It does not appear these are in precise alphabetical order, but I’mma just draft based on what popped up (PHRASING) on Google.  Miscellany and team thoughts to follow:

Bournemouth (2nd in C’ship 2021-22, yeah right’s KREW)

KH:  I am fairly interested to see how these do, and/or whether Ruggedly Handsome Scott Parker has learned anything from his disaster piece with Mighty Whitey a few seasons back.  I know nothing about these, really.  But good to have the South Coasters back, if only for Clubhouse engagement.  Predicion:  16th

Balls: I think Yeah Right likes them because their nickname is the Cherries and it’s food-related. Black cherry ice cream is amazingly delicious.

Predicción: 15th

Litre: Swarthy Scott Parker can fuck off. His fine margins speech can eat my ass. Every damn time with this guy. I wanted them to not get promoted (sorry YR) because he is a dick and a turncoat. He ranks up there with Mark Hughes for being a dick.

Reality: 19th, fuck him.

Arsenal (5th in Prem 2021-22, Horatio, the Hon. Cecil Rhodes, among others)

KH:  North London is popUlar in the Clubhouse, whether it be Gooners or Yids.  I have the sneaking feeling that the supporters are patting themselves on the back for being patient with the project, but the knifes will be sharp in case of the slightest bit of backsliding.  But I think they manage Shempions qualification.  Predicion:  4th

Balls: I think I mentioned last year that I think Nick what’s his name’s book about Arsenal that got turned into a movie sucks self-indulgent balls. He is the epitome of the fan that thinks there is a special connection between his club and his life. There isn’t. They just want your money.

Predicción: 6th

Litre: This is the only team in London that I do not hate. Why? Thierry Henry, Dennis Bergkamp etc. Their last few years has been rubbish but I the Handsome Mike is going in the right direction.

Reality: 5th

Aston Villa (14th in Prem 2021-22, nobody likes these cunts)

KH:  It really pains me that Very Disappointing Everton is so very disappointing that we have to look upwards at these.  Especially with goddamned Slippy G on the touchline.  Predicion:  13th

Balls: I still don’t understand why everyone hates Aston Villa. They seem perfectly harmless to me.

Predicción: 9th

Litre: Hippo ain’t wrong. Fuck these guys. They will be mid table as they have a solid team that will not slide down the table.

Reality:12th, John Terry crying was awesome when Fulham beat them.

Brentford (13th in Prem 2021-22, nemesis of Litre Cola)

KH:  I worry about a hangover from last season’s “surprise package” – and not just the PHRASING.  But they’ll hang on by the skin of their collective balllsack.  Predicion:  17th

Balls: I like the Bees. They did really well last year for their first year in the Premiership. Mind you, they’re not going to contend for titles any time soon, but I see them staying awhile. Watch them get relegated.

Predicción: 14th

Litre: At least they play where their name says? Last year they moved into a fucking lego stadium leaving their old home. That shit haunts teams. Brentford is a great place to stay when visiting London but they ain’t Fulham.

Reality: Shaky as fuck 16th.

Brighton & Hove (9th in Prem 2021-22, Sharkbait kinda sorta)

KH:  I swear to fuck they had one point from like 10 matches at one point last season.  Yet they still managed 9th.  Good manager is good, comfortably mid-table they stay (since Graham Potter is supposedly waiting for one of the Manchester jerbs to open).  Predicion:  11th

Balls: Gotta mention the Albion part of their name. I have no idea which city they play in.

Predicción: 12th

Litre: They are still up, have a cool stadium, apparently a great place to party.

Prediction: 15th

Chelsea (3rd in Prem 2021-22, they makes a certain dog feel rocking)

KH:  I don’t really get their recruitment philosophy, and this season it costs them Shempions footy.  Tuchel rage quits before Easter.  Predicion:  5th

Balls: I like commentist rocking dog and he likes Chelsea so I don’t mind them and they do have the one good American player and they did get rid of their Russians oligarch owner but I think they slip down this year.

Predicción: 5th

Litre: Uggh, I like a lot of their players, Tommy Tukes is ok. Uggh. Just move though! Their stadium is in Fulham you see.

Reality: 4th

Crystal Palace (12th in Prem 2021-22, universally neutral)

KH:  Knock me over with a feather, it is possible to change your trajectory without shooting yourselves in the foot.  Pity Everton’s Board can’t see that.  You get a top half finish.  Predicion:  10th

Balls: Crystal Palace was actually a building with a shitload of history. Not sure when it turned into a mediocre soccer team.

