Instant Hippo Thoughts – Week 2, 2019 Season

Reflections

King Hippo - September 16, 2019September 15, 2019

Sometimes, everything sucks all at once. This was my sportsball weekend. Thanks for showing me you can get darker, Darkest Timeline. Did you know that Stephen Gostkowski missed TWO extra points yesterday? I mean, the P*ts still won 43-fucking-0, so maybe it escaped your attention. Shit, even if you took all

Instant Hippo Thoughts – Week 1, 2019 Season

King Hippo - September 9, 2019September 8, 2019

Yes, we assemble together again. Another season, knowing the ending is gonna suuuuuccccckkkk. But there is familiarity in routine, and really, there is no substitute for the beautiful, mathematical violence that is professional football. And wouldn't you know - we get treated right away to a game like Fuck Lions/Qardinals (hat

Instant Hippo Thoughts – Not-So-Superb-Owl

King Hippo - February 4, 2019February 3, 2019

Jared Goff is liquid shit. The Baby Buster moniker is now unfair to Mr. Bluth. But the hidden villain here is Andy Reid. How in the name of Sweet Jeebus Tittyfuck did he not beat those dickass P*ts? They have NOTHING. You had the NFL's most valuable player, and somehow didn't

Instant Hippo Thoughts – “Championship” Sunday No-Funday (2018 Season)

King Hippo - January 21, 2019January 20, 2019

101

Fuck it, I hate everything and since RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!! lucked out, there will be no Narrative Owl. So I guess I have to watch in two weeks, but BLECH. Thanks to BLEERGH, Greg the Leg, and a pretty great defensive gameplan - Los Angeles will represent the NFC in the Superb

Instant Hippo Thoughts – Divisional Sunday (2018 Season)

King Hippo - January 14, 2019January 13, 2019

After a season chock-full of entropy, the Divisional Round returned us to normalcy. #1 v. #2, both AFC and NFC. By the time one had made Q1's K-Cup of coffee...the early match was pretty much in the barn. Clippers du Merde were playing their second consecutive "10 am body clock" game,

Divisional Saturday Hippo Thoughts and Sunday Roundtable

King Hippo - January 13, 2019January 12, 2019

No doubt all are as geeked as I am for the big Hippo/yeah right Derby (9:15, NBCSN), followed by Spurs hosting United (11:30, NBCSN). But let's acknowledge the obvious, as NFL Divisional play takes the spotlight. Kansas City came out for the snow day fun, and they weren't

Instant Hippo Thoughts – Wild Card Sunday, 2018 Season

Reflections

King Hippo - January 7, 2019January 6, 2019

Jesus Christ, y'all. How do Bearistocrats! fans go on after that?? Yes, there was an early game, too. John Harbaugh was too stubborn to go to Mr. Elite, or to change up his gameplan until waaaayyyyy too late. In schoolyard ball time, Lamar! did lead his Ratbirds to 2 TDs. But

Sunday Morning Wild Card Hippo Thoughts y Roundtable

King Hippo - January 6, 2019January 6, 2019

Did y'all somewhat enjoy the "action" yesterday? Buckle up, they's MOAR comin' - like a 70s key party. We started with an imaginarium hosting yet another Saturday afternoon fixture, defying all conventional notions of physics. Chalk this win up to an amazing game plan on both sides of the Humps'

Instant Hippo Thoughts, New Year’s Eve (2018 Season, Week 17)

King Hippo - December 31, 2018December 30, 2018

Again, Fuck Your Joy. It was a fairly entertaining late window. Balmer was dumb enough to leave the door open for the Shield to put the asshat Yinzers into the playoffs, and that's almost exactly what happened. Not to take away from Baker Mayfield playing his ass off, completing the best rookie

Christmas Eve Instant Hippo Thoughts (Week 16, 2018 Season)

Reflections

King Hippo - December 24, 2018December 23, 2018

Ho, ho, ho, here are some things we know! Congratulations to Breesus Christ and disciples, winner of home field throughout the NFC playoffs! The Saints continued to look a bit wobbly, but much like a weeble, they managed not to fall down (again). Cognizant of his opponent, Coach Epps tried a