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It’s December already!?! Tuesday night open thread

BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

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As BGR is on the IR with a shoulder owie (wishing him a most speedy recovery) there is a little known DFO bylaw that states that the Tuesday night open thread should be done by a Canadian with three words in their screen name.  Who knew?

So, as one of the few that meet those requirements the job falls to me.  Haha.  BGR has left big shoes to fill post wise, so expect lessor quality posts from me, but will do me bestest.

NFL stuffs

Ravens Vs Steelers.  Nov 26. Nov 30 Dec 1 Dec 2 at 2:40 DFO. Maybe.  This has the knock on effect that the Steelers and Team now play on Monday at 4 Central ( was Sunday) and the Ravens will now play the Non-gendered Bovine persons next Tuesday at 7 (DFO).  That game was originally slated for Thursday.

49ers – now playing in AZ for the next few weeks, at least, as Santa Clara County has new COVID restrictions that prohibit contact sports for 3 weeks.

Imaginary Team has 2 players suspendered for PEDs.  For those of you with Will Fuller in your FF line-up, you’ll need to find a replacement as he’s gone for the rest of this year and the first game next season. Damn, as he was having a good year FF wise and now we know why.

All three Bronco’s QB test negative.

What to watch or not

NCAA basketball

There’s a bunch of games as it’s the start of the season, but have no idea who’s good or not to highlight any specific teams/games and assume that some or all will be cancelled\postponed due to the pandemic.

NCAA football

W Kentucky vs Charlette 10:30.  As I’ve never heard of either school, I assume that you are only watching this if your alumni or have some sort of addiction.

Christmas

The original “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” is on ABC at 7 DFO time.

Stay safe out there campers and have at it below.  Or not. Whatever.  Don’t care

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

I put on my bad idea jeans and hopped on the bike instead of doing a work thing that I have to finish tonight. Damn you, inclination to lose weight!

1
Unsurprised

And this is why I told my boss I don’t want a web cam for work unless necessary (there is one on my work computer, but the lid is always closed and I keep it under a display stand). I don’t need what Spam said being yelled at me in a Russian accent.
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Last edited 5 years ago by Unsurprised
3
Gumbygirl

That Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer is the meanest Christmas cartoon. Even Santa is a total dick.

3
Viva La Tabula Raza

Conform or be cast out.
—Neal Peart

6
Gumbygirl

Yeah, what a lovely message for the kiddoes at Christmastime

0
Viva La Tabula Raza

I’ve thought that for over fifty years. Fuck Burl Ives.

2
WCS

So fucking pissed right now….

Some waste of oxygen spent the weekend at wifey’s hospital, knowing he had Covid. His wife was in labor, and this jizzface walked around the hospital without a mask, because, evidently, “we’re all going to get it anyway.”

So… now we get to shut down for the third time, because wearing a mask is TIRRYNY FORM DA GUBBIMT!!!!!!!!!!!

Fuck me. Send liquor.

4
Redshirt

I’ll send beer once I’m no longer COVID grounded, but can we just cuddle?

5
WCS

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4
Viva La Tabula Raza

God damn do I hate these fucking cunts.

2
Redshirt

Question: Why didn’t the hospital administrator tell the cunt in question to either mask up or GTFO? Early when this pandemic was first starting, my father had to leave my mother alone at the hospital entrance when she was hemorrhaging out of her mysterious lady parts and he was wore a mask. Why does the cunt get to walk around like he owns the place why my dad had to wait for a phone call on whether or not his wife bled out?

2
WCS

This guy lied, and didn’t tell anyone. Once his wife tested positive, he admitted he was.

My response to this individual:
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3
Redshirt

Well, all I say is…he’s already in the hospital and you don’t need the ambulance for this one.

4
WCS

Yeah, I’d like to find this cocksucker and make his legs not work.
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3
Horatio Cornblower

That sounds like grounds for justifiable homicide to me.

