Your “One Of These Teams Has To Not-Win? NUTCAKES!” NFC Championship Open Thread

I like both these teams. Both will perform very well in the last game of the year against either AFC champion. (What? Did you think that as of [checks pocket watch] 3:32 EST I know who won the AFC thingy?) Rivera and Arians both deserve all the kudos for taking formerly moribund programs to the top. And it just seems like it’s the NFC’s year this year, doesn’t it?

Stats Time: Them Panthers led the league in scoring and the Cards were second. If the Cards depend on the blitz to bring pressure they are fooked. QB Newton completes 59% of his passes, has an 80.4 QBR and has a ridiculous 80.4 QBR when the other team brings the house. As far as rushing is concerned, the Panthers attack as a team averages 4.1 yards per carry. GOSTKOWSKI SUCKS! (just saw the missed extra point)

Okay down to brass tacks (whatever that means) I sorta lucked out last week by identifying DT Short as a difference-maker. This reminds me-GM of the Panthers Gettleman drafted two DT’s back to back in the ’13 draft. Lotulelei went in the first and Short went in the second. BAM! INTERIOR D IS TAKEN CARE OF FOR A HALF-DOZEN YEARS. As far as feel-good stories are concerned the weakest narrative going is QB Palmer’s quest for a Super Bowl ring. He wasn’t that  great a story in Cincy so why all the lovin’ now? Now, WR Fitz is legitimate. THIS GUY-copyright Jon Gruden-is a tried and true big game performer with stats up the whatzizz. On t’udder side of the ball I would love to see a nation of older, pale sports writers back pedal en masse  from their “here comes Vince Young 2.0” interior monologues if QB Cam wins. It’s okay fellas, you’ll always have JaMarcus Russell. What say you persons? Let me know who you like below. TYPE LIKE YOU’VE NEVER TYPED BEFORE, WASTRELS!

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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Ok. Last two pics and then I am off to watch Netflix. Kelley O’Hara in a tennis outfit

http://56.media.tumblr.com/aa476c3a001526a911e599d884e78d46/tumblr_novlxn2q1d1szbqito1_1280.jpg

ThursdaySkyGoddess

Pleasant dreams you beautiful people.

comment image

theeWeeBabySeamus

Best gif ever….?
Maybe…may, be.

ballsofsteelandfury

You too. It’s been a great day!

Horatio Cornblower

I’d definitely ask her out.

Sharkbait

I’ve moved on to Tom Segura on netflix. Highly entertaining.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Woooooot!

And Die Hard 3 is on tv. Who wants to keep drinking and watch Zeus?

Sharkbait

Ohh… Channel?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

One of the Encores. My apartment building has a weird cable package.

Sharkbait

Womp womp. Netflix standup it is.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

If I didn’t have encore, I’d be looping Archer.

The Maestro

I’m really not a wrestling guy at all. Is the Royal Rumble always this absurd and ridiculous?

Horatio Cornblower

Is there a way I can watch it for free?

The Maestro

Make sure your AdBlocker is cranked up high, though.

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

HUSH! THE BOTS WILL HEAR YOU!

Horatio Cornblower

I’m waiting for the Panthers to put the Halas trophy down and then forget it as they walk off the stage.

King Hippo

guh, I hate that this team isn’t called “Charlotte” Panthers

ThursdaySkyGoddess

It’s a testament to how likable Cam is because fuck Jerry Richardson and his Droopy Dog jowls.

Horatio Cornblower

Where did Richardson make his money, motivational speaking?

Old School Zero

Mr. Carson looks quite annoyed to have to accept that trophy.

Kungjitsu

La raza esta en el Super Bowl otra vez.

Don T

¿Plunkett? ¿Cuándo?

King Hippo

I will say this. Humble, Brady-slaying PeyPey vs. Cam is the least evil SB matchup that I can remember. I just feel great for everybody involved.

Horatio Cornblower

(sing-song voice)

Ballast Point you taste so good!

Old School Zero

Finally, the Delhomme and Newton comparison articles can begin in earnest!

Sharkbait

The audio is out of sync. This annoys the living shit out of me

Horatio Cornblower

The first Latino coach in the Super Bowl?

WCS

Tom Flores

BugEyedBoo

Tom Flores.

BugEyedBoo

Too slow.

Horatio Cornblower

Well, there goes that story line. Guess the media will have to make do with “Is this Peyton Manning’s last game?” for two weeks.

/kills self.

Brocky

the first one who is obviously Mexican:

-my racist relatives

MikeWallaceAndGromit

Carson Palmer gave away more turnovers than a charitable bakery.

WCS

“Carolina linebacker Luke Keuchly’s versitly, grit, and leadership carried the Panthers to an historic beating of the Arizona Cardinals in the NFC Championship Game, and into Super Bowl 50. His determination and poise motivated the oft-struggling offense, helped in no part by quarterback Cam Newton’s selfishness and lack of respect, cannot be overstated.”

