[DOOR FLIES OPEN]

"This site goes down so often we oughta change the name to “Dating Nancy Reagan”" – Horatio

Log In

Instant Hippo Thoughts – “Championship” Sunday No-Funday (2018 Season)

King Hippo

/

,

Fuck it, I hate everything and since RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!! lucked out, there will be no Narrative Owl.  So I guess I have to watch in two weeks, but BLECH.

Thanks to BLEERGH, Greg the Leg, and a pretty great defensive gameplan – Los Angeles will represent the NFC in the Superb Owl.  But Gurley Man is apparently quite ded, CJ Anderson’s 15 minutes are up, and Baby Buster hasn’t been anything better than meh in like 6 or 7 weeks.  So…THAT is the slop to stop the Darkness from winning, yet again?

I don’t think so.  We.  Is.  Boned.  But at least I win my last #ShameBet, and the fine folks at Planned Parenthood get $100.  That is the consolation prize.

But fuck right off, Chefs.  That was fucking pitiful.

Yeah, yeah, when this merde all started, the P*ts were yuuuuuuuuuge underdogs to The Greatest Show on Turf.  Wouldn’t this be a fine bookend, to turn the tables?  No.  Fucking.  Way.  I am tired of trying to tilt at windmills against all this tired narrative shite, and watching the worst in humanity win again and again and again.

/this was less than 250 words, wanna fight about it?

Balls Note: I am a man of my word. Here is proof that I have donated $100 to Planned Parenthood as indicated in our friendly wager: 

I only wish the NFL wasn’t so horrible so that the outcome could have been determined by the players rather than by these folks:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8AdtmH_a44E

0 0 votes
Article Rating
Tags:

Leave a Reply

Subscribe
Notify of
101 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Your “Yep – The Darkest Timeline” Monday Evening Open Thread – [DOOR FLIES OPEN]

[…] up on BFC’s comment from Hippo’s Thoughts, if we root for the Patriots to bookend Brady’s first & last […]

0
Unsurprised

I started to think after the games that some of those calls seemed like the NFL intentionally stretching out the length and drama of the games because New York had no real doubt that it would be RAMMIT-P*ts, so they better make this interesting.

Of course, I’m an idiot.

1
Don T

Full disclosure: It took preparation and a lot of copping to being shallow and selfish,* but I was set to watch the Best Day of Sports 2019 the way it was meant: live! But chores were foisted upon last minute and fucked everything. So two overtime games was like crack for fanhood. Point is: sorry for the sunny disposition.

* Always prefaced by “I don’t want to give you the correct impression, but…”

2
Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

At least you got to avoid the relentless truck and light beer commercials. By halftime of the second game, I was pretty convinced my TV was trying to get me smashed enough on Bud Light that I’d want to fuck a tailgate.

3
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I use the miracle of the DVR and start a good twenty minutes late. I also do that with shows. But I’m weird that way.

0
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Agreed; two very close games with four of the best teams competing at a high level.

0
Don T

This is what surprised me about the NOLA jobbing: Sean Peyton getting a lotta sympathy. The refs were letting the DBs get grabby all game, but OK. The helmet to helmet attack was different, in stakes and intensity (agreed), but a let them play approach for the playoffs doesn’t bother me. Besides, Sean Peyton—hey, I dunno what’s worse: scab player, Parcells minion, guy who leaks lies about getting buzz to coach elsewhere then denying being the source AND carrying around his last Saints contract unsigned… Bountygate dindn’t bother me much ‘cause it was at the expense of Favrenis and the Vikes (biggest merecenary / bad treason juju eva IMHO), but I think this noncall brought balance to the cosmic order.
Brady’s roughing the aura penalty was more predictable. Whatevs. Rams win the 53rd. Would’ve beat the Chefs too.

3
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I’m pretty sure all NFL head coach are sociopathic, neurotic, psychotic, in some combination.

2
BrettFavresColonoscopy

I say we all root for the Pats in the Owl. Give into the dark side and see how the fates respond.

4
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It was a very interesting experience for me to root for the Patriots on Sunday. It’s very strange to actually believe the team you are rooting for is actually capable of doing the thing you want them to do.

1
Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

While I didn’t watch the week prior, I felt similarly that the actual expected outcome came to fruition without even having to think about it.

