Saturday before Football futbol

Good morning early risers! This is basically a thread for Saturday morning before the playoffs where surprise the 500’s are playing. Pretty excited to see El Tractorcito destroy the P*ts and make our Puerto Rican lawyer a very happy man!

In futbol news it’s FA Cup week in England, and La Liga gets back into action. I was never a huge fan of the Cups but recently my views have changed . This year in the Canadian Championship the local futbol heroes advanced in the Canadian Championship to the point where they got the opportunity to play home and home with the MLS side Vancouver Whitecaps. Their payroll was 12 times that of Cavalry FC. Whitecaps Ali Adnan who’s transfer fee was more than the entire Cavs payroll.I thought that he looked like an overweight Sunday leaguer during the match in Calgary.

The stadium in Calgary holds 6 000 people and is located at a horse show jumping complex. It’s on the outskirts of the city, and it is a pain in the ass to get to, but it is quaint. It was rocking the evening against the Caps and we held them to a well earned draw. On the return leg the CPL side beat the MLS side!!!! It was glorious, the pub was insane. Then the Cavalry advanced to play another MLS side versus Montreal Impact. Unfortunately Cinderella got knocked out by a far better and more expensive side. That being said it was a fantastic ride and I loved every second of it. Season tickets renewed.

There are a few good match-ups this week;

Portuguese Wolves v Man U – Does Oli run out a good squad and hope that a deep run in the Cup saves his job?

Oxford Utd v Hartlepool United – Somebody has to advance! Love when the big clubs have to go to tiny backwoods places which could happen after this tie!

Fulham v Villa – This season has seemed like it has lasted forever and been brutal. That being said The London Jaguras are in a playoff spot and haven’t looked good all season so if they improve they will stay there. The last time Mighty Whitey (nawt raycess) played Villa, Was one of the best mornings at the pub, the Champions League was right after so the place was packed. Everyone there saw John Terry cry.

In Spain we have a Barcelona derby as the Blaugrana travel across town to visit Espanyol. I walked by their stadium once on my way to buy tickets to see The Cure and the Espanyol swag store had more FCB stuff for sale than Espanyol gear.

Mid Year Roundtable

This is where we shine, the DFO footy squad are the greatest minds assembled in a few countries.

Question 1 : Who is better looking De Gea or Alysson?

LC: Really got to not leave my computer open around Mrs. Cola. I vote De Gea because not only is Alisson dreamy, he is also a real good guy. I don’t need my wife wanting him any more.

Balls: I’ve got to be honest.  Every time I see Allison,  I say to myself,  who is that guy? And that’s meant in the way that I ask Who Is That Girl? when one of the commentists posts a picture of a hot girl in a bikini.

KH: I’m not saying anything good about that Redshite bastard.  De Gea, with his dreamy eyes.

Question 2 : What has been the biggest surprise in futbol this season been for you?

LC: Liverpool running away with the Premier League, Cavallini transferring from Puebla to Vancouver Whitecaps, that big Norwegian kid banging in goals Erling Braut Håland and how much I enjoy seeing the countryside in Italian games early in the morning.

Balls: Monterrey winning the Liga MX Apertura championship as the #8 seed and coming within minutes of holding Liverpool to a regulation draw in the Club World Cup.  That’s the definition of turning a season around after a bad start.

KH: My surprise is the sudden (that I didn’t see coming) dual implosions of Man City and Bayern Munchen. It interests me greatly how nobody really stepped into the breach in England (Liverpool just stayed good, Leicester are complete frauds), whereas half of the Bundesliga surged to the front of the queue. This perhaps shows the relative health of German footy as compared to England, France, and Italy. But EPL front offices seem to have noticed, and are trying to build more sustainable futures as opposed to Panic in the Streets of London! The fact that Ole is being given time to experiment, and learn by failure – at United of all places. Arsenal hiring Mikel Arteta instead of a “steady hand” and kicking the rebuild can further down the road. What I do NOT know is whether this is causing the TV arseholes to complain and push harder for a jackass “Super League.”

