My girlfriend is a nurse so she’s got a nice cadre of gay male nurse friends (nttiawwt), some of which are very….high energy. Nice guys and all, for sure, but as an introverted kind of guy (legitimately, not just because it’s the cool thing to be right now) being around so much….high energy…can be draining. So, knowing that her out of town friend was going to be staying at our place with his new boyfriend, I planned to go ultra-straight dude and just camp out at the bar all weekend watching whatever football might be on TV.
Unfortunately that did not happen. But I did spend a bunch of time at the gym, hiking, getting high to somewhat remove myself from reality, and sleeping. As such, my weekend football intake consisted of ARI getting upset at home by STL, the last 15 minutes of Miami at Jets at London, and about a half of Pac-12 JV action (#firelarryscott). Plus spinning a football in my hands as I burnt our guest room mattress last night.
so, when the boyz ask you how football was this weekend:
Undefeated Action: Week 4 started with seven undefeated team. NE took a bye week, ARI lost, and the remaining teams went to 4-0. Your Response: “Fuck! I gotta wait another week for Fox to force Mercury Morris into relevancy for 45 seconds this season?”
QB Injuries (Follow Up): Jay Cutler (CHI) returned after letting Jimmy Clausen have only one start, and defeated the Raiders. 40 year old Matt Hasselbeck (IND) replaced Andrew Luck and beat the Jaguars. Your Response: (1) “Cutler’s motivation is clearly just to fuck Chicago out of a top draft pick.” (2) “Even without Luck, the 2-2 Colts pass the eye test as the class of that stellar division.”
QB Injuries (America’s Team): Fun quip from ESPN:
Dallas quarterback Brandon Weeden, filling in while Tony Romo recovers from a broken clavicle, came through with clutch 91-yard touchdown drive to tie the game in the final minutes of regulation, only to lose his 10th straight start overall, tying him with Blaine Gabbert for the longest such streak among active QBs.
Your Response: “Did you know the Cowboys quarterback is a guy named Blaine GabbertPantz?”
Other Significant Injuries: A Ogletree (STL), M Crabtree (OAK), L Dunbar (DAL), S Lee (DAL), C Shorts (HOU). Your Response: That’s not even including the full concussion list. It’s really pointless to even bother with this after week 2.
National Coverage: If you were up early, Jets/Miami in London. If you were up late, Saints at home beat Dallas in overtime. Your Response: (1) “England is really embracing the NFL! It’s just a matter of time before they have a team over there!” (2) “The Saints have a visually unappealing playing surface.” (3) A fun quip from ESPN:
Dallas quarterback Brandon Weeden, filling in while Tony Romo recovers from a broken clavicle, came through with clutch 91-yard touchdown drive to tie the game in the final minutes of regulation, only to lose his 10th straight start overall, tying him with Blaine Gabbert for the longest such streak among active QBs.
Fantasy Play: It’s all a crap shoot but here’s an inside line — when USA Today, the beacon for hard hitting news, declares that Chip Kelly needs to bring back Tebow, you go pick that son of a bitch up! Your Response: I started Toby Gerhart. He scored negative points. I should have just played Tebow in that flex spot.
MNF: Lions at Seahawks. No Beast Mode versus No Wins. Your Response: Christ! I almost long for the days of prime time football revolving around the Manning/Brady Bowl #69.
Thanks for the link to the introversion article.
I can’t even tell you how awful it is if introversion becomes the new cool thing. It’s not a cool affectation, it’s something that makes your life worse, especially if you enjoy having a job that pays you money and having friends and family that you don’t constantly worry will think you hate them. If people want to be introverts now, I’ll happily trade them.
I had to go back and re-read the beginning. For a second I thought your girlfriend’s friend was a chick and she brought her new guy around and then busted him with one of the gay nurses.
That would make for an awkward brunch.
He woke up dizzy, his butt hurt, the room smelled vaguely of burnt butter and Clorox.
Did you have to find the Legogays on Google Image or is that your dining room table centerpiece?
I share too much with you people.
Don’t forget – Joe & Troy spent the last 10 minutes of the Packers-49ers game musing about how much longer before Kaepernick imploded, and when Blaine Gabbert would start.
Someone with more skillz than me needs to get going on a “Hey Coach, (picture of Tomsula) GO WITH THE FLOW!” meme.
WOOOOOO!
http://41.media.tumblr.com/c2082563e8357bf1203dfe9e43d6da6a/tumblr_nvrmlm0yjs1syvjuco1_500.jpg
Why no, I didn’t get any “work” done today.
http://36.media.tumblr.com/5bcc0e4a666a727b578936bdd0ceb3f1/tumblr_nvrnqp7qxW1syvjuco1_500.jpg
I love you.
Just out of curiosity, which one got up and made the other one a sandwich afterwards?
“Hey Gary, I’m hungry. Pull the meat out.”
Relevant:
http://adequateman.deadspin.com/pulled-pork-smackdown-subway-vs-wendys-1733642705
Check this out:
If the season were to end today, the Raiders would JUST lose out on the last wild-card spot to the Bills thanks to a third-level tiebreaker (strength of schedule; the Bills’ opponents have been 7-8, the Raiders’ have been 7-9).
One of the hard things about being a Raiders fan is dealing with the insanely bipolar nature of my fellow fans. One week ago everyone was talking about how the Raiders should have an easy victory over the Bears (despite it being their second consecutive road game in a different time zone) and were playoff-bound. Today – after losing on a last-second 49-yard field goal after we had taken back the lead with two minutes left – these idiots are already talking about firing the coach and speculating on who we should take in the draft. Unreal.
Also – I don’t think Crabtree’s hurt; he came back into the game.
Crabtree going back into the game proves he was hurt. Because everyone knows if you’re hurt you can play, if you’re injured you can’t.
So, wait, Raiders fans are unreasonable and are prone to rash decision making? THANKS OBAMA!
And it would have been an easy win if the Picklefucker had started as we all assumed he would.
And I would have stayed alive in Survivor, too.
Wait, you picked the RAIDERS playing in an away game for Survivor? Man, that’s just nuts.
Counterpoint: it made sense until Cutler was confirmed as the starter.
/ says the guy eliminated Week 1. Thanks Hodor!
When Catler was announced active, I switched to AZ. Oakland still came closer. No doubt they beat Clausen.
If you want to talk about idiot fans may I interest you in my fellow Yankee fans? CC Sabathia entered rehab for alcoholism today and half the comments are mouth-breathers saying he’s a fucking quitter for leaving the team on the eve of the play-offs.
“Yeah CC, stay drunk another month! DO IT FOR THE FANS!!!!”
“I think CC Sabathia could have waited until November to go to rehab. Addictions are part of succeeding in a sport with 80+ away games per season and pumpkin porters are just coming to market. [20,000 words about baseball post-season records + 3,500 words about a pumpkin porter he had in Florida]. Which is pretty amazing considering the state doesn’t grow pumpkins!”
-PK
I do wonder if the Toronto incident had anything to do with it, or if due to the injuries he drank to escape his inner demons or something like that. No matter what, I hope he gets the treatment he needs and stay strong with it.
/It doesn’t matter anyway, gonna get 3-hit by Keuchel tomorrow
I think you start to come to some realizations about yourself in the days after you try to fight 9 guys by yourself.
My realization was that I can kick the shit out of 9 guys by myself.
I don’t care what anyone says, those fucking first graders had it coming.
That’s what Anakin said too.