I’ll take “The Longest Day” or “Band of Brothers”. I realize not every date can be memorialized, but I guess more of WWII is finally being consigned to just the history books. Pity.
NFL News:
- Aqib Talib got himself shot in Dallas over the weekend. Fortunately for the Broncos and Talib, it was neither serious nor the Plaxico-type of shooting.
- Staying with the Broncos, the rest of them (minus current-Texan Brock Osweiler) visit the White House today.
- Fun fact: The tradition of inviting Super Bowl champions to the White House began in 1980 during Jimmy Carter’s last year in office. Carter hosted the Pittsburgh Steelers and the Pittsburgh Pirates, both of whom won their respective championships during the 1979-1980 seasons. (NFL Media Research)
- Far be it from me to determine which millions of dollars is the right millions of dollars, but being called a “similar player” to Blaine Gabbert probably indicates Colin Kaepernick should probably have taken the deal to Denver. Hell – he hasn’t even been cleared for minicamp, and that’s just a red jersey.
- Oh God – I’m not as strong as Ape. In this week’s Acela Excreta,
- PK apologizes for pre-empting the actual column by a day. He felt getting something out about Ali’s death ASAP was important.
- “Monday Morning Quarterback” is “Sunday Morning Quarterback,” for one week only. I felt news of Muhammad Ali’s death, on Friday at age 74, was so riveting and important that we should publish a day early this week.
- I get that; he was kind of an icon. But then he follows it with this idiocy:
- I did not know Muhammad Ali, at all. I never met him. And this is a football column. Why, then, write about someone I did not know, who had nothing material to do with football?
- And then spends the next 5-6 paragraphs talking about himself, and how Ali randomly showed up at different points in his youth & young adulthood to teach Peter King important life lessons, none of which involved “sharing your food” or “only brag if you are the greatest”.
- Brace yourself for a false equivalency:
- Suppose I asked you, “Which NFL players of recent vintage seem to have a piece of Muhammad Ali in them?” What would you say? The first name on my tongue: Richard Sherman.
- And there’s another whole page mailed in. ARE YOU ALREADY ON YOUR FUCKING VACATION?!
- Actually, in the “Ten-Things-I-Think”, 10. J. says the next 4-6 weeks will actually be fill-in’s So far, he’s got Geoff Schwartz of the Lions and Benjamin Watson of the Ravens confirmed.
- In lieu of my own “Adieu Haiku”, I give you “A Prick’s Limericks”
- PK apologizes for pre-empting the actual column by a day. He felt getting something out about Ali’s death ASAP was important.
There once was a writer named Pete,
Who admits he and Ali didn’t meet.
But that didn’t stop him
From writing a slim
Column that about equals a tweet.
Screw you, you hack. Just watch this instead.
I realize Memorial Day was last week, but it’s D-Day.
Sorry; the D-Day anniversary.
A day like today is one that history teachers live for, because you can show all the war videos you want and no one (except the aging hippies) accuses you of glorification. Plus, since I’ve got a couple of kids enlisting after they graduate, it’s like I’ve got extra help quieting the rabble, because more kids than normal are paying attention.
In case you want a little something for yourself, because most people know about Omaha & Utah Beaches: Canada on D-Day – Juno Beach
That’s not a good look, US Soccer. When the fanbase you expect results in your having to post this before each broadcast:
We recognize that during the game it is possible that some fans in the stadium may use words or slogans that offend certain members of our audience and the community in general. Although we know that this can happen in any televised sports event, in no case do we approve or support this type of language. Univision Communications Inc. supports a Copa America Centenario that includes all types of people, that celebrates the diversity of the sport we all love, and that can be enjoyed by everyone, without the consequences of certain words that may be hurtful. In this instance we will strive to ensure that our own comments and coverage includes and respects all, including the LGBT community. This is our agreement with our audience, our community and our partners. (Deadspin)
It just shows that maybe a little more attention should have been involved in the preparation process.
Speaking of preparation, I’m not sure playing the wrong foreign anthem is high on the list of Arizona sins, but when trying to attract another World Cup, especially in the upcoming ‘clean bid’ era, it doesn’t help when cavalier attitudes are taken for national songs. I’m try to picture God-Emperor Trump’s reaction to the Rio Olympics playing Canada’s anthem after a US gold medal.
Tonight’s sports:
NHL: Game 4 – Penguins @ Sharks – 8:00 (Pens up 2-1)
Copa:
- Panama vs Bolivia – 7:00
- Argentina vs Chile – 10:00
To aid you tonight, for reference – courtesy of US Soccer – here is Panama’s anthem:
And here is Argentina’s.
Nope – NOT USING MADONNA’S!
