YEEEAAAHHHHH BOOOYYYEEEEE! I AM SO FREAKIN’ PUMPED FOR THIS GAME! (it’s midnight somewhere, right?) And I don’t even have a dog in this fight. I imagine Bronc/Panthers fans have spent the day peeling themselves from various ceilings much to the consternation of their co-workers/loved ones/friends. I liken this feeling to when I was younger and anticipated playing in a championship baseball or basketball game-giddy and excited and revelling in the anticipation itself.
Sure there’s a shit-ton of detritus that surrounds the sport and there’s no need for me to go on about it here. We tackle that shit on an on-going basis the same way that a certain coach from Kansas City tackles the “All You Can Eat And Rub On Your Face Innards Special” at The Offal House. There’s…Just…Something…About…This…Game. Whatever it may be, it is my master tonight. TO THE GAME!
Panthers/Broncos: There’s tons of hand-wringing out there in Denver fandom about this Siemian fella. The qb’s CV is thinner than the audience at an “Anne Coulter Appreciation Night”. He’s got all of three quarters of exhibition play under his not-onion belt. No one seems to know anything solid about his arm strength but he is said to be a fan of the slant route but crap, what qb in the league isn’t? Kubiak, a big fan of the Northwestern grad, and the coaching staff will do their best to keep Trevor (Trevor? Who names their kid Trevor?) out of 3rd and long spots because that talented Panther lb crew will be jumping those slant routes looking for an easy pick-six. In useless stat news, Denver has won 15 of their last 16 home openers.
Possessor of 16 career sacks, dt Kawaan Short is only 121.5 short of the record at his position. My money says he doesn’t get it tonight. Cam has a paltry 11.1 QBR vs. Denver in two meetings and Von Miller aims to drive that rating down even lower. In related news, Michael Oher’s ears are burning. Wr’s Funchess and Benjamin have to be the biggest pair in the league, right? No, I don’t acknowledge the existence of one year wonder Ted Ginn Jr., thanks for not asking. Both teams are relatively injury-free right now although I just learned that wr Bennie Fowler is out. Thing is, I don’t know which team he plays for.
And there you have it-one of the most comprehensive, salient, insightful game intros that you’ve ever just read. Of course you’re welcome! NOW LET’S TEAR THIS PLACE UP!*
*in an orderly, respectful manner
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-FX5909lrv8
Football players do what they do best when they play football for they play football because they are football players.
If it were not for playing football, then they would not be playing football today?
Still makes more sense than anything that Rodney Harrison has ever said.
Oh, good. Another monsoon to flood my basement. God, I know you’re not pleased with the two finalists for President, but why are You punishing me?
WHERE IS YOUR SUMP PUMP NOW?
We’re in the trust tree right? The president of the PTA at my daughter’s school isn’t really hot, but she’s smart and funny, and she has a Virginia accent that hits me just right, and I want to have sex with her. I don’t think that my wife is going to be cool with that, though. So this is pretty much worse than the Holocaust.
As long as you didn’t click “Notify me of follow up comments by email.”
I’ve watched The Wire about 600 times. Everything is a burner.
Eh, as long you don’t release 6 million sperm it’s not that bad.
The job I just started has a merchandising department chalk full of attractive young women and every day I see them and realize I can’t bone any of them.
Just stick to doing it in the butt.
Bum stuff doesn’t count?
Not to Jesus (apparently).
So Tebow only does circumcision and bum stuff. got it.
aka Saddlebacking
Girl at work hits me just right as well. Just wait, wait, wait until the feeling goes away.
/too much to lose if I act on it
I’ll be joining a fitness center in a liberal arts college campus soon and this WILL be a problem
Just wear your Trump shirt.
Plant the seed of a threesome. The good kind of threesome.
You have one shot at this. You can do it!
The exhibition Ice football has got to be better than halftime
She the local NBC affiliate in Chicago is going to air a report on some guy who ordered a Urlacher jersey but received an “Urlacker” jersey instead.
NBC 5 STEPPED IN AND YOU WON’T BELIEVE WHAT HAPPENED NEXT.
Way to give away the plot of “CHICAGO CONSUMER ADVOCATES” pilot episode.
Urlacher gave the fan a new jersey… and crabs because he once fucked Paris Hilton
Don’t forget HPV!!!
buttsex?
So wait…Aleppo ISN’T the lost Marx brother?
-*Certain* politicians.
Nice!
You’re thinking of Benghazi.
When are the major networks just going to give the fuck up?
They churn out more shit than a chicken farm.
Especially on shit like the Olympics right? I gotta believe the only people losing more money than NBC are the host cities.
I can’t wait to hear what these mouth breathers have to say about Brandon Marshall
50% will still think they are talking about the Jets WR
#7thFloorCrew
https://twitter.com/PFTCommenter/status/774065331857821700
Buenos noches all, and hail bleergh.
http://40.media.tumblr.com/dcc3a35cfc40661fddedbdeeee2818d6/tumblr_n9ojpjKNWD1qf83cro1_1280.jpg
My son just came out crying for me to watch cartoons in the room with him. My 2 year old daughter came into said room yelling at me to come back out and “watch ball”.
