Bal @ Cle: 34% of the Ravens salary is on either the IR or PUP list. These folks include Flacco, Forsett, Smith Sr., Suggs, Perriman and Pitta. Needless to say, Baltimore wants a do-over for 2015. Sir Matthew of Schaubton gets the start tonight unlike the human self-destruct button that is QB Manziel. If you were a Ravens 4th round rookie RB (Buck Allen) getting his very first start and could pick any team to play against you would probably pick the Browns and their league-worst run defense. Something to say about Cleveland…hmm…well, Gruden in his game teaser on ESPN (that Tirico didn’t bother to show up for) says that he’s a BIG FAN of the SUPER SPEEDY Travis Benjamin. He may have been reaching.
“Why is that someone always the dad?” he wondered, as he cracked open another beer.
The Baltimore center is apparently a future Ph.D in mathematics.
I feel like that’s the most interesting thing about tonight’s game.
Real enthusiastic crowd
They’re probably required to be there to fulfill some sort of community service requirement.
HOLY SHIT MATT SCHAUB THREW A PASS THAT WASN’T INTERCEPTED AND RETURNED FOR A TOUCHDOWN! END TIMES ARE UPON US!
It is the Browns. This is like playing Madden on Rookie.
They can’t all be pick-6s: Cleveland is not ready for a game in which they win 77-3.
Schaub vs. McCown sounds less like a QB showdown and more like a dogfight over Kent.
“Mopesville” sounds like a fantastic euphemism for Cleveland.
Wouldn’t these Capital One commercials with Samuel L. be more effective if he could throw in a mutha fucka at the end? What’s in yo mutha fuckin wallet?
That’s a given.
hey guys
sup
this is probably going to be bad
oh well early bed then
Howdy
whatup
Yo.
The United States National Anthem: Sponsored by Ray Ban
Okay she’s blind this kind of ties into the whole factory of sadness thing. Well she’s lucky she’ll never see how inept this team is.
Before she went apeshit on “rocket’s red glare,” I was prepared to say this anthem was decent.
Is that Velma from Scooby Doo singing?
Oh God I felt real dirty laughing out loud at that.
INSTRUMENTAL ANTHEMS!
http://cps-static.rovicorp.com/3/JPG_400/MI0001/348/MI0001348918.jpg?partner=allrovi.com
Little Lady Roy Orbison is doing a pretty amazing job…
Both dog and cat are sitting in my lap right now. I love these animals.
How do you type?
Laptop computer sitting on the couch; lean over when typing.
So will The MNF crew focus more who’s not starting for The Browns or The Luke McCown Experience?
I want McCown and the Backup Browns QB to somehow get ejected in the 1st Qtr, so the Browns will be forced to play Johnny Football and for him to break every Passing game record in existence leading to a 107-4 Cleveland victory…only to watch the Browns put him back on the Scout Team tomorrow.
Seeing a Raven QB wearing #8, I am forced to remind everyone that this somehow happened. Trent Dilfer is a Super Bowl winning quarterback and not Dan Marino, Randall Cunningham, Jim Kelly, Warren Moon,…
This isn’t right!
http://russellstreetreport.com/files/2012/08/dilfer-superbowl-300×227.jpg
http://i.imgur.com/TFPVg.gif
You left out Dan Fouts. Actually the fact that Theismann has a ring bothers me as well.
http://www.baltimoreravens.com/assets/images/imported/BAL/news-articles/2013/11-November/04/20_OgedenHOF_news.jpg
Well Jim Kelly sure as hell tried harder than the rest of them.
New game: design a cocktail of “stimulates” necessary for Gruden to act all Grudeny for this one.
Start slow, maybe some mescaline around 6 PM. Then, a few rails of decent uncut coke, maybe crush an Oxy or two (nothing exotic, just a 30mg to start). As the mescaline kicks in, break out the ether. A quick snort, mellows him out, puts him back around the middle. By now, he’s gonna get sleepy, so more coke. Maybe drop an X or two, make sure he’s got a baseline for the evening. No needles, his hands are gonna be shaky, so why not snort a small bag of heroin? Then some more coke. Make sure his drink stays topped up, he’s gonna get thirsty. By halftime, repeat the coke and ether. For the second half, it’s straight coke-ether-heroin, lather, rinse, repeat.
