Your “Well, That Was Fun” Thursday Open Thread

Phil Kessel telling hero Jeff Zatkoff where he’d like to go for ice cream after the game.

I’m not going to lie – last night’s sports action was quite delightful. All three hockey games gave us great tension, whether it was Tampa holding on to beat Detroit, Pittsburgh starting a third-string goalie and watching how he held up, or Chicago throwing everything at St. Louis for almost four periods but coming up empty. That’s what makes the first round of the Stanley Cup so much fun. The basketball season ended with two memorable moments – the Warriors getting #73, and Kobe getting his sendoff – and the fact that Minnesota dropped 144 on New Orleans. It sure was nice of Houston to win their game, so the Jazz had nothing to shoot for but being a part of history. People don’t even take 50 shots in All-Star games!

Tonight has just hockey – NBA playoffs start Saturday – but also the thrill of the NFL 2016 schedule reveal. It also marks two weeks until the draft, just about enough time for most prognosticators & Commentists to rework their boards. (More on that soon.)

At least the Rams changed the tone for the next two weeks of draft debate. This one move has already brought today:

  • “Who will they pick?” questions
  • “How does this screw with the Browns’ plans?” questions
  • “Will the Rams get burned like the [Redacted]s did?” questions
  • “How does this affect the rest of the NFC West?” questions
  • “How does this screw the Browns?” questions (to be fair, a perennial draft question)
  • “How can Jeff Fisher turn all this talent into an 8-8 team?” questions
  • “Has Mike Mayock had a stroke?” questions

Really, they are all important topics, and the slightly changed narrative should make counting down to “Chi-Town is once again Draft Town!” a little more tolerable.

I don’t buy the story that the Rams held off on the announcement until this morning, to avoid ruining Kobe’s big day. (FYI: that was actually in 2004, when the charges were dropped and a cheque made the civil suit go away.) Seems a little like ingratiating yourself to the neighbours. All it would have probably merited was a scroll on the ticker, and maybe the 5th or 6th story on Sports Center. It was a big deal today, and that’s what they wanted.

FYI, the Rams (according to Wikipedia), have had four first-overall draft picks since 1960: Billy Cannon (1960); Terry Baker (1963); Orlando Pace (1997); Sam Bradford (2010). Meanwhile, Kurt Warner was originally the backup to Trent Green. (Yay false equivalencies!)

On the other end of the spectrum, Drew Rosenhaus dropped Johnny Manziel as a client, just three weeks after signing on to that mess. An Argos jersey might look pretty sweet to JFF come mid-June.

Tonight’s entertainment!

Like I said, not a lot:

NHL:

  • Flyers @ Capitals – 7:00
  • Islanders @ Panthers – 8:00
  • Wild @ Stars – 9:30
  • Sharks @ Kings – 10:30

FX: Archer – 10:00

NFL: 2016 Schedule release – 8:00

I know what most of you will be watching during that Wild-Stars game. I WON’T BLAME YOU!

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Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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WCS

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[Chargers sign cat to five year, $50 million contract]

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Is that a catch?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

NICE!

Unsurprised

The perfect replacement for Ted Ginn. It even brings its own uniform.

Unsurprised

How is there no gif of this scene?
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Unsurprised

Voodoo Donuts is shit.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Thanks for your input; very helpful.
http://media.giphy.com/media/xTiTnlBCzEtz5zvzQ4/giphy.gif

Unsurprised

I just wanted to issue fair warning that piling crap onto a donut doesn’t necessarily make it better. Frankly, I think it makes them worse. Even the times toppings do work like with maple and bacon, there are plenty of places that do it better than Voodoo and imitators.

This is how you do a proper maple bacon or other covered donut. Slapping strips of cheap bacon on a hyper-processed “maple” glaze donut is for suckers and tourists.
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

The picture looks good and that was the point. I am not an expert in doughnut so I did not know or care about the origin. But since you killed it is pointless now anyway.

Unsurprised

I’m sorry.

Unsurprised

People who ruin the magic of videos like this should be killed and their families sterilized.

Unsurprised

Oops. This was supposed to be a reply to the cat jumping through the snow video.

WCS

Unsurprised

This reminds me of a story my mother told me about this guy in Santa Fe who used to sell breakfast burritos on the edge of a dirt lot where commuter vans dropped off people working in nearby state government offices. The punchline is that the meat was from prairie dogs.

http://41.media.tumblr.com/f62263c6da7053b5af8bda8b30b03a76/tumblr_mieiusBBDS1qdorwao1_500.jpg

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
WCS

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
theeWeeBabySeamus

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Unsurprised

File footage of yeah right:
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WCS

Meanwhile, off the coast of Scotland…

Unsurprised

Fear breeds ingenuity.