1
Unsurprised

Half of us are lawyers. We ARE the Dark Side.

But seriously, conscience won’t allow it. If it did, most of us wouldn’t be here because we’d have taken that lack of conscience to its logical conclusion and be the kinds of assholes hiring IG models to take to watch the game from the sidelines while they feign interest and take as many selfies as possible to improve their brand for the next “gig.”

2
Unsurprised

I’m disappointed Dok’s comment from last night isn’t the new banner quote.

Also, Fuck the P*ts and Fuck the Sh*eld.

0
Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

With only one exception in 2013, it has been since 2003 that the AFC Champion didn’t have the last name of Manning, Roethlisberger or Brady. I fucking hate this statistic and to me, it makes the NFL look only a little less broken than the NBA.

3
litre_cola

So if the nightshade aversion qb wins this one, he and grumblelord retire right? RIGHT???

0
King Hippo

/still NOT worth it

0
Senor Weaselo

Nope. Then it’s try and overtake Pittsburgh by their damn selves.

1
Cuntler

Peter King is confused. I think that I think that you think that he thinks that we think that he thinks that the Chiefs won:

“Defensive Players of the Week
An odd confluence of defensive stars. Sorensen and Van Noy were Brigham Young teammates in 2013.

Daniel Sorensen, safety, Kansas City. Two huge plays for a glue guy in the K.C. secondary that were huge in the Chiefs winning the AFC title game. He knifed through the New England line on a Patriot fourth-and-one run by Rex Burkhead, stoning Burkhead for no gain and turning the ball over to the Chiefs. Then Sorensen picked off Tom Brady midway through the fourth quarter, leading to a K.C. TD. And he had 14 tackles. Must be nice, playing the best game of your life in the biggest game of your life.”

3
ballsofsteelandfury

Question: Why are you reading Peter King?
Followup: Have you lost your marbles?
comment image

2
Cuntler

1) I’m a glutton for punishment.
b. Yes.

6
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Oh man, I remember the time I lost my marbles. Mom was like, ‘you don’t even play with them anymore, Eli’ and I was all ‘that’s not the point, Olivia!’ Then she grounded me for a week for calling her ‘Olivia’.”

3
Viva La Tabula Raza

I saw that too. I guess he was up all night and his editor slept through his alarm.

0
ballsofsteelandfury

Editor???

5
SonOfSpam

As long as someone, somewhere gets aborted I’m happy.

GEAUX RAMS!!!!

4
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

They also provide healthcare for women throughout pregnancy, what a bunch of bastards.

0
Redshirt

Nice of you to donate. Planned Parenthood does a bunch of services that I am proud to support, save one thing.

3
theeWeeBabySeamus

You hate condoms, don’t you?

2
King Hippo

and I appreciate that you don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater here, hee hee

2
theeWeeBabySeamus

LMFAO

0
Horatio Cornblower

Unlike Redshirt I could care less what they do, just so long as they keep cranking out abortions.

8
ballsofsteelandfury

I don’t mind the Pats making the Super Bowl since I really expected it to happen. What bothers me is the egregious blown call in the NFC championship. The referees determined the outcome of the game, for fuck’s sake!

It was so blatant that any non-Goodell-type has to wonder if it was pure incompetence or outright theft. Either way, it’s not a good look for a “legitimate” sports league.

If I was the Saints, I’d take this to the World Court of Sport. That was ridiculous.

4
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I think it was incompetence mixed with pure cowardice. Making that call ends the game, and the officials were too chickenshit to actually do their jobs and pull the trigger on it.

1
Sharkbait

I wish Sean Payton took the flag from the referee and threw it himself. Would’ve been worth the fine and suspension I think

3
ballsofsteelandfury

My dream scenario has Payton going into the field, taking the ref’s mic and saying in front of the whole stadium, “Roger Goodell, I know you’re watching. Make a phone call now and fix it.” and then walking off the field if he doesn’t.

Alternatively, I truly believe that if the WR had “soccered” it, meaning stayed down and exaggerated an injury, he might have gotten a delayed call.

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That scenario, while glorious to contemplate, couldn’t happen in this particular instance because the game was tied and the Saints would be walking away from a likely win. But that would be neat to see in a scenario where, say, the blown call disrupts a potential comeback drive.

