I’ll take “The Longest Day” or “Band of Brothers”. I realize not every date can be memorialized, but I guess more of WWII is finally being consigned to just the history books. Pity.
NFL News:
- Aqib Talib got himself shot in Dallas over the weekend. Fortunately for the Broncos and Talib, it was neither serious nor the Plaxico-type of shooting.
- Staying with the Broncos, the rest of them (minus current-Texan Brock Osweiler) visit the White House today.
- Fun fact: The tradition of inviting Super Bowl champions to the White House began in 1980 during Jimmy Carter’s last year in office. Carter hosted the Pittsburgh Steelers and the Pittsburgh Pirates, both of whom won their respective championships during the 1979-1980 seasons. (NFL Media Research)
- Far be it from me to determine which millions of dollars is the right millions of dollars, but being called a “similar player” to Blaine Gabbert probably indicates Colin Kaepernick should probably have taken the deal to Denver. Hell – he hasn’t even been cleared for minicamp, and that’s just a red jersey.
- Oh God – I’m not as strong as Ape. In this week’s Acela Excreta,
- PK apologizes for pre-empting the actual column by a day. He felt getting something out about Ali’s death ASAP was important.
- “Monday Morning Quarterback” is “Sunday Morning Quarterback,” for one week only. I felt news of Muhammad Ali’s death, on Friday at age 74, was so riveting and important that we should publish a day early this week.
- I get that; he was kind of an icon. But then he follows it with this idiocy:
- I did not know Muhammad Ali, at all. I never met him. And this is a football column. Why, then, write about someone I did not know, who had nothing material to do with football?
- And then spends the next 5-6 paragraphs talking about himself, and how Ali randomly showed up at different points in his youth & young adulthood to teach Peter King important life lessons, none of which involved “sharing your food” or “only brag if you are the greatest”.
- Brace yourself for a false equivalency:
- Suppose I asked you, “Which NFL players of recent vintage seem to have a piece of Muhammad Ali in them?” What would you say? The first name on my tongue: Richard Sherman.
- And there’s another whole page mailed in. ARE YOU ALREADY ON YOUR FUCKING VACATION?!
- Actually, in the “Ten-Things-I-Think”, 10. J. says the next 4-6 weeks will actually be fill-in’s So far, he’s got Geoff Schwartz of the Lions and Benjamin Watson of the Ravens confirmed.
- In lieu of my own “Adieu Haiku”, I give you “A Prick’s Limericks”
- PK apologizes for pre-empting the actual column by a day. He felt getting something out about Ali’s death ASAP was important.
There once was a writer named Pete,
Who admits he and Ali didn’t meet.
But that didn’t stop him
From writing a slim
Column that about equals a tweet.
Screw you, you hack. Just watch this instead.
I realize Memorial Day was last week, but it’s D-Day.
Sorry; the D-Day anniversary.
A day like today is one that history teachers live for, because you can show all the war videos you want and no one (except the aging hippies) accuses you of glorification. Plus, since I’ve got a couple of kids enlisting after they graduate, it’s like I’ve got extra help quieting the rabble, because more kids than normal are paying attention.
In case you want a little something for yourself, because most people know about Omaha & Utah Beaches: Canada on D-Day – Juno Beach
That’s not a good look, US Soccer. When the fanbase you expect results in your having to post this before each broadcast:
We recognize that during the game it is possible that some fans in the stadium may use words or slogans that offend certain members of our audience and the community in general. Although we know that this can happen in any televised sports event, in no case do we approve or support this type of language. Univision Communications Inc. supports a Copa America Centenario that includes all types of people, that celebrates the diversity of the sport we all love, and that can be enjoyed by everyone, without the consequences of certain words that may be hurtful. In this instance we will strive to ensure that our own comments and coverage includes and respects all, including the LGBT community. This is our agreement with our audience, our community and our partners. (Deadspin)
It just shows that maybe a little more attention should have been involved in the preparation process.
Speaking of preparation, I’m not sure playing the wrong foreign anthem is high on the list of Arizona sins, but when trying to attract another World Cup, especially in the upcoming ‘clean bid’ era, it doesn’t help when cavalier attitudes are taken for national songs. I’m try to picture God-Emperor Trump’s reaction to the Rio Olympics playing Canada’s anthem after a US gold medal.
Tonight’s sports:
NHL: Game 4 – Penguins @ Sharks – 8:00 (Pens up 2-1)
Copa:
- Panama vs Bolivia – 7:00
- Argentina vs Chile – 10:00
To aid you tonight, for reference – courtesy of US Soccer – here is Panama’s anthem:
And here is Argentina’s.
Nope – NOT USING MADONNA’S!
Bill Mazerowski reference! Drink!
