Your “One Of These Teams Has To Not-Win? NUTCAKES!” NFC Championship Open Thread

I like both these teams. Both will perform very well in the last game of the year against either AFC champion. (What? Did you think that as of [checks pocket watch] 3:32 EST I know who won the AFC thingy?) Rivera and Arians both deserve all the kudos for taking formerly moribund programs to the top. And it just seems like it’s the NFC’s year this year, doesn’t it?

Stats Time: Them Panthers led the league in scoring and the Cards were second. If the Cards depend on the blitz to bring pressure they are fooked. QB Newton completes 59% of his passes, has an 80.4 QBR and has a ridiculous 80.4 QBR when the other team brings the house. As far as rushing is concerned, the Panthers attack as a team averages 4.1 yards per carry. GOSTKOWSKI SUCKS! (just saw the missed extra point)

Okay down to brass tacks (whatever that means) I sorta lucked out last week by identifying DT Short as a difference-maker. This reminds me-GM of the Panthers Gettleman drafted two DT’s back to back in the ’13 draft. Lotulelei went in the first and Short went in the second. BAM! INTERIOR D IS TAKEN CARE OF FOR A HALF-DOZEN YEARS. As far as feel-good stories are concerned the weakest narrative going is QB Palmer’s quest for a Super Bowl ring. He wasn’t that  great a story in Cincy so why all the lovin’ now? Now, WR Fitz is legitimate. THIS GUY-copyright Jon Gruden-is a tried and true big game performer with stats up the whatzizz. On t’udder side of the ball I would love to see a nation of older, pale sports writers back pedal en masse  from their “here comes Vince Young 2.0” interior monologues if QB Cam wins. It’s okay fellas, you’ll always have JaMarcus Russell. What say you persons? Let me know who you like below. TYPE LIKE YOU’VE NEVER TYPED BEFORE, WASTRELS!

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Peyton’s been doing a Trent Dilfer impression all season and Carson is doing his take on Jake Delhomme.

Duchess

Trent Dilfer has been doing an impression of a toaster this season.

jjfozz

About to find out how a tumbler of Bulleitt bourbon reacts with Mucinex Night Time tablets

blaxabbath

You tried it so we don’t have to?

Shogun Marcus

Bourblecoma.

Romonobyl

It’s empenada time!

Doktor Zymm

THE BEST TIME

Kungjitsu

When isn’t it?

The Maestro

THIS IS MADNESS

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

The Cardinals have already just gave up on this game, haven’t they?

blaxabbath

Cards need to trade up to get a QB in the 1st round of the draft this year.

ThePirateSloth

PUT IN SKELTON

Oh….. wait

American Pie Story

I actually want to hug Carson Palmer now.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Jesus I can’t keep up with all these turnovers.

litre_cola

The derp is strong.

fleshwound_NPG

holy shit

CBQUE

Goodnight. Fuck you Carson.

Smithchez

Goddamnit, Palmer.

Gatoraids

Put in the corpse of David Palmer

Duchess

Palmer playing like he’s still on the Bengals

ThursdaySkyGoddess

PALMERCEPTION to return the favor!

makeitsnowondem

oh my fuck

WCS

YOU GET A DERP AND YOU GET A DERP AND YOU GET A DERP

Doktor Zymm

The Hell? Does the ball have cooties or something?

Old School Zero

It’s that goddamn Buffalo Wild Wings bartender again.

Senor Weaselo

Turnovers for all!

Old School Zero

BA HA HA HA HA

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Probably too busy planning his next touchdown celebration to throw the ball properly.

CBQUE

Drive that ball in the hole. Oh Troy you kinky Devil

blaxabbath

Now Cam knows what it’s like to have something stolen from him.

Disengenuous Fake Smile

Good Lord, Cardinals.

The Maestro

Nice of them to start a youth division for the Walter Payton award! Archie Manning’s gonna be so pleased about his boy.

Gatoraids

Cardinals displayed a football move

makeitsnowondem

Don’t punt to Peterson, especially if it’s not fourth down.

CBQUE

I was just ready to turn on anything else.

Doktor Zymm

See, THAT’S the fun Cardinals.

Old School Zero

Well, I never!

ThursdaySkyGoddess

CAMCEPTION!!

Duchess

Carson Palmer is still the most prolific USC QB in the modern era.

His Right Honorable Lord Lordship the Lordly

What about El Shitbox’s 4 playoff wins?

Doktor Zymm

Man, I had such high hopes for this game. Sucky Cardinals are no fun.

Smithchez

Oh man, is there a well out back we can throw the Cardinals in?

Romonobyl

Welp…time to load up my Netflix queue.

Romonobyl

Or not…

So much for that 13-3 season Cards.

makeitsnowondem

As DFO’s foremost Carson Palmer stan: aw, fuck

ThursdaySkyGoddess

Welp.

ThePirateSloth

Amy and Seth: I really used to like you, maybe even rubbed a few out to you, watched all your things.

But now… with Bud Light… I just can not respect you. Hate fuck you maybe, but no more love. No kissing either. Just anal.

Old School Zero

After this game, we only have 1.25 real games of football left.

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

You’re actually counting the pro bowl?!?!

blaxabbath

I’m done. I’m out.

See you all next season.

jjfozz

Eli Manning’s humanitarian move: sharing crayons with as many kids as he can

blaxabbath

I’m less sure about the outcome of The People vs OJ Simpson than I am this game.

Bortleback

I hear Brendan Dassey confessed to doing that too

Romonobyl

So is JJ Watt taking over for teh Fetushead Papa Johns wise?

Disengenuous Fake Smile

Watt really is the defensive version of Peyton, now that I think about it.

American Pie Story

Holy shit you’re right

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

Mediocre beer hawked by mediocre comedians

fleshwound_NPG

Define “mediocre”

King Hippo

I’m going out on a limb with this unpopular opinion, but I think this Cam Newton is a good footballer

Senor Weaselo

STRONG TAEK

Disengenuous Fake Smile

DANGEROUS TAEK

Brocky

Peter King – Feburary 8th, 2016

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Jesus look at those pudgy brats fighting over the ball. You’d think it was made out of fudge or something.

Old School Zero

It’s going to be so funny the third time.

blaxabbath

“Look at Cam give the ball to these kids in the stands.”

These kids with $500 seats to a playoff game.

Duchess

well in $500 1990 maybe… more like $1,500 seats

fleshwound_NPG

SUPERMANDOWN

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