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NFL Fan Drunkenness News OR How Do We Stop Worrying and Get Sponsored By a Breathalyzer?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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Apparently BACtrack (sidenote: AWESOME name for a company) has been collecting blood alcohol content data on NFL gamedays and analyzing which fans are drunkest. Since I presume very few of you own their breathalyzer smartphone integration tools, I think they overlooked our skewed drinking numbers and settled on…the fucking Bills? Ok, actually, I can see that. It’s miserable up there weather-wise, there’s nothing to do in Buffalo, the Bills are the most penalized team in football, and Rob Ford is a Bills fan.

There are some pretty interesting data in the hyperlinked study, and I’m sure the nerdier nerds among us will glean more insights from it than I did. In short, BACtrack’s study say Bills fans are the drunkest, win/loss record doesn’t drive shifts in BAC, and increased drunkenness starts happening as football resumes. In related news* Rex Ryan would like to endorse this product, Lipitor is in talks to sponsor the Packers, and repeated calls from Mike Vick to Valtrex have gone unreturned.

Now how do we get BACtrack to sponsor DFO?

*All related news is fictitious.

h/t CBSSports.com

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ThePirateSloth

If they had some data from 10 years ago to today, I can confidently say that I have at least tripled the Seahawks fans’ BAC level because of Holmgren, Brian “Fucking” Russell, Sean “Just Fell Down From Being Mentioned” Alexander, Josh god damn Brown, useless Jim Mora, that one year with Tavaris Jackson (though I respect the guy now), and Darrell “Hey at least I’m not Norv Turner” Bevell.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’d find this study a lot more plausible if they hadn’t padded their results with made-up teams like the “Houston Texans”.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I heard that on the radio the other day on Cowherd’s show (don’t judge me, I was stuck in the car). He was trying to name guess teams that were in the top 5 and kept guessing wrong and I kept yelling “Buffalo” so I felt pretty vindicated when I heard they were #1.

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jjfozz

Can a person be drunk on hubris? Cause I’m pretty sure that’s all Pats fans have room for.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Did you see this? Have you seen this?
http://www.patspulpit.com/2015/11/4/9672716/the-patriots-cheat-at-coin-flips-too
Pats fans are the worst.

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Don T

That item was 0.0073% #content Even Nazis got name checked.

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jjfozz

Even in a down season, Ravens fans can’t even get drunkeness right.

Wish there was a way to test for inhaled meth fumes, or heroin.

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The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

WE WON SOMETHING! THAT CALLS FOR A DRINK!

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Doktor Zymm

Additional note : Redskins fans drunker than Bears fans? I’m actually kinda surprised by that.

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Doktor Zymm

Though it could just be sample bias. Really, the main problem with this study design is sample bias, though the Twitter attribution map isn’t great either.

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King Hippo

Like Don Henley (almost) said: “Some drink to remember, some drink to forget.”

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Doktor Zymm

I used to own a breathalyzer. It wasn’t a fancy smartphone linked one, but it worked reasonably well. It was a hit at parties, mainly because people got weirdly competitive about the numbers they would put up. Since I owned it, I also learned a lot about how I metabolize alcohol, so I was generally able to guess my BAC within 0.005% Probably the most interesting thing I discovered was how easy it was to drink enough/not sleep enough to still be legally drunk the next morning.

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laserguru

The data is skewed on the Saints. I’ve been to two Saints games in New Orleans and the Noon local start was indeed not very drunk. This is due in part to the fact that almost everyone there was in a state of hangover recovery that barely allowed them to remain upright from the night before.

Now the Monday Night game I went to? Holy fucking hell it was like Mardi Gras in there.

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King Hippo

Marge, you’re embarrassing me in front of the drag queen!

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blaxabbath

I’d like to see a more in-depth study highlighting what everyone is drunk *on*.

Guessing Raiders fans = lighter fluid

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ballsofsteelandfury

Titans – Jack Daniels
Texans – Ambrosia (nectar of the mythological Greek gods)
Jaguars – Everclear

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jjfozz

ravens fans – national bohemian (tastes like it was strained through T Sizzle’s jockstrap, and it’s not even brewed in Maryland.)

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entropy

The New York Jets are not even ON this list, and all that “insufficient data” bullshit proves is we’re too goddamn drunk to tell when someone wants to measure anything.

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King Hippo

Panthers fans considerably drunkener than Donks fans. I would NAWT have predicted that.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

6-1?

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ballsofsteelandfury

Moonshine has a higher ABV than Coors. People forget that.

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King Hippo

+1 jug band

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King Hippo

Also, in a related story, the first sip of beer I ever had was at my crazy uncle Dan’s, outside of Yinzerville. He had a basement fridge full of nothing but Coors. My dad, no doubt sensing this was a good chance to try to get me to hate beer forevs, gave 10-year old me a sip of his’n.

I winced. My dad, ever the understated deadpan comic: “Tastes like weasel piss, doesn’t it, son?”

And I guess it sorta worked, I was a junior in high school before I went back to the beer well again. Tried hard to get wine whenever I could, first.

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