Your “One Of These Teams Has To Not-Win? NUTCAKES!” NFC Championship Open Thread

I like both these teams. Both will perform very well in the last game of the year against either AFC champion. (What? Did you think that as of [checks pocket watch] 3:32 EST I know who won the AFC thingy?) Rivera and Arians both deserve all the kudos for taking formerly moribund programs to the top. And it just seems like it’s the NFC’s year this year, doesn’t it?

Stats Time: Them Panthers led the league in scoring and the Cards were second. If the Cards depend on the blitz to bring pressure they are fooked. QB Newton completes 59% of his passes, has an 80.4 QBR and has a ridiculous 80.4 QBR when the other team brings the house. As far as rushing is concerned, the Panthers attack as a team averages 4.1 yards per carry. GOSTKOWSKI SUCKS! (just saw the missed extra point)

Okay down to brass tacks (whatever that means) I sorta lucked out last week by identifying DT Short as a difference-maker. This reminds me-GM of the Panthers Gettleman drafted two DT’s back to back in the ’13 draft. Lotulelei went in the first and Short went in the second. BAM! INTERIOR D IS TAKEN CARE OF FOR A HALF-DOZEN YEARS. As far as feel-good stories are concerned the weakest narrative going is QB Palmer’s quest for a Super Bowl ring. He wasn’t that  great a story in Cincy so why all the lovin’ now? Now, WR Fitz is legitimate. THIS GUY-copyright Jon Gruden-is a tried and true big game performer with stats up the whatzizz. On t’udder side of the ball I would love to see a nation of older, pale sports writers back pedal en masse  from their “here comes Vince Young 2.0” interior monologues if QB Cam wins. It’s okay fellas, you’ll always have JaMarcus Russell. What say you persons? Let me know who you like below. TYPE LIKE YOU’VE NEVER TYPED BEFORE, WASTRELS!

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fleshwound_NPG

I like how a tipped pass by Palmer was made even more catchable, therefore confusing and causing Fiddy to drop it.

Doktor Zymm

Remember how it took until the middle of the season for people to believe the Panthers were legit? I can’t wait to see the TAEKS on a Cam Newton Super Bowl. STEAMING HOT TAEKS.

makeitsnowondem

I hate so much that I’m going to be on the White People side of these taeks.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I expect more “I knew the Panthers were legit from the beginning (well since week 15)” articles without the parertheticals

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Nothing says “iconoclast” like a dishwater-gray Nissan Altima sedan.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Brocky

As a bears fan, I am perfectly okay with jordan supporting his hometown team.

It has nothing to do with the fact that no one cares what I think. I assure you

Does Jordan still have his Hitler stache?

makeitsnowondem

Nice of FOX to give some TV time to the mascot of the New England Crying Jordans.

litre_cola

JJ Fozz, what door to hell have you opened for me. Patriots reddit is absolutely fantastic.

They all call Gostkowski “Ghost”, they don’t think the o-line should have dressed, the team didnt play today like the legends they are.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

How does “going out in the woods and taking pictures” qualify as “breaking all the rules”?

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
fleshwound_NPG

unRiverboat Ron

American Pie Story

eating all the Milano cookies is the best decision

Senor Weaselo

This is correct.

Doktor Zymm

Mmmm. Those are excellent dunking cookies.

American Pie Story

Good thinking. May have to do that for the second pack.

Duchess

If Cam wasn’t so flashy he would have been able to complete that pass.

makeitsnowondem

Newton with an excellent Peytonsack there.

blaxabbath

Actual headline: “Internet a blessing and curse for local jewelers”

Redshirt

At what point does Carolina rest Cam and the rest of their starters? They do have the Biggest Game of their Lives coming up after all.

King Hippo

toss it to the bowling ball!

litre_cola

Patriots reddit.

“fucking cut him before he gets on the bus. This fucking guy has fucked us enough already.” – I have no idea who this guy is talking about.

King Hippo

other than he’s black, naturally

Brocky

is is simply r/patriots? its pretty entertaining

indieguy

You have piqued my interest

King Hippo

No Kaylyn Kyle ,, smgdh

Dick E. Phuck

The Cardinals must love anal, because the Panthers have been fucking them in the ass all game long.

Duchess

Porn Stars love to live in Arizona.

King Hippo

Christ, what a laser of a pass.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
litre_cola

Mr. Fozz, I just delved into Patriots reddit, it is wonderful. Lots of people blaming the Microsoft Surface.

jjfozz

I have a comment that’s going to show up in one minute – pats fans are gold mines of comedy

Romonobyl

Time to make coleslaw, be back for the 4th quarter.