A meth garnished Screwdriver? A simple drink for a simple man whose best days were left years ago in Tampa Bay.
Who’s backing up Schaub tonight? You know, just in case.
In Rod We Trust?
Jimmy Clausen.
BAHAHAHHAHAHAAHAHHAHAHA
I wish they had just stuck with Sam Koch…
He’s our punter and was listed as the third string behind Flacco and Schaub.
No one thought to bring back Tebow? Buddha be praised!
HOW THE FUCK YA DOIN BOYS!!!!!!!!!!! I’m here to support JJ Fozz. God knows why I’m watching this.
This game is perfected for Monday. Not Monday Night Football. Just Monday.
Does Ray Lewis actually “pick” a team, or does he simply stab the logo closest to him, and that’s what they go with?
I’m guessing knife dartboard.
So, our neighbor gave us a 1.75L of Johnny Walker Black Label as a housewarming present, or just because she’s awesome. I’m not much of a Scotch drinker (my dad put me off of it with his Scotch snobbery); is this a decent bottle? It tastes, to me, like Bourbon with a strong note of grave dirt.
It is what I would call Guest Whisky, as in, whenever you have someone over you serve that to them and they wont be hurt cuz it isn’t great, and it is’nt god awful.
If you want to get into single malts, start with lowlands as they are a bit softer and less peaty.
Scotch is always better mixed with Diet RC Cola on the rocks. Some of the older single-malts are really good mixed with 7-Up. Either way, don’t forget the olives.
This will sound weird from a Jameson drinker, but I can’t get into Scotch. JW is generally considered decent, but all Scotch tastes to me like someone fucked up when they tried to make an Irish whiskey (and they keep leaving out the “e,” which just pisses me off).
Metaphorically, you’re dead to me.
Yeah, it sounds like what you don’t like is the smokiness in JW that comes from the Caol Ila and Talisker blended into it. Black is one of the better blends out there, but it’s still a blend. I think it’s great for getting classy drunk and for people who like a bit of peat but don’t want Laphroaig/Ardbeg levels of smokiness.
/end douchiness
//who am I kidding?
///sobs
INCOMING HOT TAEK: I admire the fact that MNF took a risk on Dennis Miller. Yes, it was terrible pick, but it was step in the right direction. Comedians and actors should have just as much of a chance as broadcasters (if not more), as ex-players/coaches. For every John Madden there’s five slobbering Mike Ditkas.
That’s the thing…I don’t get how no one in charge understands that you need someone who is knowledgeable, someone with personality, and then Charlie the Wild Card…
Dennis Miller is an abortion I don’t want to remember. Watching TV with no volume was interesting but eventually dull
Irony is the 50th anniversary of A Charlie Brown Christmas having the pageantry and pomp and circumstance that Charles Schultz decries in A Charlie Brown Christmas.
I’d like to think that we’re one more disrespectful Dr Suess movie adaptation away from Suess and Schultz returning from the grave and wreaking havoc on all the people who ask for these things to be made.
http://45.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lw9vecCoWk1r7zaoqo1_400.gif
They are more plastic than women now.
Wow, the bionic sex doll industry is further along than I’d been led to believe.
I couldn’t fuck that no matter how drunk
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!
https://youtu.be/b6qrW1mdRmQ
How is everyone Patriots Schadenfreude Hangovers?
ARE YOU READY FOR AN PIS POOR DISPLAY OF FOOTTBBAWWWW
Oh god Dilfer getting on the soap box…apparently the Browns built the stadium around and for Johnny Football.
I used to think Stabby McStabby Pants was the most incoherent person on these pre-show crapfests.
There honestly isn’t much I love more in football than a truly awful primetime game.
That video about Manziel was the single dumbest thing I have ever watch…
I could never be an athlete in today’s media. I don’t get how sports journals don’t get punched on a regular basis.
What is sadder….this game…or this bus?
Those are speed holes.
That bus has some deep-seated emotional issues.
Why aren’t the tires flat?
