Your “OY! WHO’S UP FOR A HATE-WATCH, THEN?” AFC Championship Open Thread

Why must I be a football fan? It’s not a particularly pleasant hobby to have during this run of Pats dominance. I think this is their fifth straight appearance in this game. OOF! That’s tough to swallow. It’s not hard to envision myself in a simpler time. I can see it now. [screen goes all wavy wavy] Me and my buddies are just back from the hunt, having brought down a noble stag. There’s plenty of mead to be quaffed as we warm our balls by the large fire. It’s damn cold but there are smiles all round.

Soon talk centers on the threat from the East. The land- and power-hungry Quinnzealots have won a number of skirmishes with our neighbouring tribes and will be soon threatening our (The Allthatisgoodnauts) borders. Word has reached us that they are led by a charismatic warrior, Large Teeth. Some say that his successes are due to a shadowy black-robed druid that possesses uncanny powers that cloud the minds of those who oppose him. During battle one does not know where the Quinnzealots will attack from-when they come for you it could be from the left, perhaps the right, sometimes from the trees above, all without warning. Their small yet rabid foot soldiers buzz around one’s ankles so quickly that it is difficult to hit them with your sword. T’will be a difficult task to defeat them-that much is certain.

Well that’s just great. THE PATS DOMINATE MY ALTERNATE HISTORIES AS WELL. On to the game, I guess. The venerable Hippo could break this game down much better than I could so I’ll just toss some nougats (not nuggets!) out there. The Gronk has 6 TD’s in as many games against Denver but it’s something of a boom/bust thing. Three TD’s came in one tilt and he’s been held to as little as 35 yards in another. Brady is 2-6 in Denver over his career which bodes well for the Orange Horsies. Denver led the league with 52 sacks but in order to be successful they must get pressure from the middle of the line and not the edge because Brady lets go of the ball in just over two seconds on those quick hitters to the Amendolas and Edelmans of the receiving corps. Hochuli is the ref and we are blessed with Jim “Prominent Masters apologist and serial philanderer” Nance and Phil “safe to say Morehouse State didn’t have an Elocution elective” Seems. THERE IS GLORY IN TYPING…SO TYPE!!!

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Spur

Takes 5 steps in the end zone. “Did he get the 2nd foot down?”-Nantz

Fronkenshteen

Manning to Daniels. These are…..old men.

King Hippo

Jeeeeeem rooting so hard for the goddamned Pats it’s ridiculous. More obvious than Vitale calling a Dook or U*NC game.

Smithchez

Did he get the second foot down? He took four fucking steps in the endzone, Nantz.

Donks are taunting the Greatriots with WhiteSkillPlayersDowns

Dick E. Phuck

comment image

Dunstan

I didn’t think I could get hard again so quickly after the Bradyception, but Patriot tears are like Viagra.

Redshirt

Yes!

The Maestro

YOU GODDAMN MOTHER FUCKING MORONS

HOW THE FUCK DID YOU WIN 12 FUCKING GAMES THIS YEAR

YOU ARE A GODDAMN EMBARRASSMENT ON BOTH SIDES OF THE BALL

blackroseMD1

Wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! – Ric Flair

Also, all non-Pats fans right now.

Gratliff

With a tear in my eye!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Floatdown!

Old School Zero

Somewhere, Laserface gets emotional, and then screams at all of his children in turn.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

THIS GUY TOM BRADY I CALL HIM AIRPLANE GLUE BECAUSE HE COMES IN MODELS AND FALLS APART IN JANUARY

theeWeeBabySeamus

Nice

ballsofsteelandfury

That’s awesome!

Dick E. Phuck

Goddamn that’s good.

King Hippo

SNAKE DICK REDUX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ThePirateSloth

GIVE US MOAR SNAKE DICK

Spur

OWEN DANIELS!

fleshwound_NPG

NECKROIDSDOWN 2: FUCK BRADYALOO

blackroseMD1

Two numb thumbs up.

American Pie Story

DONKSDOWN

Beastmode Ate My Baby

comment image

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

Quite the overthrow
-Teddy Bridgewater

King Hippo

JEEBUS, PeyPey

jjfozz

Tom Brady to himself in a whisper, “That’s okay, I know my Uggs still love me.”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

THIS GUY TOM BRADY I CALL HIM MARTHA STEWART CAUSE HIS TURNOVERS ARE GODDAMNED DELICIOUS!

blackroseMD1

Fuck yeah. Well played, Von Miller.

King Hippo

HipsterCEPTION!!!!!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Heh heh….so, I was a couple series late. And it wasn’t a pick six.
I’m still taking credit, dammit.

Fronkenshteen

Yesssss

The Maestro

BURN MILE HIGH STADIUM TO THE FUCKING GROUND

NUKE DENVER

FUCK VON MILLER WITH A HOT POKER MADE OF PLUTONIUM

American Pie Story

DREAMBOATCEPTION

Gratliff

Von Miller has had enough of your shit.

Sill Bimmons

me likey

WCS

Ed Hochuli made Brady throw that interception.

— Bill Simmons, right now

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Yaaaaaay

litre_cola

Oh my.

Smithchez

SO FUCKING DREAMY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Beastmode Ate My Baby

I-N-T
I-N-T
TAWMMY THREW THAT
FOR YOU & ME!

Orgasm

Sill Bimmons

oh yes

fleshwound_NPG

DREAMBOATCEPTION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

jjfozz

Fucking sweet

Dick E. Phuck

DREAMCEPTION

Spur

Solid pressure. Keep that up

American Pie Story

Keep doing that dragging Brady to the ground thing

King Hippo

game slipping away FFS

Brocky

I can’t seem the actor without thinking of this:
http://memegram.org/userfiles/meme/78891dcee1.jpg

King Hippo

shitty fucking punt, too

Smithchez

The Broncos, having learned NOTHING from Kansas City, will elect to punt from inside of their opponent’s 40.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yikes. That almost made it into orbit.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Aaron Rodgers: Sometimes the most relevant Glory is a Hole

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