In Super Bowl news, Broncs Safety Ryan Murphy (practice squad) has never heard of Eugene Robinson. Yeah that Eugene Robinson. Murphy was stung by a prostitution sting. The good news for Murphy, according to my understanding of bee stings is that it can only be done once and then the cop that arrested you dies. Way to protect that hive, worker cop. Asked for comment, the NFL Players Association said, “Why do you give us so much down time at night? It’s completely the Broncos and the NFL’s fault!” Apparently Megatron is retiring. As he leaves the city of Detroit via the Barry Sanders Memorial Off-Ramp, Martha Ford will ask a bewildered intern, “How many mules did we get for him and for how much?-this celery cap business is perplexing!” before easing herself into a hot tub filled with Gower Champion look-a-likes. It turns out that Kenny Stabler had the CTE. Absolutely no one familiar with the way the game was played in the 70’s is surprised.
The NHL’s markee (American spelling) game is Wings/Lightning. Make of that what you will. The NBA responds with a big bag of “We might do better tomorrow-we’re not sure…”. The college ball gives us #3 Nova, #4 Maryland, #5 Iowa, #6 Xavier, #7 Kansas, #9 UVA, #17 Miami, #21 Wichita State and #23 Arizona. Somebody is doing some heavy lifting…
Totally stealing from WCS, but too fun.
http://45.media.tumblr.com/1232663a43594800186f4f74bb87f59d/tumblr_neo64eaWwI1qci9uio2_1280.gif
http://49.media.tumblr.com/d415bd8d34a59c532ec3ef548bc62c0e/tumblr_neo64eaWwI1qci9uio3_1280.gif
I KNOW!
Me going in to work tomorrow.
http://45.media.tumblr.com/e872d70a1edbf8077418ecb548704a66/tumblr_nayhrsUB8Z1qdm5ngo1_250.gif
OK, that’s not true at all.
You’re so spry!
Fuck, I’m not enthused to hear Mark Jackson giving commentary.
Mama, there goes that man!
“Wet clean-up, please!”
http://45.media.tumblr.com/5ea58ba7a9bdedb18cbfc86d5b9d0d42/tumblr_o0gakqkxjU1qe6vsbo2_400.gif
http://40.media.tumblr.com/c0515744ac7d5a950cb04f3630d43461/tumblr_o0wlxaNg4Z1ug9yhzo1_400.jpg
what do you type into google to find these?
“George W. Bush Presidential Library”
Nope, those are not coloring books. You must mean H.W.
“Nancy’s Mammogram Results Don’t Come from a Doctor”
Watching the south park episode where everyone has guns. Hilarious.
These boys are still good once in a blue moon.
http://41.media.tumblr.com/a1b6053b46da37c0e10c3672caa53caf/tumblr_o1b9rbmOt81ug9yhzo1_400.jpg
“The Tale of the Elephant-Scented Car Air Freshener”
http://40.media.tumblr.com/2de6361f9b0c61fafb354cb3151399b0/tumblr_o1ez6wammK1ug9yhzo1_400.jpg
“The Mystery of Mutlicultural Representations of Vaginas”
No mystery. Asian ones are sideways.
Comments which are both sexist and racist simultaneously are the shit. Well done.
http://36.media.tumblr.com/d1687d2ee3e5171f2ccff5a525ab26b1/tumblr_o1kkxkj9Hj1ug9yhzo1_400.jpg
http://41.media.tumblr.com/76be792b81ee43e712e150db50729dc9/tumblr_o1s87q6DiI1ug9yhzo1_400.jpg
http://i0.wp.com/100things2do.ca/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/Screen-Shot-2015-03-07-at-1.07.26-PM.png
Looks like mommy got her coke!
Okay, I lied. I did search for testicle cookies. The results were….different.
Nice to see Ted Haggard back in the pulpit.
