Author: Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Lambolton: The Musical

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly -
22

NARRATOR: [with musical intonation] The year...is two thousand and sixteen.  Two. Zero. sixteen.  The Cleveland Browns, flirting with the greatest triumph of numerical symmetry of the new millennium, lead the San Diego Chargers by a score of twenty to seventeen midway through the fourth quarter. A Chargers drive stalls deep

…But The Tigers Come at Night…

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly -
14

There was a time when I first signed... When the air was warm... And the town inviting... There was a time when love was blind... And Cleveland had a song, And the song was exciting! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SJ3plaSowWc There was a time... Then it all went wrong.   Editor's note: This post has been in the "drafts" folder for about five weeks now

Prelude to a Drive with Derek Carr

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly -
19

EXT. NEW JERSEY - NIGHT. A portly gentleman in pleated khakis pulled up a bit too high steps out of the front door of a townhouse in suburban New Jersey. He ambles curbside, where a black sports-utility vehicle has arrived to pick him up. He hops into the passenger seat, and

Prisoner Ninety-One

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly -
6

ALL DEFENDERS First down, first down, They're marching down the field, First down, first down, A touchdown we will yield. JOE HADEN A twelve yard gain, A simple slant and run. ALL DEFENDERS First down, first down, We can't defend the 'gun. EMMANUEL OGBAH A bootleg fake, There's no receiver there. ALL DEFENDERS First down, first down, And now you're tackling air. DANNY SHELTON I shot my gap, And

Beggars at the Feast

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly -
47

Last week, the hapless Cleveland Browns lost yet again in what (on paper and prior to kickoff) seemed like their best chance to obtain a victory this season.  When Tennessee scored a touchdown to go up 28-13 with less than seven minutes remaining in the game, it seemed like another