Why must I be a football fan? It’s not a particularly pleasant hobby to have during this run of Pats dominance. I think this is their fifth straight appearance in this game. OOF! That’s tough to swallow. It’s not hard to envision myself in a simpler time. I can see it now. [screen goes all wavy wavy] Me and my buddies are just back from the hunt, having brought down a noble stag. There’s plenty of mead to be quaffed as we warm our balls by the large fire. It’s damn cold but there are smiles all round.
Soon talk centers on the threat from the East. The land- and power-hungry Quinnzealots have won a number of skirmishes with our neighbouring tribes and will be soon threatening our (The Allthatisgoodnauts) borders. Word has reached us that they are led by a charismatic warrior, Large Teeth. Some say that his successes are due to a shadowy black-robed druid that possesses uncanny powers that cloud the minds of those who oppose him. During battle one does not know where the Quinnzealots will attack from-when they come for you it could be from the left, perhaps the right, sometimes from the trees above, all without warning. Their small yet rabid foot soldiers buzz around one’s ankles so quickly that it is difficult to hit them with your sword. T’will be a difficult task to defeat them-that much is certain.
Well that’s just great. THE PATS DOMINATE MY ALTERNATE HISTORIES AS WELL. On to the game, I guess. The venerable Hippo could break this game down much better than I could so I’ll just toss some nougats (not nuggets!) out there. The Gronk has 6 TD’s in as many games against Denver but it’s something of a boom/bust thing. Three TD’s came in one tilt and he’s been held to as little as 35 yards in another. Brady is 2-6 in Denver over his career which bodes well for the Orange Horsies. Denver led the league with 52 sacks but in order to be successful they must get pressure from the middle of the line and not the edge because Brady lets go of the ball in just over two seconds on those quick hitters to the Amendolas and Edelmans of the receiving corps. Hochuli is the ref and we are blessed with Jim “Prominent Masters apologist and serial philanderer” Nance and Phil “safe to say Morehouse State didn’t have an Elocution elective” Seems. THERE IS GLORY IN TYPING…SO TYPE!!!
Peyton Manning is just hanging on way too long.
To his career and the ball.
See, to me that’s funny too.
“We traded Denver’s O-line for Seattle’s…let’s see if anyone notices!”
I had to drive my mother to a dinner and just got home.
What did I miss other than the Pats FG?
Derp.
Also, herp.
Dreamboatsack
Punt
Pey-Pey sack
Punt
THROW THE FUCKING BALL AWAY, IDIOT
Just turned on the game to “Because that scramble by Peyton Manning…”
What the hell is going on here?
This new speed gauge thing is a whole nother level of stupid.
Good God Peyton Manning is still so much faster than I am
WHYTHEFUCKDIDYOULETTHATBOUNCE
Flags for the flag god.
So PHEEL says the reason the Pats field position is so bad is because of Peyton?
Good god shut the hell up forever
That was a pyrrhic victory
THANK YOU YET AGAIN VON
Von Miller is meastly today
Tonight’s menu consists of slow-cooked Chinese bbq pork with rice and vegetables. What is everyone else turning into poo overnight?
Dammit…forgot to buy Sake.
We got venison chili cooking in the crockpot whilst we’re out drinking.
The house is going to smell god damn delicious.
fuck everything, that’s the game if Stewart is out
It’s fine, we’ve still got Keohgodno
it’s funny how we have a pretty good, deep team but maybe the two worst single players in the entire NFL
Sign Bernard Pollard for the fourth quarter!
Next man up?
[sobs]
Fuck, Stewart. He’s having a good game too.
Every god damn time I see Wonder Woman in any of the Bat/Supes spots, all I can think of is: “Only someone like Wonder Woman has a strong enough uterus to carry his kid. The only way he could bang regular chicks is with a Kryptonite condom, but that would kill him.”
As long as “faster than a speeding bullet” doesn’t apply in bed..
Yea….. that’s my line.
I think about Batman curled up in a corner and crying about how Wonder Woman doesn’t respect his safe word.
I’m sure Robin knows the word well, prolly The Commissioner too.
How many Dreamboat sacks is that now?
Drei
Not enough?
many, yet not enough
/am drinking now
More than I need but less than I want.
MOAR LIEK GAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHNNABELLE BOWLEN AMIRITE
DREAMBOATSACKALMOSTASAFETY
huzzah for Von
Von Miller is just flat-out abusive.
Until Talib jams his fingers in someone’s eyes again
SO CLOSE TO A SAFETY! I LOVE IT!
Success didn’t go to Amy Schumer’s head, it plowed headfirst into her ass.
Like a dildo
And I’m ok with datass, it’s the head I don’t care about.
Holy shit that D-list for the Grammys was bad.
PUT ROTTING PENCIL SHAVINGS AT THE BOTTOM OF YOUR BREWING TUNS AND CALL IT “BEECHWOOD AGING”
“I really don’t want to spend a week in Santa Clara.”
— Gary Kubiak
Who does?
That’s right. When in doubt against the Patriots, punt. It’s worked so well in the past.
Regardless of who wins this game, they’re gonna get full on assfucked by the NFC champ
The game tonight is the real Super Bowl.
Like it’s 1992
goddamnit. Really gonna blow this
– Aldon Smith, contemplating a 0.17
I’d love to know what Ryan Harris imagined was his job on that play.
like most of the season, a depth guy impersonating a starting LT
Oh…other weird thing from Japan. So I found a Tax free shop. Imagine a four story, tightly packed store selling everything from little candies to washer and dryers.
I’m wandering around looking for a toy or trinket for my nieces back home. As I am browsing the toys, I shit you not, it transition from kid’s toys to sex toys immediately. There was a sign above my head, which I guess was to tell you that you entered the “creepy loner sex toys section” but I missed it.
I went from looking at Hello Kitty figures to Hello Kitty pocket pussies in the span of two paces.
Buttpdugedu
Yup, sounds about right.
Pocket pussies?
You have my attention.
How many did you buy?
Yes, JEEM, because Peyton is old now.
Pennington-esque throw to the outside.
Let that neckAIDS scramble inspire and guide you
If Peyton Manning can run ten yards, I can do anything.
GO HORSEY TEAM!!!!
/I’m only saying this courtesy of the opposition.
Well hello Cody Latimer
He looks nothing like Lattimer from The Program.
http://www.pitofhorror.com/ab/images/theprogram/lat22.jpg
As graceful as a wounded elderly gazelle.
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Servomotors: ENGAGED
HGH! HGH! HGH! HGH! HGH!
NECKROIDSFIRSTSCRAMBLE
That’s how Peyton Manning got his well-known nickname, Slash.
PEYPEYSCRAMBLE
urge to kill…rising
“urge to kill…Rison…”
– Lisa “Left Eye” Lopes
Arson…BITCH!!!
Fuck. You. With. Gronks. Diseased. Dick. Jim Nantz for trying to compare Brady/Manning to Batman/Superman, you stupid fucking idiot.
Wow….shittiest product placement segue in ever Pheeel. Well done.
Brady is definitely playing the role of SuperDouche
Hydration based for Gronk = Zimas and Smirnoff Ice