Your “One Of These Teams Has To Not-Win? NUTCAKES!” NFC Championship Open Thread

I like both these teams. Both will perform very well in the last game of the year against either AFC champion. (What? Did you think that as of [checks pocket watch] 3:32 EST I know who won the AFC thingy?) Rivera and Arians both deserve all the kudos for taking formerly moribund programs to the top. And it just seems like it’s the NFC’s year this year, doesn’t it?

Stats Time: Them Panthers led the league in scoring and the Cards were second. If the Cards depend on the blitz to bring pressure they are fooked. QB Newton completes 59% of his passes, has an 80.4 QBR and has a ridiculous 80.4 QBR when the other team brings the house. As far as rushing is concerned, the Panthers attack as a team averages 4.1 yards per carry. GOSTKOWSKI SUCKS! (just saw the missed extra point)

Okay down to brass tacks (whatever that means) I sorta lucked out last week by identifying DT Short as a difference-maker. This reminds me-GM of the Panthers Gettleman drafted two DT’s back to back in the ’13 draft. Lotulelei went in the first and Short went in the second. BAM! INTERIOR D IS TAKEN CARE OF FOR A HALF-DOZEN YEARS. As far as feel-good stories are concerned the weakest narrative going is QB Palmer’s quest for a Super Bowl ring. He wasn’t that  great a story in Cincy so why all the lovin’ now? Now, WR Fitz is legitimate. THIS GUY-copyright Jon Gruden-is a tried and true big game performer with stats up the whatzizz. On t’udder side of the ball I would love to see a nation of older, pale sports writers back pedal en masse  from their “here comes Vince Young 2.0” interior monologues if QB Cam wins. It’s okay fellas, you’ll always have JaMarcus Russell. What say you persons? Let me know who you like below. TYPE LIKE YOU’VE NEVER TYPED BEFORE, WASTRELS!

0 0 votes
Article Rating
Subscribe
Notify of
989 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

One more Sydney Leroux

comment image

fleshwound_NPG

No, not “one more”.

moar USWNT shit, plz

Kungjitsu

SHE GOT A BIG BOOTY, SO I CALL HER BIG BOOTY!

Porky Prime

This work here?

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

Kawann Shirt: descendant of Grendel

fleshwound_NPG

Larry Fitzgerald…the answer to the question “What if Jerry Rice was drafted by the Bears.”

Horatio Cornblower

(sing song) Going to the Super Bowl!

Old School Zero

WEIRD AGAIN

Senor Weaselo

Gon-na lose third Su-per Bowl.

Old School Zero

WEIRD

Romonobyl

Odds on Cam getting to sit out on most of the 4th quarter?

makeitsnowondem

I hate Kimo von Oelhoffen so much.

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

Only the Bungles could make Kimo von Oelhoffen look like a pass rusher.

fleshwound_NPG

Ground might have caused that

ThePirateSloth

You never go balls out.

King Hippo

Hippo Bowl…set in stone!!!

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Meant to post this one earlier, stayed as just an open tab instead. Fumble pic

comment image?w=1000&h=600&crop=1

King Hippo

I like those shoulders a lot. Adding to the stalk list.

blaxabbath

Is it time to cut Carson Palmer.

Doktor Zymm

We’ve replaced the Arizona Cardinals with Folger’s Crystals. Let’s see if anyone notices!

Romonobyl

comment image

WCS

Sorry, Fitty.

ThursdaySkyGoddess

FUMBRE!

blaxabbath

ARI is playing like any other NFC South competitor CAR has seen.

makeitsnowondem

God damn, Ellington.

Senor Weaselo

Finally had a chance to shower after the Pats lost… wait, 17-0 already? Did we replace the Cardinals with the Seahawks?

Romonobyl

comment image

Old School Zero

So… you chose to wank it?

Romonobyl

I deserved that…well played.

Old School Zero

MU HU HA HA HA

The Maestro

what the actual fuck

Redshirt

Thanks Romo. My childhood was still alive.

Duchess

Do the cards have a jet engine on their sidelines?

The Maestro

OK so confession time…

I’ve never watched a Royal Rumble before, and I think I’m gonna stay up and watch it tonight, even if only as an excuse to keep drinking.

Who here is planning on watching it? What should I be expecting in this thing?