Mr. Ayo

Ook!

Senor Weaselo

Moosemas Gorilla, is that you?

blaxabbath

Palmer is playing like a high schooler who is going to force it, regardless.

indieguy

The ben approves of this strategy harf harf

Senor Weaselo

So does Rex Grossman.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
jjfozz

I’d rather listen to every side of Metal Machine Music than one minute of Joe Buck

Bloody Lethal

See this McPick two thing makes no sense. You still need to elaborate and specify the damn items you want.

Mouthbreather: Lemme get a Mcpick two, that being two items. For my two items I’d like the mozzarella sticks and the cheeseburger. Thanks.

Clerk: Ok I don’t know why you even brought the McPick two into this.

Doktor Zymm

*Eye Roll*
The CPD is going to do more outdoor roll calls. It’s supposed to be a “show of strength” but all it really does is let the criminals know that all the cops are in one spot at a particular time, and thus they can do whatever the fuck they want right then.

Romonobyl

They call it the Windy City for a reason…and it ain’t the breeze.

indieguy

i’d hit it

jjfozz

A very Rubinesque physique

jjfozz

Created new user ID for Patriots subreddit, the amount of persecution is unbelievable. It’s great fun.

Romonobyl

You go boyeeeeeee!!!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Maybe put some of the best stuff into a post during the week?

King Hippo

Ed Hochuli NAWT FAYUH!!!

Senor Weaselo

Is you username it “noonedeniesthisgreatriots69” or was that already taken?

The Maestro

Figures that a group of people led by Arians have a final solution for victory that turns out to be completely inadequate and really terrible to watch.

Senor Weaselo

That’s just awful. Well done!

Romonobyl

The Mrs. can’t WAIT for Grease Live. I’ll be in my room…

litre_cola

Dear God, run.

Romonobyl

Bedroom door has a lock, I should be OK.

jjfozz

Grease, because we haven’t wrapped our scaly, slimy claws around every other property in existence.

Fuck you with a napalm and concrete dildo, Fox Network.

blaxabbath

Lot of people blaming Bruce Arians for this. Don’t forget that Steve Keim put together this roster.

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

Logan Thomas over Carr and Bridgewater. Never forget.

King Hippo

you wrung me out too too many times…

blaxabbath

You see, Cam, we aren’t just Cardinals fans. We’re a family. We do it the right way. Something your thuggish behavior would never understand. So we’ll keep supporting children’s hospitals, our community, and good sportsmanship. So, Cam, knowing you will never understand this, I’ll keep it short. We’re the winners today, Cam, and it’s too bad you’re too busy with your selfishness to know that we are PROUD.

…or something like that.

hippofant

I hear Cam puts children’s hospitals in his yogurt for the extra protein.

Bloody Lethal
Defensive Back Mike Wallace

McDonalds got what I need
-Nobody

The Maestro

more like ASSCAR amirite u guis

fleshwound_NPG

Fucking damn does it feel good getting off the NASCAR bandwagon when I did

Senor Weaselo

There was a NASCAR bandwagon?

fleshwound_NPG

pre-2007 pre-ESPN era

Brocky

I imagine this is how most cardinal fans feel about palmer right now:

http://img-13.onedio.com/img/719/bound/2r0/53ce2d7196aa007652111adf.gif

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

Now that’s just mean Palmer & Newton. Why y’all mocking Jake Delhomme’s no good very bad birthday?
http://espn.go.com/nfl/boxscore?gameId=290110029

Bloody Lethal
jjfozz

Things I don’t get:
Star Trek
Dr. Who
The appeal of NASCAR

King Hippo

add Star Wars to that and you’ns a Yankee version of me.

The Maestro

Fuck you, Star Wars is the tits. Spaceships, laser swords, mind control and incest, what’s not to love?

The Maestro

wait fuck delete delete delete

fleshwound_NPG

NASCAR used to be good, like, proper good.

Holy shit is it ever awful now.

Romonobyl
Sharkbait
Sharkbait

Stop trying to make nascar a thing Fox.

Romonobyl

You gotta problem with left turns boy?!?!?

Spanky Datass

Gaddamit Buzzsaw NUTCAKES!!!

Brocky

Jesus Christ Cardinals

http://i.imgur.com/cRByIQP.gif

Romonobyl

It’s empanada time!

litre_cola

I would love some. What kind?

Romonobyl

I’m partial to these sweet pumpkin empanadas a local bakery cranks out. Best breakfast evah!

King Hippo

A review of Carson Palmer:

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