Entertainment News Headline That Made Me Kinda Sad Today:
“‘Big Bang Theory’ 200th Episode Will Have Adam West and Other Guests”
Terriers had 13 episodes. USA’s rather decent “Robbery Homocide Division” had 13 as well, of which maybe 7 aired. Firefly, 13 episodes. Undeclared, 13 episodes, Arrested Development, what, 53 episodes? So many good shows canceled in either one season, or got truncated final seasons, because they were too inaccessible for the average asshole who thinks “Bazinga” is just goddamn HILARIOUS.
BIG BANG THEORY WILL CELEBRATE 200 EPISODES IN A WORLD WHERE ‘BETTER OFF TED’ GOT 26. This is WRONG.
There is absolutely no reason to stop using “common” as a pejorative term.
http://45.media.tumblr.com/63098edf15e409e07a0e849b3d0e774d/tumblr_o0jvy4ERBg1rxpytqo1_250.gif
Yep. Smart and well written scripted TV has a hard time surviving, especially on the major networks.
/when does Big Brother start?
//Just kidding….I freaking hate that shit.
Poor Dee.
Yay for old black man, tho.
This season has been incredible.
Yes it has.
When Mac’s snap became obvious and he revealed Dennis Jr’s nutritional value, I thought I was gonna piss myself.
(I tried to write that so it would be spoiler free for the rest of you bastards that haven’t watched yet)
Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy = Thing to Blame When Things Don’t Go Right
I just flipped off the TV screen. At this point I am rooting for the Socialist over the Clintoncrat.
Stephen Curry, good at the basketball.
Run Wally…run now.
I’m having an inexplicable craving for Mac and Cheese.
Dennis has lost it.
Totes got the Nicholson thing going on.
The same shape also makes boob cookies! I’m not gonna search testicle cookies….
Can’t decide: Tits Ahoy or Oreolas?
pudenda mints?
Tits Ahoy. The commercial would naturally have a boat in the shape of boobies floating in an ocean of milk.
Yeah….milk.
heads up, Curry has 47 pts and is going for some 3pt record right now….
In a non descript prairie town for 4 days for work. Went to a bar thonight that could seat 500, it sat me. That is it. It was heaven, had wings and beer to a cavalcade of bad music but it was absolute bliss. Then a guy that looked like Kid Rock came in, leather hat and all.
I love being the only person in a bar. It almost always ends up being a great time.
It was great. they staff went out for a smoke, I took pictures of me all over that place.
Satan is not a lesbian. His daughter Mary is.
http://img1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20070521193036/uncyclopedia/images/thumb/6/68/SatanCheney.jpg/500px-SatanCheney.jpg
Nice combo, fellers.
http://49.media.tumblr.com/d9698a51641fd89a9e3c546d2cf7e3e1/tumblr_nxj2nsCU8p1ut2czjo1_400.gif
So…butt cookies are a thing.
?w=500
Anyone wanna lick the beater?
http://www.tobeinstyle.net/blackthorne/Pro5_A-Shirts_White.jpg
Lookit this douche, all in shape like he’s some kinda in shape guy…probably a queer muslim fascist.
….wearing a beater.
booty cookies.
Is there a discount for the ones with cracks?
No chocolate sprinkles?
Very much enjoying Mac and Dennis’ “domestic” lives, but, damn there are a lot of commercials this week.
Mac is good with the signaling talk.
In an ironic twist, when I spent my dowry in a whorehouse the night before my wedding, I referred to the gaggle of assembled hookers as my “practice squad.”
http://49.media.tumblr.com/37a8970e4bb0f91427a42a6c313c4e81/tumblr_o0l6u0qmk51tlb56zo1_250.gif
You had a dowry?
