Your “Seriously? No One Is Showing ‘Saving Private Ryan’?” Monday Open Thread

I’ll take “The Longest Day” or “Band of Brothers”. I realize not every date can be memorialized, but I guess more of WWII is finally being consigned to just the history books. Pity.


NFL News:

  • Aqib Talib got himself shot in Dallas over the weekend. Fortunately for the Broncos and Talib, it was neither serious nor the Plaxico-type of shooting.
  • Staying with the Broncos, the rest of them (minus current-Texan Brock Osweiler) visit the White House today.
    • Fun fact: The tradition of inviting Super Bowl champions to the White House began in 1980 during Jimmy Carter’s last year in office. Carter hosted the Pittsburgh Steelers and the Pittsburgh Pirates, both of whom won their respective championships during the 1979-1980 seasons. (NFL Media Research)
  • Far be it from me to determine which millions of dollars is the right millions of dollars, but being called a “similar player” to Blaine Gabbert probably indicates Colin Kaepernick should probably have taken the deal to Denver. Hell – he hasn’t even been cleared for minicamp, and that’s just a red jersey.
  • Oh God – I’m not as strong as Ape. In this week’s Acela Excreta,
    • PK apologizes for pre-empting the actual column by a day. He felt getting something out about Ali’s death ASAP was important.
      • “Monday Morning Quarterback” is “Sunday Morning Quarterback,” for one week only. I felt news of Muhammad Ali’s death, on Friday at age 74, was so riveting and important that we should publish a day early this week.
    • I get that; he was kind of an icon. But then he follows it with this idiocy:
      • I did not know Muhammad Ali, at all. I never met him. And this is a football column. Why, then, write about someone I did not know, who had nothing material to do with football?
    • And then spends the next 5-6 paragraphs talking about himself, and how Ali randomly showed up at different points in his youth & young adulthood to teach Peter King important life lessons, none of which involved “sharing your food” or “only brag if you are the greatest”.
    • Brace yourself for a false equivalency:
      • Suppose I asked you, “Which NFL players of recent vintage seem to have a piece of Muhammad Ali in them?” What would you say? The first name on my tongue: Richard Sherman.
      • And there’s another whole page mailed in. ARE YOU ALREADY ON YOUR FUCKING VACATION?!
    • Actually, in the “Ten-Things-I-Think”, 10. J. says the next 4-6 weeks will actually be fill-in’s So far, he’s got Geoff Schwartz of the Lions and Benjamin Watson of the Ravens confirmed.
    • In lieu of my own “Adieu Haiku”, I give you “A Prick’s Limericks”

There once was a writer named Pete,
Who admits he and Ali didn’t meet.
But that didn’t stop him
From writing a slim
Column that about equals a tweet.

Screw you, you hack. Just watch this instead.

https://youtu.be/ThJbZR8M9a0


I realize Memorial Day was last week, but it’s D-Day.

Sorry; the D-Day anniversary.

Juno Beach – site of the Canadian landing.

A day like today is one that history teachers live for, because you can show all the war videos you want and no one (except the aging hippies) accuses you of glorification. Plus, since I’ve got a couple of kids enlisting after they graduate, it’s like I’ve got extra help quieting the rabble, because more kids than normal are paying attention.

In case you want a little something for yourself, because most people know about Omaha & Utah Beaches: Canada on D-Day – Juno Beach


That’s not a good look, US Soccer. When the fanbase you expect results in your having to post this before each broadcast:

We recognize that during the game it is possible that some fans in the stadium may use words or slogans that offend certain members of our audience and the community in general. Although we know that this can happen in any televised sports event, in no case do we approve or support this type of language. Univision Communications Inc. supports a Copa America Centenario that includes all types of people, that celebrates the diversity of the sport we all love, and that can be enjoyed by everyone, without the consequences of certain words that may be hurtful. In this instance we will strive to ensure that our own comments and coverage includes and respects all, including the LGBT community. This is our agreement with our audience, our community and our partners. (Deadspin)

It just shows that maybe a little more attention should have been involved in the preparation process.

Speaking of preparation, I’m not sure playing the wrong foreign anthem is high on the list of Arizona sins, but when trying to attract another World Cup, especially in the upcoming ‘clean bid’ era, it doesn’t help when cavalier attitudes are taken for national songs. I’m try to picture God-Emperor Trump’s reaction to the Rio Olympics playing Canada’s anthem after a US gold medal.

Seems about right.

