Your Friday Night Open Thread

Are you smelling it? No, not the Hippo fart, It’s something even more intoxicating! The playoffs are so close. I’m genuinely hyped for this. On top of the football action Jim Boeheim comes back from his 9 game suspension just in time to get absolutely frickin’ crushed by [spits on ground] U*NC. By the by, QB Dalton has been ruled out for tomorrow’s game against the Steelers. Pittsburgh in a blowout? Pittsburgh in a blowout.

D-Jax said recently that Chip’s firing was “karma”. I say that dropping the ball before you cross the goal line is “unfathomable idiocy”. OLD MAN ALERT: QB Newton blarfed his son as “Chosen”. This was in lieu of naming him Cam junior. Let this honorific be etched across the backs of stolen PC’s the world over!

Kevin Greene, he of 160 career sacks (3rd all time) is listed as a finalist for the NFL Hall of Fame. I say, LET THE MAN IN! The dude is third behind Bruce Smith and Reggie White and was an entertaining MF to boot. Nugget-wise, I must mention that DE Watt is at 74.5 sacks at the age of 26. Barring a serious injury you have to think he’ll end up very close to the top. Colin Cowherd or some other contrarian dumbass would point out that “he doesn’t have even one intercept yet!”. This was a criticism of the original LT back in the day. The response being, “you want the best pass-rusher of his generation to drop back into coverage?”. SMGDH. Credit where it is due-the guy imposes his will on the opposition.

On the court there be not a single compelling game that I can see although Tor, Cle, SA, Mia, G.S., and OKC are playing. The NHL has Bos, Chi and StL skating about the place. Grown Boy’s College Basketball has the likes of Valpo, Yale, Kent State and Utah stinking up the court. Oh well, I’m sure we’ll get through it somehow. TO THE COMMENTS!

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Beerguyrob

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WCS

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Evening, gentlemen and lady or ladies. I’m back from an abbreviated night out, the lady friend is in bed, and I made myself a Bulleit manhattan with some fancy cocktail cherries her father bought me. What are we watching?

WCS


For the record, I haven’t a damned clue why my book is so fucking expensive. Blame on the Germans; I do (it’s a German publishing company).

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Way better than Halle Berry in Die Another Day

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Not to me, just different.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Different…and better.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I’d rather enjoy the hell out of them both.

WCS


Survived wifey’s three-week-too-late holiday party.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Woot! Celebratory Eliza Dushku GIF.

http://i.imgur.com/agQYHhy.gif

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Also, sorry again that I missed your message last night. It slipped by me entirely.

/is stupid, but not rude

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Doktor Zymm

It’s a gouda cheese! Hahaha!

Tomorrow. The AFC. The less important of Cs. But I will still watch my ass off. CHEERS, persons who attempt to procreate with the women who spawned them.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Senor Weaselo

Did someone say “motherfucker”?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c0LBi1MHoaU

ballsofsteelandfury

I think “attempt” is not the word you’re looking for.

Old School Zero

I’ll admit it–I’m really digging Hamilton, just like everybody else that’s starting to annoy you.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DjHBBuvT7Xo

But that’s a great song from the King.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Cool story bro alert:

I grew up in a rural area, but fortunately for me wasn’t the ‘little brother’, well out in farm land there are electric fences. Not sure I’ve seen anybody cry so hard since…… even in the movies.

http://56.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lxh6s29c6O1qbq021o1_1280.jpg

Senor Weaselo

So… you whizzed on the electric fence, huh?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Had I been the youngest I would have. Charlie probably still has a deep fear of electronic things; he may be off the grid entirely.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

THAT is nightmare material.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

My deal came later: “I’m not even getting high and it’s been two fucking hours! Let’s take another hit.”
Me; “OK.”

Doktor Zymm

I should solve all of my problems with bending.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Doktor Zymm

No Vodka

Spanky Datass

If eating booze is in the mix the name is “Black Dark and Stormy”!

Royal Jamaican ginger beer: accept no substitutes!

Doktor Zymm

Once upon a time I introduced my neighbor to the idea of the Dark and Stormy. They drunkenly promised to leave some good ginger ale at my door one day. Never happened.

Spanky Datass

Pelt your neighbors with rotten limes!

*Isn’t the spelling of “neighbors” just silly … or maybe elegant? Not sure.*

/drunj

Spanky Datass

Welp, “Black Lobster Bisque” it is then!

NO SOUP FOR YOU!

Shogun Marcus

Sans Pizza

Senor Weaselo

Okay, that actually is a decent one.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Navy Grilled Cheese

Senor Weaselo

Dave Franco: Still dead to me.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Do you not return his calls and texts?!?!?!?

Senor Weaselo

He knows what he did.

Doktor Zymm

I had a 20% discount…but I still spent over $100 on a sex toy…How ashamed should I be?
http://www.babeland.com/wevibe-4-plus/d/4556_c_74

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Proud.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Doktor Zymm

Nah. It’s at least n+2.

Senor Weaselo

That’s why you get the extended warranty!

/Hehe, extended

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

BOOOM! dar it iz!

