blaxabbath
I sat on a jury years ago, 2nd degree attempted murder case. One day the defendant wore sneakers with his suit to court. It was that day I knew he was guilty.
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Sill Bimmons

Off topic but interesting: Jon Stewart is going to HBO.

Bloody Lethal

Yea so I’m going to Yoga today by myself because I’m getting out of shape and I have no desire to run anywhere unless it’s in a sport setting and because I feel like maybe I can pick up a chick?

Sill Bimmons

Go up to a woman and say, “Wow, those are some great leg warmers!”

She’ll say, “But I’m not wearing leg warmers.”

Then you say, “Sorry, I was thinking of what you’ll say when you open them on Christmas!”

ballsofsteelandfury

Whatever you do, make sure you don’t eat anything that can give you gas. Because yoga will make the gas come out. A lot.

scotchnaut

Joseph Randle released by the Cowboobs!

/mmm, cowboobs

BrettFavresColonoscopy

….I’m going to Wichita next month

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

A neutral infraction?

laserguru

“Sunday Gravy with yeah right: Lacerated kidney with red wine reduction!”

Jesus Christ that sounds like a horrible injury.
And there goes my best fantasy receiver.

scotchnaut

“THE FIRE TRUCK GOES WHOO! WHOO!”

-Eli, responding when asked what the Giants might do on trade day

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Also applicable for when Olivia asked Eli for a recap of what happened at Jason Pierre-Paul’s 4th-of-July party.

Old School Zero

If the Chargers don’t start wheeling and dealing like mad today, then Telesco is either a.) dumb as a toast phone, or b.) so neutered by Spanos that he can’t even really be a true GM until they’re in L.A.

ThePirateSloth
Duchess

Pierre Thomas to the 49ers

King Hippo

7ucky Pie77e!

Bloody Lethal

The beauty about daily fantasy is not dealing with the waiver wire because there’s no long term commitment! It’s also why I live with my mom, because she doesn’t make me sign a lease!

montythisseemsstrangetome

Does she make you use promo code TAKEOUTTHETRASH?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I missed a lot of the rivebrogs, so maybe this got covered, but the Washington Post has a piece on the story behind that batshit twitter story: https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/the-intersect/wp/2015/11/02/the-true-story-behind-zola-the-epic-twitter-story-too-crazy-to-be-real/

jjfozz

Wes Welker as a Raven. Oh boy would that stir the shit around here.

scotchnaut

Kaep to the Jetskis? Let’s keep this 49ers dissembling rolling!

entropy

I don’t even know how I’d feel about this.

laserguru

I have just the thing for Kaep:

Dark and 7tormy!
2 oz dark rum
5 oz ginger beer
1 da7h of bitter7 (or bitter tear7)
Lime wedge.

7tart drinking immediately. Repeat until unconciou7.

Beerguyrob

“7tart drinking immediately. Repeat until unconciou7.”

Or signed by the Raiders after your release.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Ken Whisenhunt = FIRED

laserguru

Nobody wants the Wiz.

nomonkeyfun

Nobody Beats the Wiz, well everyone does, but I wanted to post this commercial.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rrrPlcPES30

nomonkeyfun

“Wait, you’re firing me? Who are you going to bring. Bullshit, I say!”

“No, Ken, it’s Mularkey.”

BrettFavresColonoscopy

If I wanted to spend all day talking about the flow, then I wouldn’t have gotten myself fired from that job at Kotex.

montythisseemsstrangetome

And if Tennessee had a team, they would be firing their head coach today.

nomonkeyfun

Still safer than the QB job. I hear that’s one bitch that’ll shoot in the foot, the chest, the head…

Don T

Prophetic AND snide. I must subscribe to your newsletter. Email me a link to noreply.lds.

King Hippo

Vernon Davis! A Horsey!! WOO!!!

scotchnaut

I’ll trade my soul for a Giants D that can get a stop when they need one.

nomonkeyfun

Coughlin only accepts trades that occur 5 days before the trade deadline. Otherwise they are fined for being late.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The best way to get Coughlin to bite on your trade proposal is to send it over before 4 p.m. and describe it as the “early bird special”.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The best way to get John Elway to bite on your trade proposal is to conceal it inside an apple.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The best way to get Jim Irsay to balance the pros and cons of your trade proposal is to present it to him at a DUI checkpoint while he’s got a hooker and a convicted drug dealer waiting for him in the car.

montythisseemsstrangetome

The best way to get Andy Reid to bite on your trade proposal is to put it anywhere in the same zip code as him.

montythisseemsstrangetome

The best way to get Jared Lorenzen to bite on… JESUS, LORENZEN, I DIDN’T EVEN FINISH THE JOKE YET!

montythisseemsstrangetome

One more – The best way to get Chris Conte to bite on your trade proposal is to have it run a slant-and-go.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Fun fact: “Slant-and-go” is how Bill Parcells refers to the local Yoshinoya drive-through.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The best way to get Jerry Richardson to weigh and measure your trade proposal is to put it up for auction during cotton season.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The best way to get Rex Ryan to take a long, hard look at your trade proposal is to pay some young woman to have it tattooed on her ankle.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The best way to get Pete Carroll to pay attention to your trade proposal is HEY LOOK EVERYBODY A SQUIRREL!

Martin

Kaep gets f7red following the Blainassance.

Martin

I guess it’s just Kaep’s t7me o7 the mon7h.