Your All-Devonta Thursday Night Football Game Open Thread

The Hipp was kind enough to post a JV thread which alludes to the fact that, though we love/hate the NFL ball, we don’t wear sports blinders. On the ice the Sens are playing the Pens and of course the Dodgers are hosting the Mets (deciding amongst themselves who will eventually be decimated by those goddamn PED-using, bat-flipping bastards up in the Toronto). So sit back and relax and I’ll set up the Falcons/Saints for you.

Atl @ NO: Why is the spread only 3, 3.5? Them Vegas-ians know something, don’t they? Julio has hamstring and toe issues-receivers and hamstrings in the same sentence is never a good thing. Devonta is on an epic run [snorts] these last few weeks, piling up yards and TD’s as though they were canned goods in anticipation of a supposed Cubs WS win which would surely signal the end of life as we know it. At this point the Saints look like the teamification of Sunday morning on Bourbon Street. The D can’t do anything  (blitz and hope for the best tonight?) and Drew can’t put up the points like he has in years past. I like Breezy-he got the short straw in San Diego and turned it into a fantastic career. Now however he’s stuck on the down-side with a team that doesn’t look like it will be competitive for 2-3 years. I read somewhere that 21% of their 145 mill. is tied up in paying players no longer on the club. That’ll slow up your rebuilding process. The good news is that Breezy can bathe in his solid gold bathtub, covered in $100 bills-that’ll take the edge off.

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packman_jon

And on that note, HOW THE FUCK YOU DOIN BOYS

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Thanks for making that meaningless fumble recovery, Matt Ryan. Saved me two points.

litre_cola

DERRRRRRPPPP

“You know him, Phil”
“Who?”
“Your son, Matt”
“Who?”

Senor Weaselo

4th and 1 DERP.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I hope Julio Jones has a kid and names him Julio Jones Jr., so the kids can call him JuJoJu.

WCS

That’s the worst name I ever heard.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Hey, what ever happened to the Joey Jo Jo Jr. Shabadoo commenter? He was funny.

Old School Zero

Somebody made fun of his name and he ran away.

Old School Zero

What about Jack Jimmy Julio Jennifer Jones? The Ja-Ji-Ju-Je-Jo!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

No, having all five vowels is bad juju.

makeitsnowondem

Gentlemen.

Old School Zero

Moose Drool and chili, motherfucker! /finger guns

makeitsnowondem

Did you put the Moose Drool in the chili too?

WCS

YOU TAKE THAT BACK!

nomonkeyfun

Where?

Big Black Richard

Still one of my top ten favorite albums from 1994.

Sharkbait

Might wanna cover that Julio Jones guy

WCS

I hear he’s pretty good.

Old School Zero

“FanDuel has definitely changed my Sundays… I never knew so many Baptists would pay $50 for a blow job in the church parking lot!”

Big Black Richard

This infuriating. I can’t start watching this game until the SO gets home from work (she’s a big Falcons fan). If she’s going to be late, I hope she at least has the decency to pick up some gin on the way home.

Old School Zero

You didn’t land on Plymouth Gin, Plymouth Gin landed on you!

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Gin: When You Hate Yourself But Don’t Have A Gun Handy

jjfozz

The Big Easy – most overused nickname for a city used by waterheads who think they’re “old school” when they use this term.

Gratliff

But then how will we know that the south will rise again?

jjfozz

Apparently it’s phenomenal, as an avid WW2 fan, I want to see this place.

jjfozz

Who sings this shitty cover of “Back in the Saddle” for this Nissan commercial? Because I need to track him down and skin his ass alive

drpeppermd

http://www.ispot.tv/ad/AYLK/nissan-maxima-joyride
Aloe Blacc. The “I’m the man” guy from the Beats by Dre commercials.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Usually when you see the words “Ingraham” and “bitch” together it’s more of a “being a” thing and less of a “making that defensive back into his” arrangement.

King Hippo

Yeah, he good

Lothar of the Hill People

Normally when I see “Ingraham” and “bitch” I’m thinking of that right-wing lunatic skank who makes Ann Coulter look even more like a skeleton.

Sill Bimmons

hey guys

Lothar of the Hill People

Up what is?

bourb0nblues

sup

WCS

GO PENS

jjfozz

Fuck the Falcons and Matty Ice, get a super bowl ring weirdo, and then we’ll talk.

jjfozz

Four days without wife, handling three kids – ranging 11 yrs to 18 months, youngest has pink eye.