Redshirt

Roman Reigns

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Kinda hoping he goes out early to add some suspense to the thing.

Also hoping for NJPW guys.

And a pony.

WCS

You can head over to Buttfukks dot com. They LOVE their WRASSLIN there.

Porky Prime

I haven’t seen a Royal Rumble since before Vince bought WCW.

Duchess

well some people you don’t know and some people you do know will all run out into the ring. Then guy who everyone acts like the deck is stacked up against will win.

Brocky

Just know that it is almost scientifically impossible to be worse than the last two years.

Not that I”m putting anything past vince

Redshirt

He can do it.

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

Whose a worse actor: Olivia Munn or Aaron Rodgers?

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

This really hasn’t turned out to be an actual game, but I still am just searching for these on commercial breaks, one more USWNT pic

http://49.media.tumblr.com/49f7449eee0ede76fde028e390ac2226/tumblr_n6nxp7N31J1t120qno3_250.gif

indieguy

HNNNNG

Brocky

It’s patriots schadenfreude day, but I can’t post NSFW pics 🙁

Ah well . still a fun night for all

litre_cola

Fuck Macklemore with Russell Wilsons rusty screwdriver.

John Difool

I haven’t seen a Brown run through a Cardinal like this since they switched to wine in the Irish Catholic Church.

jjfozz

Banned already in the Patriots subreddit. I’ll be back.

John Difool

Badge of honor

Shogun Marcus

THAT’S GOOD HUSTLE!
/ass smack

Duchess

To be cursed by the devil is to be truly blessed.

blaxabbath

Good job.

Dunstan

Maybe try the old concern trolling technique? “Guys, I’m really worried that Brady just doesn’t have it any more — we should trade him now while he still has value, and Belichek can just find another Brady in the 6th round of the draft!”

Porky Prime

“FACK THAT FACKIN TROLL QUEAH! SHOW SOME FACKIN RESPECT FAH THE DEFENDING CHAMPS!” /pisses on Yankees decal glued inside toilet

King Hippo

you do the Lord’s work, fozz

fleshwound_NPG
Redshirt

Save some offense for SB50

blaxabbath

Jesus — is the NFC South the best division in the NFL?

Old School Zero

BATMAN VS. /extreme slow motion/ SUPERMAN /sudden normal speed/!

A FILM /extreme slow motion/ BY ZACH /sudden normal speed/ SNYDER!

King Hippo

MOAR homoerotic than that Dorian Grey book that we all made our 11th grade English teachers mad about.

Romonobyl

Wife just left for church and the P*ts have been eliminated so I have about an hour to myself. This begs the question…wank or not to wank? I am at loggerheads on this conundrum.

Porky Prime

And then how best to spend the remaining 55 minutes?

Romonobyl

Finish making dinner of course! Guess I should wash up first.

Horatio Cornblower

I give Arizona no more than 3/5 of a chance to get back into this game.

I think my reasons are obvious.

Romonobyl

You have an issue with even numbers?

makeitsnowondem

I think it’s worth remembering here that Carolina can’t fucking close out a game.

Brocky

Don’t remind me, makes this game less fun

The Maestro

Panthers fans currently

http://i.imgur.com/CXkTV7p.gif

The Maestro

DAMMIT IMGUR Y U NO WORK NOW

Beastmode Ate My Baby

MOAR SUPAREROES

Defensive Back Mike Wallace
Gratliff

That’s a wrap, folks.

Brocky

I can just hear what Palmer is saying in his notebook:

lets see, 17 points in the first quarter, thats and eventual score of…..

68-0 final.

Shit

fleshwound_NPG

come on, add an extra point to that

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

We miss you Honey Badger.

ThePirateSloth

Apparently no coach in the NFC West has ever watched film on the Panthers. Ever.

makeitsnowondem

Eventually the Cardinals were going to lose a game because of the Honey Badger injury.

fleshwound_NPG

cue the Jim Ross remix vid…

Old School Zero

Wellity wellity wellity…

Old School Zero

I think Cam got more protection from his line on that pass than Brady did all game.

Smithchez

So…this got out of hand quickly.

Doktor Zymm

Well, this game isn’t turning out to be as competitive as I expected…

ThursdaySkyGoddess

MOAR PANTHERSDOWN!!!