LemonJello’s 2024 Jacksonville Jaguars Season Preview

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem - September 10, 2024September 10, 2024

REV'S NOTE: Longtime commenter and multi-time Komment of the Week/Banner Quote winner LemonJello bravely volunteered to brave the murky-stadium-pool-water of Northern Florida to bring us the following Team Preview. Please enjoy DUUUUUUVVVAAAAAAALLLLLLLL!!!!! Recap of Last Season: 9-8, adequate (barely) for 2nd place in the AFC South (4-2 in division, 6-6 in conference).

Ding Dong, Aaron Donald Is Gone (2024 RAMMITT Preview)

Darkest Timeline Zack Morris - August 19, 2024

It’s finally happened. After threatening to retire for what seems like every offseason of his career, Aaron Donald, the most terrifying defensive lineman in recent history, has fucked off to do whatever enormous rich people do when they retire. The Rams are about to find out what happens when they

Your 2023-2024 Chicago Bears Preview

Team Previews

BrettFavresColonoscopy - September 8, 2023September 8, 2023

Banner photo from here. 3 posts from me in one week? You're fucking welcome. What's that? You have a complaint? What do you mean the NFL season has already started and this preview is late? The Bears haven't started their season yet, have they? So then it isn't late. Suck it. Anyway,

LemonJello’s 2023 Jacksonville Jaguars Season Preview

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem - September 5, 2023September 5, 2023

REV'S NOTE: Longtime commenter and multi-time Komment of the Week/Banner Quote winner LemonJello bravely volunteered to brave the murky-stadium-pool-water of Northern Florida to bring us the following Team Preview. Please enjoy DUUUUUUVVVAAAAAAALLLLLLLL!!!!! Recap of Last Season: 9-8, AFC South Champions (4-2 in division, 8-4 in conference) Matriculated to the Divisional Round of

Your “Oh, crap, did the season start already?” 2021 Chicago Bears Preview / Bye Week Update

DFOing Good

BrettFavresColonoscopy - November 17, 2021November 16, 2021

Scene: Interior Halas Hall. The entire Bears brain trust [sic] sits around a mahogany table talking about the current roster, coaching staff, and other personnel. SO HOW DO WE THINK THE TEAM IS LOOKING THIS YEAR? Better than my face? Look, I'll bet my job that we can be competitive, even while

Chainmail and Chucklef**ks: 2021 San Francisco 49ers Preview

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem - August 16, 2021August 16, 2021

Well that didn't take long. Last year's preview was basically one long mea culpa about how wrong I had been to predict that the 2019 49ers would go 6-10, when they actually went to the Super Bowl. The 2020 Niners promptly went...6-10. I wasn't wrong, just early. This year's team does not hold a whole

Football’s Sh***iest Cosplay: Your 2020 Detroit Lions Season Preview

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem - September 4, 2020September 4, 2020

Hot Taek: The Detroit Lions are perhaps the most consistently DFO Team in the league. Why? Schadenfreude. They jettisoned Jim Caldwell for the sin of going 9-7 in consecutive years. At that point, they hired Matt Patricia from the Patriots. Bob Quinn had been hired from the Greatriots in 2016 and

A Feast of Crow: 2020 San Francisco 49ers Preview

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem - August 19, 2020August 18, 2020

Longtime readers know that I have gone on at interminable length regarding my semi-papal near-infallibility. I am almost never wrong, and it drives Dr. Mrs. Mayhem fucking insane. But God has no place on the West Coast. The 6-10 49ers actually went 13-3. Trip to the Super Bowl. Fuckit. I do feel

Hate Week 2020 Retrospective: Revisiting My Disasterous 49ers Preview

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem - January 27, 2020January 27, 2020

Welcome, everyone- it's Hate Week 2020 at DFO! It is my third-favorite time of the football year, trailing only Draftsmas Eve and P*triots Schadenfreude Day. Hate Will See Us Through. And there are so many, many things I loathe with a great and abiding passion. The P*triots. Alt-Nazis. People who don't pronounce

Pissing Up God’s Flagpole: Your 2019 Detroit Lions Preview

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem - September 4, 2019September 4, 2019

[Author's Note: So this is it. The End. The final preview before the NFL meat grinder spins up to turn convert the bodies of healthy(ish) young men into Entertainment. Après moi le déluge de merde. Get hype.] Wyandotte. Shit. I'm only in Wyandotte. Every time, I think I'm going to wake up back in Midtown.... Everyone

What Kind of Circus Features Kickers? Your 2019 Chicago Bears Preview

BrettFavresColonoscopy - August 27, 2019August 27, 2019

Awesome Photoshop courtesy of Low Commander of the Super Soldiers Ah, the NFL offseason, always filled with optimism, Dan Snyderschadenfraude, and this year, a veritable Who's That? of placekickers taking a ride on the Chicago Bears carousel. Do you remember how last season ended? I wonder if anyone in Chicago has? Let's take a

Love me them uprights. Eagles Preview

litre_cola - August 19, 2019August 18, 2019

I have gathered the DFO luminaries Gratliff and WhyEaglesWhy to assist me in breaking down the coming season. Q - How was your summer? Gratliff: I have not seen a sporting event I care about since the Flyers were eliminated in mid-March. I want to die. WhyEaglesWhy: WELL ACTUALLY, it’s winter here in the Land