YOU THINK YOU KNOW ABOUT PAIN?

YOU DON’T HAVE THE FOGGIEST FUNCTIONING NOTION!

Old School Zero

Fozz Family Old Fashioned:

Put ice in glass.

Throw ice out the back door.

Tell kids to go pick up the ice.

Lock door.

Open whiskey.

Drink.

jjfozz

On it

King Hippo

Just stay drunk, order pizza, put the 11 y/o in charge.

PROBLEM SOLVED

Lothar of the Hill People
King Hippo

Go back to throwing to Willie Snead, goddamnit.

bourb0nblues

Ask and ye shall receive!

Lothar of the Hill People

I should be drinking. My internet has slowed to a crawl–Speedtest puts my 60 Mb/s connection at about .45 Mb/s–and I’m watching TNF. Plus, my old fridge is now my “beer fridge” in the garage, and it’s full.

Why am I not drinking?

Oh, I’m home alone with the kids. And I should be grading.

WHY AM I NOT DRINKING?

King Hippo

The kids should be bringing you beers! Isn’t why you HAD the little fuckers?

Lothar of the Hill People

Actually, this summer my daughter did bring me a beer. She forgot the bottle opener, so I sent her to time out.

Redshirt

1. Remain calm.
2. Put the kids to bed. Use Unisom liquid if necessary.
3. Give everyone B-‘s.
4. Give yourself a damn beer!

Senor Weaselo

So, give everyone average but he hates them all so they get a minus? Yeah, sounds about right.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F2vup9sm_ls

Redshirt

It just dawned on me: Why the hell am I watching this game?

King Hippo

because it’s THURSDAY!

Gratliff

The other thing on TV is Summer Rae reffing the blowoff match for Ziggler-Rusev on a random Smackdown.

Rut ruh Mets.

JustStopDude

Drew Brees is so worried that the mark on his face as moved up to “Blackwatch Plaid”

https://youtu.be/uaQ-uawJQ-M?t=56

WCS

If there was ever a game custom-built for Thursday night…

Senor Weaselo

I admit I’ll be watching the basedballs and rooting for the dirt Rams/Raiders/Chargers/Jaguars/RaiRaGuarGers. And evaluating life choices.

Gratliff

That was depressing as all holy fuck.

bourb0nblues

THIS

Old School Zero

OH HELL YEAH

nomonkeyfun

One can be useful on Friday? This does not compute.

King Hippo

work from home day? Fuck and YES!

You guys remember when the Saints destroyed Hurricane Katrina? Special times.

Redshirt

They put a bounty on it. Once it made landfall, it was quickly downgraded to a Tropical Storm.

King Hippo

But it brought out the best in the city! By making all the “uppity” types leave and gentifying the fuck out of a place that once had a soul.

Martin

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nomonkeyfun

The new matron saint?

Martin

Nope.

entropy

Oh fuck these intro “movies” they show on TNF now.

Old School Zero

Bottle of Moose Drool, and the chili I made with Moose Drool in it heating up on the stove. Today doesn’t feel like a single beer night, either.

litre_cola

Mrs Cola is away, I got a steak, 6 pack and a bottle of wine. I feel ya.

nomonkeyfun

I like Moose as much as the next guy, but I’m not going to show him a picture of Debbie Harry and hold a bowl under his chin and… lower to get my drinking supplies.

Sharkbait

It’s my friday. So…I’m right there with you.

Old School Zero

Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh.

King Hippo

Lil’ Sumpin’ Sumpin’ that reliable old friend.

Old School Zero

know what I mean, know what I mean, say no more, say no more.

King Hippo

We need to get Ricky, Bubbles, and Julian to do an alternate pre-game show. Surely we can pull together enough weed and liquor to make that happen for Jags/Titans.

JustStopDude

Matt Ryan makes me pine for the wild, off the cuff personality of Joe Flacco.

Mother Puncher

They showed his pre-game speech earlier. It was just him going “We’re a good team. Let’s play good. GOOOOOD!”

nomonkeyfun

That demonstrative? He’s getting a little uppity for my taste, if ya know what I mean.

Wakezilla

Football experts are predicting this game will end roughly 30-17? I can’t wait to watch this game end 9-5

Senor Weaselo

9? Someone’s feeling frisky… I got 5-4.

Sharkbait
Old School Zero

“We at Draft Kings disagree. We don’t think Nevada is any authority about what is gambling and what isn’t.”

litre_cola

Now I am pretty stoned, but wasn’t there a wide receiver in New Orleans who used to play another sport in college who has now been rendered useless by a 9-11 truther?

nomonkeyfun

Airplanes can’t turn golfers into football players.

