Your “OY! WHO’S UP FOR A HATE-WATCH, THEN?” AFC Championship Open Thread

Why must I be a football fan? It’s not a particularly pleasant hobby to have during this run of Pats dominance. I think this is their fifth straight appearance in this game. OOF! That’s tough to swallow. It’s not hard to envision myself in a simpler time. I can see it now. [screen goes all wavy wavy] Me and my buddies are just back from the hunt, having brought down a noble stag. There’s plenty of mead to be quaffed as we warm our balls by the large fire. It’s damn cold but there are smiles all round.

Soon talk centers on the threat from the East. The land- and power-hungry Quinnzealots have won a number of skirmishes with our neighbouring tribes and will be soon threatening our (The Allthatisgoodnauts) borders. Word has reached us that they are led by a charismatic warrior, Large Teeth. Some say that his successes are due to a shadowy black-robed druid that possesses uncanny powers that cloud the minds of those who oppose him. During battle one does not know where the Quinnzealots will attack from-when they come for you it could be from the left, perhaps the right, sometimes from the trees above, all without warning. Their small yet rabid foot soldiers buzz around one’s ankles so quickly that it is difficult to hit them with your sword. T’will be a difficult task to defeat them-that much is certain.

Well that’s just great. THE PATS DOMINATE MY ALTERNATE HISTORIES AS WELL. On to the game, I guess. The venerable Hippo could break this game down much better than I could so I’ll just toss some nougats (not nuggets!) out there. The Gronk has 6 TD’s in as many games against Denver but it’s something of a boom/bust thing. Three TD’s came in one tilt and he’s been held to as little as 35 yards in another. Brady is 2-6 in Denver over his career which bodes well for the Orange Horsies. Denver led the league with 52 sacks but in order to be successful they must get pressure from the middle of the line and not the edge because Brady lets go of the ball in just over two seconds on those quick hitters to the Amendolas and Edelmans of the receiving corps. Hochuli is the ref and we are blessed with Jim “Prominent Masters apologist and serial philanderer” Nance and Phil “safe to say Morehouse State didn’t have an Elocution elective” Seems. THERE IS GLORY IN TYPING…SO TYPE!!!

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Romonobyl

Bad challenge.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Agreed.

blaxabbath

Week 20 — do we know what a catch is yet?

Old School Zero

Nope. I still don’t.

litre_cola

Nope still trying to figure out what a football move is.

Old School Zero

It’s what plants crave!

Senor Weaselo

Somehow this becomes “catch and down by contact,” calling it now.

King Hippo

I am now terrified of SAME THING. Right after I hit “post comment”

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yup.

theeWeeBabySeamus

They’re gonna go for it again.
Yeah, no shit Jim.

King Hippo

challenge that shit!!!!

Gratliff

Never had control. :/

Sill Bimmons

wut

Old School Zero

Worst that can happen is that they tie and Broncos get the ball back with about two minutes to go.

Moonbatting Average

I fear you are right

WCS

Kubiak will kneel four times to send it to OT.

King Hippo

that is WAY WORSTEST ENOUGH

Sill Bimmons

Just remember, the missed extra point is still in play.

If they go for two and miss it, the kicker will still be the goat because they shouldn’t have needed to go for two if he’d made the kick.

King Hippo

here comes sneak HIT HIM GOOD

blaxabbath

A true leader stands in there and makes that throw and takes the hit.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

THe most I’ve seen a Manning transform since Brad became Chelsea.

Gratliff

BLEERGH DEMANDS THE FOCUS

The Maestro

HAIL BLEERGH

Smithchez

Bullshit late flags for the Patriots? I’m shocked. SHOCKED.

King Hippo

oh fuck you letting them make the calls

Senor Weaselo

HAIL BEERGH!

Old School Zero

NO BLEERGH NO

makeitsnowondem

What the shit is this call?

Senor Weaselo

It is swearing time already? God dammit.

Sill Bimmons

When is is not swearing time?

Redshirt

It begins!!!

King Hippo

out of energy. goddamnit, PeyPey

litre_cola

Hippo, I said 20-18, it will be done.

King Hippo

you are a seer

ThursdaySkyGoddess
makeitsnowondem

oh god

Sill Bimmons

drat

Redshirt

Grounding?

Gratliff

4 minutes left, and Brady might not see the end of it

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
litre_cola

Yes please, I like em a bit crazy.

Kungjitsu

*puts in mouth piece* Totally would

Sill Bimmons

Just keep killing him and everything will be fine.

makeitsnowondem

get dunked get dunked get dunked

ThePirateSloth

DFO Females: Matthew McConaugheeeeeeeey now? Or late 90s Matthew?

Doktor Zymm

Eh, no real opinion.

ThePirateSloth

Really? I thought 90s Matt could cause spontaneous pregnancy

theeWeeBabySeamus

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blaxabbath

DEN’s D looks scary enough to drag Manning’s corpse to a ring. I’d set New England’s chances against CAR/ARI at Bernie Sanders.

King Hippo

I feel as if every organ in my body is failing.

Moonbatting Average

So, like, a usual Sunday?

Romonobyl

We have two kidneys and testicles, but only one each of the really important organs?
THANKS OBAMA!!!!11

Senor Weaselo

Warcraft: The Movie, because Hollywood doesn’t have an original idea left.

Spur

Pats are going to win this aren’t they?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Too. Much. Time.

jjfozz

Imagine the stench in the theaters that screen this WarCraft movie

Sill Bimmons

That might be the worst CGI ever.

Old School Zero

I’ve seen this game before. The AFC #1 seed with the lead against the Pats. The bleeding of the clock in the 4th quarter. The Marlon McCree interception-fumble.

makeitsnowondem

the goddamn warcraft movie

King Hippo

alternate MVP: Cody Latimer.

Cuntler

Kubiak is a bad high school coach.

Smithchez

Really took advantage there, Denver. Wouldn’t want to make it too hard on them.

blaxabbath

Nothing says Manning Brady OLD like TODs and 3-and-outs!

King Hippo

eat shit, PeyPey. Weak sauce.

litre_cola

Alex Smith approves of that checkdown.

Gratliff

Well this killed like 15 seconds.

King Hippo

FML REDUX

theeWeeBabySeamus

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