3
Redshirt

“…when I confronted the deceased, Your Honor, he expressed his guilt and his intention to commit suicide by shooting himself 12 times. However, as his last request, he requested that I write his Suicide Note.”

6
Unsurprised

This pandemic really won’t end until some heroes physically stand up to these bioterrorists.

0
blaxabbath

Not that it matters but Kaleigh McEnany (sp-who cares) is starting by to look a little chubby in the face there….

1
Redshirt

That the evil twisting and poisoning their soul and body. Look at Giuliani.

2
TheRevanchist

Is it so wrong to still want to Elliot Page to be my valentine? Other than me being old and creepy, I mean.

1
Viva La Tabula Raza

Ask again around 13 February.

1
Mr. Ayo

He’s going to steal your girl.

3
Horatio Cornblower

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yXlULkwhgrc

0
Redshirt

I’m just sad that one of my favorite Celebrity Crushes just died (instead of being mostly dead). But I’m glad he’s in a good place.

2
Don T

Me, 2007: What’s with this Ellen Page thing? She looks like someone who works in Sunglass Hut!

Me, 2020: What’s with this Elliott Page thing? He looks like someone who works in Hot Topic!

4
Don T

Tl / dr -taste is subjective, me shallow

Last edited 5 years ago by Don T
1
Redshirt

Well at least…(brain goes to pronoun retrieval subroutine…error-uncertain of proper response…activating bs save subroutine)….that particular person in question is moving up with their life.

3
Horatio Cornblower

I have no problems with Elliot’s decisions, but I do think he should have considered the ramifications for the Hurl Scouts, who are going to have to forfeit that 2nd place finish in the Austin Roller Derby.
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4
Redshirt

I’m not one for the Steelers, but this one made me laugh.

Pittsburgh Steelers on Twitter: “This will work* (* might not work) #HereWeGo https://t.co/dbPC2dlr8z” / Twitter

3
ballsofsteelandfury

Ha ha!

1
Viva La Tabula Raza

Is Ron Howard manning the Steeler twit account?

1
BrettFavresColonoscopy

BTW, nicely done, GTD!

3
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

thx

0
BrettFavresColonoscopy

How in Jeebus’s name is it only Tuesday?

1
Redshirt

Everyone knows Week 12 is the longest week in the NFL Season.

3
TheRevanchist

Beatles 8 Days A Week dot m p 4

0
Viva La Tabula Raza

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2
Unsurprised

Nothing I’ve had published is worth shit. However, seeing professional writers (Well, “writers.” There is no skill required for YA) and librarians on Twitter (I know) use the laziest dismissals of canon literature makes me want to cry. Not make something great. Not even write something half-assed for these guys I’ve done work for. It’s just killing me. And I don’t even read fiction anymore. Or at least I’m not inclined to right now when there’s too much nonfiction to read.

1
SonOfSpam

Trying to parse what you wrote…are you saying you hate the equivalent of a garage band bass player saying The Beatles really weren’t good?

Because if so, yeah, that’s fucking terrible.

(Confession: I hated Light In August while respecting that fact that Faulkner was pretty fucking incredible.)

1
Horatio Cornblower

I read Light in August and have absolutely no idea what it was about. There’s a paragraph in the back that talks about the light in August and I figured that must be important and I read that paragraph and the surrounding ones backwards and forwards and nope, not a fucking clue what was going on.

0
Unsurprised

I’m just stupid.

0
ballsofsteelandfury

I’m very proud of my underwear reviews.

1
Don T

I get your complaint. Some respect from us mortals is warranted. But, TBH, I can’t stand some “canon” stuff. My personal “Keep that stuff away from me PUHLEEZ” short list:
-James Joyce
-Federico Fellini
-David Lynch (loved “Dune”, the Mulholland Drive ladies—that’s it)
-Julio Cortázar (almost got punched over that one 10 days ago)
–

0
Redshirt

(actual conversation)

Me: “Our dad may have COVID.”
Little Brother: “WHY DID THIS HAPPEN TO ME?!”

