Your “I Wish Coughlin Was Coaching One Of These Teams” Wild Card Game Open Thread

csb/ When I was at university I would go back home for holidays, spring break and the summer and sling milk for my dad so that I could have spending money. Pere had the expectation that when I was finished schooling I would join him in the business. One morning during Xmas break I was on my way to make a delivery at a grocery store and the announcer on the radio said, “Congratulations folks, today [insert hometown] is the coldest place in Canada!” Shortly thereafter I decided that the cow liquid business was not for me…

Sea @ Min: TAKE THE UNDER! The Weather Network tells me that by game time it’ll be 1 degree but will feel like -11. This would be a good spot for Peyton because he’s accustomed to not having any feelings in his fingers. But this is the NFL and we can’t have nice things. Sigh. Pundits (that have completely forgotten that Minny has been a dome team for 32 of the last 34 years) think that this will give the Vikes an advantage. Coping with the weather? No. Given these D’s I wouldn’t think that this was going to be a high-scoring game under any circumstance. Seattle did blow the Vikes balls off in wk. 13 but the former was cracking on all 24 cylinders and the latter was missing a couple of safeties, LB Barr and DT Joseph. I give Minny a puncher’s chance here-they’ve got to win the turnover and special teams games. That said, I’m making Seahawks Tyler Lockett my game MVP. Now, START YOUR TYPING FINGERS!

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blaxabbath

That is not a good INT to not hold on to.

Spur
Sill Bimmons

Things are trending poorly.

Spur

I’ve had enough of this game. GIF time
http://i.imgur.com/Ih7hcFi.gif

...

What I love about her is that she’s a perpetually-hungry yet insatiable cockhound.

Recovery Whiskey

You hacked Bobby Flay’s email?

entropy

Mad Season/Alicein Chains double shot!

King Hippo

our pain is self chosen indeed

entropy

River of Deceit might be the best thing Staley ever did.

King Hippo

Though wen you lose to your arch-rival, having “Angry Chair” available is fucking great.

Doktor Zymm

Okay, Bedjet is all set up and functional. I’m gonna sleep at the best damn temperature tonight! I wish I could sleep in tomorrow instead of going to work. Work. Harrumph.

Romonobyl

The single or the dual?

Doktor Zymm

Single, I don’t need the dual. I’m not that considerate to people I share my bed with.

John Difool

Like a Teddy over troubled Bridgewater, I will lay me down…..

Gratliff

So far I’ve watched every wild card game online. Even knowing how hard they push commercial time for the networks, the dead air that replaces the ads takes up a shocking amount of the game.

Spur

Chill out Walken, it’s just a Kia.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Let’s try that again…
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It’s funny that the relationship between Minneapolis and St. Paul is so pissy and contentious that no team can be named after one of the two cities.

theeWeeBabySeamus

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bourb0nblues

That would be a critical injury.

Spur

AD chanting incantations on the sidelines. Summons Lord Xenu.

Gratliff

AP’s kids better have good hiding spots

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

They can just hide in the Super Bowl, that way the Vikings will never see them.

litre_cola

Buddy, you are on fire today.

Spur

And miss the [*Redacted] s game fallout?

entropy

That was painful.

The Maestro

I wonder if Drew Magary’s committed seppuku yet.

MikeWallaceAndGromit

That would imply going out with honor, so I doubt it.

Spanky Datass

If he did his ghost is still on twitter.

Horatio Cornblower

I was just wondering why everyone had stopped commenting on the game and then I realized that I was on King Hippo’s thread from earlier today.

This hangover may be worse than I thought.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

This game is just like yesterday’s, in that it would be funny to see a team derp away a lead like this except I hate the beneficiary so much it sucks away the joy.

fleshwound_NPG

There has not been a legit reason to be a Minnesota sports fan since 1991.

Dunstan

Is that when “Coach” went off the air?

blaxabbath

Weren’t the Wild good for a time?

fleshwound_NPG

If by “good” you mean ” yearly mid-round disappointment” then yes, good.

The Maestro

No.

Romonobyl

You’ve never seen their curling team obviously.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

You obviously have never been to MN in winter. Snowed in every day breeds fandom.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

So, is this a good time to get on a flight without directv and questionable wifi status?

Wakezilla

What’s with the blind hatred of the C-Hox some of youse are showing today?

Gratliff

Pete Carrol

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Pete Carroll is an asshole, Russell Wilson is a fucking manufactured imagine, the team as a whole is arrogant, and any good team gets some hate for being successful.

Oh, and fucking Mackelmore.

John Difool

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blaxabbath

Same division.

And fuck their fans.

And fuck the “this team is tough” narrative that came from their 2014 season highlight being Palmer going down (allowing them to not have to play through the wild card).