Old School Zero

Always proud. njoy and lelo 4 lyfe!

Beastmode Ate My Baby

“With the addition of the free App, your smartphone becomes the remote control”

There’s a whole new definition for “dirty phone call.”

Doktor Zymm

It’s actually kinda difficult to coordinate. But that’s probably for the best.

laserguru

It’s a lot easier to order online which reduces the shame factor.

Back in my day you had to put on a trench coat and visit the local porn dispensary.

You kids sure have it easy these days.

Senor Weaselo

Trench coat or online, you still don’t have to put on pants.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Meh, back in the day you ordered a “neck massager”…..

Doktor Zymm

There’s a place in River North with no windows which I’m kind of afraid to go into, though I’m sure it’s just dirty VHS tapes.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

The places around here have changed the business model to appeal to women; now guys are afraid.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Yer in my head, man.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Haven’t seen the new SW yet…any good, or just more of the same ol’ thang?

http://cdn.romitaman.com/Images/Category_2/subcat_1028/bizleia.jpg

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

RIMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMA!!

blordinaryfagicmox
Senor Weaselo

There are a lot of nods to moments in the original trilogy, but it’s good. I then had to explain Star Wars to my friend, who had never seen any Star Wars movie before we accidentally saw it.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Cool. I’m not really a SW guy, but I did like the original one when I was a kid. We’re bad about actually going to the movies, though…by the time we decide to see one, it’s usually about a week away from hitting blu-ray.

Fury Road is, obviously, an exception.

Senor Weaselo

Yeah, same here. The last thing I saw in theaters before Ant-Man was Moneyball.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Totally worth seeing Episode VII. As I said to a buddy, I was hoping for a Star Wars boner that lasted more than four hours, and it didn’t get there, but it was still very fucking entertaining.

blordinaryfagicmox

Yea but, the true mark of a good team player is how many assists they had, you know, instead of being selfish how often did they help their teammates out? I bet the Gretzkeys dont stack up too well when you take their goals away…

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Assists[edit]
Fastest 100 Assists (92 games)
Fastest & Youngest 200 Assists (165 games), (20 years 265 days)
Fastest & Youngest 300 Assists (229 games), (21 years 43 days)
Fastest & Youngest 400 Assists (290 games), (21 years 362 days)
Fastest & Youngest 500 Assists (352 games), (22 years 325 days)
Fastest & Youngest 600 Assists (416 games), (23 years 307 days)
Fastest & Youngest 700 Assists (478 games), (24 years 267 days)
Fastest & Youngest 800 Assists (527 games), (25 years 11 days)
Fastest & Youngest 900 Assists (584 games), (25 years 320 days)
Fastest & Youngest 1000 Assists (645 games), (26 years 282 days)
Fastest & Youngest 1100 Assists (706 games), (27 years 276 days)
Fastest & Youngest 1200 Assists (774 games), (28 years 65 days)
Fastest & Youngest 1300 Assists (846 games), (29 years 50 days)
Fastest & Youngest 1400 Assists (913 games), (30 years 38 days)
Fastest & Youngest 1500 Assists (986 games), (31 years 38 days)
Fastest & Youngest 1600 Assists (1068 games), (32 years 308 days)
Fastest & Youngest 1700 Assists (1179 games), (34 years 267 days)
Fastest & Youngest 1800 Assists (1286 games), (35 years 322 days)
Fastest & Youngest 1900 Assists (1404 games), (37 years 54 days)

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Only Player To Reach 2000 Career Assists, Regular Season and Playoffs combined
Most season leading in assists per game: 12
Most seasons leading in assists: 16
Most 100-or-more assist seasons: 11
Most assists by an NHL player in his first year: 86. The rookie record is held jointly by Peter Stastny and Joe Juneau with 70 assists. Note that the record book gives Gretzky the record for most assists and points in a game as a first year player, but not the season totals

blordinaryfagicmox

Yea but, how many of those assists were pansy-ass second assists?
/Not sure about the answer to that one, but Gretzky would probably still be pretty great even if you took all his second assists away.

blordinaryfagicmox

Did they even have second assists back then?

blordinaryfagicmox
Doktor Zymm

I can’t go to corner bar, cause creepy Panthers dude will probably be there, everywhere else close is a gay bar. I pissed where I eat, my bad.

Senor Weaselo

One point loss to the Basketball Talons? I know it doesn’t count as a win in the standings, but good job Basketball Giants.

Doktor Zymm


Quiet hours aren’t until 11 pm, and there’s some bend on weekends. You got a good 15 minutes to loud it up! May I make a recommendation?

JustStopDude

I fucking love this song…

https://youtu.be/eKbk7BPXBa4

The ex will play it to get me in the mood.

I think I should see more than one shrink…

Kungjitsu

My 15 year old cousin is staying with us for a while. I took him and the rest of the family to Ruth’s Chris tonight. Pimpin’ ran through his cowboy ribeye, a tureen of mashed potatoes, a tureen of broccoli au gratin, and a tureen of bread pudding for dessert. We got home about a half an hour ago. 15 minutes ago, I hear, “Hey Unc, I’m making frozen pizza. You want one?”