How else was her family gonna gain access to my valuable seed? (Besides stealing my socks)
http://favim.com/orig/201105/10/15-cents-book-book-covers-books-cover-art-funny-Favim.com-39284.jpg
http://49.media.tumblr.com/f0596839f195089683ba6a8a2e689824/tumblr_o0ldhvoP1V1rxpytqo1_400.gif
Hee hee….road rage Dennis is awesome.
http://45.media.tumblr.com/50ad71ddaa85fc1615ffaba9e944a89c/tumblr_o0ea79G24i1s373hwo1_400.gif
Thought of the evening: if prostitution ever becomes legal, I need to have an app created in order to deliver workers directly to clients’ houses, and have the transaction handled completely digitally.
I’m thinking of calling it Boober.
Yeah, I guess they’re already using Amazon
Drones must be part of this somehow.
Would the gigolos become the clitterati ?
http://45.media.tumblr.com/4367b7608045c2b45cfc7fcb0e031a3e/tumblr_my2bx567sG1siipgno1_500.gif
Boober.
I’m really disappointed/secretly glad that my image search for “boober Esiason” turned up no results.
I got two results:
http://40.media.tumblr.com/6aaf8448f98552ed2bc7f948c7f08101/tumblr_nxpm69jJ1B1rk74v1o1_1280.jpg
Would also accept “twatter.”
New Sunny!
What is “Something Antonio Cromartie says every time the test comes back positive”?
http://45.media.tumblr.com/62112630ea9177d72a009eb316e41800/tumblr_o0qe2nO4nE1tpg4boo1_400.gif
That’s all kinds of great.
http://45.media.tumblr.com/1e8316a00feb298572b69f4d059be8ce/tumblr_o0nfigmYUD1rxpytqo1_400.gif
Damn, cuts off just when it was getting good.
“I know, right! Er, I mean, what…?”
— Aaron Rodgers
Personally, I was thankful for the black box.
(giggity)
THE MAN OF STEEL!
Also…he had to be standing on the bench, right? Otherwise why would it go direct from face to crotch?
He can hover.
http://45.media.tumblr.com/59eb632629ef90232d37e6776ba0edbe/tumblr_o0pkoiDgzV1tlb56zo1_250.gif
I have somehow missed that the Esquire network (itself something I am barely aware of) has made a 13-episode series that appears to be a faithful retelling of Beowulf. Has anyone seen any of this? It started airing two weeks ago, I believe. Is it worthwhile? Terrible? A half-assed timewaster to get you through until Game of Thrones starts back up?
I MUST KNOW.
I remember reading that book as a my high school english class. It was pretty good.
I hope they included all the blood and gore properly….
I have always been a huge fan of Beowulf, since my HS English teacher used a Frazetta painting to introduce the poem to us.
(He was also probably my favorite english teacher of all time, even if he had the incredibly incorrect opinion that Dracula is a better novel than Frankenstein. I mean, seriously? How can anyone support that opinion?!)
http://tv.esquire.com/videos/72328-beowulf-official-trailer-the-legend-begins-january-23-on-esquire-network
Trailer….
Always Sunny in suburbia in 15.
That’s where I went to high school.
Are the Wizards wearing special jerseys for Chinese New Year? Or is it just that Beijing finally came to collect on all its foreign loans??
The who?
Oh, you mean the Bullets.
watching this warriors vs bullets game. seems good….
FYI one of the coaches for the bullets, er, wizards has an eye patch.
AAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!
Pick ‘n’ Jolly Roger
Cardinal Ludovico Trevisan was “one of the richest members of the papal court and was famous for his appetites for gambling, horses, women, art, dogs and fine cuisine.”
Woohoo! I’m holier than an old-timey Cardinal!
I tried to googlebing the vows of wealth, promiscuity, gambling, stealing from the church, etc. and didn’t come up with much.
http://49.media.tumblr.com/2ac9ba0982cd3b138ffe7778c30628bf/tumblr_nnsd74l9pu1qb5gkjo2_400.gif
Well, they only really cover the Benedictine, Franciscan, etc. I’m thinking of starting my own order of monks/nuns, the Whiskicites.
http://cdn2.bigcommerce.com/server2100/7965b/products/4491/images/22155/Untitled__67887.1377095350.1280.1280.png
I was thinking whisky, but whatever partially un-submerges your aquatic device, dude.
