[peeks out from under the covers] Has it started yet? No? Who said I was scared? I’m not scared. Maybe it’s YOU that’s scared. [sighs]
Wash @ NYG: The Giants should be 2-0. Let’s get that out of the way right now. Howevah, The Catastrophic Meltdowns really like the vibe that this team is giving off. As far as Washington is concerned, if this Matt Jones kid is the real thing and Morris keeps going they’ve got a running game that may take them to the NFC East title. Not that that will be a great accomplishment this year. Ain’t sour grapes grand? Cousins’ play is up and down and he doesn’t have D-Jax but the Giants don’t have Rogers-Cromartie so that should be a wash. Beason is ready to give it a go tonight-maybe he’ll make it through the whole game. You just never know, maybe the Giants finally get their *Coughlin* shit *Coughlin* together. We could be looking at another snooze-fest but, “It’s Still Real To Me, Damnit!” What can I say, the scotch is poured. (into an Oktoberfest-sized stein)
So, GMC Denalis are driven by fashionable fops that weigh 99 pounds and make Tom Brady look ugly?
I want one!
I hate all of these commercials. “Are you a looks-obsessed shit bird who has no regard whatsoever for the actual purpose of a pickup truck? Then you’re our guy! Buy this truck and then NEVER, EVER put anything with a harder edge than a pillow in the bed of the truck, and demand everyone wipe their fucking feet before they get in! The GMC Denali, engineered to be useful, purchased to be wasted!”
JJ,
As the kid who always wandered off, I apologize on behalf of your child. Please don’t kick either of us in the ass.
One of us might win the Heisman trophy some day.
I used to get lost so often in a local department store that the store detectives knew my name.
I once got separated from my family in what was the biggest mall in Jersey. When I realized that I couldn’t find my family, I went to security. The guards asked me what my mother was wearing. I had no idea. I told them that she was 5’3″, 105 lbs, and wearing sunglasses. There were three girls with me. They all gave accurate descriptions of the clothing their parents were wearing. That was the first time I truly realized the difference between men and women.
My sister was also flashed by an older man there. This was one of the nicer malls in Jersey at the time.
God, I love my home state.
That is why I’m terrified by my nephew. He already has the early signs of being a wanderer.
I just hope my sister loses him first, otherwise I will never see the kid again.
He just started walking about 3 months ago.
Off to get more beer.
BOMBS AWAY WOO
Fanduel: it’s not gambling as long as you define this as a skill, and we make money on you being skill-less.
It’s a skill like blackjack is a skill.
YOU CAN BEET THE HOUSE IF YOUR SMRT ENUF
/removes “blackjack” from the spam words filter list…
That was the most well-attended performance of the band Europe in the last fifteen years.
If you’re the band Europe, you ruin hair metal.
I know there was Asia and Africa, completely forgot about Europe. Was there also a North or South America?
Perhaps an Antarctica?
There was America. They were so good they covered two continents.
Hey guys, I swapped out the ajax loader for the lighter one we were using. It hates the plus button, but I’ll figure that out. Refresh the page and it’ll go back to loading comments for everyone.
When we meet, and we will one day, I will buy you a bucket of your favorite beverage.
I will drink it. I may have one tonight anyway.
yep, working fine now. Thanks.
Sweet! I just hate that it kills the +1 button, but DFO Corp will figure it out.
Giants in control, up two possessions, [*Redacted] s look stymied. How do the Giants blow it in the second half?
Eli fumbles because he sees a dog with a really fluffy tail.
Plans for Ravens-Bengals game.
1. Wake up.
2. Say goodbye to wife.
3. Drink.
4. Drink.
5. Drink.
6. Sit in rain, watch my team maybe go 0-3.
7. Drink.
But when will you find time for inconsolable weeping?
Also how the cheeshead hats get made:
http://blogfiles.wfmu.org/KF/2011/05/04/gif_mickey_minney_onesize.gif
http://38.media.tumblr.com/254a36176ecd50cf2c3f37fa9fa290c5/tumblr_ns9mpvQrMB1tysz53o1_500.gif
Does “The Martian” look good to anyone?