Predicción: 17th

Litre: Patty V has a place in my heart, see Arsenal. Uncle Woy is a Fulham legend.

Reality : 13th I have no idea why.

Very Disappointing Everton (16th in Prem 2021-22, Hippo b/c hates self with a white-hot passion)

KH:  Team that was bad enough to go down last season gets worse.  As of now, no central midfielders have been added (and three are needed).  Last season’s escape looks like a respite/stay of execution, rather than full pardon.  Predicion:  19th

Balls: I think they will go down only because 1) It will be epic to see Hippo melt down, 2) Hippo WASPily judges my predilection for booty sex, and 3) They lost to a MLS team.

Predicción: 18th

Litre: Hippo and I talk most days during gambling season. I kind of want to see us in a relegation battle just for the tension. I know I can handle it again as we are a yo yo. Can teh Hippo handle it? Richarlison leaving is troublesome as I always thought that he was their talisman.

Reality: 11th

Fulham (Shempions of C-ship, Litre Cola and at least one other)

KH:  I forget why I think they’ll stay up, but I do.  Predicion:  15th

Balls: If Yeah Right’s Cherries stay up, so should Liter’s White Power.

Predicción: 16th

Litre: Oh boy, we are going down so hard. We have signed a bunch of Portuguese sailors and cast offs and have not addressed any deficiencies. We are actually going to finish last. We need a Cb as Ream is a hero but too slow. We have no cover for Mitro, we need a fullback, fuck. Just fuck. Mitro will score 20 goals, the other team will score 80.  Fuck Tony Khan so fucking hard with a rusty shovel. Dude wants to be a wrasslin promoter so go do it, get a director of futbol you cunt!!! Thanks Daddy Shad though, love you Daddy.

Reality: 20, yeah, fucking dead last. Pain every weekend. Every fucking weekend.

Leeds (17th in Prem 2021-22, supporters unknown – though DonT was a fan of Bielsa)

KH:  These are sort of Everton light – got worse after being dire enough to deserve relegation.  Their bill also comes due.  Predicion:  18th

Balls: I got this team completely wrong last year. Let’s do it again!

Predicción: 19th

Litre: They be selling everyone and ain’t no Bielsa there any more. Yankee manager, let’s go! Staying up just for the soccer takes from smarmy Leeds fans to others.

Reality: 17th, stay up on goal differential

Leicester City (8th in Prem 2021-22, was everyone’s 2nd favoUrite during that random title run a few years back)

KH:  Consider this “old team is getting REALLY old” warning served.  I could see them relegated in 2023-24.  Predicion:  14th

Balls: They have learned to win and to stay up. They’ll sneak into the decent places even though they won’t be that good.

Predicción: 11th

Litre: Agree with HIppo. I love the guys that stayed there after their freak win. Vardy’s wife is a nutcase and he has noodle arms.

Reality: A surprising 8th

Liverpool (2nd in Prem 2021-22, every filthy monkeycunt on Earth)

KH:  My Wolven Sort legacy child has her first serious boyfriend.  And he’s a goddamned Redshite supporter.  PRAY FOAR HIPPO (or just send pills)  Predicion:  3rd

Balls: Still good. Still hateable. Still Second.

Predicción: 2nd

Litre: See above.

No, hold on. Thunderfuck these asshats for consistently swaying Fulham academy players to negotiate their exit to these Liverpool fucks benefit. I have so many Liverpool friends that in the last 10 years have asked me how is player X we a re getting from Fulham. I just respond Fuck off now. They think it is funny.

Reality: 2nd again.

Manchester CIty (FIRST in Prem 2021-22, Scotchnaut and Balls because Guardiola)

KH:  God bless Scotchy.  He suffers through Los Gigantes, the Ice REDBLACKS, and Sillycuse.  He deserves to have one franchise that isn’t a sadistic dominatrix.  New man Erling Haaland is an absolute monster.  If there is a period of adjustment, I bet they still finish 10+ points clear of 2nd.  Predicion:  1st

Balls: One more title for the greatest manager in the world. But he still won’t win the Champions League.

