenberg’s Grinders
JD Vance thats you?!
(walks into the Clubhouse wearing a vintage Standard Diving Dress, a cross, a Bible and a Football for Dummies book)
“Okay, I’m off to watch Thunderbolts*. If I’m driven insane, please find me in time to reprogram me in time for the Ohio State-Texas kickoff. If you see me in the Trump Administration, don’t bother saving me; I’m already dead.”
Good start. I like how its angst “What am I made for?” is more organic than Captain America 4. I do find it funny that they stuffed (SPOILER) in the fridge at the beginning of the movie, almost like the movie went “You know, we changed our mind. We got too many characters. Right-click, delete, yes I want to delete this character, yes I know deleting this character will render past storylines meaningless, and done.”
It has a much more meta meaning, search fridge stuffing in comics
That’s why I used it for the character who was fridged.
Ciao tutti
Sad that there’s no jokes about White Claws in any form as a team name here. Think 2 seasons ago we all had some variation to do with the drink
White Claws are so COVID era…
I’m still White Claws in the winners league.
But 2025 is all about blonde white girl tits!
I chuckled harder than I should have at McConk ‘n’ Balls and Missing Parsons Department
Angels are down 17-3. but with a touchdown they can get right back in this thing.
nvm Texas just got an insurance field goal
Ozzie Peraza pitched and was so bad they put in a different backup infielder to replace him.
Litre has cancelled his Amurrica trip.
https://ibb.co/ZzDZT1SX
That standard poodle knows what’s up.
In honor of Sabalenka’s opponent, I should change my teams name to Cootermetaluva.
Ooh! I got a fantasy name: Blair Witch Island.
Please send the trophy to my home address.
But it’s really more of a peninsula.
The Blair Witch Island repeat was *chef’s kiss*
I just made delicious risotto! It should have been enough for two servings, but I am high. I did save a little, I’ll rerun it again with some salmon or something tomorrow night. My kitchen is a mess, but that is a problem for future me.
I hear risotto and I can’t help but think of this jackass.
He is a douche. The first time he got in my face screaming would be the last. There are many weapons in the kitchen. I can’t believe he hasn’t been gutted like a perch by now.
Nix in a Box
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VHQBgOZKk6k
https://ibb.co/8T0wGZ2
Starting tomorrow, we can give our brains FITBAW SEASON again. Because thunderfuck everything else on this godforsaken mudball of ours.
jv fitbaw nice enough to start off with some spice the first weekend
Texas at THE Ohio State.
Which team is easier to hate? It’s close!
But DC’s never been safer, thanks to the super-expensive trash guys.
It sucks bad right now.
New plan
Fly to LA
Purchase map of the stars
Find actor who plays smart kid on earth: aliens
ram a garden rake down his throat
Stop by if you want to borrow a rake. I should warn you though, it’s one of those flimsy plastic ones.
https://ibb.co/Kzm2FhQ9
Worth a king’s ransom at Mar-A-Lago
Missing Parsons Department made me lol
In other news Tommy DeVito got picked up by the Pats. He’s gonna get whacked by the Irish Mob.
I’m not sure what I’d rather have to suffer through: Ape Man and Stick Girl’s engagement or DeVito’s agent.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oYLxkGz00d0
Tommy 2 months from now:
The Irish Mob!
I am pretty sure that “Janitoros Inocente” was the name of my first DFO-related fantasy football team! Oh, what a delightful memory, obrigado Zymm!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nDylnKX6Ay8
Gonna go watch that episode. I wouldn’t mind a feature-length Archer movie.
Maybe get some AI Jessica Walter.
Ok, ok, that’s the worst idea ever.
Micah Parsons Project is also an option
As a description of teams tanking for Manning purposes I’ve heard “March for Arch” which is not to be confused with “March for the Arch” which an event that Rex Ryan has enthusiastically participated in (as well as the attendant afterparties).
The Blair Witch Island repeat was *chef’s kiss*
What he really meant was Blair Witch Island is actually a peninsula.
The Blair Witch Island repeat was *chef’s kiss*
ESPN is running a mock draft.
For 2026.
And here we were, worried that the NFL buying 10% of ESPN might affect the programming.
Surprised there wasn’t a “Won’t You Be My Nabers”, but I suppose “Love Thy Nabers” covered that particular pun adequately.
The appropriate profile pic for such a FF name:
Love what you did there at the end.
My Freezer Vodka team is Sydney Sweeney’s Aryan Tits.
I have a * instead of the y because I didn’t want Yahoo to ban me. They’re fine with Tits.
My Lowratio is Saquan this Penix.
As I have both you see.
Good call
Me and the Internet and TV Coverage (Artistic Showstopper Interpretation)
Lowratio team name is: CeeDees unsolicited Nix Pics
Money auction league team name is: Troy Franklin Delano Bluth. With this logo:
The mix tape Troy’s collabing with AB, Pac-Man, and Lev Bell is gonna be FIRE
shame these fuckers outta these five star restaurants and into a fucking applebee’s https://bsky.app/profile/the-independent.com/post/3lxfyfwuzgr2n
fav applebee’s moment, before it turned to total shit: ate there with my prom date. the live sporting event happening on the tvs above the bar? the xfl million dollar game
2001, what a time to be alive (well, the first 8 months of it)
It’s almost as shouting blatant lies and propaganda inside an echo chamber all day, everyday makes one unpopular. Crazy concept.
I’d be more worried about the kitchen staff, who were undoubtedly pissing in his soup, than the mean looks from other patrons.
And he likes to call other people “snowflakes”! Conservatives are the thinnest-skinned crybabies on the planet.
Every accusation is a confession. More reliable than Rule 34.
I’m sad it wasn’t more people “accidentally” spilling
vials of acidI mean drinks on him, but mean looks is good too.I’m sure the amount of saliva & other bodily fluids in his food whenever he eats out is just incredible…
Okay this was a first.
I just saw a beggar at a traffic light with a sign that had a Venmo address.
I didn’t see him until the last second or I would have given him a buck (cash) to take a picture of his sign.
What he meant was, Blair Witch Island is actually a peninsula.