Possibly the most unproductive work week in North America kicks off tonight. HUZZAH! But first, what brings us here:
Free Agency: the thrill is gone after the first week. Not much left to cover until the draft in 43 days. Still,
- CJ Anderson – staying in Denver! Now he’ll just have to figure out Nacho’s “GONORRHEA!” signals.
- the Patriots traded Chandler Jones to Arizona for Jonathan Cooper and a second-round pick, which they will turn into a receiver the size of which will make Edelman look like Gronk.
- Mike Wallace to the Ravens. This will turn out both underwhelming and over-analyzed.
- Filling J.R. Sweezy’s hole on the right side for the Seahawks will be J’Marcus Webb. Somebody check on commentist Beastmode Ate My Baby.
Bleacher Report had an “article” about whether the Browns would be all-time bad in 2016. If anyone knows about bad, it’s Bleacher Report.
Politics:
Today’s the day when we find out if Kasich and/or Rubio are done. Since they are “winner take all” primaries, if either one can win their home state, then it makes Cleveland in July so much more fun than simply spending 3 hours at the Thirsty Parrot before an Indians game. If Trump takes one or both, then it’s going to be interesting watching the mainstream of the party try to put the genie back in the bottle before the convention.
What are the “open carry” laws in Ohio? Because I’m sure that will come up a time or two before the delegates arrive.
Why do the Democrats have twice as many delegates available as the Republicans? It makes them seem desperate to make the convention look full. History note: it’s been 28 years since the 1988 Rob Lowe convention scandal. He and Robert Downey Jr. are bulletproof.
Question from a Canadian: How much do people actually believe all the stories on Fox News and MSNBC? I went through their sites today while reading up on tonight’s primaries, and I can’t believe anyone would trust these echo chambers. They both read like mutual circle jerks for the left & right. If you told me they were the American equivalent of Pravda and Der Sturmer I wouldn’t think twice.
CNN, meanwhile, has a story about how Jerry Springer thinks Trump was “inevitable”.
Enough talk; get to games! (All times eastern)
NCAA: play-in games (I refuse to call it the “first round”) from Dayton, OH
- #16 Florida Gulf Coast vs #16 Fairleigh Dickinson – 6:40
- #11 Vandy vs #11 Wichita State – 9:10 (or 30 minutes after the first game if late)
Let’s meet the cannon fodder:
That’s enough. If both they and I cared enough, I’d be learning about them on Thursday in the actual first round.
I do like how FGCU has its Chik Fil-A noted on the googlemap, but not a library. According to Tripadvisor, “Fleamaster’s Fleamarket” is the #14 attraction in Fort Myers, below two Spring Training facilities. Fairleigh Dickinson has a campus up here in Vancouver, which kept interfering with my lazy search. It offers programs in Hospitality Management and Business Administration, and is totally not the University of Phoenix.
NHL: (8 games total)
- Islanders @ Penguins – 7:00
- Red Wings @ Flyers – 7:00
- Kings @ Stars – 8:30
- Bruins @ Sharks – 10:00
NBA: (6 games total)
- Celtics @ Pacers – 7:00
- Raptors @ Bucks – 8:00
- Clippers @ Spurs – 8:30
Say goodbye to your loved ones, IT’S TOURNAMENT TIME!
It’s been the Ides Of March all day.
What’s with the sudden rush of Caesar jokes?
http://www.quickmeme.com/img/d8/d8ef8c9107df2058795c75a61c0e291cba987e5a09e49d39f554df9ebe5caec4.jpg
Philly announcer whose name I WILL NOT learn, “That’s Brendan Smith, a veteran defenseman…”
http://img.pandawhale.com/95916-youre-heisenberg-gif-breaking-H4RZ.gif
This is very pleasing.
You need no more proof that Kasich is a lying sack of shit than what he just said about Marco Rubio. He called him a “great, great senator.”
He’s just sweet talking Rubio. This is just the foreplay.
So far, not a single GOP candidate has been able to have a speech today without some clown in the audience screaming like an idiot.
Cue the shitheads and their handwringing that this is the inevitable death of free speech after Trump was run out of Chicago.
Hey, so it’s just like the PGA Tour.
IN THE HOLE!!!! (oh damn, five feet short)
http://img09.deviantart.net/15a2/i/2010/252/0/a/the_legend_of_ghost_bear_by_sebreg-d2ydbtd.jpg
Red Grange?
Beware the idea of March
?w=1272&h=920
So it’s really going to be Clinton v. Trump….
https://youtu.be/NS3m0-4bM9s
Poor Mrazek is doing all he can just to keep the score reasonable.
Ted Cruz: I am the alternative to Donald Trump.
