Your Sunday Night NFC East Nail-Biter Open Thread

Phi @ Dal: Philly is trying to catch the Giants and Dallas is trying to catch the Slurs and folks at NFL head office are trying to forget that this is a prime time marquee game. Cassel is trying to prove that the Pats, Chiefs, Vikes and Bills were all wrong about him. At 33 I think he’s just about to come into his own. So many others have done the same thing at the same age. Remember that guy? And what about that dude that played for that team back in the [mumbles]? So I say “go for it, fella that’ll be out of the league next year!”

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Romonobyl

Sean Lee is down? That never happens!!!

Sharkbait

Who had 11 minutes left in the 3rd quarter in the Sean Lee Injury Pool?

bourb0nblues

Me … if you mean 3rd quarter of the 1st quarter.

Gratliff

Weekly Sean Lee injury timeout

Doktor Zymm

Gin, cherries. I’ve done my part with the distracting and cheering up.

entropy

Vodka. Last two Mich Ultras (and you were right about the urination issue). Soon, I’m gonna break into the last sixer of alcoholic root beer I have, and then we’ll see what happens.

tundrajim

In order for Cassell to effectively operate, you need to form a moat around him.

King Hippo

I tell my kids they can swear all the fuck they want to around the house, as long as I don’t get a call from the school or another parent about anything. And that’s worked just fine.

FATHER OF THE YEAR AMIRITE??

entropy

You got my vote. They’re just words.

Horatio Cornblower

You know what? Fuck this “Greg Hardy is a terrible human being” shit. Don’t get me wrong, Greg Hardy is a terrible human being who should be in jail. But let’s not pretend for a second that this staged criticism from Al and Cris is anything but NFL/NBC pandering because some pictures came out.

We all know what Hardy did and if you needed pictures to be outraged about it then you’re a fucking idiot. Which sadly seems to include most football fans, present company excepted.

I’m really starting to hate the NFL and everything associated with it. Greg Hardy deserves CTE but of those photos hadn’t come out all Al and Cris and any other announcer would be talking about would be what a terror he is coming off the end, and I know that because the announcers fucking did that during the Patriots game.

In a related note I will have that 3rd 9.8 ABV Lagunitas Brown Shugga, because I don’t believe in anything any more.

King Hippo

Like with the Ray Rice thing. They all acted “shocked” when the pictures came out. Like, what the fuck you THINK it looks like when a ginormous man attacks a relatively small lady?

jjfozz

A-MOTHERFUCKING-MEN.

Romonobyl

Well that didn’t work so well.

Doktor Zymm

I hope this level of publicity makes domestic violence more of an issue, but at the same time, most people aren’t convicted on the first charge, and if Greg Hardy worked at a bakery or wherever else, things would be the same, but with less public scrutiny. It’s a society issue. He’s shit, but he’s not the beginning or the end. Goddamit, I depressed myself.

Romonobyl

Special place in Hell for spousal abusers…and I’m not particularly religious.

Doktor Zymm

With no legal action…what other job would he be fired from? The NFL is special because it’s highly public. There are plenty of assholes beating their wives that no one sees.

entropy

This is why I said that I don’t want my sisters with anyone who would ever have to deal with ME; My father was in many ways a nightmare, but he taught me a few important lessons, first and foremost being you never, EVER, hit a woman.

King Hippo

I think I’ve decided to mildly root for Dallas, because they are less likely to catch the Giants, the team I least hate in this toxic fucking division.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

When you said “catch” and “toxic” I assumed you were talking about the NFC South, specifically Tampa Bay.

King Hippo

+ 1 Lassa virus

/hoping for something new this year

//also reading up on virology

Romonobyl

Oh, Witten IS playing.

Romonobyl

I know she’s no longer the Matron Saint, but I saw Suzy Kolber on ESPN recently. All I can say is…hell yes I would. She wouldn’t, but I certainly would.

John Difool
bourb0nblues

Agreed.

Col. Duke LaCross

Werner Herzog: She is somehow defying the effects of the ravages of time itself.

entropy

She will always be the Matron Saint to me, and by god she is attractive.

WCS

Graham’s not getting that smoothie tomorrow.

King Hippo

Saved by teh BLEERGH!!!

Sharkbait

HAIL!

Gratliff

OH FUCK YOU

Romonobyl

Cassel-keeper…

jjfozz

Collinsworth showing backbone?