Predicción: 1st

Litre: Mercenary City unite! They are what they are, and they are damn good at it. Can’t win the biggest prize but trophies every year. Haaland is unreal and I fear for the league.They are going to destroy teams, I expect a goal record.

Reality: 1st

Manchester United (6th in Prem 2021-22, Wakezilla – cue smoke bomb)

KH:  This is what you get when you torpedo a slow build in order to pwn your cross-city rivals on social media.  Now, sulky Ronaldo hangs around like a cabbage fart, because nobody else will pay his obscene wages.  Still, I like the ten Hag hire.  But long-term.  Predicion:  7th

Balls: What the hell happened to United? It looked like they were back and then a truck full of shit backed into their parking space and offloaded. More of the same this year but still too rich to fall too far.

Predicción: 8th

Litre: It is going to take a year or so for the Dutch coach to get them back up to speed. Pogba leaving and Ronaldo wants out so it seems they will still be in rebuild mode this year. I still laugh at the amount that they paid for slab head Harry McGuire who is getting slower, year by year.

Reality: 7th

Newcastle (11th in Prem 2021-22, WCS)

KH:  These goddamned bonesaw-loving, toothless Geordies can do one.  But money talks.  Predicion:  8th

Balls: I think I got Newcastle wrong last year too. I don’t think they’ll be any good but maybe they will? I dunno. I’ll mirror Hippo on this one.

Predicción: 7th

Litre: Sportswashing, sportswashing. They will be joining the top 6 this year and with all the money they will be challenging for a title in 5 years.

Reality: 6th

Nottingham Forest (C-ship playoff winner 2021-22, ??)

KH:  Great story last May, turns to dust with textbook “Stupid Promoted Team Transfer Business.”  We hardly even knew ye, Robins Hood.  Seriously, JESSE LINGARD??  Predicion:  20th

Balls: Yeah, this should make for some good jokes, but that’s a one and done here.

Predicción: 20th

Litre: They are pulling a Fulham from a few years ago and have spent over 100 million punds to stay up. Will the new additions gel? Will they be able to stay up after such a long absence? Yes, they will.

Reality: They will be a surprise 9th

Southampton (15th in Prem 2021-22, He Who Shall Not Be Named)

KH:  I am very upset that I have to predict a “dead cat bounce” for these.  But why should Darkest Timeline not be Darkest?  Predicion:  12th

Balls: I did not know that Voldemort supported this club. You learn something every day.

Predicción: 13th.

Litre: To quote Axel Rose. “Time to dieeeeeeee.”

Reality: 18th

Tottenham (4th in Prem 2021-22, Rev. Mayhem, Sharkbait kinda sorta, among others)

KH:  These are the anti-Chelski.  I very much DO like their recruitment model, so long as Conte doesn’t burn out.  Pochettino will be back next season, regardless.  Predicion:  2nd

Balls: They should bounce back after a couple of below par seasons.

Predicción: 3rd

Litre: My bff is a Tottenham supporter so i don’t want to burn the new Stadium to the ground. I do like watching Son and Kane play. Now that Liverpool has taken over poaching Fulham players I hate them a slight bit less. Sessignon is getting some playing time under Conte which is nice to see. It bothers me when the big clubs take the young players who showed prowess with Whitey Mighty get to these big clubs and get zero playing time.

Reality: 3rd

West Ham (7th in Prem 2021-22, Fronkenstein)

KH:  Christ, am I really going to trust Davey Moyes to balance Europa Conference fixtures and STILL improve on last season’s finish?  Looks like I am.  May God have mercy on my idiot soul.  Predicion:  6th

Balls: Love me some bubbles and some ham. Why the fuck not?

Predicción: 4th

Litre: Bit of a step back this year due to playing in Europe. Fronk I hope they make a good run as it is a blast watching your club go far in Euro tourneys. I would like you lot to sell Diop to mighty whitey though.

Reality: 10th

Wolves (10th in Prem 2021-22, Armed and Hammered confessed a fleeting affinity and now we must FAN THOSE FLAMES)

KH:  Didn’t really expect these siesta-inducers to finish top half, but they get the benefit of maths (ie, Hippo ran out of numbers).  Predicion:  9th

Balls: I’m trying really hard not to pull a Horatio here and pick multiple teams in the same spot. What’s left?

Predicción: 10th

Litre: They lost their swarthy coach and the greased up jacked guy.

Reality: 17th