And Wilson (as already mentioned).

And “Toudown, Seahawks!”

And that SNF loves them.

And because I’m in a fucking bad mood, that’s why.

Recovery Whiskey

Mumble mumble Seattle sacked Rodgers 7 times that game, and the refs gifted GB a TD earlier on a soft PI call.

Nope, ESPN needs a narrative.

blaxabbath

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Horatio Cornblower

I have a hard time rooting for anyone who thinks God sent a Super Bowl interception to test him and force him to be a leader.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Started hating Wilson. Bennett brother 2 is a dick (he is injured as I say it so he is a saint), Sherman is a Stanford educated retarded asshole, the coach (see above), the fans, the ass kissing they get by every media form

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Bennett is back so I can be honest. Fucking terrible person

Dunstan

To dream, the impossible dream
To surmount, the insurmountable lead…..

John Difool

Welp, there’s your final score.

bourb0nblues

Alice in Chains… DRINK

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

I shoot up instead

entropy

It’s gonna rain when I die

Romonobyl

Their singer sure took your advice.

entropy

He was a heroin addict. Also, best voice out of Seattle. I dare anyone to argue.

Recovery Whiskey

Hau$ch

theeWeeBabySeamus

He is money indeed.
We miss him in Raleigh. Now we have Bamberg….and he is as good as he sounds.

Spur

Classic Vikings, raise your hopes then let you down.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Haushka gonna fuck you up.

King Hippo

I still love that little fucker. One badass wolf.

theeWeeBabySeamus

True dat

fleshwound_NPG

Washington is somehow going to be the one home team this weekend that does not derp away the game.

WASHINGTON. FUCKING WASHINGTON.

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I know. It’s their destiny to pull out an amazing victory today only to be completely dismantled next week.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Nice fumble, Bleeding Nuts Murphy

litre_cola

Oh this is good.

MikeWallaceAndGromit

As Seattle starts this comeback I realize they’ve inconceivably surpassed the Pats as my most hated team.

Wakezilla

Why?

MikeWallaceAndGromit

Combination of Pete Carroll, Russell Wilson, their bandwagon fans here in the Pacific Northwest, and them repeatedly stomping the Packers in crucial games.

bourb0nblues
King Hippo

He’s a carrier

Bortleback

Doesn’t bode well for Gruden and the slurs!

Spur

God I fucking hate the Seahawks.

King Hippo

Fractured SKOL

Senor Weaselo

Everyone hates de Blasio, it’s just that Joe Lhota was worse. I seriously voted for Jimmy McMillan.

Wakezilla

So, AP’s kids get to hit him with a switch now, right?

litre_cola

Decided to have a Glenfiddoch 18 year old cask edition for blaxsabbaths loss.

Dogs truly are a humans best friend. No judgement for dumbassery.

...

Dog death days are always the worst.

entropy

When I had to put down my dog, I called off work the next day, told my boss, “I loved that dog more than I like most people.”

He responded, “uh….. Take two days.”

He was a smart man.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I want to go hug my idiot puppy (he is 12) now

MikeWallaceAndGromit

I recently had one of those On This Day things pop up with a picture of my dog that I had to put down six years ago and I broke down in the middle of the airport.

blaxabbath

thx

The Maestro

Who called the AP fumble at critical juncture earlier??

entropy

Not me. I was responsible for the punting idiocy.

Senor Weaselo

Peterson’s gonna get flogged for that one.

JustStopDude

I bet you if that football was a switch and he was wailing on his kid’s balls, AP would not have lost his grip…

John Difool

A-DERP-RIAN PETERSON

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Drew Magary begged God for the Vikings not to fumble seconds before Peterson fumbled.

fleshwound_NPG

and tweeted “oh god” right before RIGHT BEFORE the scramble play

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Poor Big Daddy Balls.

King Hippo

You want an unpleasant thought? Imagine having to peel back the layers and take a shit in one of them ice cold stadium toilets.

And yeah, somebody said Purple Jesus was saving his fumbre for crunch time too.

WE SEE ALL TEH FUTURE

Recovery Whiskey

There it is

Doktor Zymm

Wait, what?
Seattle has points now? And AP just turned it over? The fuck?

Romonobyl

See what happens when you’re distracted?!?!

Redshirt

Who called a final score of 10-9?

King Hippo

LitreCola

bourb0nblues

He picks the fucking WORST times.

ThursdaySkyGoddess

SKOLLAPSE

MikeWallaceAndGromit

Why Vikings, why?

Romonobyl

Welp.

Spur

TIME FOR A PICK TEDDY

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I hope the Vikings run fifteen play action checkdowns in a row.