The scene: The DFO clubhouse, where there is a meeting of the membership under way. Darkest Timeline Zach Morris sits at the head of the table, with the others seated around the table. In attendance are WCS, Beerguyrob, Brocky, JJ Fozz, Ballsofsteelandfury, Rikki-Tikki-Deadly and Lord Revisisle. Attending via Skype are Doktor Zymm, Pirate Sloth, Otto’s Brain and Horatio Cornblower, and there’s a cell phone on speaker mode for Covalent Blonde and Yeah Right.

DTZM (banging his gavel): OK, I bring this meeting to order.

Lord Revisisle (wincing): Could you bring it to order a little bit quieter? That 3-day Draft party gave me a real hangover.

Brocky: Sure, rub it in.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly (peering into a sandwich bag full of pills): Are we doing phrasing?

DTZM: No. Now, look, we have a few things we need to talk about.

Ballsofsteelandfury: Like, where’s Scotchnaut?

DTZM: He’s…expanding our Canadian presence.

WCS: Meaning, he’s at Toronto’s Annual Sex Convention.

Ballsofsteelandfury: Seriously? How come we don’t get to go?

DTZM: Because I can barely trust you to answer the door and not get kidnapped by girl scouts, much less navigate a convention center full of porn stars.

Ballsofsteelandfury (shooting double finger guns): Good point, chief!

Brocky: How about Sill? Is he in Toronto?

WCS: No. He wasn’t happy with the Steelers’ draft and locked himself in his lab. We think he’s building a quarterback.

DTZM: If we can get back to business…we have to vote on letting the two new guys become prospects.

Covalent Blonde (yelling over the speaker phone): I vote no!

DTZM (sighing): Can I at least get to…

Covalent Blonde (yelling): No!

WCS (into the phone): Why are you yelling?

Cut to: Covalent Blonde doing a tandem skydive with Yeah Right. She’s wearing a speaker microphone on her red and gold helmet.

Covalent Blonde (yelling to be heard above the wind, and Yeah Right’s screams): I’m currently skydiving onto a hidden fortress in the Pacific to fight some megalomanical overlord with plans of world domination!

Yeah Right: Aaaaaaah!

Covalent Blonde (deploying the red and gold parachute): Oh, stop it, you big baby.

Suddenly King Hippo shoots by.

King Hippo: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Covalent Blonde (into the microphone): Oh, for…he forgot to deploy his chute! Sorry, guys, gotta go!

Yeah Right: Huh? But…

Covalent Blonde releases her chute, and she and Yeah Right drop like stones. Covalent Blonde angles herself towards the freefalling King Hippo.

Covalent Blonde (to Yeah Right): Hang on! I’ve only done a three-person tandem once before!

Yeah Right: But it turned out okay?

Covalent Blonde (hesitant): Um…sure!

Yeah Right (as they continue to speed down through the sky towards King Hippo): Aaaaaaah!

Cut to: The DFO clubhouse again. The speaker phone has gone dead.

WCS: That was…interesting.

JJ Fozz: OK, so Covalent Blonde is gonna be fighting Donald Trump. So where the hell are OSZ and Marc?

Doktor Zymm (via Skype): Gut question. Zey had left Vegas by ze time ve got here.

Horatio Cornblower (via Skype): … …….. .. ….. …. …

WCS: Hey, Horatio…can you speak up, buddy? Your teeny-tiny voice isn’t coming through the speaker.

Horatio Cornblower (via Skype): …. …

Otto’s Brain (via Skype): Whoa! Language, Horatio!

DTZM: OK, so OSZ, Marc and Moose are M.I.A. I’m sure we’ll hear from them soon. But back to our potential prospects.

WCS: We have Cookiethulhu…

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly (finding a bright green pill): An elder god who will probably eat us if we don’t let him join.

WCS: …and Low Commander of the Super Soldiers…

Doktor Zymm (via Skype): A military officer from ze future who vas vorking for ze Moozefrau before switching to our side.

JJ Fozz: Well there’s a glowing recommendation. He’s probably working for the Irish, too.

WCS (disappointed): I was going to make that joke.

DTZM: Look, besides Covalent Blonde…

Beerguyrob (opening a beer and handing it to Rikki-Tikki-Deadly): Who always votes no on new prospects anyway.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly (washing down the green pill with the beer): Wait, what? Even me?

Beerguyrob (opening another beer): Oh, yeah. She said she’d rather rely on J.T. O’Sullivan.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly (his eyes dilating): Too mean!

Brocky (concerned): You sound weird. Are you okay?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly: I’m fine! You’re the one who’s all shmoozy.

JJ Fozz (taking the plastic sandwich bag): Shmoozy? What the hell did you just take?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly: No idea! I just found the bag under a couch cushion.

JJ Fozz: Good lord.

DTZM (banging the gavel): It’s like trying to herd puppies. Look, I’ll make it simple…two new prospects. Yes or no?

Lord Revisisle: Yes. Anything to stop that damn gavel.

Beerguyrob burps out a yes.

WCS: Charming. Yeah, I think they’ll fit in.

JJ Fozz: They’re probably another pair of dumbasses. But, sure, why the hell not?

Brocky: They seem cool. Kinda like guys who’d, y’know, call you if they were having a party…

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly: Snrfl.

DTZM: Is that a yes or…

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly (nodding): Blrf!

DTZM: OK. Balls?

Ballsofsteelandfury (shooting one finger gun, and then the other): Yup and yup.

Doktor Zymm (via Skype): Ja. Ve need new blut.

Pirate Sloth (via Skype): Aye, I know not these new laddies, but the trust of me mates is good enough for me.

Otto’s Brain (via Skype): Who am I to say no?

Horatio Cornblower (via Skype): …

WCS (whispering to DTZM): I’m going to just assume that’s a yes.

Moosemas Gorilla (via Skype): Ook.

DTZM: Um…okay. I mean, you don’t really have a vote, but…

Moosemas Gorilla (via Skype): Ook? Ook-ook!

DTZM: Look, I’m sorry, but this is members only…

The enraged face of Moosemas Gorilla fills the laptop screen. There are shouts from the DFO members over Skype, a smashing sound, and then the screen goes blank.

Beerguyrob (opening another beer): Nice job, boss-man. You done pissed off the big ape.

DTZM: Great. Well, that’s a problem for the future. Now about these girl scouts…

To be continued…