Mom is busy trying to calm down brother over the phone while I check the Scriptures and laws for the legality of a 94th-Trimester Abortion.

7
LemonJello

Can you at least kick him in the balls hard enough to end that branch of the Redshirt bloodline?

4
Redshirt

He already did that to himself. He’s guaranteed to be a lifetime autosexual.

1
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

You were with us the whole time

6
ArmedandHammered

I bet your childhood was one long state of annoyance with occasion flashes of wanting to beat the shit out of him. At least more than is common for childhood.

2
Redshirt

This is a combination of bullying and our parent’s fault:

Parents because everything he did growing up was: “Well, that just how he is.” Now, the finished product is like that.

Also, he was bullied too much in school to a point where now his motive is never to let it happen again and anyone who disagrees with him a bit is being a bully so he bullies back.

1
ArmedandHammered

Sorry to hear he was bullied so badly, that really does suck.

3
Redshirt

Agreed. Teach your kids karate instead of piano. That’s the ultimate lesson.

2
Viva La Tabula Raza

Little Brother: “WHY DID THIS HAPPEN TO ME?!”

Is your brother Donald Trump?

2
SonOfSpam

He was very strong and tremendous when he said those beautiful words.

3
Redshirt

You calling me a Trump?

tenor.gif (220×118)

2
Viva La Tabula Raza

Maybe you were adopted.

1
ArmedandHammered

Poor Barron will not be able to use that excuse.

2
Viva La Tabula Raza

At least he can look forward to a future of coldly, bleakly decorated fucking Christmases.

3
SonOfSpam

Damn, I hate watching Duke lose. WHEN WILL THOSE GUYS CATCH A BREAK???

2
litre_cola

The University or David?

2
SonOfSpam

USC East

1
litre_cola

Oh cuz that David Duke, he never loses. Or so I read on OANN.

2
SonOfSpam

He did back Trump four years ago. For some reason.

1
Viva La Tabula Raza

That you, Tucker Max?

5
ballsofsteelandfury

Old Top Gear is on Amazon Prime. So much fun

2
Viva La Tabula Raza

Looks like not all seasons are free on AP. I’ve been paying six bucks a month for Motor Trend app, almost 200 episodes plus all the travel specials as well as Hammond’s and May’s various solo efforts. Well worth it.
I like the latest crew, with Harris and the two Northerners that you need to put the subtitles on to understand. I also like the ones with LeBlanc. The only ones I will totally avoid are the Season 23 ones with that annoying fuck Chris Evans.

2
TheRevanchist

Those episodes are so fun to watch. Even my mom likes them, and she is not a car person.

2
scotchnaut

Duke is very intense on D but them Spartans seem to have all the answers so far.

0
TheRevanchist

That game is scheduled when I’m supposed to be running some meetings. I wonder how I can incorporate the scores into a discussion about recipes?

1
SonOfSpam

Conduct the meetings Toobin-style and they’ll go quicker.

1
Viva La Tabula Raza

“Live update, Baltimore still leading Pittsburgh 22 infections to 12.”

2
LemonJello

HARF HARF. THE BEN HAVE 9 OF THOSE INFECTIONS. HARF!

7
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Is tomorrow’s game actually happening?

1
clint greasewood

Apparently they are pushing through even though 2 more Raven players tested positive today. They told the team while they were on the plane heading towards Pittsburgh. The positive players practiced with the team in the past two days.

2
litre_cola

That seems fine. Nothing will come of this.

2
LemonJello

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3
clint greasewood

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0
Redshirt

But I thought the Pittsburgh Steelers was God’s favorite team. All the history evidence supports this supposition! Why is He trying to plague them off of the Earth?

1
Viva La Tabula Raza

Check their W-L record over the first 40 years of their existence.

