Your “Unquinquagintuplely Uniquely Unknown” 2019 Cincinnati Bengals Preview

Team Previews

Redshirt - August 6, 2019August 6, 2019

It’s almost that time of year, when football returns and we get salvation from our family, baseball and sobriety. And in that tradition comes a DFO Tradition where the Powers That Be grant me rare read-write access to the controls at DFO Central to talk about the Bengals. Sadly, my

Your “Wait, the Saints are 5-1? When the hell did this happen?” New Orleans Bye Week Update

Bye Week Updates

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers - October 17, 2018October 17, 2018

I have a neighbor who is a Saints fan. I've hardly spoken to him at all, but for some reason whenever a game is on he is standing in front of my building chain smoking. The last time I saw him was coming home from work on Monday night 2

Hey Rube: Your 2018 Buffalo Bills Season “Preview”

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem - September 5, 2018September 5, 2018

"So maybe there's hope. Or maybe I'm going mad... In a nation ruled by swine, all pigs are upward mobile — and the rest of us are fucked until we can put our acts together: Not necessarily to Win, but mainly to keep from Losing Completely." -Hunter S. Thompson, The Great

Great Googly Moogly – It’s the Chefs Preview

Team Previews

Darkest Timeline Zack Morris - August 30, 2018August 29, 2018

OK, I get it. The old Snickers joke has been done to death, but it still makes me laugh, so fuck you. https://youtu.be/Nmgice3ieZ4 Anyway, we are here today to talk about the Chiefs, a terrible franchise. Here’s the deal with the Chiefs. They have seen players commit suicide in the parking lot

#QBANON: Your 2018 New England Patriots Preview

The Maestro - August 29, 2018August 29, 2018

[EXT. - NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS TRAINING CAMP.] [The sun is shining over Gillette Stadium. No clouds are in the sky, and the stadium is beautiful.] [CUT to INT. - A dark, candlelit dungeon. A tall, hooded figure sits alone at a rough-hewn wooden table, with stacks of ancient, leather-bound volumes piled high.

“What The Hell Have I Paid For?” – A Seattle Seahawks Preview

Beerguyrob - August 28, 2018August 28, 2018

I'm not supposed to be here. The Seahawks are normally Beastmode Ate My Baby's domain, and I know what's good for me. You'd normally find him here, but he's off working on the Foo Fighters tour as Pat Smear's personal roadie, so it's fallen to me to enter where others fear to

New Orleans Saints 2018 Preview or Fete for the Lwa

yeah right - August 17, 2018August 16, 2018

Banner Image is the real Marie Laveau Hello kiddies! I'm back. Here at the nervous hospital where I have been requested to stay they felt (the fools) safe enough to swing open the doors of the mentally wounded and desperately depraved ward and let me have a visit but this visit comes

2018 Houston Texans/500s Team Preview: Teenage Wasteland

Brocky - August 14, 2018August 14, 2018

A Familar tune begins to play.... Out here in the fields I fight for my meals I broke my back for my living I don't need to fight, to prove I'm right I shouldn't have apologized for being asked to be forgiven.... Hello all, welcome to Brocky's preview of the 2018 Houston Texans' season. You no

Vikings Season Preview: Coach Zimmer reads a tweet.

yeah right - August 13, 2018August 11, 2018

Exterior - Vikings Training Camp. Day. The team practices in full pads. Coach Zimmer is observed at a distance and is unusually quiet. Vikings GM Rick Speilman addresses the media. Rick Speilman: "Coach Zimmer doesn't have any statement to make as of today but I can answer any team related questions you may

2018 Detroit Lions Preview: If It Sticks, Force It. If It Breaks, It Needed Replacing Anyway

Team Previews

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem - August 7, 2018

Oh, you lovably chaotic Lions. Like the drunk toddler of the NFC North, you stagger into the coming season. No sense of what you're doing, where you're headed or why you're screaming. Don't ask why. Just enjoy the dance. Because I am not a Lions fan, and because their players no

World Cup Previews: England

The Maestro - June 7, 2018June 5, 2018

I'm fully prepared for disappointment once again as a fan of England football; however, at least this year's edition of failure might well come with a slight dash of hope beforehand this time. The 2014 World Cup was one of the worst outings ever for the national team; a single point

Hard Ride To Seattle

Beastmode Ate My Baby - August 31, 2017August 31, 2017

The scene: Century Link field, home of the Seattle Seahawks, in the not-too-distant future. Pirate Sloth is taking his seat, and Doktor Zymm sits down next to him. She is fiddling with one of her omnipresent gadgets. Pirate Sloth: Arr, what that be, Doktor? Doktor Zymm: It ist eine Portable Unit To