Unsurprised

Over her entire career, maybe.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

[joke dies in corner]

theeWeeBabySeamus

YES…EXACTLY THIS!!!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
theeWeeBabySeamus

Direct hit…yay dogs. Fuck you kid.
(when we lived in AZ I had two black labs….after about six mos we bought a house with a pool. At the time, my stepson was about the same age as that kid….dogs were always jumping on his head when he was in the pool…so much entertainment)

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Hehehehe….so nice to know that I’m not the only human on the planet that watched that.

...

Sooo great to get a text from my manager saying the people above him want some worthless report for tomorrow morning and that I have to burn two hours building the fucking thing. Oh. And it’s completely unactionable. The EVP just has a bug up his ass and we all have to scurry around producing shit until he stops bitching about it.

Fuck my company.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Ummmm…I don’t wanna be THAT GUY….
But, the cropping of this photo begs several questions.

...

Honestly, if that cropping hides what my dirty mind thinks it hides, I *would* want to be that guy.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Fair point.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I was thinking you could ‘fuck your company’ with it.

theeWeeBabySeamus

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Unsurprised

If they want shit, give them shit.

Sill Bimmons
theeWeeBabySeamus

Dammit Michael!!!! I JUST bought these frames. They even had that anti-glare coating. I am SOOOOO grounded now!!!!!!
http://images.rapgenius.com/0cfbb16fc70087047c9dc98a7f2e990a.400x250x33.gif

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yay for smartasses in Whole Foods!!!!!!!

Senor Weaselo

Watching playoff hockey of not-my-team is a lot less stressful. Which may be a lot easier soon because if Hank’s hurt we’re completely fucked, as opposed to plausibly fucked without just Mac.

Senor Weaselo

I apologize if the syntax is a little off this evening, I’m a bit hopped up on reception wine.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Just signed to a 10 day contract with Philly.

theeWeeBabySeamus

(sonofabitch)

WCS

I’d rather starve than eat Thousand Island dressing.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

You must draw the line on your closely held moral and ethical beliefs, especially those you hold so dear.

http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view7/2910119/the-tick-armless-o.gif

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Unsurprised

¡Fuera!

ALXMAC

You just haven’t had Marzettis.

Senor Weaselo

Evening human beings. It’s a memorable concert night when the fire alarm goes off and you all have to evacuate! Also I got to hold a clarinet while holding my violin and bowed with it. I did not play both instruments.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hopefully, your skin flute did not get burned.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Fucking diapers, man…I shit my pants every day.
I can’t walk, I can’t hump…
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theeWeeBabySeamus

Wants the D and wants it NOW.
Good luck, Henry.
http://www.larevista.ro/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/SAS27_1.gif

theeWeeBabySeamus

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theeWeeBabySeamus

I’m regretting that one. I think it might induce seizures.

Unsurprised

Doesn’t that make it the perfect coke gif?

theeWeeBabySeamus

How’s everybody tonight?
Nice to see youse.
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theeWeeBabySeamus

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herodotus450
herodotus450

Name a former Bruins player now in the playoffs for another team, I’ll go first:
Reilly Smith

ALXMAC

Tyler Seguin

JustStopDude

http://i.imgur.com/VNXy4vm.gif

This worked out better on GTA V…

WCS

…and the Darwin Award goes to…

Sill Bimmons

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Unsurprised

Several just deaths.

Luongo in full on BOS-VAN game 7 mode.

It’s a tranq and she’ll wake up missing organs

Sill Bimmons

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This is one of the best versions of these.

Sill Bimmons
ballsofsteelandfury

No, I’m pretty sure he wants the D.

Sill Bimmons
Senor Weaselo

Nice.

Sill Bimmons
herodotus450

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Gratliff

Fuck. Sean Couturier out for at least the first round with an AC sprain in his left shoulder. That will probably do it.

Huzzah

ballsofsteelandfury

I want to give a gigantic hug to whoever put the scrolling text together tonight. That is just wonderful work.

Gratliff

Oh god, as soon as I saw “BREAKING:”, I thought “Oh god, say his knee!….YES!”

Sill Bimmons

yeah right would like to participate in the group hug but instead he’ll be sitting over there.

Do you prefer 2-3-2 series or 2-2-1-1-1 series?

