If Roger Goodell had any sense of humour – even an evil one – he would make an announcement about Josh Gordon today. It could be about anything:

• reinstatement
• trade of his rights
• renaming the drug test after him

Instead, Johnny Manziel’s Halo partner is going to have two missing years on his transcript. Like Manziel.

What adds to the hilarious “Clevelandocity”™ of the whole situation is that the Browns today traded their first round pick to the Eagles, terms as noted in this helpful jpeg from Rikki Tikki Deadly:

A natural cynic will observe that the Browns have nicely locked up the #1 & #3 picks in 2017. A resident of The Factory will note the Browns are once again building for a future that will never come. A patron of a Flying J Fuel Stop outside Akron is wondering why they paid for $30 in diesel but only received $25. Meanwhile, the bottle jockey at Christie’s Caberet is preparing his draft sheet for Mr. Haslam’s arrival.

Before we leave the…something that is Cleveland, presented for your consideration: Separated at Birth?

Good luck enjoying Pornhub later tonight!

Speaking of jackoffs, Trump handily won New York’s primary. My favourite part was Gawker noting long-withdrawn Ben Carson actually beat Cruz in one district. THAT’S GOOD HUSTLE!!! Going into next week’s latest Super Tuesday, Trump looks to have made Cleveland an interesting place to visit this summer. On the Democratic side, I’m surprised Hillary didn’t walk in to “God Save The Queen“.

In lesser footy news, I’m nonplussed by Everton getting rolled 4-0 today, so long as the Toffees pull off the bigger victory on Saturday in their FA Cup semi. Still, the size of the loss today means my Evertonian neighbour will be loudly liquored by the time I get home.

Keeping on the topic of vanquishing your foes, his could be the first night of eliminations from a playoff series, as the Flyers look to have already packed up for the season. It just depends on whether the Capitals go looking for revenge for all the head shots the other night, and if that throws them off their quest to end the schneid. You can count on Flyers fans to act appropriately.

The contests!

NHL: four games

• Caps @ Flyers – 7:00
• Panthers @ Islanders – 8:00
• Stars @ Wild – 9:30
• Kings @ Sharks – 10:30

NBA: three games

• Hornets @ Heat – 7:00
• Pistons @ Cavs – 8:00
• Portland @ LA Clippers – 10:30

So you don’t have to look for it later, here’s a link to WIP’s twitter feed. LET THE HATE NOURISH YOU!