Author: Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

FYM: Capsaicin

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly -
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An incredibly handsome internet writer lounges on a couch. A pair of adorable animals are cuddled together in his lap. [blinks] Hmm, my eye itches. [unconsciously rubs eye] Ah. That's better.  That's...ow. That's starting to...OWWWW! Ow! Ah! My eye! Ow, this...yeah, I guess I was cutting jalapenos. But that was an hour ago. And I

Thy Kingdome Come…

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly -
51

INT. KITCHEN - DAY A well-built young black man crosses his kitchen and opens the door of a stainless steel refrigerator. He pulls out several ingredients. As he closes the door and steps away, a pale young white man in a leather jacket is revealed. MACKLEMORE: There he is. Look at that

Meanwhile, at the Union Pacific Yard…

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EXT. RAILYARD - NIGHT A lonely watchman - ASA GRUNDERSON - strolls through a Richmond railyard during the dark hours of the morning. Accompanied by a German Shepherd - ROLF - he shuffles between the trains, occasional poking into darker corners with a flashlight. As he passes under one of the

DFO Insider: LA Fitness

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INT. DFO PRODUCTION OFFICE - APRIL 2012 A pair of slick Hollywood producers are engaged in a "brainstorming" session.   DARKEST TIMELINE ZACH MORRIS: ...and JJFozz was passed out on the couch THE WHOLE TIME! RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY: [finishes snorting line of cocaine] And he never found out? DTZM: Well, what, did you think SHE was going

A Churlish Dickhead’s Christmas Carol: Part 5

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INT. BEDROOM - DAY DAN SNYDER: ....OOOOOOOOOOO!!!! SNYDER bolts upright in bed. He is in his Georgetown apartment. The storm has ended and Washington D.C. is covered in snow. SNYDER: My eyes have been opened! I have seen the true path! The GHOST OF SEAN TAYLOR appears, smiling rapturously. He is joined by the

A Churlish Dickhead’s Christmas Carol: Part 3

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly -
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INT. BEDROOM - DAY DAN SNYDER lays in bed watching a massive television on the far wall, looking relaxed. We see the credits of "Deal or No Deal" roll across the the screen. SNYDER sits up and flips the channel over to ESPN. MICHAEL WILBON: Pardon the interruption, but I'm Mike Wilbon.

A Churlish Dickhead’s Christmas Carol: Part 2

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INT. BEDROOM - DAY It is early morning, and DAN SNYDER is sleeping peacefully in a king size bed. The room is lavishly appointed, with a silk curtains, ornate antique furniture, and a plush Persian rug covering the floor. The colors burgundy and gold are featured prominently in the color scheme.

A Churlish Dickhead’s Christmas Carol: Part 1

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly -
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INT. OFFICE - DAY Open in an office in Landover, Maryland. It is the day before Christmas, and a winter storm has shut down the D.C. Metro area. A bitter wind blusters outside the windows. JAY GRUDEN: ...I wish you'd reconsider, sir. Christmas is not a time to be dining alone. DAN SNYDER: