2024 Titans Bye Report: Hostage Situation

I hoped the Titans would reach their bye at 1-3. Well look at that: they did. They say: have low or zero expectations, and you will never be disappointed. This is airtight logic, a great defenCe mechanism, but a freakin’ downer. I prefer my wisdom with a side order of SOME

Roach at the Hen Dance: 2024 Titans Preview

About 20 teams dominate NFL discourse in all its manifestations, from yelling between fans to the hurling of fecal hashtags, and even “Letter to a Young Me” vomitives. By contrast, AFC South teams are the kids’ table of the National Football Lee, and the Titans are the stinky introvert who

Wednesday Motivational: Try Again

The Arizona Cardinals were one thing I liked about the 2023 season. They started the legend of Black Powder (nickname of the season), three of their four wins were against playoff teams (DAL, PIT & PHI), and got Kyler Murray back. Murray looks fine to either start or trade. Arizona

2023 Titans Buh Bye Report

If you’ve been online this week, you certainly caught all the flowers and blowjobs thrown at Eagles GM Howie Roseman. He traded for Safety Kevin Byard, two-time NFL All Pro and, in Tennessee, the bluest chip for the Titans between 2017-2022. I like Roseman, an Iggles numbers man since 2000. He

A 1,000% Rational Titans Bye Report (2021 Playoffs)

We’re into the meaty portion of the 2021 postseason, and what an occasion for NFL calendar pedantry (2022 starts after the Superb Owl), and also crowing about the Tennessee Titans Tits of Titanium being the AFC’s #1 seed. Ok. In reconsideration, more score-settling than crowing. A. During Weeks 7-17, everyone gave mad love

Where’s The Love?! – Titans 2021 Preview

Everybody loves scoring: players, gamblers, singles, spouses, addicts, etc. NFL fans are no different. Every football fan wants to root for an offense that feasts on opponents as ravenously as the Taliban over U.S. military equipment. Point is: the Titans deserve more prime time games because But TVs continue to show

Instant Hippo Thoughts and Wild Card 4 of 6, Bitches! Game Thread

There were three fixtures played yesterday.  Well, two fixtures and a woodchipper feeding. [Closed Captioning for the Hard of Hippo provided by the Church of the Immaculate Deception, Rev. E. Mayhem] Humps [Colts] and Bills [Wooooooo!] was actually quite compelling.  [Woooooooooooo!] You had two analytics-friendly coaches, who had the bollocks to...coach that

The Team No One Wants to Play

Titans fever is raging. Kicker Stephen Gostkowski recovered from crippling yips after missing four kicks and an XP in Week One, and has kicked deciders in all games so far. Of greater concern to opponents: ruthless DL Jeffery Simmons, QB Tannehill spraying passes all over, and a virulent home atmosphere.

Facts Crush Precious Delusions: 2019 Titans Bye Report

My Titans preview was an unhinged mash note to Marcus Mariota. I stand by it. Emotional stability is not a personal goal. The good news are that Tennessee is 5-5, which ain’t insurmountable in the AFC playoff race, and Mariota enters Week 12 healthy. And rested AF. [shakes head, lights cig] It was

You Philistines Don’t Deserve Marcus MarioTa – Titans 2019 Preview

A lot to unpack there! First, hey Fox: fuck you for the misspelling. I’m gonna speculate that the graphics guy was an older feller who thought “Sounds like Torretta, Ruthless Posse WOOO”, and didn’t name check out of self-satisfaction (“I can’t be racist, I know Italians!”). Too much? Listen, you misspell