Your “It’s A Dreary Saturday-What Else Are Your Gonna Do?” NFL Football Open Thread

We’ve got a small slate of four games to gorge on today. I’ll just go over some of the draft picks that you may see and take some cheap shots (as always) where available.

 

Seahawks/Chiefs-Seattle’s brain trust must have felt that both lines needed some strengthening so of their 8 picks they spent 5 at those positions. Petey loves his skill guys so the remaining choices were limited to 3 wr’s and an rb. The first rounder, ol Germain Ifedi has been duking it out with various defensive players on an on-going basis. Of course Head Truther Carroll loves his spunk. I’m curious about third rounder C.J. Prosise-he was recruited out of high school as a safety, was converted to wr for his soph and junior years and finished as an rb in his fourth year. That’s a unique Percy Harvin-ish skill set he has there. The Chiefs tripled-down on defensive backs and scattered the rest of their picks. The training camp star has been 5th round wr Tyreek Hill from West Alabama(?). He was drafted for his “world class” speed but lo and behold, it turns out he has hands and can run routes! Failed failure Nick Foles will fail under center for a while. Fail.

Colts/Bills-Indy seems to have done okay in the draft, having picked at least four full/part-time starters in center Ryan Kelly, safety T.J. Green, d-tackle Hassan Ridgeway and guard Joe Haeg. The success of the first two rounds of the Bills draft will manifest itself, uh, next year? Shaq Lawson celebrated his selection by opting to have shoulder surgery while second pick Reggie Ragland tore a ligament running down one of those pesky ball carriers. Let’s all hope that the injury bug that has devastated the Giants for the past three years has moved upstate.

Cowboys/Rams-Dallas qb/Simpsons caricature “Fat Tony” Romo will be watching 4th rounder DAK! Prescott and the undraftable Jameill “The Golden” Showers attempt to pull some talent out of the center’s butt. Keep an eye out for rook rb Darius Jackson who has been setting the Cowboy camp on fire which in a literal sense sounds like a right fine idea to me. Given that he’s got Elliott, McFadden, Dunbar and Morris ahead of him on the depth chart he probably should be slotted into the “preseason wunderkind ends up on practice squad” category. Rico Gathers finished up his basketball career at Baylor and then offered up his 6’8″, 276 lb. frame to NFL scouts. If you are an evaluator of NFL talent and say “I’M CRAZEEEEE!!!” quite a bit, the fact that Rico hadn’t touched a football since eighth grade is not a problem. The Rams draft was almost entirely offensive-qb Goff, te’s Higbee and Hemingway and wr’s Cooper and Thomas were chosen. Looks as thought nascent Triplet Gurley is going to find some other fellas to fill the remaining roles. Case Keenum gets the start but Goff should play into the 3rd quarter. By the by, more than 100k fans are expected to show for this. That’s a lot of disappointed people in one place.

Chargers/Titans-I’m willing to bet that rook rb Derrick Henry will out-score/out-rush DeMarco “Three Teams in Three Years” Murray. Take a peek-a-boo at fifth round wr Tajae Sharpe. The Umass grad led the nation in catches last year and has already grabbed a starting spot over the likes of [looks at Titans roster] hmm… Well, it’s impressive anyway. San Diego has yet to get Joey Bosa to put pen to paper. The third overall pick might improve the Chargers fortunes on the field, I don’t know. He is in good company though-both LT and Marmalard started their careers by holding out.

Now that’s done with…GET IT ON, BANG A GONG, PEOPLE!

 

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Yay foar tiny kitty!!!!
(think about it)
😉

Unsurprised

I just got off work. Five and a half hours doing physica labor with one ten minute break. And I go back in tomorrow for five (minimum) hours in about ten hours.

And you know what? It’s awesome.

I worked my ass off and I walked out with cash in my pocket. So fuck it. It beats most legal work I’ve ever done. I don’t know how long I’ll do it. I feel good now though.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
WCS

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Had to cleanse a bit.

Unsurprised

Directed by her husband, which I’m sure was not at all weird.

(To the DP) “ZOOM IN ON HER ASS! CLOSER! CLOOOOSERRRR!”

