Through Which Open Door Should You Go?

For many fantasy football players that aren’t me, this is a huge week. And for many real football players that aren’t in northern California, it’s an even yuuuger week. I’m talking, of course, about the winter solstice.

Oh, and fantasy football championships, and playoff hunts, and end of the year discussions about bonuses and raises, and what to get an SO as a Christmas present, and how to tell your parents that you’re never coming home again because they make you pine for the days of being yelled at by angry gym teachers while your face was riddled with acne.

In other words, lots of situations that need candid and sage advice. Rock solid, expert-ish, and brutally honest advice. When a door flies open, should you storm through it? Or perhaps is it time to evaluate that window? Rarely, but on occasion, should one consider gently closing said door and waiting for another to fly open?

YES, dear readers, the answer is yes. Or no. It depends. But I can tell you that there will be no pussyfooting around as your specific question/scenario/made up hypothetical will be considered on the merits in all its unique glory and perhaps shame.

We have tried iterations of the mailbag here at DFO before, but this time, it’s different. You get me. Yes, THE BrettFavre’sColonoscopy, the internet persona that named himself after his own joke about how far the media was up the gunslinger’s bum and who only writes like twice a quarter. Well, I have thoughts and I’m here to give you those thoughts whether you want to know if it’s worth stashing Le’Veon Bell in a keeper league or how to decide if it’s time to move across the country. I am slightly more qualified for this than Brian Fellows was for Safari Planet, and I am stoked to give this a try.

Send in your questions to [email protected], and when there’s critical mass, we’ll delve right in there. And where there isn’t critical mass, we’ll take a page from the greatest artists and borrow some questions from elsewhere and answer them in our own special way.

Oh, and spread the word. This column won’t adhere just to football, dickjokery, and anal, so tell your friends. There’s a new Dear Abby in town, and she’s fired up and ready to go.

More importantly, we’re going to the “there’s no I in team” approach (despite the FredEx type bluster in the previous paragraph). So there will be multiple points of view, celebrity guest pop-ins, and copious amounts of judgment toward other people’s advice.

So get your questions into [email protected], and see you ’round the clubhouse.