Testicular cancer is no laughing matter.
http://rise.gr/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/saving-ryans-privates.jpg
The pre-op includes Shaving Ryan’s Privates FYI
That’s the silhouette’s job.
Why aren’t these “Hockey Guys” calling Burns and Thornton out for their BEARD FRAUDISM???
BEARDS BEGUN BEFORE THE PLAYOFFS ARE NOT PLAYOFF BEARDS
Monday song foar the break between thirds:
Hey, stop tipping picks on this week’s Request Line theme.
Standing in the docks of Southampton
Trying to get to Holland or France
The man in the Mack said “You gotta go back!”
You know they didn’t even give us a chance!
Mr. Koeman said “which way to Merseyside?”
(I can’t make this rhyme)
I am a terrible human being.
http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m41lrpdsJp1qjbyfso1_500.gif
Both teams clearly took my proclamation (that the winner tonight wins teh series) to heart. Playing they asses off.
Idea No. 16 to increase scoring in hockey: Instead of the first star of the game, make the worst player of the game, or the one who made the biggest mistake at the worst time, be interviewed by Pierre after the game. Will motivate everyone to play better.
Or increase the size of the nets by 5 cm X 5 cm X 5 cm.
Whichever’s easier.
What fucking moron came up with this “Hancock Next” ad campaign?
“No, no! What modern Americans REALLY want is to go online to see how Teevee ads end!”
Just because….
http://daystune.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/02/insta8.gif
I’m MOAR than mildly hypnotized
All of your Tussionex are belong to me.
http://www.theredheadriter.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/hypnotize6.gif
Also, all us lawyer types is doctors too. It’s just unethical for us to refer to ourselves as “Dr.” such and such. Fucking no fun Bar Associations.
But Gene Simmons is still Dr. Love right?
Not in Germany!
Lawyers there be all over the “Doktor” moniker.
No shit? SO JELLY
I mean, we seem to accept it here.
I mean, you’re at the VERY least as much of a doctor as this guy is…
OK, here’s a question for those of you who are familiar with folks who might be really tapped into the conspiracy theory scene:
Does Alex Jones truly believe in the bullshit he’s peddling through InfoWars and such? Or is just so cynical and such a good pitchman that he’s just extremely good at monetizing peoples’ insecurities and extreme idiocy?
I don’t know anyone directly involved with this movement so I haven’t really spent a lot of time snooping around on it, but I am genuinely curious about whether his beliefs are all true or merely just a convincing act.
Option “A.”
Just like the rest of them, bought and paid for by Koch Enterprises.
I mean “B.”
Reading is hard.
I think it’s one of those cases where he’s been playing the role for so long that it doesn’t matter if he once was just doing it for the attention and money–now he and the role are one.
Fuck you “DOC,” I’m going full fucking Beatles on your sorry ass.
“Doc.” For a guy with a Ph.D. in Communications.
It’s like being the thinnest kid at Fat Camp.
Or the best NFL team in Cleveland?
Or even Ohio!
Like that FIFA “Doctor” they keep talking to about futbol officiating. Everytime they go to him, I wanna go “HAI, FIFA Dr. Nick!!!”
Sharks kinda fucked that up I think.
The more I read about the inner workings of Trump’s presidential campaign, the more confident I feel he can’t win in November.
People hate him, and he isn’t really trying (in a way that is in any fashion rational). Fundamentals matter.
HillyBob gon roll to awesome victory. I mean, she hasn’t even rolled out Barry yet. And he’s raring to go.
It’s been funny to read people declaring how different Trump is and how he’s changed the rules of the election. Of course, they never explain how he’s done it. It never occurs to them that it was easy to divide and conquer the party’s limp-dicked, aimless clown car of candidates who had no meaningful message to counter the primitive scream of a scared base.
The reality is that Trump is just the angry drunk version of the G.O.P. that doubles down on its mostly uneducated, mostly white, mostly male base at the expense of the Latino voters it badly needs to stays relevant at the national level. He does nothing to solve the G.O.P.’s demographic issues yet people are convinced because he’s so uncouth everyone will just eat it up. That’s a crock.
The real reason the G.O.P. is pissed with Trump is not because he’s not a Republican, but because he’s openly indifferent ideology or strategy.
Also, he says the quiet parts out loud. REALLY LOUD.
Forgot the link: http://www.msnbc.com/msnbc/donald-trump-does-not-have-campaign
FIXING A HOLE WOO
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZGm46gCmcTM
WOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wayne Gretzkey played 1487 games; at 2 minutes each, that’s about 50 hours of US national anthems. Do you think he payed enough attention to even memorize the words at the end of his career?