Chemtrails on the otherhand.

Wakezilla

A receiver? But Drew Brees is so small. How could he ever hit a receiver when he can’t see over the offensive line?

Old School Zero

WHO TOOK MY PUDDING CUPS GIVE ME BACK MY PUDDING CUPS

nomonkeyfun

Just make it wasn’t the Cos.

King Hippo

THAT’S NAWT PUDDING!!!!

Old School Zero

Ha ha, it’s true. I just need them to make my “Public Transit Seat Babies”.

Gratliff

When it starts escorting Dolph Ziggler to the ring.

JustStopDude

Evening you fucks! Are we ready for some…most likely incredibly depressing football.

Hey…everyone realizes that the Saints rebuilt New Orleans right?

Sharkbait

They did? Why? Was there some kind of catastrophic event in New Orleans?

nomonkeyfun

I think they ran out gumbo last Andy Reid was in town.

Wakezilla

I heard they won a Super Bowl right when Katrina hit the city.

King Hippo

I wonder if they get to just re-use all of NBC’s stock footage. Or do they have to find their own black man with harmonica wearing sunglasses at night?

King Hippo

And you Canucks only have to put up with Steven Harper for what, 4 more days? That, plus ice footbaw and the Boob Jays, have to be making everyone a little extra polite this week.

nomonkeyfun

You mean it isn’t Brian Adams?

bourb0nblues

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King Hippo

Is SHE running? I will move to Canadia and vote for her. As long as she’s like, not really, really racist.

Gratliff

I mean, if she could somehow be worse than pro-ethnic cleansing, she might drop to like…an 8.5.

Wakezilla

MAYBE. You know that feeling when you know things are going to end screwy? Yeah, there’s already some weird shit happening.

I don’t know how you Yanks put up with the build up to the election. Canadians are sick of this voting/campaign crap and it essentially started in June. You guys have another year to go? That’s stupid and insane.

litre_cola

This bloody election has gone on for so long I am surprised there are any candidates left from all the vetting.
As for the Baseball Argonauts, I live in the West and yes as much as we hate the centrist view of Torontonians and their media, people out here are going crazy too.

As long as their ice football team doesn’t do anything good, we all support the Baseball Argonauts.

litre_cola

If the sound fails I can just pretend that Mayock isssthh back

King Hippo

I do mith Lispy McGee

Mother Puncher

Reminder: this game will be an unwatchable blowout around the time Nathan For You begins.

Sharkbait

How the fuck ya doing boys?

Fuck Montreal
/1st icefootbaw reference.
//not the last.

Sharkbait

Indeed they are.

Sharkbait

I expect them to get to the 3rd round again. Assuming they can remember to score past the month of April

Wakezilla

I’m just going to assume that a dingo ate your baby or that the poison from a spider bite has kicked in for you to hate on the Ice Alouettes. You should probably get that checked out.

Montreal is going to scorekakke on the Rangers tonight.

Q: What do you have in common with the New York Rangers?
A: You will both be watching the Stanley Cup Finals on television.

litre_cola

Hell the ice bombers made a mess of the Ice Giants a couple nights ago

Redshirt

So the referee that screwed up the game clock on MNF and nearly cost the Steelers a win has been suspended for one week…with pay.

And the referee that screwed up by not knowing the rules and actually cost the Lions a win has lost his spot on an upcoming SNF game…and has been reassigned to another game.

I always new the NFLPA was powerful, but I had no idea about the NFL Referees Association!

Wakezilla

I am just LOVING the fact the audio isn’t working for TNF. If this carries over into the game, this will default to best TNF game ever.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Hamstring” is what the Chiefs players call their version of the “dollar bill fishing line” prank that they pull on Andy Reid.

Wakezilla

I’m so torn on cheering for the Baseball Argonauts. On the one hand, they’re an exciting team, as far as beisbol goes. On the other hand, Toronto is a shitty city with shitty fans and the media alienates everyone living outside of Toronto with their horrendous Toronto-centric news.

On the other hand, there are far too many Xenophobic Americans and I love bathing on their salty tears.

Decisions, decisions.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Ooh, Mr. Canada with his big fancy words! Well, for what it’s worth, I’m an American and I hate Scientologists too.

Mother Puncher

So many hands!

Wakezilla

You say that like it’s a bad thing!

Mother Puncher

RIP Matt Jackson

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