Tonight’s sports:

NHL: Game 4 – Penguins @ Sharks – 8:00 (Pens up 2-1)

Copa:

  • Panama vs Bolivia – 7:00
  • Argentina vs Chile – 10:00

To aid you tonight, for reference – courtesy of US Soccer – here is Panama’s anthem:

https://youtu.be/UJkxFhFRFDA

And here is Argentina’s.

Nope – NOT USING MADONNA’S!

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Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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Senor Weaselo

Bill Mazerowski reference! Drink!

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I don’t understand how so many professional stadiums have the same weird design flaw quirks that happen in all of the youth hockey places I played in. It isn’t hard to design a good one (a comment about the guy having to get gloves from the other side of the ice 2 min ago)

Sill Bimmons

THREE TWO ONE

Mr. Ayo

Thumb war?

Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons

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Senor Weaselo

Commence Covalent drinking.

Covalent Blonde

I picked up a fresh bottle of Goose foreseeing this.

C’mere bleeding ulcer! It’s time to focus on a different sort of pain.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

If you are gonna get really drunk I request you keep stopping in here so we can watch you decline from the eloquent wonderful person you are to the less eloquent drunk asshole you become

Senor Weaselo

I second this. Hell, I second this for all of us, whether we actually do it or not.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Covalent Blonde

Fuck it. I don’t want to live any more.

Unsurprised

This is what I get for commentisting from Starbucks. Moderation.

The Maestro

I’m trying to confirm this through Twitter, but apparently Kimbo Slice is dead.

Covalent Blonde

No fucking way? Really?

The Maestro

No “official” sources confirming it yet but I’ve seen scads of tweets with “RIP” etc… so still not sure yet.

Unsurprised

How is the Ice Stillers not an Ape invention?

Senor Weaselo

Is that one actually honest-to-goodness ours?
/Ours as a Commentist Party, I had no part in it

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Put Fleury in for the last 5 min Pens. What is the worst that can happen?

Unsurprised

I’m rooting for the Sharks because I like CB more than you Penguins fans.

Sill Bimmons

Of all the Sharks I hate, I hate Karlsson the most:

http://www.penguins-hockey-cards.com/players/jaromir_jagr_452.jpg

YOU DON’T GET TO WEAR 68 YOU RETARDED FUCKING SWEDE

herodotus450

His name is really Melkor?

Covalent Blonde

Melker. Sexy no?

herodotus450

Ehhhh, close enough.
http://lotr.wikia.com/wiki/Melkor
Melkor is like Bob Kraft to Sauron’s Bill Belichick

Covalent Blonde

/feelings of suicide subsiding

Senor Weaselo

There’s still trying to kill all of Cleveland’s spirit and the rest of LeBron’s hairline!

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
herodotus450

Wait, that wasn’t tripping? Am _I_ tripping?

Unsurprised

All signs points to Yes

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

How I hope the third period goes

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Sill Bimmons

Gary Bettman is the second-worst affliction currently destroying the National Hockey League.

The worst is Mike Emrick.

FUCK YOU “DOC”

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The Maestro

Between him and Pierre, I have no idea how the hell anyone watches the NBC broadcast anymore.

Sill Bimmons

And Jonesy!

Sill Bimmons

And Roenicky!

Sill Bimmons

Shame there’s no Kathy!

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...

Cubs win due to Ryan Howard’s consistent ability to be Ryan Howard.

The Maestro

Man, did y’all hear the Finnish call of Donskoi’s OT winner from the other night? This guy makes Jim Ross sound like he’s strung out on heroin. Just fucking awesome.

Sill Bimmons

All the nightmares came today
And it looks as though they’re here to stay!

Covalent Blonde

Yay for Jo Pawvelski!

Covalent Blonde

No matter who wins, I think it is in all of our best interests for this to go to 7 games to shorten the time until the NFL Hall of Fame Game, right?

...

No. You should all be forced to baseball all summer.

Unsurprised

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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

It’s Suntory time

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...

Cubs trying to Cub it traditionally.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Take that ya Li’l Bastard.
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King Hippo

IIRC, the Ice Stillers usually clinch on the road so I could see this making it to 6, still.

Sill Bimmons

Never won a Stanley Cup in Pittsburgh.

King Hippo

THAT will be my one moment of clarity this decade.

Brocky

so a groundhog has apparently made its home under my shed, so i left out a trap for him last night.

came outside this morning and I had caught a possum.

I don’t know hat’s more disappointing, not catching what I wanted, or the sharks performance tonight

Covalent Blonde

At least opossums have sharp and pointy teeth. Sharks seem to have no muster at all..