Sam Cassell approves
I already have tickets – I’ll let you know.
I enjoyed the novel, so I want the movie to be entertaining. I don’t think it *will* be, I’d just really like that to be the case.
Could be ok. I’ve heard the book is good.
I enjoyed the shit out of the book.
I really, really enjoyed the book, and some early reviews I read seemed to say that they kept the survival science intact, and most of the witticisms.
Quite the response!
I’ll check it out.
http://41.media.tumblr.com/5dc92319d6575a2673dc92b702da2c70/tumblr_nfeyencwx31tc258so5_1280.jpg
You guys weren’t specific, so I busted out the Laphroaig Quarter Cask to entertain me during this abomination.
Did you join the Laphroaig world record toast today?
I got the email but was still working. So nope. Doing it now to make up for it. Or whatever I say to pretend I drink less frequently than I do.
Maybe try a run to the side that isn’t constantly being shoved into the backfield? No? Too competent for you, Jay? Alright.
Ever had one of those, “Holy shit, my kid is fucking missing” moments? I did tonight and I haven’t been that fucking scared since I almost knocked up Rosa De Fuagalla.
Just one? Braggart.
Here’s my scary moment-
My 2 yr. old was in the lake up to his waist. For some reason he ran in over his head. I was about 30 yards away when I saw him floundering. I think I covered that ground faster than Bolt. I grabbed him and passed him to my wife and couldn’t stop shaking for 30 minutes or so.
TOO MANY FLAGS
“WE AGREE!…OH, WAIT…” -Westboro Baptist Church
“That’s what I said.”
– Kim Davis
Not enough abortions?
Nina, because I am bored:
http://kingoftheflatscreen.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/Get-Nina-Dobrev-Ombre-Hairstyle-look-At-Paris-Fashion-Week-5.jpg
I like her luftballons.
Is the feed not refreshing for anyone else?
Yup, it’s as slow as it was Monday night. Unbearable.
Ok. Thought my computing device was shitting itself.
Working for me.
Same here. I just run it in two tabs and toggle back and forth; “kinda” works.
It’s intermittent. Seems fine for about ten minutes, then effs itself right in the a.
Of COURSE there was a flag on the play! It was an exciting football play! The NFL MUST crack down on such things and prevent them from occurring again!
I find some of the jokes a little stale, but most of you are doing fine.
It refreshes for me, but, whenever I comment, it takes a good two minutes to reload.
Same here
Is there a better QB-coach duel for exasperated faces than Coughlin and Eli?
Friends, Romans, DOFers, lend me your ears, I come to bury Manning, not to praise him.
Which one?
Cry Havoc, and let slip the dogs of war! Eli needs a furry friend to play with.
http://blogfiles.wfmu.org/KF/2015/09/02/fabio.gif
Evenin’, fellas. Have I missed much Manningface?
I think the Deadskins are actually shitting on the field, so it’s hard to tell.
Not too much yet, since they’ve been in the lead.
You got to wait for the 4th quarter…then its all Manning face…
http://38.media.tumblr.com/a38e7b1515311f7fa54b9246d7fa0b95/tumblr_nto43pTMJ31sxg3fro4_250.gif
Ah, Natalie. She is the hottest Moriarty of all time.
Huh…so missing your wide open receiver by 5 yards is “being too safe with the ball”….learn something new everyday.
Turns out I would be the “safest QB with the ball in the league” if they would just pay me.
“That was a big drop.”
-a base jumper
I’ve got a drop for you.
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_bXaB7ehx-gY/SQFFnmKQRCI/AAAAAAAAAL4/34kPAfJYnc0/s400/Charlie_wonka_wilder.jpg
I think instead of the Red Zone (or the Green Zone) for this game they should call it the Brown Zone because that’s where both teams are most likely to shit the bed.
Green zone? What is this, Baghdad?
“Our opponents have not gotten anywhere near the endzone. We are in full control of our territory.”
-DC PR rep
What in the fuck is the Green Zone?
That’s where Eli re-cycles all his interceptions.
Its where the US embassy is and every once in a while there is a car bombing…oh wait…flash back nevermind…
Don’t ask Elisha to think, and he’s just fine.
