Your “We FINALLY Got To The Fireworks Factory” Tuesday Open Thread

Beerguyrob

Beerguyrob

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Beerguyrob

Cutdown Day NFL News:

  • Drew Brees may not support Kaep, but Jim Brown sure as shit does. Also,
    • The SFPD union president wants to meet with Jed York, or anyone frankly, which sounds like a fantastic idea.
    • Rodney Harrison thinks Kaepernick is “not black”.
    • Jerry Rice chose Twitter and “All Lives Matter” as his forum for rebuking Kaep’s stance.
      • Oh, and stuff like this is now proving why most people should not have social media accounts

  • The Redskins – Bucs game has been moved from Thursday to Wednesday to avoid coming up against a tropical storm.
  • Tebow had his baseball showcase today. According to the LA Times, “scouts queried agreed that Tebow is likely to be signed and assigned to the lower levels of the minors, perhaps high Class-A or Double-A, as a corner outfielder.” He’s already been offered a spot on a Venezuelan Winter League team.
    NEVAR FORGET!
  • On the topic of elite athletes, actual elite athlete Michael Phelps considers Joe Flacco a elite quarterback.

Notable cuts: (si.com seems to have the best overall list)

  • Seattle: Brandon Browner
  • San Diego:  Zach Mettenberger
  • Cincinnati: Brandon Tate
  • New England: Terrence Knighton
  • Philadelphia: Reuben Randle
  • Denver: Britton Colquitt

Finally – oh God, I’m sorry Vikings fans.

No fireworks for you.

According to Howard Eskin of Fox 29 Philly, an eye witness said Bridgwater’s “leg snapped and his knee was flailing around.”

GAH!

Zimmer said the 23-year-old had to be sedated before undergoing an MRI at the hospital.

GAH!!

GAH!!!

Let’s examine this from a therapy angle…

So you’re starting the season with Shaun Hill.

You know that’s not going to last, but who will the Vikings sign to turn what could have been 11-5 but now looks like 5-11? Good thing Tebow’s baseball tryout was today, because that removes the weakest possible option. There’s the usual suspects, and whomever the Jets dump after next week. I’ll leave it to you guys to speculate in the comments, but please try to limit the buttfumble gifs.


Possibly the only thing worse than sports fan forums and movie spoiler sites are wrestling “dirt sheets”. If it’s “still real to you”, trying to figure out what your favourite promotions are doing is an essential part of continuing to follow the product. But they are awful predictors of what is on the horizon, because promotions are relentless in protecting their brand – something the Rog can admire. Wrestlers and front office folks actively feed disinformation to their community, both to gauge whom they can trust, and to discover where their internal leaks are coming from.

Last night, however, for wrestling fans, we finally got some validation for our continuing fandom:

The powers that be in the WWE made the conscious decision to move John Cena – “the face that runs the place” – off of RAW, and that has opened up the program (nay, the promotion) to other options. This makes it more exciting as a fan, because the recent predictability brought on by corporate preference for certain stars is now absent.

The “RAW” brand of WWE put its major championship belt on Kevin Owens, a ‘hefty’ Canadian from rural Quebec who falls so far outside the normal Vince-approved physique that it looks like the promotion gave the belt to the winner of the Colts Fan Club annual gravy chug.

From a fan perspective, it’s fantastic. Because he’s only been with them for a couple of years, he has no real baggage or alliances he has to maintain. It opens up a world of match possibilities, especially with other members of the current NXT Generation filling the WWE ranks. And, it will present actual competition to “Monday Night Football”, which might have been the ultimate reason why they went in this direction, especially if the scheduled matchups prove by October to be duds. Vince LOVES ratings, and if he can tweet about beating football – the XFL still burns inside him – then he’ll give people what they (currently) want.


Tonight’s sports: slim pickin’s

  • US Open – continuing coverage – ESPN – 7:00
  • MLB:
    • USA – regional coverage only
    • Canada – Blue Jays @ Orioles – 7:00 – Sportsnet
  • WWE: Smackdown LIVE! – 8:00 – USA

Drew’s WYTS today was the Packers. Give it a read and speculate about what their chances in the division are like now. RODGERS DRINKS YOUR TRAGEDY!

Beerguyrob
Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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UnsurprisedBeerguyrobMoose -The End Is Well NighBrick MeathookSill Bimmons Recent comment authors
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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Don’t do a bar crawl with lawyers

Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons

In case you lost track, that’s FIVE FUCKING ARTICLES about Tim Tebow’s baseball workout on ESPN.

FIVE.

The man hasn’t played baseball in TWELVE YEARS.