Brocky

even that thing was disappointing. Didn’t growl or hiss, i thought those things were fiesty.

Don T

The joke on Sampaoli: he spent all night talking to a woman and, at closing time, she leaves with another guy. “But I dominated possession, which was my purpose”, said Sampaoli.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Brocky

#1 that’s not Hendricks.

#2 its that the gif where she ties up her hair wiht her thong? because if so its one of the most unintentionally gross gifs out there

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Is that really not her? I don’t know the scene other than from random gifs so I can’t answer the second part.

...

Someone had ID’d her here before, but I’m at a loss for her name.

Brocky

a quick google search shows that is Vica Kerekes.

also, the after viewing the whole thing, i’m sorry, I can’t get past the idea of discharge on hair.

https://youtu.be/5S849MmJpdg

Sill Bimmons

Mike Emrick is the biggest fraud in all of human history.

“Doctor” of “Communications?”

Are. You. Fucking. Kidding. Me.

Even if I’d known such a thing existed I’d still never have gone for my “Doctor” of “Neurology.”

Being a doctor of communications is like being a connoisseur of Coca-Cola.

Fuck you now and forever, Doc.

King Hippo

I SMELL A DOKTOR-OFF!!!

The Maestro

At least Coca-Cola is popular and well-liked by millions of people all over the globe, though.

...

Awww sheeet. PHD FIGHT!

King Hippo

Chilean women. Me gusta.

Covalent Blonde

Say “trickle” again and see if I don’t reach through my screen and choke you.

Sill Bimmons

MIKE EMRICK IS SATAN INCARNATE

King Hippo

that seems a little harsh/unfair to Satan

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
theeWeeBabySeamus

HA!!!! Nice.

herodotus450

Can replace “Stanley Cup” with “Power Play,” apparently.

Brocky

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theeWeeBabySeamus

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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I am posting this picture of a Shark eating a Penguin with the hope it will inspire the Sharks to stop sucking

http://www.naturalhistorymag.com/sites/default/files/imagecache/medium/media/2009/07/white_shark_jpg_18101.jpg

*That might not be a penguin, I don’t care

Sill Bimmons

As we find ourselves at cross-purposes, I’m outing your sorry ass:

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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

You know I repainted

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Brocky

What a horrible waste of perfectly good whiskey

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theeWeeBabySeamus

No lie, she could just as easily get the effect across with water.
http://cdn-wpmsa.defymedia.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2013/07/gif-do-not-feel-sexy.gif

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That looks like a Grey Goose bottle. Why is the liquid inside red?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Honest question: if polling in, say, September looks incredibly disastrous for Trump, do you think there’s any chance he actually just drops out rather than get embarrassed publicly?

King Hippo

No, I think he just starts saying embarrassing shit about EVERYBODY in the party. He burns down everything around him.

...

Nope. He has no sense of shame and is far, far too egotistical to admit he lost. Even Bernie, who has a fraction of the ego, refuses to admit defeat. Trump’s implosion–and I think his chances of disastrously imploding is about as good as his chances of winning are–will be a sight to behold.

...

That’s right, DFO has #longreads #content!

Sill Bimmons

I was kind of hoping when I put in all that effort!

King Hippo

F = ma ,, ppl forget that

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

siri find gif of girl getting blasted in the ass and ending up all wet

ballsofsteelandfury

STRING FLIES OPEN!

...

And for me: PANTS FLY OPEN!

theeWeeBabySeamus

That subtle reverb of the skin is rather mesmerizing.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Update on Talib, he did Plaxico himself

herodotus450

NBC hockey douche #2: “Fehr felt the contact and went down a little easy to draw the penalty call…. that was definitely the right call.”

King Hippo

Power play goal? IT’S HAPPENING!!

Sill Bimmons
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

You know, I don’t think I’ve seen a Trent Green joke around here in a dog’s age. Did you folks forget about him?

Sill Bimmons

HAR

King Hippo

Trent Green sure did!

King Hippo

Some quality hate coming up at the 2nd third break. Argentina! Chile!!

Brocky

Eving. I had a pun, then I forgot.

http://forgifs.com/gallery/d/220904-2/Lil-help-beach-ball-throw-back.gif

okay I didn’t have a pun, just enjoy the gif.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

siri find gif of girl with balls flying at her face

ballsofsteelandfury

Give me a second….

Sill Bimmons

Going for the flip:

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Sill Bimmons

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King Hippo

Jerry Jones?? Is that Really YEW??

ballsofsteelandfury

HOW THE FUCK?!?!?

Sill Bimmons

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