Alternative.
http://www.rstreet.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/you-keep-using-that-word.jpg
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Mu7KaTuCzEw/UB3cLHmSBEI/AAAAAAAAAR0/V942US4gkuQ/s1600/the-smiths.jpg
Bush is way more alternative than Cruz.
http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/61ZAKt3X6XL._SY355_.jpg
Matthew Sweet, Buffalo Tom, Kim Deal, and Urge Overkill have agreed that they don’t think any of the potential candidates qualify as alternative.
http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/41MEAAERFFL._SX300_.jpg
Look out Marco! Look out Bernie!
http://images1.houstonpress.com/imager/u/745xauto/6368683/the_ides_of_march.jpg
http://www.harkavagrant.com/history/ceasaronesm.png
Datsyuk is not terrible.
Jim Jackson is!
I spend much of my time hoping Clement has a Bullies flashback mid-game and sticker punches him on air
Sucker. Stupid phone.
http://www.gamergrub.com/Images/Sticker_Slap.gif
http://freebeacon.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/09/Mexico-ass-slap.gif
Yay
In a contested GOP primary, who’s the favorite to get the nomination? None of the candidates who’s dropped out so far will be considered. So, Romney, Ryan… Boehner? Any GOP governors who would have a prayer?
I’ve got to believe Kasich is trying to stick in the race to the convention, so he can be the fallback after the first ballot fails to reach a majority.
Bingo.
http://pixel.nymag.com/content/dam/daily/other/2014/06/30/beuller.gif
My money’s on Ronald Reagan’s corpse. They constantly verbally drag him out; they might as well literally drag him out.
More Philly announcer gems, “If the pretty stuff isn’t there, go ugly!”
Unofficial Flyers Motto Since 1967.
Jim Jackson is worse than EbolaCrabs.
That’s a man that’s spent a lot of time in philly
Hillary sounding like Trump with this China talk.
Final home game of the season at the Joe Louis arena is against the flyers. May be tempting enough to be there when they shut the lights for the last time, if only for Michigander schadenfreude.
WE NEED HEROES
http://mrc-static.s3.amazonaws.com/Newsbusters/static/2010/06/insect_overlords.jpg
I’m mostly a realpolitik cynic, so I don’t weep when the idealists are swept away in an election.
This image also works as a weather report.
Biblical.
Bush Clinton Clinton Bush Bush Obama Obama Clinton
This is such bullshit. Biden fucked up by not running.
160+ comments and no mention of the fact that the strip club whose ad features a stripper in a black thong is on Black Canyon Blvd?
For shame, people, for shame!
Haha….well-played.
http://24.media.tumblr.com/a844467a7d419f764c014919a571b4a0/tumblr_mzimzcdiCp1skfk58o2_400.gif
Hillary: “My campaign has the most votes out of any other candidate in any party.”
Hillary votes = Hillary / 2 Candidates
Republican votes = Republicans / 3-11 Candidates
This is why Common Core needs abolished. The leading candidate for the Democratic nomination doesn’t understand something as simple as proportions.
If that were my boston, the only thing in the picture would be a shred of napkin.
I admit the majority of people I know lean more liberal. That said I do know more than a few staunch conservatives. Like Rush/Beck/Foxnews sometimes are too forgiving types. They are terrified of trump and cruz makes them ill. I’ve yet to meet anyone who openly admits they support trump. So…who the hell ARE these people?
Nickelback fans that’s who! Everyone claims to hate em, yet they both keep selling like mad.
Imagine how dumb you think the average person is and then realize by definition half of the people you meet on the street are dumber than that… those are the Trump supporters
Phlyers’ lead the league in weirdness with a Manning and a Cousins on the roster
Things I never thought I’d say…
I wish NCSU’s bigs were as talented as FGCU’s bigs.
So Donald’s strategy is to attach and trivialize the opponent (“Lying’ Ted”, “Little Marco”). Kasich’s strategy is to not take the bait and be the grown up in the room.
So how many debates until Donald snaps and punches Kasich for not taking the bait?
Bet Kasich would side step and let Trump go through the curtain and hit the wall.
http://imgfave-herokuapp-com.global.ssl.fastly.net/image_cache/133222640323908_animate.gif
“Its a stark image…the remains of Ohio from high above…such savage beauty..that the destruction of the GOP Primary”
“Uh, Dave, that picture was from yesterday.”
I can’t be too hard on Ohioans. The Browns have made them weak and disillusioned.
Is Jeff Green gonna be on LMA? If so, let’s just call this a Spurs win now.
If Kasich isn’t calling Rubio to kiss his ass, he doesn’t deserve to pull this miracle off.
Rafflcopter is killing the wings.
Make The Dallas Cowboys Great Again, by drafting Joey Bosa.
YES! Kasich won!
http://www.fulcrumgallery.com/product-images/P652795-10/all-it-takes-is-a-chip-and-a-chair.jpg
Whatever keeps Trump’s/Cruz’s finger off the Button.
I’d like it if his victory speech was “Fuck you, Marco!”
Does it include the crotch chop?
Crap. I declared Republican and voted for Trump to throw a monkey wrench into Kasich’s ambitions.
(I voted for Santorum in 2012. My strategy is to pick the biggest buffoon in the race so the GOP eventually self-destructs.)
Fun fact, the updated definition of “Santorum” is “a frothy mixture of chaos and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of a G.O.P. presidential nomination.”