Thus the “joke.”
Being purposely obtuse is it’s own reward.
How can you be so obtuse? Is it deliberate?
Sometimes it’s tiring being a cute all the time.
http://www.tau.ac.il/~tsirel/dump/Static/knowino.org/w/images/thumb/2/26/Obtuse_angle_(geometry).png/800px-Obtuse_angle_(geometry).png
Dude, the majority of the Middle Ages popes and higher-ranking Church members would make any of us look like non-Hard Ride to Nowhere Girl Scouts.
Yeah, I’m aware of Italian history/read The Inferno.
Holy High Five!
Reading up on, say, the Borgias, before a theology class was always a surefire way to ensure my days were exciting back in Catholic school.
Hey, if you’re ever bored, wanna go dig up some corpses and excommunicate them?
I don’t even need to be bored to do this! Who doesn’t love a good graverobbing now and again?
Woohoo! I’ll get a list of notable Catholics if you get a shovel!
I have many shovels, a pickaxe or two, although I may need you to work up some passable Italian or Latin to inform the authorities we have the full permission of the DFO Charter to perform these actions.
I’ve got some Latin, and I know a guy (okay, a female art historian) for the Italian. And half the people here are lawyers, I’m sure they’ll laugh and do nothing when we’re arrested.
Oh, there will be more than pointing and laughing. Someone will mutter, “I told you so,” and someone else will make an epic blog series about the continuing misadventures of The Dok & entropy.
Sorry, but I don’t buy it; SHE IS NOOOOOOOOOOOT IN THE U.S. NAVY!!
http://49.media.tumblr.com/dc66870fe1278172f173ed2e5f0ea6aa/tumblr_n3ozzrT8OV1rk74v1o1_400.gif
I’ll salute that.
I can buy it. I do suddenly seem to have an anchor in my underpants.
http://41.media.tumblr.com/9f8c32452f6d6ace053b0213a68ad00d/tumblr_nlf1vmsxPk1rtu7hvo1_400.jpg
http://49.media.tumblr.com/7d903c72ea507a99da4ab7c6042174fe/tumblr_nhq7d9SpQI1s2wio8o1_500.gif
So we all need this for all our Gratuitous Simpsons References. Write the quote in and it gives you screencaps.
https://frinkiac.com
Does anyone remember a first or second season Simpsons sequence that went like this?
Homer throws Patty & Selma out of the house, and Marge follows them outside, apologizes for Homer, and then says, “He’s realy… complex.”
Then, suddenly, Homer sticks his head out a second-storey window holding a plate he promptly smashes over his own head and screams, “WRONG!!!”
I know it happened, but I will be dipped in solid gold dogshit if I can ever find the damn thing.
I pretty much remember all things from the first ten seasons, and yes, I remember that. I don’t think it was that early (season 1 or 2), though.
Here it is:
http://simpsons.wikia.com/wiki/Homer_vs._Patty_and_Selma
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Homer_vs._Patty_and_Selma
Season Six, Homer vs. Patty & Selma
THANK YOU! No wonder I couldn’t find it, I was searching way too early in the series. This is yet another reason why I love this place and its people.
Yes! I believe he says something like “time to take out the garbage” while he hauls them out. It’s early-ish in the run.
http://49.media.tumblr.com/9819cb19019a7b321e08ab9f30edf80c/tumblr_o0rk5vmKPi1r6vy8ho1_500.gif
Can’t do tongue, 2/10, would not bang.
Esoteric Simpsons quotes every other sentence seems to work tho.