“Shameless” doesn’t even begin to describe this despicable grab for idiot fundies desperate for a Jeebus figure in an increasingly secular world.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Tim Tebow seems like such a nice young man. If only he would settle down with a nice young lady; why, there must be plenty of eligible girls at his church to choose from! Oh my, his pursuit of professional sports does seem to take up all his time. Such a pity.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

He has a …….. roommate…… to keep him company.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I missed all the fun again.

Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons

The Players’ Tribune is the navel-gazingist circle jerk on earth.

Who the fuck cares what a bunch of entitled douchebags that play children’s games for a living think about anything?

The feature “A Letter To My Younger Self” may as well be videos of the authors going at themselves like a bunch of spider monkeys.

The lesson here, as always: Fuck Derek Jeter.

laserguru

After a logical discussion with reasonable adults the easiest solution to our current Bridgewater problem was.

Nick Foles.

I don’t want to play this game this season. We’ll talk next year.

Hey! I could always fill in the blanks with Sunday Gravy!

I am so fucking sad I could cry.

And already have.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

SANCHEZ!

laserguru

no.

Brocky
laserguru

Otis was the shit.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons
Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Unsurprised
Unsurprised

*You’re going to pay for that one, human.*

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons

It’s all fun and games until someone loses an eye.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Then it’s just fun.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons
Brocky

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Brocky
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Ok, I’ve made it through as much of this Left Hand sampler pack as I’m going to tonight. Night, all.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons
Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

ALSO, BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN HATES YOU

Brocky
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Brocky
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brocky

oh snap, just discovered my cache of gifs of one of my favorite horror movies:

http://24.media.tumblr.com/93b3616563de6f5f6ec899337498b575/tumblr_n13zj5J5YD1rp0vkjo1_500.gif

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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BrettFavresColonoscopy
BrettFavresColonoscopy

If you’re ever feeling down on your own intelligence, watch Family Feud.

Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons

Or The Bachelor(ette).

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Ireland, no!

theeWeeBabySeamus

OK, WP is moderating me now for no apparent reason and I’m tired of having to log in every five minutes.

Plus I got important TV to go watch.

Last one from me, have a good night gentlemen.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Don’t act like you don’t need to be moderated.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I don’t need to be moderated…YOU need to be moderated.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

W.T.F.?? It cost me $125 an hour to get “moderated”!

Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons

Try the WP app. It’s somewhat better than a browser.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I fail to see how that will improve my “important TV to go watch” issue.
But whatever.
😉

...
entropy

Best response: “You are, maybe, the dumbest motherfucker.”

...

The various references to bringing back a second check to pay his child support gave me a chuckle, too.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
entropy

Those are pretty good, too, but I like the sheer disdain and utter lack of engagement in the “you are the dumbest..” response.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
WCS
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons

“I’m seriously” is actually the correct grammar.

The word “seriously” modifies the verb “am,” making it an adverb.

And as we know, most adverbs end in “-ly.”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
theeWeeBabySeamus

Dammit…you MF’ers are gonna make me click on the twitter. I repeat…dammit.
http://24.media.tumblr.com/84bae580286ddc50ad3d768d0528a55a/tumblr_mpya4uhk181saorh0o1_500.gif

Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons

Subhuman troglodytes like Joe Walsh are the reason the rest of us can’t have nice things.

Shogun Marcus

Sleigh Bells-It’s Just Us Now. New stuff
http://youtu.be/FnuMMkDGjmE

theeWeeBabySeamus

theeWeeBabySeamus

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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Brocky

looks like the blob is trying to absorb another victim

Doktor Zymm

entropy

Jesus, based on the drinking rules, you could get hammered watching the trailer. I am SO in on that game.

entropy

A concept album that doubles as apocalyptic road movie, and one of the songs still somehow contains the line, “There’s a color in your eyes that nobody knows but me.”

Yep. I’ll take it.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
entropy

I don’t think the one on the left is a chick….

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

She is, she just had a burrito at “Chico’s” for lunch.

entropy

Either way, there is a surprise in there I don’t want to find.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

The curse of baggy 1950s panties; scaring neophytes for the entire decade.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Don’t you worry about the one on the couch. She’s doing just fine.
Just fine.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

She’s a READER!

King Hippo

Best loud song EVAR, or WHAT??

Doktor Zymm

There are no better drinking games. This should be a DFO activity one day.
comment image?versionId=qpPoSSpBucth0gf1LulslnQDOQFfhqCw

entropy

I’ll play, but then again, I’m usually in for any drinking game.

Shogun Marcus

Sleigh Bells-Infinity Guitars
http://youtu.be/WfGtB6K8q8k

theeWeeBabySeamus

King Hippo

I really enjoy these fine noise-producing weirdos.

Shogun Marcus

New album (whatever teh kids call em) 11/11.

