An incredibly handsome internet writer lounges on a couch. A pair of adorable animals are cuddled together in his lap. [blinks] Hmm, my eye itches. [unconsciously rubs eye] Ah. That's better. That's...ow. That's starting to...OWWWW! Ow! Ah! My eye! Ow, this...yeah, I guess I was cutting jalapenos. But that was an hour ago. And I