— Tomorrow’s MMQB

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

The tragedy is that, behind Newton and Kawann Short, he really is the Panthers MVP

makeitsnowondem

I”m sorry. I’m an even bigger shill for Carson Palmer than I am for Peyton Manning.

JustStopDude

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Defensive Back Mike Wallace

Jake Delhomme throws 5 picks
Carson Palmer throws 5 picks
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=bxU2eqZtYmc

Redshirt

Intentional Kneel down on 4th down. Now I’ve seen everything.

fleshwound_NPG

NO NO NO NAWT AGAHHIN!!! THEY AREAH PLAHYING OWAH SONG SWEET CAROLIHHNE!!! FACK THAT IS OWAH SONG NO ONE DENIES THIS

Senor Weaselo

Hey, we got a Derek Anderson sighting after all!

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Wakezilla

Royal Rumble is about to start!

Col. Duke LaCross

Sasha was looking gorgeous.

Redshirt

(tomorrow’s SportsCenter)

“Breaking News here at SportsCenter. The NFL is reportedly investigating Carson Palmer for throwing yesterday’s NFC Championship game against the Carolina Panthers. When reached for comment, the NFL Commissioner’s Office said, ‘Did you see those passes? Something was definitely going on.'”

Bloody Lethal

Carson Palmer throwing something that nobody picked?

Kungjitsu

Roger Goodell: Nah, gimme the damn phone. HEY BRADY! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOUR SHITTY FAMILY TOO!!!

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Another unfortunately very SFW Julie Johnston pic.

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ballsofsteelandfury

She pretty.

JustStopDude
ThursdaySkyGoddess

I like Cam and a few other Panthers and New England is not going to the Super Bowl. Feeling celebratory.

http://30.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m39wdoxRXo1rtt9ayo1_500.gif

Horatio Cornblower

He’s probably even more ripped now, considering he’s been rowing for two straight years now.

makeitsnowondem

I have never hated Kimo von Oelhoffen more than I do right now. Motherfucker robbed us of a player who was like Aaron Rodgers, but better in every way.

ballsofsteelandfury

He was a USC QB. He was never going to be good.

The Maestro

Matt Leinart and Matt Barkley sent death threats your way, but the letters got sent to the house down the street.

makeitsnowondem

But he was good! He was, by any objective measure, the NFL MVP this year!

ballsofsteelandfury

The sarcasm is delicious.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Horatio Cornblower

Hey look, Hope Solo throwing a punch and not getting arrested!

indieguy

these are a gif from BLERGH

The Maestro

No. Fuck her. And not in the sexy way. She should be in prison.

The Maestro

What are the chances that Palmer demands a trade this offseason? Like, 80%??

Doktor Zymm

So…what’s the over/under on Manninceptions in the SB?

Bloody Lethal

4

Sharkbait

4? I’ll take the over.

Sharkbait

At least the Pats went down swinging. This is just tragic.

ballsofsteelandfury

Carson Palmer needs to retire. Like before the game ends.

Horatio Cornblower

Aikman just asked how he bounces back from this. I’m guessing the only bouncing he’ll be doing is hard, off the ground, when the Cardinals toss him out of the plane on the way home.

Brocky

actually that height will probably imprint palmer in the ground

Doktor Zymm

Gaddamn. I can’t even go pop some pizza in the toaster oven without missing a Palmerception.

ThursdaySkyGoddess

PALMERCEPTION ∞

fleshwound_NPG

BHA GAWD SOMEBODY STOP THE DAMN MATCH

WCS

Is Palmer trying to break the single-game record for picks?

Horatio Cornblower

Yes

KidFlash

Seriously getting flashbacks to the 51-3 beating the Bills laid on the Raiders in 1991.

Senor Weaselo

Well the ESPN win probability now has it at 100% (presumably <0.1%)

The Maestro

aaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahaha

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Ah, Sandstorm….

Horatio Cornblower

“Lucifer” looks like an interesting idea that Fox will completely fuck up.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

If by “interesting” you mean “stupid” then yes, I agree. The only good anti-hero devil was Ray Wise.

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Peter stormare was good.

WCS

Reaper should have been face-melting good.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Reaper WAS face-meltingly good any time Ray Wise was on screen.

Sharkbait

Do you think Fox intentionally chose LA, being the city of angels as the setting or just went “LA sounds good! Lets set it there!”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I think they just didn’t feel like leaving town.

JustStopDude

I’m assuming they are just ripping off the comic (which itself was taken from Hellblazer) without any of the quality writing or effort.

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Needs to be on premium cable. I don’t see how you can do this without full-frontal.

ballsofsteelandfury

THIS!

Wakezilla

That was quite the turnover

http://i.imgur.com/xNSeuQ9.gif

Sharkbait

The role of Jodie Foster in the Accused will be played by the Arizona Cardinals this evening.