Why must I be a football fan? It’s not a particularly pleasant hobby to have during this run of Pats dominance. I think this is their fifth straight appearance in this game. OOF! That’s tough to swallow. It’s not hard to envision myself in a simpler time. I can see it now. [screen goes all wavy wavy] Me and my buddies are just back from the hunt, having brought down a noble stag. There’s plenty of mead to be quaffed as we warm our balls by the large fire. It’s damn cold but there are smiles all round.
Soon talk centers on the threat from the East. The land- and power-hungry Quinnzealots have won a number of skirmishes with our neighbouring tribes and will be soon threatening our (The Allthatisgoodnauts) borders. Word has reached us that they are led by a charismatic warrior, Large Teeth. Some say that his successes are due to a shadowy black-robed druid that possesses uncanny powers that cloud the minds of those who oppose him. During battle one does not know where the Quinnzealots will attack from-when they come for you it could be from the left, perhaps the right, sometimes from the trees above, all without warning. Their small yet rabid foot soldiers buzz around one’s ankles so quickly that it is difficult to hit them with your sword. T’will be a difficult task to defeat them-that much is certain.
Well that’s just great. THE PATS DOMINATE MY ALTERNATE HISTORIES AS WELL. On to the game, I guess. The venerable Hippo could break this game down much better than I could so I’ll just toss some nougats (not nuggets!) out there. The Gronk has 6 TD’s in as many games against Denver but it’s something of a boom/bust thing. Three TD’s came in one tilt and he’s been held to as little as 35 yards in another. Brady is 2-6 in Denver over his career which bodes well for the Orange Horsies. Denver led the league with 52 sacks but in order to be successful they must get pressure from the middle of the line and not the edge because Brady lets go of the ball in just over two seconds on those quick hitters to the Amendolas and Edelmans of the receiving corps. Hochuli is the ref and we are blessed with Jim “Prominent Masters apologist and serial philanderer” Nance and Phil “safe to say Morehouse State didn’t have an Elocution elective” Seems. THERE IS GLORY IN TYPING…SO TYPE!!!
oh god demaryius
I thought Hope Solo was in jail, not on a shitty CBS show.
There’s a difference?
Rimshot!
Dear Kubiak, now is not the time to try and bleed the clock.
– Us, in the third quarter.
NOW, PeyPey. The defense is spent. The secondary is injured. YOU FUCKED UP LAST TIME.
Your job is to play keep away for 5.5 minutes. This you can and will still do.
Holy shit holy shit
I still fear the Pats will come out with a win, but at least we got Brady basically crying after getting hit after a week of people accusing him of doing that
Shh!
Leaving Miller unblocked seems like a poor decision.
FACK YOU JEWKAH!
5:56, people. We can do this!
LOOOOOOOZZZZZZEEEE
There it is.
Eat shit, fucktahds.
Just called Edelman a faggot in front of my kids. Jesus I suck as a parent and human being.
But in my defense, I hate that guy.
I’d be worried if you didn’t.
They need to know.
Just tell them you were using the term its sense meaning “a bundle of sticks”
Or a European cigarette.
Better your kids learn about it in a safe environment like whatever bar you’ve taken them to.
hurrah!
Denver’s D doesn’t suck, you guys.
AND Brady got hit? That’s like a perfect play!
THANK FUCK THEY WENT FOR IT
W00T!! Thank you Denver defense.
So who do you think spends more time with their shirt off: gronk or the guy from twilight who plays the werewolf
Edelman needs to show more awareness there and got to the first down marker.
Woo!
yes good good
Nice job!
TACKLE GODDAMMIT !!!
DAMNIT
One enormous homer to another: I’m sorry you have to deal with an entire liveblog of people rooting against your team. I don’t know if I could do it.
I have a fuckload of alcohol here and an empty house full of soft objects to punch. Somehow, some way, I’ll manage.
SPLOOOSH!!!!!
YES
fuck yea
HAH SHORT!
Favre: /pouts
Hey!! The average size is only…oh, that. Nevermind…
NOPE
Make a fucking tackle. Jesus.
Brady needs to put that ball where his receiver can catch it.
I just found out a buddy of mine from Kauai, who is a RAIDAHS fan, is at this game cheering for the Pats.
Poor poor bastard must be freezing, but legal weed must balance his shit out.
HOW IS A SAFETY ON THAT FUCKER???
“The WR should have dislocated his shoulders to catch that perfectly-thrown ball.”
-Giselle
That was a running back, GISELE.
“I have no idea what a ‘running’ back is.”
-Giselle
Can someone just slice about six minutes from the clock? We don’t really need those six minutes, I promise.
Andy Reid? That you?
/tries to hide the bbq finger smears and mustard stains on his shirt
-The 2015 New York Giants
I will say that one thing I’m enjoying is the occasional use of Von Miller as a nose tackle.
I can see where this is going and I do NOT approve.
Noooooo
When did they add the neigh to the “In-com-plete” chant? Because it somehow makes it more annoying.
fiddlesticks
Whew
wide open, just missed it
I am legitimiately happy that 30 second timeout didn’t mean 2 minutes of commercials. I am an abused viewer.
this game is the worst
Because Brady is still up on his hind legs?
That was Andy Reid-ian.
I’m on my third Bigfoot. My nerves can’t take this.
Dumbass. You should be drinking yeti!
Here comes the implosion.
You can bullshit me all day long with the millions of possibilities granted to us by technology. In the end, we’re just gonna use it for porn anyway.
Porn possibilities!
I’m not saying Denver’s fucked if TJ Ward’s out, but they’re going to need another fucking touchdown.
or a drive that ENDS THE GAME with a FG (or runs out the clock if the 2-pointer fails).
Twinkletoes
Brady with the can-can.