Doktor Zymm
entropy

You have to admire his commitment to theme.

Brocky

Evening everybody!

It’s almost september, you know what that means!

Time to start planning for halloween!!!

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Old School Zero

At first I was afraid, I was petrified… but then I remembered that a mouth’s a mouth.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
entropy

I am gonna be so pissed at her when all that makeup ends up on my goddamn pillow and mattress.

Doktor Zymm

I’m gonna have a hard time beating last year’s costume. I went as gluten.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
theeWeeBabySeamus

“Scary” doesn’t begin to cover it.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons

So you can check in online 24 hours in advance.

But if you want to check in at the stupid fucking airport you’ve been at for 7 hours they can’t check you in until a EXACTLY four hours before the flight.

Bags of hammers everywhere, rejoice! Airline check in procedures are even stupider than you!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
entropy

God I love this movie, and it’s all AC/DC soundtrack.

entropy

Brocky

also, this scene is a gift to all of mankind

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theeWeeBabySeamus

You knew these guys were gonna show up.
I’m nothing if not predictable.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
theeWeeBabySeamus

Doktor Zymm

I can’t help but notice that the murder rate in Chicago has shot up at the same time the Cubs have gotten good. DO THE CUBS WINNING CAUSE MURDER?

entropy

The Mets losing might.

theeWeeBabySeamus

If they take the whole enchilada it will likely cause several….at my own hands.

WCS

cleerly its NOBAMA’s fault and a flase falg operaton to taek are guns while he makes hisself king of MURICKA #Infowars #2A #TCOT #MAGA

Doktor Zymm

That is some QUALITY misspelling.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
King Hippo

Guess who just took the lead in extras?

MOST GLORIOUS EL BEISBOL CARDINALS WOO!!!

Shogun Marcus

Congrats on winning gold in teh speshul olimpicks. That’s hard when you’re a professional team.
/brewers don’t count

Doktor Zymm

“26-year-old Bonnie Bowman of Englewood is charged with stealing $2,016 worth of Cubs baseball hats from a Wrigleyville souvenir stand this month.

That’s 56 hats, in case you’re curious.”

...

WOOOOO CUBS WIN. And you know what means: a brief respite among Cubs fans before panicking over a team that’s running away with its division and league.

I wish Drew did a WYTS for the Cubs.

Doktor Zymm

Did you get that shirt?

...

Pff. I can’t be asked to keep track of all the stupid Cubs stuff I buy.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

OFFICERS BECAME SUSPICIOUS WHEN SOMEONE LOOKING LIKE PEYTON MANNING WALKED BY WEARING A CUBS HAT BUT HAD BREASTS.

theeWeeBabySeamus

So then, now that you got me going….
WHO WANTS TO HEAR ABOUT ME DOING TRANSGENDER SURGERY ON MALE DOGS AND CATS?????
(sadly, this only partially a joke)

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
theeWeeBabySeamus

I’m actually serious, btw. Cats are especially bad, but some small dog breeds as well, for making kidney/bladder stones which then get lodged further down when the urethra narrows. You never want to go in surgically if you can help it, but if it happens repeatedly, something’s gotta give.

I’ve removed more cat/dog penises and fashioned what are essentially dog/cat vaginas than I’d care to count. ‘Twas another specialty. But I never didn’t cringe when the time came to cut it off.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Cuntler

Two thoughts: fuck Rodney Harrison, and people who rail against participation trophies are idiots.

Doktor Zymm
ballsofsteelandfury

The people who rail against participation trophies have never won anything. If they did, they would know the difference.

...

Those who rail against participation trophies want the rhetorical equivalent of said trophies (nodding acceptance with a verbal pat on the head) when they spout their opinions.

Doktor Zymm

I’m actually against any sort of trophy that you keep permanently. Engrave your name on it, keep it for a year, pass it on. Anything else is just clutter.

Brocky

I think a scenario that happened to me made the best case for participation trophies:

un athletic, uncoordinated, 1 single basket scoring brocky got a 1st place trophy because his team got not 1, not 2, but 3 ringers!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I REALLY ENJOYED THE PARTICIPATION TROPHY I GOT FOR THE ORGY!!

litre_cola

That was herpes moose, it’s kinda like a participation trophy.

entropy

But only occasionally.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

NO, IT’S A PERMANENT SKIN RASH IN THE SHAPE OF THE AFC TITLE TROPHY.

Old School Zero

IT’S NOT A TROPHY! HIS NAME IS STAN AND HE’S YOUR SON!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

So yeah, commenting on “older comments” results in quite the fruitful discourse.

http://66.media.tumblr.com/8054d5749f4a268f4f70ee68c894638d/tumblr_ocoo5cNtVc1qmp5efo1_500.jpg