/I turned into PK so gradually I hardly even noticed.
http://iruntheinternet.com/lulzdump/images/gifs/epic-monkey-ape-majestic-royal-1372896774v.gif
Over 5 minutes without a whistle. Deep breaths, Sill, WCS, and Covalent.
http://i52.tinypic.com/i6cbcy.jpg
Considering most hockey players (and baseball?) aren’t even American, I wonder what they are really thinking during the anthem. They should play the anthem of the country from which a majority of players present are from. (Try to diagram that sentence.)
http://internetboxpodcast.com/members/avatars/kingjemnas-1370313306.gif
“Fuck America!”
http://iruntheinternet.com/lulzdump/images/gifs/giraffes-fighting-angry-banging-necks-1329354555R.gif
They’re going to have sore throats.
Glennon family violence is no laughing matter ,, smgdh
Beer #1 is open. I will spend entire evening convincing myself too fat to have both beer AND pizza. This works about 40-50% of the time.
http://s2.thejournal.ie/media/2013/06/neymar-dive.gif
WHERE’S THE SNIPER
Pete Carroll will know.
Sports franchise most similar to Metallica? I’d go Browns, since a founding member left the organization to start a very similar group not to far away and has achieved similar levels of success.
http://cdn.smosh.com/sites/default/files/legacy.images/smosh-pit/092010/anime-12.gif
http://rs612.pbsrc.com/albums/tt205/Catastrophy222/crotchstomp1.gif
http://alfa.gifs-planet.com/popular/372.gif
I’M TRYING TO LISTEN TO THE FUCKING SONG
http://www.reactiongifs.us/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/batman_robin_headbanging.gif
I’m picturing Ol’ Dirty Bastard croonin’ “Fuck da game, it’s all about the MONEEEEYYYY”
Oh yeah, Metallica doing the anthem tonight.
/still not sure if actually want
I want HER, hubbita hubbita
http://www.gifbin.com/bin/072011/1310121676_angry_wrestler.gif
Holy shit, BOLIVIA fucking scored!
Be ashamed, Panama. You should have to give the goddamned canal back ,, smh
START THE DAMNED HOCKEY ALREADY!!!!!!
Watching Gran Torino…
Remembers Eastwood’s dumbass “empty chair” speech…
Remembers “Heartbreak Ridge”.
Remembers “The Rookie”.
Remembers “The Gauntlet”.
Remembers “Bronco Billy”.
Remembers “City Heat”.
Remembers “The Gauntlet”.
He done very good but he done very bad as well.
You forgot “Paint Your Wagon” brah:
http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view4/1860863/gonna-paint-your-wagon-o.gif
With blood, I bet.
http://cdn1.theodysseyonline.com/files/2014/12/08/6355360439735800711291710783_article202.gif
The stupid Univision thing is in response to Mexican crowds shouting “Puto” whenever the goalie kicks off. It’s stupid because puto means male prostitute.
Aren’t we generalizing by saying they are all LGBT?
No offfence?
BUT WHAT BATHROOM ARE THEY USING???
All-time bestest woman, all things considered, within your lifetime.
Think for me it’s X-Files-era Gillian Anderson:
http://dweebthepeople.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/02/gillianrollingstone2.jpg
Naomi Watts
Sela Ward.
http://www.mielofon.com/actress/sela_ward/sela-ward-016.jpg
Also, because I’m too old to call Scarlett Johansson.
Band of Brothers, “Day of Days” is essential D-Day viewing.
Surely someone has made a “Shaving (or Slaving??) Private Ryan” gay porno, amirite??
Saving Ryan’s Privates?
There is a porn parody THAT IS “STRAIGHT.”
So I’ve heard.
Didn’t mean to yell that last part.
http://s3-ec.buzzfed.com/static/2013-12/enhanced/webdr07/3/12/anigif_enhanced-buzz-14001-1386091192-11.gif
One should also note that God appeared on Mike Tyson Mysteries this week, and He was eerily similar to Jerry Jones.
http://cdn2.crushable.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/Mad-Men-Christina-Hendricks-Judging-You.gif
God she is so hot.
It’s no WWII movie, but Netflix did just add Hot Fuzz to their movie selections.
Go enjoy it for…
http://s33.postimg.org/lsar901v3/Or_Frbni.gif
Deep down it IS about World War II.
http://28.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m19pb9lcCu1qfnnjfo5_r2_400.gif
http://gif-finder.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/Donald-Trump-Angry.gif
Speaking of The Girl from Ipanema-related scenes that made me laugh out loud…I give you the elevator scene from The Blues Brothers…
https://youtu.be/lkvXeMvzb4o
The winner of Game 4 of teh Ice Footbaw shall win teh series. Hippo has spoken.
Evening all. How’s it shakin’?
http://brobible.files.wordpress.com/2012/08/0yypc.gif
NERVOUS
best hula hoop video of all time…
https://youtu.be/3NFWgG4_6NI
yer welcome
Wow, that looks my family reunion.
