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Bal @ Cle: 34% of the Ravens salary is on either the IR or PUP list. These folks include Flacco, Forsett, Smith Sr., Suggs, Perriman and Pitta. Needless to say, Baltimore wants a do-over for 2015. Sir Matthew of Schaubton gets the start tonight unlike the human self-destruct button that is QB Manziel. If you were a Ravens 4th round rookie RB (Buck Allen) getting his very first start and could pick any team to play against you would probably pick the Browns and their league-worst run defense. Something to say about Cleveland…hmm…well, Gruden in his game teaser on ESPN (that Tirico didn’t bother to show up for) says that he’s a BIG FAN of the SUPER SPEEDY Travis Benjamin. He may have been reaching.
Your “It’s Come To This” AFC North Debacle Open Thread
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Before I die, I want to watch the Ravens run that swing out play and gain more than five fucking yards.
(It won’t happen.)
“This is awful run defense by the Browns.”
Could have stopped after three words, Jon.
Making turkey soup (out of the carcass broth), eating the last of my leftovers, taking care of laundry and chores now that the family has left, and listening to this dumb game. Gonna get a nice, strong beer in a minute, so I got that going for me.
Are we approaching puntkakkee?
Okay The Warriors game starts soon. I may have to leave this shit.
SHOOTING AT THE WALLS OF HEARTACHE BANG BANG
HEART TO HEART TO WIN IF YOU SURVIVE
I was expecting CAN YOU DIG IT!!!
Then you have no idea just how white I am.
/glances lovingly at Scandal cassette
Stephen…come out to play-ay…
http://www.popartpro.com/resources/Warriors-Come-out-to-play.jpg
Only one person made a Dean Pees joke? You guys have changed.
He makes the best joke by getting out of bed each morning, and not eating his gun.
In light of recent porno news, I’ll refrain from a Deen Flees joke.
And I fucked it up.
It should have been “DEAN PEES PEES”
/shame
C’mon Snortin’ Swine!
http://cdndata.bigfooty.com/2014/12/95503_fe642deb931a19f22fcb75f75696afae.jpg
I watched the haka for Jonah Lomu today and there was a lot of dust in the air.
Okay the Mrs. is watching The Voice & DVR recording Gotham, why am I here again?
You’re lost?
Because Uproxx doesn’t have campy KITH characters in their liveblogs? Unless the gay vampire is there now.
Because The Voice and Gotham are worse?
Don’t watch The Voice but Gotham has grown on me. Also The Warriors are playing
I assumed that an American Idol ripoff has to be worse.
Leave the existential questions for Jags games.
Man, if Team of Destiny had just won a few more in a row, they could have maybe gotten a flexed SNF game. How col would that have been?
Spiritual support for Ravens fans.
I stopped watching Gotham after…well, I guess I never *started* watching Gotham this season. Or maybe I just stopped at some point. I can’t remember. There’s no real suspense, because you already know what the future holds for the main characters.
It’s actually gotten good this year.
Tonight’s Drink Yourself To Death Game: a shot every time you hear “…and there’s nobody open…”
THIS GAME I CALL IT A TEN FOOT HIGH GLORY HOLE BECAUSE IT TAKES SOMETHING I LOVE AND RUINS IT
Tomorrow on First Take: Has LeBron’s selfishness made it’s way into The Browns locker room?
Per Google…
Krokodil Information. The medical name for the drug is desomorphine. It is made at home by acquiring codeine, sold over the counter for headaches, and cooking it with paint thinner, gasoline, hydrochloric acid, iodine and the red phosphorous from matchbox strike pads. The resulting liquid is injected into a vein.
Wow…and this is coming from someone who for the last 15 years or so has been doing all kinds of shit…
If meth and heroin had a stillborn child and peed on it, you would get Krokodil.
well, they have the iodine, so they’re safe from Romobyl, gasoline to run a car with their urine if they have to, phosphorous for…. Well, nothing I can think of…. Nope. Fuck it. These people are insane.
I did a job in Russia. I don’t even remember where in the country because the entire time I was sick and it was somewhere rural.
To get the steel mill up, they would just pile up wood around the equipment like the stands and set them on fire to heat up the lube oil and shit.
Needless to say, we had a lot of out of control fires on a regular basis. Even better, all my coworkers were Polish, commissioning a Russian steel mill. Fucking nightmare.
So it’s basically just water from the Ohio River that you inject through a syringe?
What kind of shit?
I’ve struggled with opiates in the past.
I think there’s a VICE documentary on it where they go to Russia… I seem to recall saying that 95% of people who start using it are dead within a year.
I mean, FUCKING DUH
When Dean Pees has to urinate,
DEAN PEES
Not watching the game. Saw the match up and thought it might be a good candidate for a “I Watched It So You Don’t Have To” post.
I think this is the first game ever where I really don’t envy the media who get paid to be there.
Shit, I feel bad for the stadium lights.
On his NFL.com profile pic, Kaelin Clay is wearing a Bucs jersey. He didn’t make the Bucs practice squad. Plus, I think he’s named after OJ’s couch crasher.