1
theeWeeBabySeamus

Never attribute to malice/intent, that which is easily explained by incompetence.

1
ballsofsteelandfury

This level of incompetence is hard to comprehend though. If the word accountability means anything, that crew has worked its last game.

0
King Hippo

There’s also the drive-sustaining “roughing the passer” in favour of Dreamboat, that I am VERY GLAD I did not see.

/also there is no reason to think The Shield would be biased for LA over NO, so I would go with cowardice/incompetence

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gHLhUuGHyIE

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The Saints got screwed much harder. While it was a completely shit call, the Pats play was only second down, so they could have casually gone over the middle to Edelman on 3rd down the same way they did all night for the first.

4
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Yes, and the Chefs got away with a blatant OPI on a huge pass.

0
Horatio Cornblower

Yeah, it’s hard to argue that the Chiefs got screwed worse. They did get screwed, and it’s part of a long and frustrating history of Brady getting calls that other QBs, like Dak, Cam, and Mahomes (in the same game!), (Hey, let’s do a Venn diagram of what Dak, Cam and Mahomes have in common that Brady doesn’t!), but as Rikki points out, Edelman would have just run down the middle on 3rd and long and the Chiefs would’t have covered him.

The Saints, on the other hand, were absolutely robbed.

3
ballsofsteelandfury

I thought about this and there IS a reason for The Shield to be biased towards LA. They want the Rams to succeed there after the embarrassing attendance numbers early on and the continuing embarrassment of the Chargers. Since LA only supports winners, what better way to boost up the franchise and attendance than ensuring a Super Bowl appearance?

0
King Hippo

Eh, one can TRY that argument, but I remain unconvinced.

Just like AFC DCs feel about covering Jewkah, apparently.

I think if the NFL could have picked, it goes with the Breesus/NO story. It’s the easiest one to tell, and I doubt they really want to highlight how meh LA is about the whole thing (despite my beat into the ground RRRRRRRRAM IT!! “Humor” )

0
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Yep.

0
Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Trust me, the Chargers don’t need any help to fail.

1
Downfield Matriculator

Saints got rogered (Rogered?) much harder.

3
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

They are butthurt and their butt hurts from the rogering.

0
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

/also there is no reason to think The Shield would be biased for LA over NO, so I would go with cowardice/incompetence

Yep.

0
theeWeeBabySeamus

It was 14 degrees when I woke up this morning.
Today would have been a great day to wake up in Venice Beach methinks.

On the bright side, it’s now risen to 18.
(which makes it legal)

comment image

2
Horatio Cornblower

-2 when I woke up here.

We’re now up to an even -0-.

0
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

-11 here, with a wind chill of -1000000000000000000000000000000000000

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Eh, it’s not that nice. 53 and sunny. It’s chilly enough that the cat demanded to come right back in after eating her breakfast on the patio.

0
Sharkbait

It’s 3 here. I’ll take 18

0
Redshirt

I went from 4 to -1 on a 10 mile drive to work. Cincinnati weather is interesting to say the least.

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Do you think I could scam a bunch of Patriots fans out of their money if I created a cryptocurrency called “GOATcoin”? I could set up an online betting exchange where they could buy GOATcoin and then bet it on the Patriots to win it all, and when the Patriots win they will all have massive amounts of now-worthless GOAT-coin and I have their dollars.

3
Sharkbait

Advertise it on barstool sports and you’d be printing money in no time.

8
theeWeeBabySeamus

You Sir, are an evil genius.

1
King Hippo

somebody find and post that G.O.A.T. Fucker gif, stat

0
Ian Scott McCormick

Advertise it as G.O.A.T-C and tell em all to open up… a new account.

3
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

This has been done before. How else to you get a zillion stupid cheese heads to think they “own” the team.

2
rockingdog

“I’m Malibus most wanted ya’ll!”
comment image

3
King Hippo

He and Two of the Good Ones really are…the Odd Couple of teammates

0
King Hippo

One bit of good news:

https://talkingpointsmemo.com/news/kamala-harris-announces-run-president-race

2
King Hippo

Today I learned that she went to Howard for undergrad. Something I thing is cool substantively, plus there’s NO WAY Herr Fuhrer fails to make a Das Raycess! joke about it.