Well except for her, and if she was there and nobody told me somebody might commit mass family violence soon.
/doesn’t even care if she’s a cousin
//and also thank you for that
Someone posted this to Request Line a while back. Katie Sunshine makes me happy.
http://www.gifbin.com/bin/032010/1268342984_anchor-vs-mad-reporter.gif
Whoa! Black couple in background of 1941 movie. I’m not sure I’ve seen that before…
Time travelers!
Time travelers!
https://safr.kingfeatures.com/idn/cnfeed/zone/js/content.php?file=aHR0cDovL3NhZnIua2luZ2ZlYXR1cmVzLmNvbS9CbG9uZGllLzIwMTYvMDYvQmxvbmRpZV9ocy4yMDE2MDYwNV85MDAuZ2lm
STIFF DIALOGUE ALERT!
“The cheaper the crook the gaudier the patter.”
Are you watching Maltese Falcon or The Prestige?
MF. Peter Lorre has creepy down cold.
Ooh, I should grab some stuff from that for a Book Flies Open post.
Sill, will you be having your insanity league this year?
Yep.
Working with a couple people to try and launch it as a website.
Need ad $$$.
“If you’re #UpForWhatever, drop me a line. I’ve got a fool-proof, exciting business model!”
— Ben Blank, Uproxx COO
Something is familiar about that website name but I can’t recall what it is.
I hear they used to tell dick jokes or something.
So the “public” will be involved?
No, I’ll still be hosting the DFO one on Yahoo regardless of what happens.
/watching Maltese Falcon
Greenstreet’s belly is almost as big as Bogart’s head
The very, very best version of “The Girl From Ipanema” brought to you by Rick Moranis
https://youtu.be/0XaJKnhtmGw
I love this.
Which always reminds me of this
http://24.media.tumblr.com/b525eed2937887cfe32fd01b3a1d80c6/tumblr_mpxr6v9g4Y1rhxd21o4_r1_500.gif
What is, “how I like my whiskey?”
Did you bring the egg salad sandwiches? I forgot.
/back when a bunch of my buddies were waiting/bar-tending, if a certain type of lady was around we’d form a circle and yell, “SHE’S REAL GOOD-LOOKIN’!
//we were stupid as hell but had more fun than you could possibly imagine
So this happened:
“It started as a joke here at Deadspin, when Drew Magary called the Penguins the Ice Steelers. Naturally, I decided that it actually was the perfect name for my favorite hockey team and proceeded to only ever refer to them by that, modifying it slightly to fit with traditional Pittsburgh-ese to ‘Ice Stillers.'”–Diana Moskovitz
They took our joke.
Dey took our jerke!
DEY TEK ER JERKE
And here I thought it derived from Unsilent’s post about the Bruins being the “Ice Sawx.”
Those days are a little hazy, but I know for sure it wasn’t fucking Drew.
So I’m watching the NFL’s Network’s Top 10 marathon, and I gotta ask:
Why is Mark Madden a thing???
Because people hate themselves, their lives, and everything around them.
Mark Madden is the Bud Light of Yinzer sprots taeks.
Did you know he once covered wrestling? He never brings it up.
Wasn’t he the lead singer of Sugar Ray?
Hmph.
Didn’t even use the proper flag on the diagram THAT’S RIGHT I’M CALLING YOU OUT CANADA BOY
RED ENSIGN FOAREVAH
http://www.annamarkland.com/wp-content/uploads/blogger/-sehbIH0yrv0/T-yQZAqkDsI/AAAAAAAAAS8/oGmRbiH947g/s1600/flag_canadian_red_ensign_1957.jpg
Well played Sill. There are few of us here, and I for one did not notice.
Oh, I figured someone would. But in terms of making my point – look! I got an American to do Canadian research!
Or, you could have linked to my Flag Day post from February 15.
Plus, it gave me the detail I wanted without having to make everyone squint. It’s because I care TOO much.
I want the Red Ensign back so badly. This has gotten me death stares on many occasions. I ain’t even mad. GOD SAVE THE QUEEN!
Seriously? Why the fuck do people love the queen? What has she ever done for Canadia?
She’s kept us from having to decide between two fucktards every four years since 1867.
Commentists that live east of the central time zone. How do you do it??? I work 7 to 4, and am now down a bottle of wine in my hotel room just waiting for some semblance of sport to be on. I was watching Canada v Brazil in french for crying out loud. The ice football starts here at 930 and any sort of beisbol starts at 830!
They drink.
I finally fit in!
Naps
Never Forget:
http://115.imagebam.com/download/F7DFcth85hpg4eCRKP9d-g/48790/487892546/bludso-cripso.jpg
Forget what?