Question 3 : Prediction time

Athletico Madrid V Liverpool

LC: Liverpool is rolling, they will continue to roll here. They are a sum of their parts, like their coach a German machine.

Balls: Atlético, unfortunately,  doesn’t have the firepower to outscore Liverpool. Their defense is good,  but won’t shut them out.  Liverpool advances.

KH: Redshite beat the monkey piss out of ’em.

Dortmund v PSG

LC: I like both of these teams but PSG has more class. Will they hang on to wantaway Neymar after this round?

Balls: I also like both teams,  but I like Dortmund more because of this:

That means PSG will move on. (LC- that tifo is my favoUrite thing ever)

KH: PSG is my Shempions League rooting interest (because of Evertonian alumnus Idrissa Gana Gueye).  They MUST at least make the Lesser Flacco Eight.

Atalanta v Valencia

LC: Ummmmm, Atalanta?

Balls: Au contraire, mon ami Canadien,  Valencia is enjoying a good season in La Liga. They will have more than enough to dispatch Atalanta which,  quite frankly,  are lucky to be here. (should have been the Croatian side)

KH: Atalanta is my dark horse to be 2020’s Eye-Axe.  They win here, and the next round.

Tottenham v Leipzig

LC: Spurs, I hate Jose but would love to see his attitude if he won this tournament with yet another club. (Oops, since I posted this the Harriest Kane isout for ever) I say vamos Leipzig!

Balls: There is no way Jose wins the Champions League this year.  I bet five knockoff Chinese jerseys on it. This will be an interesting matchup as Leipzig is the most controversial side in Germany and also the Bundesliga leader. I choose

KH: This will be a great tie, but the energy drink sugar bombs take it.  Bundesliga is awfully strong this year.

Chelsea v Bayern

LC: Chelsea could be playing DFO United and I would take us. Bayern has Canadian wunderkid Alphonso Davies too!

Balls: How the hell did Chelsea get this far in the competition? Bayern should move on.

KH: I would like to say Bayern continues to collapse, but think this is their last gasp.  Plus, Tory Cunt Frank Lampard can fuck right off.

Napoli v Barca

LC: Barca all day.

Balls: Barça got lucky with the draw. They will proceed to the next round.

KH: Yeah, Napoli is butt.  Thanks for letting the Toffees have Don Carlo Ancellotti, though.

Lyon v Juventus

LC: Lyon is still in this? Well that this surprises me tells me enough. Juventus easy.

Balls: Ronaldo still has more Champions League records he wants to set/break. Lyon is the perfect opponent for that.  Ronaldo will outscore Lyon by himself.

KH: Juve in a stroll.

Real Madrid v Manchester City

LC: This could be Pep’s last season in rainy land and he would love to beat the Madridistas, fuck them too.

Balls: This is,  by FAR,  the most intriguing matchup of this round. The City of the previous two seasons would have been a favourite (we capitilize the U around here) to knock out the Spaniards.  However,  their defence (nice) has turned into a pumpkin at the wrong time and Real has enough firepower to capitalize on mistakes. As much as it pains me to say it,  Real go through.

KH: I don’t think City have the legs for it, even if/when Pep prioritizes it.  Real with barely a sweat.

Question 4 : How about that group of death in Euro 2020? (Portugal, France, Germany, playoff winner)

LC: Holy shit is that going to be superb. I can’t wait! The qualifier is ded. I am disappointed that it is in may cities. That would make it terrible to plan if you were “following” a team like I did in 2008. If you chose a city which you are able to do then it is ok. Fuck were you lucky if you got that German group.

Balls: Given the fact that Germany plays all three games at home and that 4 out of the 6 third place teams qualify for the knockout stage,  I’m not sure it will be that deadly. Just Flesh-Wound-y. But yeah,  I can’t wait until the summer of Euro 2020 and Copa América 2020!

KH: Christ and Sonny Jeebus, that poor “playoff winner” – what a booby prize for them.  I absolutely despise the way these groups are set up, where 3rd gets through so easily.  Makes for lots of planned tWBS results (i.e., the nil-nil draw passing exhibitions).