I finished the HörrorStör novel today, and by god it was way more fun that it had any right to be. If, like me, you find IKEA to be a terrifying place where “modular, infinitely customizable, flat-pack do-it-yourself” furniture is marketed as somehow unique, you may well enjoy this novel. The first two chapters basically detail every horrible, optimzed-for-consumerism detail of an Ikea warehouse (named Orsk here, so as to avoid lawsuits and such, although the author does state they basically stole every idea Ikea ever had and amped it to 11), and the main character even gives a tour to new hires that sounds alarmingly like something I overheard in a college marketing course.
Then, about 1/3 of the way in, shit gets turned on its head and the whole place just goes apeshit. Filled with nifty little catalogue out-takes, personnel reviews, and various other world building elements shoehorned into the chapter titles, it’s a remarkably funny, self-aware, and enjoyable read. Much more polished than most first novels I’ve read recently, and a fuck ton better than that “The Killing Lessons” shite one of my friends pestered me into reading.
I give it an 8/10, and would make an awkward pass at it if I met the novel in a dim bar, even before having several drinks.
After your mention of it previously, it’s now on my Amazon list. I have somewhere between 1.5 and 6 other books to get through before buying something new. The range has to do with my mood regarding a backlog of Ed McBain, some days just aren’t hard boiled.
Also, did you read it Kindle version or paper? Seems like it might be important for this one.
Kindle, and it worked out just fine for me. After I reached 2500+ books in my house, I decided that my “HARDCOVERS ONLY” rule about books was getting silly, as well as structurally unsafe.
Cheers to that. I’ve made an effort (somewhat successful) to limit myself to two bookshelves of physical books. Really, the main losers of me buying a Kindle are the staff and a couple of patrons at my local bar, who no longer get my used books that didn’t make the 2 bookshelf cut.
I have a 225 sgft studio. On my bookshelves I’ve managed to squeeze 110 ft of books plus the other 200 I’d have on my kindle. Plus, the books piled up in my closet. I’m really proud of that accomplishment.
/Big fan of Libraries.
/Only has 48 ft of linear space, on bookshelves.
markee?
Post?
http://ia.media-imdb.com/images/M/MV5BMTIyODc1MDM1MF5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTYwOTMxNDI2._V1_SX640_SY720_.jpg
http://iv1.lisimg.com/image/5765513/521full-markie-post.jpg
That’s not Markee Mark.
Ugh. That guy made my life hell as a teen in the 90’s. “Where’s your funky bunch harfharf?” I just shuddered now on instinct thinking it.
A Vancouver University, named SFU, made a video to promote National Sweater Day. The link below is where you can watch the promo. Today, it has BLOWN UP all over the news media for being como ce dice, sexist?
http://www.the-peak.ca/2016/02/national-sweater-day-video-spurs-negative-reaction-from-faculty/
Surprisingly enough, the video was released 2 years ago.
Good thing Ryan Murphy wasn’t allergic, epi pens are considered PEDs.
I did really good at not yelling at strangers today when someone sitting near me during my lunch eating/beer drinking time proceeded to tell the bartender that “the reason people don’t like Cam Newton isn’t because he’s black, it’s because he celebrates too much.”
Also, someone in my field from the company I interviewed at on Friday turned himself in to the Chicago police yesterday for firing 9 shots off the rooftop of a building in Lincoln Park, which apparently prompted a SWAT team to show up. I’m assuming he’s probably fired, but it was only a 2 or 3 person department, so I’m not quite sure how this is going to impact their hiring process.
If he hadn’t turned himself in I would have congratulated you on a successful frame-job.
http://41.media.tumblr.com/198a4daff230d8d3307ba69beda400b7/tumblr_mt8z35cuYX1s6u7eho3_1280.jpg
Ryan Murphy ,, smgdh. NEVAR use a SP without a TER #. No wonder you’ns stuck on the practice squadron.
I loathe to give Jim Rome credit for anything, but, he did have a decent TAEK today, saying that since Murphy is from Silicon Valley, why not look up an old girlfriend than a hooker?
The Super Bowl should be played in Vegas. Now that I think about it, the entire NFL should be moved to Vegas, kinda like the UFC.