I refuse to listen to retired athletes who have less communication skills than even Joe Buck. Instead I’m just gonna imagine how awesome it would be to have Chris Parnell as an NFL announcer.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Mn8-1JpaDE
The Mistake by the Lake should totally be in the South where great-grandmothers with neck tats may find themselves more comfortable and in a more hospitable environment.
And I say this as a Southerner.
I always love it when family members and friends ask how I can work so much in the deep south.
Fucking most racist places in the US are all around the Great Lakes in my opinion.
I won’t argue with this. Chicago is pretty damn racist, and it’s gotta be worse out in the boonies (aka the entire rest of the Midwest).
Word. I was raised down here but both my parents are from up north. They retired to the Poconos a number of years back otherwise known as ‘Pennsyltucky’.
I’ve lived up and down the east coast, as well as out in AZ. Without a doubt, NEPA was the most racist backward ass place I’ve ever resided.
There’s a part of me that wants to leap to the defense of my home state and such, but then the rational, thinking part of my brain says, “You didn’t go far enough in calling them out.”
To be clear, my intent is not to denigrate the state as a whole. Just that little corner up there 😀
I can’t keep listening to Trent…I gotta drink…
Say, for what were hop-yards meant,
Or why was Burton built on Trent?
Oh many a peer of England brews
Livelier liquor than the Muse,
And malt does more than Milton can
To justify God’s ways to man.
Ale, man, ale’s the stuff to drink
For fellows whom it hurts to think:
Look into the pewter pot
To see the world as the world’s not.
These 2015 Baltimore Ravens, I call them Chronic Constipation, because with each passing week watching them play becomes more and more the most difficult and painful shit I can imagine.
+1 torn sphincter
Indeed…there will be blood spotting tonight, I’m quite certain.
You get a prolapse! AND YOU GET A PROLAPSE!! AND YOU GET A PROLAPSE!!!
So Gronk apparently has “a mild knee strain, out one week at most.”
They had to bring out the cart for that? Or is this just Grumblelord lying on the injury report?
I’m thinking it’s bullshit, but then again, I’ve hurt my knee a little bit and been sidelined for a few hours. Putting that much weight on a bum knee can make a mild injury worse in a hurry, no point in taking chances.
The Bro-Onic Man is not a mere human….. well, he’s only partially human.
“Grumblelord cares little for many things. Grumblelord cares lots for tight ends.”
Suh,wu’d like every one to know he’ll still be in Miami in 5 years and most others will be gone. Also there are only like 3 or 4 guys in Miami who even deserve to play on the same field as him? Sun had one tackle yesterday….ONE TACKLE.
It’s too bad Ndamukong Suh and Richie Incognito aren’t in the same locker room together, so they could kill each other.
I’d pay to watch that.
This is the Charlie Brown Christmas open thread, right?
the browns always have seemed like a wishy washy sad sack of a team.
Of all the Cleveland Browns in the world, they’re the Cleveland Browniest.
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-liPwhlWQ4hY/U7HTGstwaDI/AAAAAAAAEeI/kc_tuKeziO0/s1600/large.gif
Only by abandoning all hope, all expectation, every last shred of our self-respect and dignity as men (and women) can we ever be truly free.
Trust me, I’m a Bills fan.
Illinois State up 2 on Kentucky. GAME OVER!
I’ll be watching to see if Travis Benjamin can rack up the 37.9 fantasy points I need in order to win my matchup. What is upsetting to me is that I benched Doug Baldwin in order to start Benjamin. My consolation is that even Doug Baldwin wouldn’t have given me enough points for a win.
Fuck…why did I go into work today…why did I stay late to try and unfuck things that weren’t my fault…and why the fuck am I going to stay up and watch this utter shitshow?!?
Oh wait…I’m a moron and a masochist.
http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m9ds0oP2UP1r331r3o7_500.jpg
I PREDICT TONIGHT’S GAME WILL BE A “BETSY ROSS SEWING BEE”, BECAUSE OF HOW MANY FLAGS ARE PRODUCED!
I’ve decided I need to start trying to go to sleep earlier. I trust this game will not hinder me in this goal. That’s probably the best thing I can say about this game.