2
Gumbygirl

I remember when they sucked like you wouldn’t believe. Gumby was at the last game of the coach before Chuck Noll. Buddy Parker was his name. He said the whole crowd was singing a song called Bye-bye Buddy.

2
Redshirt

Well, imaginary internet friends. We only have one month left of this year.

102955892_2886100188182747_8346912150594813510_n.jpg (625×720) (fbcdn.net)

2
litre_cola

Wife is staring her xmas baking tonight. Prototype of Buttserscotch and potato chip type of cookie. I went to the dispensary today it is going to be a good munchie evening.

2
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Potato chip cookie? I’m intrigued and slightly aroused.

1
litre_cola

Holy fuck they are delicious. Sweet from the butterscotch and salty from the crushed potato chips.

4
SonOfSpam

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1
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

Petition the court to start a DFO cookie exchange

Any takers/bakers?

1
ballsofsteelandfury

Fuck yeah!

0
Viva La Tabula Raza

I’d just procrastinate; if I actually baked my own they would probably suck and if I went and bought HEB artisan store-made and repackaged them, I’d either get called out or, if not caught, or guilt myself out for cheating if not caught.

1
Gumbygirl

Break a couple to make them look homemade.

1
Gumbygirl

Recipe, please!

1
ballsofsteelandfury

Agreed! This recipe must be shared!

0
Unsurprised

I hate winter. Anyway …

*SMOKEBOMB*
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1
Redshirt

Okay, who replaced William Barr’s “Kool-Aid” with actual Kool-Aid? Either that or he’s getting an early start in the “pole position” for a deal when they start to investigate Trump’s Administration. 20 years in Maximum Security Prison and 5 years in Medium Security Prison is a noticeable difference.

William Barr says there is no evidence of widespread fraud in US presidential election – CNNPolitics

Last edited 5 years ago by Redshirt
1
Viva La Tabula Raza

Apparently today’s latest scandal/conspiracy against Trump is this “Pesos for Pardons” scam. Is there anyone that’s been paying attention for the last 4 years that is surprised at all?

2
Unsurprised

Because he knows that some of these lawyers are going to get disbarred over this shit, and he’s not going to be one of them.

2
LemonJello

*looks around for Hippo*

What are the odds that Giuliani is one of those?

2
Unsurprised

Ellis, Powell, Giuliani. God. The idea of Rudy being disbarred makes me feel funny.

1
Gumbygirl

Don’t forget the mob lawyer who wanted someone to draw, quarter, and shoot at dawn an election official who was just doing their damn job.

0
blaxabbath

Fantasy Football should have a multiplier for defenses actually facing their opponent’s players. Incentivize people to “gameplan” against opponents.

1
TheRevanchist

Imagine having the Saints D for the upcoming game against the QB-less Broncos. That’s got to be a great feeling to have.

1
Redshirt

Ah, the very special Star Trek: TNG episode about 3rd Genders is on. Its so enlightening to see how advanced they were in 1992 (with planting seeds on acceptance in my brain that took root the next decade) while at the same time playing “spots the Standards and Practices’ fingerprints” on the episode.

1
blaxabbath

I was at goodwill today and there was a huge framed picture of those cartoon ponies like blasting out of a rainbow.

1
Redshirt

I would make a joke that when My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic ended, all the bronies panicked from the emptiness in their lives and went to Trump as a way to fill the void, but Tara Strong is completely Anti-Trump and die hard bronies equate her as a god. One word from her and they would’ve banished Trump to the moon literally.

1
SonOfSpam

Tara Strong is delightful and lovely.

0
Redshirt

If I didn’t already have a God, I would easily consider her worthy of worship.

1
blaxabbath

Man, it’s cold.

I hate the cold.

2
Viva La Tabula Raza

Freeze this morning here in South TX, no busted pipes at least.