Unsurprised

The painting of Bill Murray doing the Suntori ad in Lost In Translation behind her is a nice touch.

Mr. Ayo

Teen Wolf porn parody?

Mr. Ayo

[Zooms out]
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Mr. Ayo

1 hand, 2 hands. Wait a minute…

WCS

Oh, lovely. Rioting in Milwaukee after another police shooting.

WCS

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“I’m telling you, the Earth revolves around the sun!”
“BURN HIM!”

Unsurprised

Urban Youth

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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WCS

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Dramatic reenactment! Dramatic reenactment! Dramatic reenactment! Dramatic reenactment! Dramatic reenactment!

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

OK, I thought this one to be very tasty too. A double at 8.0 smooth and easy.

Tricerahops Double IPA | Ninkasi Brewing Company

https://www.beeradvocate.com/beer/profile/14400/37966/

These people creamed the jeans on it:

http://www.ratebeer.com/beer/ninkasi-tricerahops-double-ipa/75473/

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Mr. Ayo

I’d score on both of them. At the same time.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

OK, I would guess this is more accurate.

Unsurprised

That’s a good beer

laserguru

We’re after midnight in DFO flyover country and Sunday Gravy is going live!

On account of I’m drunk.

READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!

Unsurprised

Oh, Russia.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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packman_jon

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

YR can do that same dance, but the cops said it had to be on his own property and this time if he was outside, he needed to wear pants.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Yeah, I put mayo on my habanero-chedder cheese lamb burger with some mustard!

FUCK the mayo police!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Did not know Mayo Clinic had police.

WCS
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
packman_jon

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Mr. Ayo

Preach! Mayo 4lyfe!

Mr. Ayo

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That looks terrible.

packman_jon

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packman_jon

Godammit

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Somehow it still works!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Ima go out on a limb here and hypothesize that the US produces some good swimmers.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

*Pool sense, not reproductive sense.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

I’ve never had the honor of being The Best Man before, but I cant wait to give my brother who introduced me to KSK his proper send off.

There may be finger guns.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Remember, keep it short, nothing you wouldn’t want his new mother-in-law to hear, and the third drink can wait until after your speech.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

I was planning on drinking beer number 2 during it, for minimum effect, since its not about me, and that’s what I talk about when I’ve been drinking.

Well, that and the Chargers, but there’s no reason to be sad at this wedding.

packman_jon

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Covalent Blonde

If my dog were a cat…

packman_jon

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Sill Bimmons

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Sill Bimmons
laserguru

His name was always “Buddy” and he’d shrug and ask to stay.

Croooow

Out of all the events offered in the summer Olympics. My favorites are the decathlon and the pentathlon. To be that good at so many different things is remarkable.

Sill Bimmons

I did the decathlon at Penn Relays my junior and senior year in high school.

I finished in the top half both years (barely) and I’ve still never attempted a pole vault.

Duchess

To be fair youth pole vaulting has gotten Penn in a lot of trouble over the years.

Shogun Marcus

No love for in between? Lil seven action?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That’s a fucking good joke.

Sill Bimmons
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Reason 3,461 DirecTV eats balls: the satellite signal at our hotel just got knocked out due to rain, no olympics for now.

Sill Bimmons

Tortured By The World We Live In.

Seems about right.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Bored to death? FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU.

Mr. Ayo

Fucked By Life

So I got that going for me

Duchess

Death by being felatted by the world we live in.

Sounds like the album from an emo alternative band.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Most positive one yet.

Spur

Buried Alive by My Existence.

my new album title.

Shogun Marcus

Buried alive by a cloud. CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
/wife went from devoured by EVERYTHING to by a cloud. Aw yeah I was good for something.

Duchess

a server will fall on your head.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

A waiter?

Duchess

the cloud man…. it’s a cloud

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

So…. didn’t like the joke…. oh well.

Duchess

faux stoner ambivalence does not translate well in the written word

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

True dat.

*Not faux.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Very few of my graphic or written jokes translate at all, so yeah.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

This happened to many in the trenches during WWI

laserguru

I’ve been bored by every member of Limp Biskit for a period of time.

theeWeeBabySeamus

For some unknown reason*, I missed this last night…

Buried alive by life. Frighteningly accurate.