I don’t understand how so many professional stadiums have the same weird design flaw quirks that happen in all of the youth hockey places I played in. It isn’t hard to design a good one (a comment about the guy having to get gloves from the other side of the ice 2 min ago)
THREE TWO ONE
Thumb war?
This is all Melky Karlsson’s fault.
http://3.cdn.nhle.com/sharks/images/upload/2014/12/20141209-karlsson-header.jpg
Commence Covalent drinking.
I picked up a fresh bottle of Goose foreseeing this.
C’mere bleeding ulcer! It’s time to focus on a different sort of pain.
If you are gonna get really drunk I request you keep stopping in here so we can watch you decline from the eloquent wonderful person you are to the less eloquent drunk asshole you become
I second this. Hell, I second this for all of us, whether we actually do it or not.
http://www.failking.com/img6/30490-go-home-shark_w.jpg
Fuck it. I don’t want to live any more.
http://66.media.tumblr.com/62d1d92fc9a03fe3457f597841945d52/tumblr_o4uwup6WGz1ua9zsbo1_400.gif
This is what I get for commentisting from Starbucks. Moderation.
I’m trying to confirm this through Twitter, but apparently Kimbo Slice is dead.
No fucking way? Really?
No “official” sources confirming it yet but I’ve seen scads of tweets with “RIP” etc… so still not sure yet.
How is the Ice Stillers not an Ape invention?
Is that one actually honest-to-goodness ours?
/Ours as a Commentist Party, I had no part in it
Put Fleury in for the last 5 min Pens. What is the worst that can happen?
I’m rooting for the Sharks because I like CB more than you Penguins fans.
Of all the Sharks I hate, I hate Karlsson the most:
http://www.penguins-hockey-cards.com/players/jaromir_jagr_452.jpg
YOU DON’T GET TO WEAR 68 YOU RETARDED FUCKING SWEDE
His name is really Melkor?
Melker. Sexy no?
Ehhhh, close enough.
http://lotr.wikia.com/wiki/Melkor
Melkor is like Bob Kraft to Sauron’s Bill Belichick
/feelings of suicide subsiding
DON’T JUMP!!!!!
http://sociorocketnewsen.files.wordpress.com/2014/02/25-of-japans-favorite-animal-fail-gifs22.gif
http://images.boomsbeat.com/data/images/full/456/fail17-gif.gif
There’s still trying to kill all of Cleveland’s spirit and the rest of LeBron’s hairline!
http://www.paydayloans.org/wp-content/uploads/2010/01/Shark.jpg
Wait, that wasn’t tripping? Am _I_ tripping?
All signs points to Yes
How I hope the third period goes
Gary Bettman is the second-worst affliction currently destroying the National Hockey League.
The worst is Mike Emrick.
FUCK YOU “DOC”
Between him and Pierre, I have no idea how the hell anyone watches the NBC broadcast anymore.
Don’t forget Milbury!
And Jonesy!
And Roenicky!
Shame there’s no Kathy!
Nice kitty!
Cubs win due to Ryan Howard’s consistent ability to be Ryan Howard.
Man, did y’all hear the Finnish call of Donskoi’s OT winner from the other night? This guy makes Jim Ross sound like he’s strung out on heroin. Just fucking awesome.
All the nightmares came today
And it looks as though they’re here to stay!
Yay for Jo Pawvelski!
No matter who wins, I think it is in all of our best interests for this to go to 7 games to shorten the time until the NFL Hall of Fame Game, right?
No. You should all be forced to baseball all summer.
It’s Suntory time
Cubs trying to Cub it traditionally.
Take that ya Li’l Bastard.
http://cdn0.dailydot.com/uploaded/images/original/2012/5/8/Buffalo.gif
http://wac.450f.edgecastcdn.net/80450F/guyspeed.com/files/2014/02/Christina-Hendicks-6.gif
IIRC, the Ice Stillers usually clinch on the road so I could see this making it to 6, still.
Never won a Stanley Cup in Pittsburgh.
THAT will be my one moment of clarity this decade.
so a groundhog has apparently made its home under my shed, so i left out a trap for him last night.
came outside this morning and I had caught a possum.
I don’t know hat’s more disappointing, not catching what I wanted, or the sharks performance tonight
At least opossums have sharp and pointy teeth. Sharks seem to have no muster at all..
even that thing was disappointing. Didn’t growl or hiss, i thought those things were fiesty.
The joke on Sampaoli: he spent all night talking to a woman and, at closing time, she leaves with another guy. “But I dominated possession, which was my purpose”, said Sampaoli.
Intermission so Christina Hendricks for no reason
http://25.media.tumblr.com/a49e8e7b42db76baa341d25a0136bca1/tumblr_mh8l5cpKH81s2gztao3_400.gif
#1 that’s not Hendricks.