1
blaxabbath

Ugh. This is the first place I’ve lived where I’ve ever had a freeze. I don’t even quite know how this goes or why a blanket on my not-producing-body-heat pipes works.

1
Unsurprised

I had the window open this afternoon to get fresh air with the little sun we had and now my balls are frozen.

0
SonOfSpam

Keep them off the windowsill.

3
Unsurprised

YOU’RE NOT MY SUPERVISOR!

3
blaxabbath

 I assume that you are only watching this if your alumni or have some sort of addiction.

I believe Zymm would have a strong case for making the podium in these combined.

1
rockingdog

found a funny:

dogs equally want to be in possession of the Ball and to be in the process of acquiring the Ball, and those two states are in conflict. this is why dogs are insane.

1
blaxabbath

I always through Poochie was funny.

1
scotchnaut

“Tell me more about dogs being in two separate states at the same time. Does it work with other animals?”

-Erwin Schrodinger

4
Unsurprised

Dogs are in a permanent quantum state.

0
scotchnaut

/here’s the scenario

In one of my money leagues I’m leading my opponent 100.32 to 100.30 (he had Tyreek) and I have Diontae Johnson left. I’m in 7th place and only the top 6 make the playoffs. There’s a stupid logjam of five guys that are either 6-5 or 5-6. The odds of Johnson getting negative points are very low for sure of course and playoff seeding will be determined by total points scored but if he somehow gets negative points I’ll be one game back in this miasma of incompetent fantasy teams. If I pull him I automatically win (pending score corrections). What say you?

1
Don T

Prepare yourself for disappointment. Buy fireworks and ice cream.

3
blaxabbath

Pull him and take the win.

Playoff seeding is bullshit anyways. Everything is a week to week proposition and — now, just my feelings — the later the season gets, the more grenades start randomly going off. I say, just get me in the playoffs and I’ll figure out a way to get the best out of what I have/what’s available. Might not be enough to win if your opponent is on (they need to mix D&D with FF so we can start having some sort of defense/affect on weekly opponents) but you can’t influence your opponent.

Though I guess you could argue the additional weeks of separation allow him more changes for injury. Sure, you could too but you weren’t outgunning him in the first place; that’s why you’re the six-seed looking for a way to punch above his weight.

SOURCE: A guy who won a FF league once with playoff teams that would have lost both weeks if not for some “real gutsy playcalls”.

1
scotchnaut

/is playing D&D with FF

DM: “Scotchy, one of your players goes off big time.” [rolls die]

Me: [prays] “Oh please let it be Matty Ice in week 13!”

DM: [looks at rolled die] “Oof! It’s Kellen Winslow Jr in a Walmart parking lot.”

Me: [shakes head] “I’m really starting to wonder why I even drafted the guy…”

Last edited 5 years ago by scotchnaut
7
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

Play him. First tie breaker is usually point for for seeding

1
BrettFavresColonoscopy

I’m up 18 points and my opponent has Diontae. I don’t care what he does as long as it’s less than 18 points.

0
Gumbygirl

Diontae catches the ball, you’ll be fine.

0
Don T

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1
Viva La Tabula Raza

If I was a person that sent Christmas cards, I would send this.

2
Viva La Tabula Raza

Apparently, Lions fans were quite elated at the shitcanning of Patricia and Quinn.
https://www.texasmonthly.com/the-culture/detroit-lions-houston-texans-deshaun-watson-nfl-donations/

2
LemonJello

SCAM ALERT! It’s right there in the url “houston-texans” That’s not even A REAL TEAM!

1
Viva La Tabula Raza

Texas isn’t a real state, either. Source: live in Texas.

0
ballsofsteelandfury

Texas was a republic and always will be.

0
TheRevanchist

Remember the AlamoDome!

3
Viva La Tabula Raza

They built that so it didn’t have enough seating for a Super Bowl, and it’s worked very successfully!

Last edited 5 years ago by Viva La Tabula Raza
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