Unsurprised

2-3-2

JustStopDude

1-1-3-2

2-2-1-1-1. Always!

2-3-2 is an abomination that should never occur.

Doktor Zymm

http://www.cnn.com/2016/04/14/health/sunscreen-sperm-male-fertility/index.html?sr=fbCNN041416sunscreen-sperm-male-fertility0642PMVODtopLink&linkId=23448754

Well men, what’s it to be? Skin cancer, infertility, or vitamin D deficiency?

I got talked into doing a blood panel (eh, it’s free under my insurance, and I love reading wikipedia pages about what all that shit that’s measured actually does) and despite taking a Vitamin D supplement (sorta, I don’t take it daily, maybe one every 2 or 3 days) the sheer lack of sunlight that is involved in living in Chicago has left me with a Vitamin D level that, while in the normal range, is suboptimal. And this is by no means uncommon. So, I’m just going to assume that my normal routine of mostly remembering to put on sunblock in the summer, but never actually reapplying once I sweat it off is the optimal balance between vitamin D deficiency and skin cancer prevention.

Unsurprised

If it’s any consolation I lived in a city with 300+ days of sunshine and had a vitamin D deficiency due to being a shut-in nerd.

Doktor Zymm

I’m thinking I should probably start grinding up the vitamin D pills and snorting them.

...

Apparently, I’m dying pale and childless.

...

Plus, jeans and any sort of briefs pretty much warm your balls into uselessness, so… whatever.

herodotus450

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JustStopDude

Top ten list of states with the most defunct or moved sport franchises…

1. Ohio (20 teams)
2. New York (19)
3. Missouri (14)
4. Indiana (9)
5(t). California, Pennsylvania, Wisconsin (8)
8. Illinois (7)
9(t). Maryland, Michigan (6)

Anyone want to guess which city has the most teams move or go defunct?

litre_cola

Wichita

JustStopDude

YES!

Maybe…

no.

Akron, OH

WCS

Mbuji-Mayi, Democratic Republic of the Congo

JustStopDude

Well when General Butt-Naked’s Brigade defeated and ate Mutumbo’s Manics…that did put a bit of a downer to the Rugby season that year…

That and it was the first year of the 2nd Congo Civil War.

JustStopDude

Which state or has had the most professional team franchises move from it?

I know DC has had two Baseball teams…

Missouri..St Louis lost the Browns, Rams…

California lost the Rams…

WCS

The Arizona Cardinals have moved like 27 times.

JustStopDude

Turns out…Ohio…with 20 professional sports teams either dissolving or moving.

Yeah but how many of those happen before the Truman administration?

JustStopDude

14 NFL franchises…

Though yes…the majority of those were in the 30’s or earlier.

“Remember the Cleveland Spiders!”

-no one, ever.

-Olbermann doesn’t count

Sill Bimmons

The Cleveland Spiders are named after a defunct baseball team that played in the National League between 1892 and 1899 and have the distinction of posting the worst record in major league history at 20-134 the year the club folded.

JustStopDude

Little more to that, their owner had a second team and basically raided all the talent from the Spiders.

They were actually pretty good for a season.

Sill Bimmons

You Spiders apologists are all the same.

Unsurprised

It’s only appropriate that they were one of Chicago’s first pro teams.

JustStopDude

I think its hilarious that the Rams started in Cleveland.

You can move the team out of the Cleveland…but you can’t take the suck out of the team!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

State? Maybe New York. Baseball: Giants, Dodgers. Football Giants and Jets to New Jersey.

WCS

JustStopDude

You stay classy Flyers!

0.6 seconds left…let’s board a guy!

herodotus450

What else do you expect from an organization that once employed Chris Pronger?

Horatio Cornblower

The Whalers employed Chris Pronger and look what happened to them.

herodotus450

And the ducks aren’t so mighty after he left. And look at the blues! Cursed! The curse of chris. And Edmonton too I think; 45 number one overall draft picks and they still stink. He got around.

King Hippo

The Ice Redacteds are just an incredibly boring ice footbaw side.

Doktor Zymm

Do people who only have a ginger beard have souls? Or maybe they have a kind of half soul and go to doggie heaven?

WCS

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Sill Bimmons

Shakedown, Breakdown–YOUR BUSTED

WCS

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Gratliff

That’s unfortunate

Horatio Cornblower

Flyers-Capitals is beginning to resemble a GOP debate, right down to a black guy getting punched and then thrown out by the authorities.

WCS

Banner comment worthy.

Gratliff

Bravo