*knows the exact reason(s).
**was hoping for skinned alive by justin bieber.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Fellated by grandpa would be close second choice…just saying.
(This might the funniest thing I’ve seen in a long time.)

theeWeeBabySeamus

Belt can suck my balls.
/realizes that sounds odd
//doesn’t care

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Pinedrops IPA | Deschutes Brewery

This stuff is very good, probably not for IPAters, delicious, smooth, balanced and at 6.5 it will not lay your balls on the ground after one 12 oz. The “pine notes” are very subtle.

https://www.beeradvocate.com/beer/profile/63/95114/

http://www.ratebeer.com/beer/deschutes-pinedrops-ipa/235576/

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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WCS

Had some two weeks ago. Quite splendid.

WCS

Covalent Blonde

Oh, Giants, please, please win so I have a leg to stand on to be smug at tWBS.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Shut up.
Bumgarner v Gausman wasn’t even a question.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Madison is a girls name, ppl frgt that

theeWeeBabySeamus

Inorite?

WCS

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Covalent Blonde

So mean. Why must you be so mean?

theeWeeBabySeamus

You obviously don’t know me at all.
Cruelty is my nectar.

WCS

Does Romobyl exist in the preseason?

King Hippo

Apparently, it involves eating Crisco straight from the tin…

Duchess

Been watching Stranger Things…

Not sure if good or if it’s just softcore 80’s nostalgia porn.

Sill Bimmons

Not good.

Bail while you still have the chance,

Duchess

It’s far more borrowed from Stephen King than it is Spielberg.

Sill Bimmons

Too much of the high school kids and not nearly enough of the D&D nerds IMO

One too many stories.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

What does it say that I would rather listen to the audio from this Russian stream than listen to NBC’s own commentary?

Sill Bimmons

That American English is incredibly depressing and that we speak with the world’s most despicable English language dialects?

Sill Bimmons

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Duchess

Looks like he is giving himself a breast exam

Covalent Blonde

What I am all for hearing about is what the hell Sam had been doing with his journalistic career in the intervening years sans Rams?

Sill Bimmons
Redshirt

Just when I was about to give up on the concept of Representative Democracy, I stumbled upon this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fZi4JxbTwPo

Sill Bimmons

I first read that as “A bipartisan group of legislators won’t give up on Orgasm.”

Gotta say, I like my interpretation better.

Sill Bimmons

I think the flips happen too fast and this disrupts ongoing dialogues.

Not sure if anything can be done about this or if anyone else cares.

http://i3.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/019/304/old.jpg

herodotus450

It seems like sometimes there is no flip, but more of a rolling displacement as new comments come in.

Sill Bimmons

Mine always does a hard flip.

Different gear I’m guessing.

herodotus450

Sometimes it do sometimes it dont

herodotus450

Baseball could be giving football a run for its money in the ridiculous name department: presented for your approval, Jurickson Profar. Jurickson Barthelomeus Profar

King Hippo

well, that’s one way to make sure your spawn ain’t one of 3 Steves in his kindergarten…

King Hippo

I have brushed my teeth and taken one of the dee-luxe muscle relaxers…yet I am fighting sleep because this tilt betwixt 4th stringers is about to become a one-score game. WHAT IN THE NAME OF TITTY-FUCK IS WRONG WITH MY BRAIN??

Sill Bimmons

FOMO

theeWeeBabySeamus

You had me at Titty Fuck.
Shall I drive over now, or wait until you’re asleep?

Doktor Zymm

Okay, I think this is enough preseason football for me. I’m going to either play more Tropico, or continue reading through the Phryne Fisher series.

herodotus450

May your lands be rich in bauxite.
/Only ever played the first one, so I assume that’s the one you’re talking about

Shogun Marcus

I have tropico 5 on ps4 (it was free one month). Mostly the same I guess. I’d say you want the oil.

laserguru

Welcome home Rams.

I’m not a fan but I’m actually a little giddy.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h4UqMyldS7Q

Sill Bimmons

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Doktor Zymm

Dak talks pretty fast.