I’m not supposed to play favorites, but…
The choice is clear
FIRST HALF-TIME OF THE SEASON WOO
http://viralgifs.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/20_04_2013fgf4_38_15_.gif
Seann William Olsen
Hey remember when Mike Martz thought that the offense didn’t need a TE who can catch the ball so the Bears traded Olsen away? Cause I am not reminded about that every time he catches a ball.
Jimmy Graham played basketball. A lot of people forget that.
Is that why he was traded?
Christ.
Greg Olsen does not need sunglasses cause of that brow. Holy crow.
Did Al just throw up in his mouth?
How’s the derp tonight?
BRONCO STRONG
Kinda salty, tastes a little like grapefruit.
Or so I’m told.
Juuuust a bit offside
Anyone heard from make it snow? I’m worried he broke open something very high alcohol and pricey.
Aqib Talib jumping the gun as usual.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WIfcKy-VcXo
http://33.media.tumblr.com/998cec1b27e057a6227e57ad35f1eac9/tumblr_nkzdgbXiMz1rlx538o5_500.gif
He’s a sly dog.
No matter what the weather’s like, it’s always nice and Warren…
That one right?
WARM dammit
“No.”
-Mortician
http://40.media.tumblr.com/e953b16bfbc1483673cd025cacb5e5ba/tumblr_nkdv65nEYm1sycx5ho1_400.jpg
Hey, i keep seeing these:
Warning: mysqli_query(): (HY000/1194): Table ‘wp_ulike_comments’ is marked as crashed and should be repaired in /home/wp_j5gnea/doorfliesopen.com/wp-includes/wp-db.php on line 1868
HOLY SHIT GET YOURSELF TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM NOW
Be nice.
Peyton in the booth in the 3rd Quarter?
Why is NBC trying to make me hate football?
because you don’t eat enough Papa Johns… Whilst touching yourself.
Extra credit if I cry during?
We should consult thy magic 8 ball filled with garlic butter…
‘All Signs Point To Yes’
I suspect that Hollywood keeps going back to the increasingly irrelevant western well because famous people like to twirl guns and ride horses.
That guy next to Von Miller made Kevin Hart look like a giant
Are all seven magnificent, or is is more like a magnificent two, an above-average three, and a pair of losers?
Is that like never fucking a 10, but getting five 2’s?
The somewhat half-decent and moderately popular seven just doesn’t have the same ring to it.
Denzel and some dudes.
Sully…..He’s a funny guy.
Fuck you hollywood for your asshole remakes. go get some fucking new ideas. cunts.
BUT SULLY
None of these stupid “brain games” do a damn thing other than waste your time like any other game.
It teaches the game… I’ve read you are actually better off playing Call of Duty and other FPS games than playing “brain games”
*checks Broncos Twitter to see if #LynchMob is trending*
They already got the horses… oh that is Elway
MOAR TIMEOUTS
So, what will Costas lecture us about at halftime?
Gotta be the kneeling no?
How wonderful Rio was.
How under appreciated Peyton Manning is.
The Tragedy Of Misused Timeouts
Get the call from Skeletor? Is that what Al said?
“You know away from the field, Trevor Siemian has the largest collection of ‘Facts of Life’ hentai in the world.”
Does that include his blow up Jo doll?
Challenge accepted.
/mmm…jo, blair…brb
“Mrs. Garrett keeps a weird octopus in her womb”
Good lord. There’s BCHS, and then there’s the rest of us.
http://cdn.playbuzz.com/cdn/f7b5ac40-e9a3-4f80-8d87-9d01626b9c86/8119bc7a-7dbb-48de-aeae-a3a4ce192a71.jpg
Adidas… be unique, just not on the actual field do it on your own time because the NFL don’t play that game
Too much on, SPORTSKKAKE:
– NFL is back
– It’s a good game, for now
– DFO is working
– NHL players playing on ESPN
– ESPN using old NHL on ESPN theme
I love the pre-arranged talking points the announcers have to follow whenever there is a suspected head injury on the field. It’s more thorough than the actual concussion protocol.
I hear Collinsworth is back… Glad I bought these new BEATS to drown his slurping noises out.
The announcers talking about CJ Andersons bowling prowess sounds a lot like North Korean Propaganda about Kim Jong Un
I want Marshawn Lynch and Randy Moss getting baked and talking football and candy. I’d find Fox Sports for that.
Straight Cash Homie
Skittles vs. Starbursts: A Sativa-Assisted Look At Which Is Fruitier
My little girl just said “running with ball.” I think she’s ready to replace Collinsworth.
If no one has told her to shut the fuck up yet, she’s not ready.
Who has nine working fingers an a broken PC? This guy!
Possibly Shia LaBoeuf.
Frodo?
Hello people.
Suh Due
Hey Dick!
I really like your reply button.
Reply to Dick.
Buddy Cole you are up.
The NFL sucks without Marshawn Lynch. #RunThruAMufuckaFace
I’m here HIIIEEEEEE
Love the remodeling job
Hey buddy we missed you!
I completely believe Russell Wilson plays Madden in full pads and uniform.
He probably does everything in full uniform. Goes to the bank, mows the lawn, attends church…..
Bangs Ciara…
That is why he was a born again virgin. Couldn’t bear to take em off.
I’m all about that Xbox One money, boss.