If I ever wanted to drop off the face of the Earth, I’d change my last name to Santorum. Good luck googling me, stalkers!
An interesting take on the 49ers draft strategy.
http://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s–WubILy1t–/c_fit,f_auto,fl_progressive,q_80,w_320/194iwu3pe6b3ugif.gif
“Cut him”
-Bill Belichek
The bird is like…da fuq was dat shit?
LA Ice Rams score in the Ice Cowboys barn :23 seconds into the 1st.
/calmly swirls Bourbon
Aaaand Ice Rams score a second goal at the 14:35 mark.
/sternly swirls Bourbon
You ain’t nevah gon’ get bourbled that way.
/just a suggestion
I’m drinking steadily between swirls.
And WOOOO Ice Cowboys answer with a goal as I type!
/pours another
Go Spurs Go
Fuck Chris Paul!
http://deadpresidents.tumblr.com/post/141116976707/marco-rubio-is-hoping-that-he-wakes-up-screaming
HA!
This Paul Begala quote about Rubio is a hell of a burn: “He is a guy with a great future behind him.”
Does Hillary winning Ohio make the Bernie Sanders people finally have the psychotic break we all know is coming?
Bernie Sanders has been speaking about a “revolution”. Maybe he was programming his supporters.
My God, Trump was right!
It turns out the country isn’t ready to go socialist in the midst of a peacetime non-recession? WEIRD.
I find that the people who LOVE Bernie can not comprehend why other people do not also love him. It’s why they cook up these theories about the media being in the bag for Clinton when in reality most people just aren’t crazy about the guy.
I find that the people who LOVE Trump can not comprehend why other people do not also love him. It’s why they cook up these theories about the media being in the bag for everyone/everything when in reality most people just aren’t crazy about the guy.
Creepy.
I read a quote tonight from an Ohio voter who said that she had voted for Obama previously and is voting for Trump because of his “enthusiasm” and call for change.
These are your Trump voters.
That’s what I keep saying, we need to have a serious discussion about having a Poll Quiz to ensure that idiots like these don’t vote.
True, that may disenfranchise 80% of the country, but I’m willing to accept that.
Was it from that Buzzfeed article where they went to Youngstown?
No, this was something on 538.
But I’d imagine that sentiment is pretty common. These people don’t vote on issues, they vote on their feels after hearing vague rhetoric.
I like Bernie, but I realize that none of his policies has a snowball’s chance with a GOP House. Hell, it’s unlikely he could get most of his policies past a Democratic Senate.
Let the Democrats get solid majorities in both houses, then we can talk about a Revolution.
Evening everyone. Polls suck, and the Internet’s mad at me for trying to buy international editions of music, how are all y’alls?
http://forktopen.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/Boudin-Sourdough-Philly.jpg
(Points to Percent Reporting: 0%)
“Very early results here…”
Ya don’t say!
It’s amazing how talking heads can yap about literally nothing for hours.
It’s their only talent.
apparently Rubio can still technically file for Senate re-election
Write-in candidate?
per a smart person on the internet, the deadline to file is June 24th. Learn something new every day?
http://deadpresidents.tumblr.com/
It’s the “Lisa Murkowski way”.
http://www.glitters123.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/Wishing-You-The-Best-Of-Luck-Purple-Glitter.gif
You know when you make yourself watch/listen to something you really fucking hate?
Why the fuck do we do that?
HATE MAKES US STRONGER
Because we want to get laid in college?
TV: “The choice in the Republican Party is down to Donald Trump and Ted Cruz.”
Me:
Pray for Redshirt
Just reheated the pork tenderloin I made last night. Still tasty. What’s up around here?
Some people are mad about little American flags, some are mad about abortions, so pretty much the usual.
http://louderthanwar.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/HdzwzQ71-300×300.jpg
I don’t know what’s in this but I know I want it:
http://www.pondermom.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/01/Superbowl-Snacks_-2.png
it has cheese
and now i want it
I’m watching The Amazing Race on DVR, since teh ballgame is a blowout and teh punditry is boring. Online results is enough for this cracker. Looks like a much better night for HillyBob in her grueling marathon, not that she ever gets much media credit…
http://f.tqn.com/y/mideastfood/1/W/v/2/-/-/88830247.jpg
On the bright side, when Trump or Cruz gets bitchslapped by Clinton, Rubio will be setup in ’20.
The bright side for Rubio and his followers, for the rest of us it would be a continuation to the Dystopian future which we predicted.
Is Rubio playing nice to Cruz now?
No one is playing nice with Cruz.
Anyone that touches Cruz, is dead in DC.
Literally, I might add. He’s medusa-like.
Medusa’s supposed to be appealing.
Would YOU want his cooties?
http://57.media.tumblr.com/f3b1e7e460cb67db5effa6062227dea7/tumblr_mj0u3mgEmO1r10prro1_500.gif
because i embarrassed myself just now
oh, that will never NOT be funny
/also “she just kinda mashes it”
it is my exact visceral reaction to Ted Cruz
Is your question “Are they using lubrication?”