#2 its that the gif where she ties up her hair wiht her thong? because if so its one of the most unintentionally gross gifs out there
Is that really not her? I don’t know the scene other than from random gifs so I can’t answer the second part.
Someone had ID’d her here before, but I’m at a loss for her name.
a quick google search shows that is Vica Kerekes.
also, the after viewing the whole thing, i’m sorry, I can’t get past the idea of discharge on hair.
https://youtu.be/5S849MmJpdg
Mike Emrick is the biggest fraud in all of human history.
“Doctor” of “Communications?”
Are. You. Fucking. Kidding. Me.
Even if I’d known such a thing existed I’d still never have gone for my “Doctor” of “Neurology.”
Being a doctor of communications is like being a connoisseur of Coca-Cola.
Fuck you now and forever, Doc.
I SMELL A DOKTOR-OFF!!!
At least Coca-Cola is popular and well-liked by millions of people all over the globe, though.
Awww sheeet. PHD FIGHT!
Chilean women. Me gusta.
Say “trickle” again and see if I don’t reach through my screen and choke you.
MIKE EMRICK IS SATAN INCARNATE
that seems a little harsh/unfair to Satan
http://www.onallcylinders.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/Cole-Trickle.jpg
HA!!!! Nice.
http://s2.quickmeme.com/img/e8/e8d703cf18be8f78cfccdd5df77ef5077ceba5506026a5b81ff5b93034321a89.jpg
Can replace “Stanley Cup” with “Power Play,” apparently.
I am posting this picture of a Shark eating a Penguin with the hope it will inspire the Sharks to stop sucking
http://www.naturalhistorymag.com/sites/default/files/imagecache/medium/media/2009/07/white_shark_jpg_18101.jpg
*That might not be a penguin, I don’t care
As we find ourselves at cross-purposes, I’m outing your sorry ass:
You know I repainted
What a horrible waste of perfectly good whiskey
No lie, she could just as easily get the effect across with water.
http://cdn-wpmsa.defymedia.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2013/07/gif-do-not-feel-sexy.gif
Counterpoint:
http://cdn.meme.am/instances/58393577.jpg
That looks like a Grey Goose bottle. Why is the liquid inside red?
Honest question: if polling in, say, September looks incredibly disastrous for Trump, do you think there’s any chance he actually just drops out rather than get embarrassed publicly?
No, I think he just starts saying embarrassing shit about EVERYBODY in the party. He burns down everything around him.
Nope. He has no sense of shame and is far, far too egotistical to admit he lost. Even Bernie, who has a fraction of the ego, refuses to admit defeat. Trump’s implosion–and I think his chances of disastrously imploding is about as good as his chances of winning are–will be a sight to behold.
He’s out before the convention.
Or have you not read my three-part longform series on this very website?
https://www.doorfliesopen.com/index.php/2016/02/29/the-shortest-con-how-donald-trump-stole-an-election-he-never-wanted-to-win/
https://www.doorfliesopen.com/index.php/2016/03/24/the-shortest-con-how-donald-trump-stole-an-election-he-never-wanted-to-win-2/
https://www.doorfliesopen.com/index.php/2016/04/05/the-shortest-con-how-donald-trump-stole-an-election-he-never-wanted-to-win-3/
That’s right, DFO has #longreads #content!
I was kind of hoping when I put in all that effort!
Nevar not funny.
http://img.pandawhale.com/109968-beach-bikini-babe-wave-fail-gi-eslq.gif
F = ma ,, ppl forget that
siri find gif of girl getting blasted in the ass and ending up all wet
http://thefunpic.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/the-funny-picture-gril-bikini-season-is-really-hitting-its-stride-54-photos.gif
STRING FLIES OPEN!
And for me: PANTS FLY OPEN!
That subtle reverb of the skin is rather mesmerizing.
Update on Talib, he did Plaxico himself
WHAT WILL ROGER DO?!
NBC hockey douche #2: “Fehr felt the contact and went down a little easy to draw the penalty call…. that was definitely the right call.”
Power play goal? IT’S HAPPENING!!
A “helter skelter” is this:
http://redmittens.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/IMG_5912_edited-1.jpg
Not this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kLWSQRNnGY8
You know, I don’t think I’ve seen a Trent Green joke around here in a dog’s age. Did you folks forget about him?
HAR
Trent Green sure did!
Some quality hate coming up at the 2nd third break. Argentina! Chile!!
Eving. I had a pun, then I forgot.
http://forgifs.com/gallery/d/220904-2/Lil-help-beach-ball-throw-back.gif
okay I didn’t have a pun, just enjoy the gif.
siri find gif of girl with balls flying at her face
Give me a second….
Going for the flip:
Jerry Jones?? Is that Really YEW??
HOW THE FUCK?!?!?