Here’s what I’m drinking tonight:
Tomorrow on First Take: Did the Manziel story become a distraction that the Browns couldn’t overcome?
Would it help if Tebow signed and took him under his wing?
/insert buttsex joke
Hee hee….you said “insert”
Woke up with some kind of flu like virus this morning. I think my body was trying to protect my eyes from this game.
Catler commends you for not getting vaccinated, at least.
Schaub happy he doesn’t have to go back onto the field.
INSURMOUNTABLE LEAD
AND THERE IT IS FOLKS…THE ONLY SCORING THAT WILL OCCUR THIS ENTIRE GAME!!!!
The only good thing that could happen happened!
Why were so many people cheering as he evaded Browns player after player?! Can Cleveland not even get cheering for their team right?
During the National Anthem, I heard the “OH!” yell. They do that in Baltimore. I assume number of Baltimorons made it up to Cleveland when I heard that…
We’re like a herpesvirus that way.
I loathe that yell, to me it’s disrespectful.
NOW GET THE FUCK OFFA MY LAWN!
YOU AND ME BOTH MAN
Agreed. And both my home city and my alma mater insist on doing that shit.
Dear fuck, I am not one of them hyperpatriot asshole types, but when people fuck with the anthem, it REALLY pisses me off. If you can’t be quiet and respectful for 90 goddamned seconds, you shouldn’t be allowed in public, period.
They’re just glad that their close enough to qualify as “involved in the play”.
Hey, Ravens special teams did a good.
We’ll pay for that later, I have no doubt.
Devalue that draft pick!
/seems like a weak class at the top anyway
Final score: 7-0
7-0. Insurmountable Lead!
Punt false starts are the Clevelandest false starts.
AND WE GOT SOME SADNESS
INSURMOUNTABLE LEAD
wow
Introducing my spirit animal for tonight’s debacle:
http://www.buffalotracemediakit.com/images/products/bt_bottle.jpg
I’m having a virtual shot of that. Tastes like dusty monitor.
I’m here for you brother.
Wife: “That’s an awfully big glass of bourbon.”
Me: “It’s for tonight’s game.”
Wife: “Oh, never mind.”
Does she have a frozen steak for her black eye?
There are two CJ Mosleys in the league?
I swear it’s like The Browns don’t want their fans to enjoy this team or Football in general. Making Manziel 3rd string is like telling fans not to come to the game or watch
“Hey Browns fans! Come to tonight’s game, where we will bench your favorite player and then murder your favorite aunt at halftime!”
Sometimes teaching a lesson means you hurt a few hundred thousand people.
Huh, I didn’t know the Factory of Sadness also makes Steel. In hindsight, that makes perfect sense.
So we have the steel shot, when will we get our rock n roll hall of fame shot? I mean I have been to Cleveland and there isn’t a hell of a lot else going on.
There also has to be a Lebron picture.
Waiting for the “shooting a black kid holding a toy” shot.
After the shot of fifty or a hundred people wearing Ohio State gear.
Fun fact: Krampus was a nickname given to Lebron James after the first game of the 2014 NBA Finals.
Damn, I had $20 on “Schaub under 7 passing yards.”
Well, I can still win the “4th Quarter under 50 viewers worldwide” bet.
ENDORSEMENT ERROR 404: CYBORG NOT FOUND
Krampus: Still better than Jim Carry’s Grinch
HantaAIDS: Still better than Jim Carrey’s Grinch
I guess I am the only one who likes “Carrey’s Grinch”. Not more than the original, but I still like it.
Really should just stop playing…
No offense to those in the Navy, but I’ve heard that serving on a ship and marital fidelity do not exactly go hand in hand.
Away from the pier, it ain’t queer.
Say it with me: Defensive Struggle.
Nay, I am back in the hunt if McCown goes for 500+ and 6 TDs.
FACK YOU, it could so happen.
/also, a Gillmore score or two would be totes nice
No, I was trying to help you cope with the inebitable 6-3 monkey feces fight this will inevitably be.
Me fail English???
carry on then! Tally ho!!
Derp factory
Regarding the banner pic: I can only get so erect.
You stay the fuck away from my woman.
Fuck you. I don’t see your name on her.
Oh wait…there it is, tattoo’d on her neck. Sorry. I’ll leave you two to 69 in private.
Schaub Schaubin’
So Mrs. Cola does not think that Javorius is an appropriate name for a child if we had one.
Mrs. Cola sounds like an intelligent woman.
I keep suggesting to family and friends that they should name their daughters “Tiffany,” but spell it “Tighghuhknee.”
Surprisingly, no one has taken me up on this.
I’ve still got pate but I’m out of cornichons. Quelle dommage!
THIS GAME I CALL IT A KROKODIL ADDICTION CAUSE IT’S HORRIBLE AND I HAVE NO IDEA HOW I ENDED UP HERE BUT I CAN’T STOP NOW
Oh god…went and google krokodil to goof post some images…
I…well…yeah…I think I…I am done with the internet for a while…
Just imagine HOW GOOD IT MUST BE ,, smgdh
It’s heroin mixed with turpentine and AIDS.
Why did I search? I knew it was bad. (reaches for Brain Bleach)
also, nobody likes a quitter
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