Is it me or is NFL announcing so much worse than College Football announcing. Why is that?
You would think the opposite would be true.
100% agreed. Even the marquee announcing tandems aren’t shit, so it’s not a matter of more games means they have to rely on competent professionals instead of just loud pseudo-celebrity doofuses.
No idea why this is the case.
They “don’t” pay the players in college. There apparently is lot’s more money to pay the college announcers.
http://40.media.tumblr.com/79834da710a2967ff64b99602cf0d6b7/tumblr_my9jxqgNkf1rb8syuo1_400.jpg
Looks like someone drank their ovaltine this morning.
Ok, commentists, what kind of scotch should I drink after this next score?
The highest proof you can find.
Laphroaig
I’ve got some Dalmore 12 but I don’t know where to pour in into my crappy lap-top so it will get to you.
Jeem has zero interest in, reaction to, or surprise at Phil’s insistent tapping to alert him to tonight’s 34th penalty flag on the field.
That dismissive “yeah” is a scathing indictment of the over-officiating of the games this year. I think we’re already at 1/3 of the total penalty plays of last year already. Can some math nerd at Next Gen Stats give us THAT number, or any other useful information?
‘Bout fucking time Eli starts finding Randle.
WOULD BANG! WOOD BANG!!
Eli is startlingly competent tonight.
Eli is the most consistently inconsistent QB.
Just as a reminder for whenever we make fun of Elisha, this is what he goes home to.
http://www1.pictures.gi.zimbio.com/Abby+Manning+Akris+Benefit+Fashion+Show+Luncheon+TXh3l-WoeC3l.jpg
Eli FTW.
Hiring a super hot babysitter, so cliche.
Who does Archie think he is, Mark Chmura?
And these. Eli, FTW.
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-jxdFP7ZCyE8/UKV1oW2jjSI/AAAAAAAAAW8/2TmWpbiPphs/s1600/Lunchables.jpg
But he doesn’t know what to do with it. I, on the other hand, could easily spend 30 seconds with her.
It’s cold out there in New York.
I think the only way the Deadskins ever really change their name is if their opponent each week goes by a really fucking nasty slur, and is really fucking public and obnoxious about it. DARES Goodell to fine them for it.
Buffalo Wild Wings is putting an awful lot of faith in the literacy of their customers.
The best Landon since Littlest House on the Prairie!
Oh that was so sweet… he bats it down at the last minute and then shoves him on his ass. I love you football.
I remember this game plan from high school: run until they prove they can stop it.
So, NFC East: Worst coached division in the NFL or worst coached division in organized football?
Yes
Gentlemen.
Assam alego, brutha!!
Yo.
Status: Sorta scared of the Slurs if Jones/Morris works out in the running game
Understandable. They don’t seem like guys you want finding their rhythm at any point during the season, particularly if your team has to play them twice.
Unnecessary jump catch, 15 yard penalty, replay…. Third down!
Unnecessary is a perfect description of Kirk Cousins.
I honestly thought Matt Jones was a white guy with grit.
And a coke problem.
My initial thought was “Why is the former Arkansas QB/Jags WR/cocaine connoisseur playing RB for the Skins?”
safety, TD, FG, safety would be a fun way to get to 14.
Dan Snyder is universally in everyone’s Power Five of shittiest owners in the league right?
Other than whoever is in charge of the Browns currently…maybe that flowbee dude in Oakland (skeletor’s kid)…St Louis’ owner.
I mean hell…at least Double J is crazy fun evil. Snyder is just boring evil.
Don’t forget about Mike Brown in Cincy. But yes, Snyder is the worst.
Why is this even a question?
The only reason not to hate Snyder is the fact he didn’t inherit the team or obscene amounts of wealth.
JJ may be an asshole, but he’s at least entertaining as hell.
Let’s face it, if any of us commentists were as rich as JJ at 50, we’d be’d doing a hell of a lot worse than fucking hookers on our private plane.
Snyder is definitely the worst. I think Stephen Ross is an underrated terrible owner, though.
Marc Anthony disagrees