King Hippo

But only in the larger context of union busting

John Difool

Crawling out of the primordial ooze

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I wish Greg Hardy were the one showing backbone, because someone had hit him so hard his spine was literally sticking out his body.

jjfozz

For the next Football is Family commercial:

My little sister, the one with the masters in early childhood development and owner of a successful daycare facility, half drunk, watching the Ravens-Patriots AFC championship, yelling out, “YOU CAN SUCK IT TOM LADY! YOU BITCH!” in front of her three daughters, two nephews, and 15 other family members.

entropy

I would record that and play it twenty times daily.

jjfozz

My sons (11 and 8) still yell that whenever Brady is on the television, and then turn at me and said, “Remember when Aunt G said that? That means it’s okay!”

blordinaryfagicmox
Fronkenshteen

Costas sidesteps the Hardy thing?

John Difool

Those facelifts and botox ain’t gonna pay for themselves like Goodell will.

King Hippo

He’s a shill

Doktor Zymm

I’m a [*Redacted] s fan. I was more optimistic than most, and predicted a 5-11 season. I have since upgraded this to 6-10. Neither of these are playoff type records. This leaves me in the position to appreciate good non-NFC East football (and there is no good NFC East football). Go Panthers, Go Cardinals. Someone, please, don’t embarrass me.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It makes me so goddamned angry that the Raiders only have one more win than the [*Redacted] s.

Romonobyl

Which explains your unfettered hatred of a certain Texas footy club?

entropy

There’s only so much yelling “stop pointing and laughing” we can do.

jjfozz

I’m Ray Liotta, and I’m a graduate of the Grit Your Teeth and Yell school of acting. I also minored in Creepy Laughing

Horatio Cornblower

Ever seen the movie ‘Narc’? Well don’t, it’s terrible. I watched the DVD years ago and the best part of it was the interviews afterward with Liotta and whatever dipshit played the other cop. You could tell they HATED each other; even interviewed at different times.

Romonobyl

Panthers undefeated…I have a hard enough time thinking of that after Week 1.

jjfozz

comment image

Mother Puncher

$1000 violation

entropy

Shit, my Uber driver is here. Gotta go.

nomonkeyfun

Casselvania strikes again!!!

entropy

This is a very strange Foobaw Sunday, to just enjoy the shit out of Youtube music on one TV and a lack of announcers on another. I think this is my new go-to Sunday plan, without, y’know the Mich Ultra (down to 4, in case anyone cares).

jjfozz

NO WOMAN IN THE FUCKING WORLD EVER WOULD WANT TO BE MARRIED IN A STADIUM

Doktor Zymm

So…the commentator reaction to the Bridgewater hit..Is that dirty? “Yea that’s gonna cost that kid a lotta money” I guess that’s realistic….but damn.

entropy

These are the same assholes that gave us “Jacked Up” and then, later that SAME FUCKING YEAR, began wondering if NFL players were taking hits that were too hard. You can draw your own conclusions from there.

jjfozz

Vike’s head coach was beyond pissed at the post game presser

King Hippo

Mike Zimmer is one f the really good dudes in the sport, too. Or at least that’s my impression.

Gratliff

My favorite part was Rodney Harrison throwing Jeff Fisher right under the fucking bus like he wasn’t notoriously dirty when he played.

Horatio Cornblower

Pretty sure women just want men to understand that the clitoris isn’t a myth.

blordinaryfagicmox

I can’t take a whole day off to find the clitoris

John Difool

“Who Beat Da Fuq Out Dose People” The Greg Hardy Boy’s Mysteries…This Fall, Only On ABC

Doktor Zymm

Um no. If you invest $21 and don’t add anything else, you will never be able to retire on that, unless you enjoy sleeping in alleys and your drink of choice is MD20/20 (no judgement)

The Maestro

Also, WHY IN THE FUCK DID NO ONE INFORM ME THAT GAINE BLABBERT SOMEHOW WON A FUCKING GAME TODAY

WHAT THE SHIT IS GOING ON

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Dear Raiders defense:

entropy

THAT IS ALL. THANK YOU.

Moonbatting Average

THIS GAME I CALL IT A DRINK A MIDDLE-AGED GUY WOULD ORDER AT AN ARLINGTON STRIP CLUB BECAUSE IT’S SEVEN & SEVEN

Horatio Cornblower

Not pictued: Andy Reid

WCS

False. Andy Reid doesn’t anything that isn’t deep fried or slathered in barbecue sauce or cheese.