I’m disgusted, impressed, and jealous all at the same damn time.

JustStopDude

The fact that the little shit asked you shows he has proper fucking manners…or he is rubbing it in your face.

Kungjitsu

He’s a great kid. He just has the metabolism of a nuclear blast furnace.

laserguru

Next time his young ass picks up the tab.
Ruth’s Chris ain’t cheap.

JustStopDude

“I’m Waiting for the Man” is the perfect song. I know this because I am blasting it on my stereo…and my neighbors are banging on the walls in agreement.

Doktor Zymm

It’s a fine song and I only wish my neighbors had such good taste.

JustStopDude

Turns out I was wrong. They just want me to stop…but I have since moved onto the Toadies. So either the cops or the building sup are going to be required to stop me from fucking jamming.

Doktor Zymm

Also, “Hey, white boy, what you doing uptown?”

laserguru

On a completely related/unrelated note.

I fucking LOVE this band.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H4gngrDhL7Q

Beastmode Ate My Baby

So, watched Bone Tomahawk last weekend and it is mind-blowingly awesome.

This weekend, probably Silverado (tonight) and maybe The Proposition (with Guy Pearce) if’n we can git viewin’s in between foobawl.

Ayup.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Jes warnin’ y’all, cuz I come from this here West, so’s I gits drawn back to muh roots purty dang easy.

Doktor Zymm

Cheers. You sir, are spreading the good word.

Senor Weaselo

I have to deal with Long Island drivers. They’re the fucking worst.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Ack! No shit! They are the fucking worst!!! I hate them worse than all the GOP candidates combined! They are worse than fucking Stalin! Aaaaagh!!!

/never been to Long Island, but wanted to support Senor Weaselo anyway

laserguru

/comes home from work
//removes pants
///dons William Holden Drinking Helmet

How the fuck you doing boys?!? The drinking lamp is lit and it’s glorious playoff football weekend.
Let’s do this damn thing motherfuckers!!!!

Doktor Zymm

I want to know more about this drinking helmet. You have mentioned it before…

laserguru

It’s an old joke. William Holden, the actor, was a notorious drunk. His last great binge resulted in him falling over and banging his head on the edge of a table which caused a serious wound and he basically bled to death.
It’s a horrible story and I was a big William Holden fan.

A group of us evil bastard came up with the idea of creating a helmet for when you knew you were going to consume vast amounts of alcohol and we named it in his honor. If he had worn one he would, well not still be alive but he could have gone on to make more movies.

These people, myself included, are evil evil bastards but we did learn a lesson.
http://www.movieactors.com/photos-stars/william-holden-thewildbunch-2.jpg

blordinaryfagicmox
Doktor Zymm

That’s excellent. The best I can do is being part of one of many groups who have ordered 21 shots at White Horse Tavern cause Dylan Thomas.

laserguru

That’s inspirational!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Doktor Zymm

It’s mostly straight males here so I can’t really ask “Which Always Sunny character would you sleep with” but if all the dudes were chicks, and Dee was still Dee, which?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Duchess

The answer is still Dee… Francine would be scary, Charline is just too crazy, and Mac Kenzie is totally a lesbian, and Denise is a sociopath.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
JustStopDude

Denise…I am naturally attracted to fucking evil…

Spanky Datass

Pink Taco?

Doktor Zymm

We in Vegas? We should be in Vegas. DFO MEETUP GO.

Spanky Datass

I would love to be in Vegas RIGHT NOW! But alas, responsibilities.

laserguru

That’s a solid idea. If we give enough notice we can get a crowd.

Who doesn’t want to go to Vegas?

ballsofsteelandfury

Count me in for “Bourble in Vegas”

ballsofsteelandfury

That’s a tough one. The sex would be amazing because they are all nuts. I wanna say Charlie because he’s adorably dumb.

blordinaryfagicmox
Senor Weaselo

Never mind, it’s a 12-point game now. I’ll take close for 3 quarters though.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
JustStopDude

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Duchess

damn it now I want to watch “The Midnight Hour”

Duchess

I think the cheerleader was my first real crush

JustStopDude
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

The game is in Washington.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Doktor Zymm

Oh, so, in 10th season Always Sunny on Netflix, there is some picture behind the bar which is blurred in editing. I’m super curious. What is it?

blordinaryfagicmox

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Doktor Zymm

Also, I recall being in elementary school coming up with alternate lyrics to this song…I was precocious. I heard someone misuse the word “superfluous” today. That’s unrelated.

JustStopDude

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Is this NSFW? Its a Japanese Commercial for aftershave.

Senor Weaselo

Japanese commercials, like Japanese cartoons, are weird, man.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Megasploooosh.

Spanky Datass

I aged a decade waiting for this gif to load *heh, load* just so I could post a stupid reply.
http://giant.gfycat.com/WeeJollyGangesdolphin.gif
“Her mudder was a squirter…”

Doktor Zymm

So….Toni Basil was a dude, right?

Horatio Cornblower

Toni Basil was in ‘Easy Rider’

Let that blow your mind.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

She was also in Village of the Giants.

blordinaryfagicmox