Please to keep your hands inside the car at all times.  You don’t want to acquire the nickname “Stumpy.”

As during mid-week’s torture session, I will add my instant reactions as the match progresses (with time stamps) in the body of the post.  I used to regularly live blog NC State fixtures this way, as quaint as it seems with modern interbwebs technology.  But fuck it, I’mma give it a try.  If nothing else, it will keep me off the Everton/NSNO message boards.

Yes, there are other fixtures than Ded Everton/Men Untied (GREAT news for the neutral), but (i) Hippo ain’t give a fuck; and (ii) I will be on the road/offline most of the day.  This can still be the open thread, though.  All good in the hood.

Opening Lineup Thoughts

There is hopelessness, and then there’s the elevator floor below – counting on Fabian “Stealing a Living” Delph.  But that’s where we are, and it doesn’t even come as a surprise.  He’s not only vile shite, but also made of glass.  Over/under he comes off before 27′ elapse.

Seamus Coleman also returns.  Control your excite.

First Half

Kickoff – Goodison is positively funereal.  I guess one can be surprised that it is still full.  Maybe attendance counts as community service or sommet.

8′ – I have to be around people later today, too.  I wonder if I will murder anyone?  A few certainly wouldn’t be missed.

10′ – I don’t really have the energy to be doing this, so it’s just as well the Clubhouse is empty.  SoUrry about the gas, though.

15′ – Men Untied clearly going to win this by 3+ soccer points.  Just a matter of when the dam breaks, not if.

19′ – Wan-Bissaka sounds like a Star Wars character.  I always found Star Wars to be a really shitty kids’ movie.

23′ – Reminded of what an ex-gf always used to say – I simply have no fucks left to give.

25′ – Everything fits, other than her name wasn’t ‘Zula’:

27′ – Not falling for the fluke goal providing any hope.  Not.  Gon’.  Do.  It. (at this or ANY juncture)

31′ – Goodison remains quiet.  They know.  We ALL know.

36′ – Almost a second/deflected fluke goal.  Off goes Pastor Fred.

41′ – I had an uber-long disturbing dream, too.  Relegation stress?

HT – Well, at least there is a halftime lead to squander.  EVE 1 – UTD 0

Second Half

48′ – Calling my shot – it will be Slabhead to equalize, mega-cunt Ronaldo with the winner.

50′ – A draw would also be worthless to both sides, so that is always possible.

57′ – I’ve been critical, but Richarlison has been well up for it, today and mid-week.

61′ – Too many corners.  Forboding.

63′ – Pollen can do one.  My eyes are on fire, and I have to drive to Greenville and back after this.  FUCK ME.

68′ – I am absolutely just trying to will time to pass, in fast-forward.  Can barely watch.

73′ – Holy cats, Juan Mata is still alive??

77′ – Reminder – Jon Moss HATES Everton.  Though maybe was a dive.

79′ – Depressing relegation maths – a win today would leave Everton in one point worse position than if they had lost today and drawn Team White Lives Matter.  Not that Everton will hold onto this win.

82′ – A few more years off my life there.

84′ – A round of applause.  For Fabian Delph.  NEVAR expected that.

86′ – Looking like Zoo-ropa for Men Untied in 2022-23.  Reactions will surely be reasonable.

89′ – Don’t know if I’ve ever seen less collective spirit than United today.  They just aren’t remotely arsed.  One moment could still change everything, though.

90′ – Fuck if I know where they found FIVE goddamned minutes of stoppage time.  I was cautiously optimistic for only THREE.

FT – SWEET RELIEF, not that Everton deserved 3 points, more like Untied deserved the 0 they got.  EVE 1, UTD nil.

Full Time (Oh Dear GOD, What Next??)

Home to Foxy Footy, Wednesday 20 April.  No idea why the long delay.