Fronkenshteen

I wonder if Bradford’s ribcage made a cool accordion sound when he folded over sideways on that hit.

re that Direct TV commercial, what’s your favorite Christopher Guest mockumentary movie.

Modderific

Hard to say anything is better than Spinal Tap. They all have their charm though…

Horatio Cornblower

I’m partial to ‘Best in Show’

jjfozz

Pinenuts. Walnuts. Pistachio Nuts. Red Pistachio Nuts.

“Stop naming nuts!”

Täp, with Guffman a close 2nd.

Brick Meathook

You should find and listen to the stuff that Christopher Guest, Bill Murray, and John Belushi did for the “National Lampoon Radio Hour” in 1974, before SNL ever existed.

Fronkenshteen

Agreed. “Highway Toes” (from Lemmings) is a great song, too.

Brick Meathook

I love “Lemmings” and I’ve owned and loved all the classic NL stuff for many years.

BELUSHI: “Can I have your attention please? I have an announcement…”

Sharkbait

Halftime Rick and Morty binge. Almost caught up.

Horatio Cornblower

I’ve been meaning to do that. That show is so much better when you can rip off 5 or 6 in a row.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That’s not true, it’s equally good no matter how you consume it.

Brick Meathook

SPEAKING AS A VETERAN, I HATE THESE VETEREN TRIBUTES. KISS MY ASS. GOD BLESS

blordinaryfagicmox

If there was a tribute to urologists, I could get behind it.

Doktor Zymm

Is it wrong of me to dislike yinzers who have no idea what I’m talking about when I say “Tiny Darren?”

King Hippo

You should set that place on fire

Sharkbait

No. No it is not.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

No, and it’s okay to also dislike all the other yinzers, too.

The Maestro

Not at all. In fact, it just mathematical probability to dislike virtually all Yinzers. There are a few notable exceptions, though. Namely WCS. And Terry Bradshaw, I guess.

Sill Bimmons

Where are these supposed “yinzers?”

entropy

You can and should hate *all* Yinzers, unequivocally.

tundrajim

I would feel much better if they called Greg Hardy, “Greg Hitler.”

Horatio Cornblower

The surviving Hitlers could probably sue for defamation.

nomonkeyfun

Nein, nein. My name is Hilter. Und dis ist meine friend Mr. Tibenropp.

Sill Bimmons

I wonder what Costas is going to say about Hardy.

I might actually watch that.

jjfozz

Me too, but I’m not sure if I have time to wipe up all of that smarm that pours out of the television

jjfozz

CHICAGO STREETSWEEPERS
CHICAGO GROCERY STORE STOCKBOYS
CHICAGO Phlebotomists
CHICAGO PROCTOLOGISTS

Sill Bimmons

Why is “Phlebotomists” lowercase?

jjfozz

Mini aneurysm while I was typing

King Hippo

They know what they did.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I bet a sock filled with batteries would make for a pretty good weapon. You could refer to a beating received by such a weapon as a “Philadelphia Stomping”.

Sill Bimmons

The Broad Street Bingo.

Gratliff

OF COURSE IT WAS GREG HARDY

Horatio Cornblower

Chicago Med nurse: “I just broke a little girl’s ribs!”

Greg Hardy: “Meh”

Modderific

I’m laughing harder than I should.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“They’re still edible though, right?”

– Andy Reid

Covalent Blonde

Next: Chicago Sanitation

jjfozz

“Loss of hearing or vision” on Cialis

Does that include yelling, “Oh sorry babe, I can’t hear you over the awesomeness of this rock hard boner I have!”

Doktor Zymm

Decisions. I hate both teams quite a bit, and FUCK THE COWBOYS, but I can’t quite be like…yay Eagles? I should…drink more? Can I wear less pants than no pants? GIVE ME AN EASY SOLUTION, POP CULTRE!

blordinaryfagicmox

pop… cultre? Looks like we got one of them secret canadians here.

Doktor Zymm

I don’t know where eeees go. EEEEEEEEEE.

blordinaryfagicmox
jjfozz

1. Take off pants.
2. Wrap brandy bottle in pants.
3. Enjoy warm brandy without pants.

Doktor Zymm

Logic. It’s good.

entropy

What kind of silly question is that? YOU CAN ALWAYS WEAR LESS PANTS THAN NONE.

Romonobyl

Dallas’s third down defense is sorely lacking.

Gratliff

7 yards and a concussed Sean Lee. That should be Demarco’s goal every down

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