0
Sharkbait

Even if (when) Cheeto Mussolini makes a raycess coment, nothing will happen unfortunately.

1
King Hippo

Fire up the black ppls and make sure they vote at Obama ’08 levels. That’s all I ask.

I also like that she’s invoking the “Kamala Harris FOAR Teh PPL” prosecutorial/justice theme. A lefty with prosecutor bona fides is political gold. Especially against a petty thug/criminal operation like is going on now.

1
Viva La Tabula Raza

In certain circles, i.e. his fanbase, that’s in his favor. Feature, not a bug.

0
The Maestro

After reading so many “Fuck this, I’m fucking done” articles this morning, I have to say… I completely understand where all the hate and anger and sadness and despair is coming from.

But also, I don’t give a flying fuck.

HAIL BLEERGH GO PATS

7
King Hippo

as is your right

/vomits profusely

0
Sharkbait

I have to do it once…
comment image

2
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

You know I hate the P*ts….. I completely agree. “THE OUTCOME WASN’T WHAT I WANTED AND I HATED THE PATH IT TOOK TO GET THERE!! I’M GOING TO TAKE MY TV AND GO HOME!!” What a fucking short term whiny, bitchy approach. The foil hat “CONSPIRACY!!” flat earth rationalization bullshit is just as bad.

0
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I wish to post the gifs I had in store for the Chefs victory I was hoping for:

comment image

0
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

0
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

0
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

0
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

0
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

0
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

0
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

0
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

0
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

0
rockingdog

Found a funny:

Tom Brady when NE won that overtime coin toss.comment image

4
Ian Scott McCormick

Take all of this with a grain of salt, because I’ve watched the NFL this year the way a bored cat might watch a shadow from atop a windowsill. But don’t the Rams have a bunch of monsters on their defensive line that can pressure a QB without forcing you to send extra defenders? Because that’s how you beat Tom Brady. Trust me, I’ve watched the Giants do it twice, and for all the credit that Eli got, the real key was being able to go all Michael Vick on that fancy ass dog.

4
herodotus450

But, does the imaging technology exist to find the spot of Brady that you’re allowed to hit without getting a penalty?

3
Ian Scott McCormick

I think you’ll get burned for a few roughing penalties, but the cumulative effect of getting blasted will make him gun shy. Once he starts hearing footsteps he struggles just enough to lose, provided you keep scoring.
Did you hear that, Atlanta? You have to keep scoring.

1
King Hippo

I doubt RRRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!! will keep scoring. Maybe not even really start.

0
Ian Scott McCormick

There’s some real “All that for a drop of blood” potential.

4
King Hippo

but hey, this is a Nets house now WOO

1
Ian Scott McCormick

Programming note: Today’s game against the Sacramento Martin Luther Kings is a matinee affair, starting at 3:30 Civilized Standard Time.

0
Senor Weaselo

Can Brady survive a moon falling on him? Let’s find out!

0
King Hippo

/will hold onto this grain of hope

0
Brick Meathook

I don’t gamble, but I like reading Hippo’s gambling stories.

3
King Hippo

and you gets to avoid a “Hippo appears in public” story, which is the real winner in all this…

1
Viva La Tabula Raza

I don’t feel the same way as the majority here, but I can empathize. I felt the same way about the Steelers in the 1970s, the 49ers in the 1980s, the Cowboys in the 1990s, and basically the whole of the NFC from 1985 to 1997. Take heart, this too shall pass.

1
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Completely agree; over the years there have been bad calls and missed calls and dynasties that I have hated. If you like/ love football watch and take the bad with the good. If you have grown away from it and don’t enjoy it any more; DON’T FUCKING WATCH IT. Just quit with the rationalization bullshit that “I DON’T LIKE IT THEREFORE IT SUCKS.”

0
scotchnaut

Okay-I don’t think I’ve ever laughed out loud while listening to a tune until just now. May this act as a salve on our wounds…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=crJ-dSZp52U

1
SonOfSpam

They’re a fun live act.

0
scotchnaut

Fucking Chiefs

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5y6QsoCys5U

0
King Hippo

Kaiser Chiefs!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xAkg4cwJp1Y

0
Brick Meathook

I endorse this product and/or philosophy.

1
101
0
Would love your thoughts, please comment.x
()
x